Women don't actually seem to want "nice guys" so why do they keep affirming that they do?

Question

I believe that women, regardless of their political affiliation, are more attracted to men who are more cocky and slightly aggressive then men who are more laid back and passive. Yet many of those same women have waged a war against toxic masculinity, a broken social construct for sure, but one that produced the brutish, confident, emotionally detached men that seem to fair better sexually and romantically.

englisc · Accepted Answer

I think there's a miscommunication between men and women when it comes to this.

Women's attraction is more based on personality than a man's attraction to a woman is. Men are more visual. This is common sense.

But here I'm going to give the equivalent example for a man. You like nice girls right? You want the girl you're with to treat you nicely. No shit, of course you do.

However, a girl simply being nice isn't what attracts you to her is it? What you want is for a GIRL THAT YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO to be nice. It's not the niceness that attracts you.

If you're like most guys and you don't have a strange feeder fetish or something, you prefer slim women. Imagine you meet an obese girl, and she's really nice. You're not suddenly gonna be attracted to her. She's nice, and she could maybe be your platonic friend, but she's missing the qualities that cause you to be attracted to a woman.

It's the same with most "nice guys". They lack other personality traits that attract women. Personality traits that those other guys have.

Now imagine you meet a really hot girl. Physically she's 100% your type, perfect in every way. But she's a bit bitchy when you first meet her. Since this is the internet, and everybody is so sensible and so completely rational here, you're gonna be completely turned off by