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Why do many so called “nice guys” struggle to get a gf? What are they doing wrong? (Page 2)
Anonymous
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There’s a difference between a nice guy and a good guy.
A nice guy is a doormat with no spine. He does not speak up to people when he is right, he does not punch the guy flirting with he’s girlfriend, and will agree with the girl he likes even if it disagrees with he’s own values just to get some validation back.
A good guy, will get girls because he will stand up for what is right, even if it means telling he’s girlfriend to fuck off. He will not let himself be trampled on or bullied, though he will not bully others.
Girls don’t reject nice guys, they reject doormats. The problem is 99% of guys below the age of 30 cannot find the middle ground between an arsehole bully and a doormat.
Nicely done!
Some "nice" guys are only nice when they want something from you. The moment you reject them, they take that mask off and show the jerk that he truly is.
It also depends if you an asshole in the way you reject him I would be very nice to most girls but if they lie about their entire life just to reject me it’s insulting
@elite665 I never act rudely when breaking it off to people that I don't feel the same way about them... In fact, it kills me knowing I hurt their feelings.
Same here that why I keep them as friends even tho they like me still I play them on until they move on themselves
@elite665 play them on?
You know stay flirty
They eventually get bored
@elite665 isn't that leading them on?
Not if you already said no to the relationship
@elite665 I don't like to flirt with anyone with whom I have zero interest or attraction. It's a waste of my time and theirs.
I'd be hurt for quite awhile because.. I don't normally come around and when I do its a big deal to me. I just get quiet and wallow some in self pity. Last time it took almost 3 years. Shock, missing her, feeling mad, then as more time went on on like who? Seen her again and I didn't feel anything. Weird.
Well that why staying friends helps so much because then they can’t “miss you” and because of that it’s honestly easier for them to eventually find someone new to have a crush on
@elite665 sometimes staying friends with them may hurt them more seeing you're there but you'll never be theirs... and what if they never meet someone else that catches their heart? what if it's still you they want? But you found yourself a gf? ouch
I accepted the fact and I'm not sure what really happened. She seemed mad and avoided me and was really mean and discourteous towards me, but I still acted as if though I wanted to be friends. Im not a person to hold a grudge. She eventually opened up for some unknown reason, unblocked me, but she won't accept or send me a friend request. So I dont know. Honestly.
Long story short no matter what we do they may or may not get hurt in the end the least you can do is try to let them off easy
The problem isn't being nice, that's always a good thing. It's they target the wrong girls. They'd do much better with the quiet shy type of girl, unfortunately these aren't always the easiest to ask out.
Problem is shy girls are never comfortable with things moving forward so they're only good for friends.
EXACTLY!! I had to deal with the nice guys making me feel worthless, because I was too nice and quiet.
They are approaching getting a girl with the wrong set of assumptions. Yes IT IS being nice that is the problem First, sit back and observe. Who is getting the girls? That's right-the assholes. Now its true girls bitch about assholes but who do they end up with? Who does she award her prize to? Nice to her and you get "friendzoned". Women like to be dominated just a bit - no matter WHAT they say. If you sit there and listen to the minutia of her day, sit there at her beck and call then she totally takes you for granted and quits trying at all. You become her emotional tampon. All women try to pussywhip their men, often without even realizing it. But if you allow them to then they lose all respect for you. Man up and you'll get more girls, and have more respect for yourself. Don't listen to what women SAY they want-women always say the socially appropriate thing rather than the truth of how they feel. WATCH how they BEHAVE to figure it out.
99% of the population is 'nice', meaning they have good intentions. Or at least not malicious intentions. "Nice guys" think they are somehow special and should therefore get special treatment. That's not how it works! Niceness should be automatic, other things should make you stand out.
Not sure, I can't get inside their heads. I guess if you're nice to them for no apparent reason, they assume you're faking it to get in their pants. Which could very well be true, but on the other hand they could be missing out on a guy who really IS nice. And since they can't get inside our heads either, they'd rather err on the side of caution.
Unless a good-looking jerk comes along, and suddenly this mental screening process falls apart at the exact moment when it would do them the most good. =_=
I'm a nice guy and this is no lie because I met girls I dated some, crushed on some but never had a real relationship. Because a relationship means a lot, well it does for people who are sincere while players just take it as a game. Me on the other hand I find relationships sincere, I always wondered what is it about love that crosses my mind. I was just going to take it as a characteristic of my zodiac sign Libra. Anyway while I date and meet new people the thought of a relationship might cross my mind once and awhile.
I prefer nice guys. But i do like if they try to be bossy once in a while like "No you're not leaving me. you're staying right here." So if you're gonna be nice you gotta have a slight bit of dominance. Otherwise i will run the relationship which i have no prob doing 🤷
Well said. My relationships got better once I realized this.
@markanthonypeace glad you learned for the better :)
Sometimes her running it is ok. I like to be laid back. But I'm ready to make a decision. Make a few of my own... and let moods pass on their own. I can be the boss or the b****.
@markanthonypeace nahh my man can't be a bit... I do like to take charge emotionally/verbally but i need him to take charge physically. Grab me and make me kiss you type stuff
For sure in the bedroom. My werewolf is always ready for that stuff.
For sure. Guys should be naturally dominant and in charge, no girl likes a pushover. If they seem to not mind it at first, I'm sure they'd grow to resent it after a while...
@MollyTheOriginal my ex let me run the firsy 6 months of the relationship. I was so used to it thay by time he took over the next 6 months, i began to resent him. He seemed so mean lol
What sparked that sudden change, I wonder? Was it a need to "prove" himself?
@MollyTheOriginal yea he got tired of my ultimatums. But he's an unorganized person and im ocd. Our relationship went downhill when he took charge. He was so irresponsible when it came to work and money management
Fair enough. If he can't take charge in an effective way then forget about it.
It doesn't matter who the bill keeper is... as long as it's being taken care of. Not so in the bedroom. They should teach a course in this stuff in high school... but I can see the fight over the curriculum lol.
@markanthonypeace he wasn't doing his part of the bills
I hear you there girl. I'm still living with my ex because I thought it would be cheaper
I do tend to like nice boys, they just don't like me as a girlfriend and rather date a girl who treats them like crap.
I think it's a conference thing, ass hole guys usually just get in there and are blunt and straight to the point. You know what your gonna get with them, instead of a shy, sweet guy who cares to much about being respectful and end up giving off mixed signals of not being too interested and gets himself friend zoned.
Because they struggle to find confidence and assertiveness that women find attractive. Masculine traits are attractive, not having low self esteem, letting the girl walk all over you and having no opinion for yourself.
So basically girls want the exact opposite of what they are
@chris_987
Yeah, pretty much.
@chris_987 Pretty much, masculine vs feminine energy are almost opposite.
Most women don't want nice guys because they don't want relationships. Women basically go out of their way to be unattractive as possible for dating. So they may SAY they want relationships but they don't. They want to be degraded and raped. Look at everything they do, its to entice men to abuse them. Ie wear tons of makeup and sexy clothes, talk to men when fuck everyone...
I have lots of luck with women in certain ways. Im very aggressive and attractive so i know i could get 3 girls naked and let me punch them in the face before i could find one girl that is sweet and nice that i could ask on a date. Its really sad but that is the nature of women. They hate themselves and if you're nice to them they dont respect a man that treats trash like gold. If you treat trash like trash they are all over you.
I don't believe women don't like kind, decent men.
What I tend to believe is that women, like the rest of humanity, want to date men they're *attracted* to. If he's nice and attractive, then great! On the other hand, if he's not nice but handsome, well then (being only human) women will let other considerations take a back seat. Men do this too.
The problem is.. as a reformed nice guy... that you are nice one step too far...
A girl still wants you to capture her heart... making it feel like someone else is driving.
She needs the nice guy to be more forceful than he is typically capable of being at that point.
When they claim themselves to be a "nice guy", that's a red flag. They maybe not as nice as they might think they are.
A nice guy is only a nice guy when others label him as such.
I agree. I've met men that claim their nice, yet time will show the truth and the mask comes off. If a guy says he's nice dont believe him.
These men are fake. And they are so determined to get sex that they try to be "so nice' and play it safe and so PC that they are nothing more than nice to women. That's boring and puts them in the friendzone. Sexual tension creates attraction I feel. They are scared to flirt or don't know how to without it being too much or try to learn how to read cues and be playful without going too far. I think these nice guys need to stop thinking that being nice will attract women. If you're a nice person, you are so not to get anything out of it, because you're a caring person. I think dudes getting friendzoned a lot, they lack and edge. I think I'm a good guy for the most part and it's not a problem with me. Of course I get rejected and what not. But I flirt, I tease, I use wit a lot and at certain times can be like playfully (slightly cock), funny and it works, But I don;t do that, like it's planned or because of pua stuff. I don't follow that stuff, but it's just part of my personality and just like to have tease.
I agree. Claiming "I'm nice" is like saying "I'm smart." Usually implies the alternative is true.
Nice guys have been asking this question for decades. The very simple answer is that immature & inexperienced girls perceive bad boys as more masculine. This changes over the years as emotionally mature women (30+) get their fill of flakyness, cheating and physical & emotional abuse.
"Masculine" guys (jocks, bikers, bullies, gangbangers) are also mistaken for good lovers due to their supposed aggressiveness and superior experience level, when often, it is the more gentle & sensitive guy who actually gets a woman off, if he is well-read on female anatomy.
Nice guys can fight this perception without actually becoming assholes, but it takes some studying & practice. There are a number of helpful videos on this, but I could –and probably should– write a book. Unfortunately, most guys don't even like to read.
Because the stereo typical Nice Guys are insecure and dont know how to take control. Most women want to know that their man can take control and lead.
Lol so true that me how do I change?
Around my friends I’m a cocky prick I don’t get it
In short, they emasculate themselves.
They deprive themselves of being completely open and comfortable with their sexuality. To the point, the only way they feel they can come at a girl is in a prim and proper manner. They act as if they HAVE TO do things for her and check off every superficial box in order for her to like him. I know it's popular today to say "nice guys" are manipulative and aren't really nice guys. But that's not it in most cases.
Very simple.
From a woman's perspective :
nice guy = Weak guy. He will not be able to provide or protect me from the dangers of the world.
Asshole = Strong guy. This guy gets what he wants. He can provide and protect for me and our children.
Makes sense, after all this stuff is instinctual.
Most self proclaimed nice guys are far from it. Most of the time they’re the same as the hot bad boys they claim to be different from. The only difference being their looks.
You could’ve answered this question with just the last word of your last sentence lol
The more you seem desperate/needy for a woman the less interested she’ll be in you. Hence guys who already have a woman or many women are magnets for more women.
Generally speaking.
Women don’t want to feel that they are with a low value guy.
Guys have been conditioned to think that she’s more valuable than him. But as he gets older & wiser he sees how dumb that is.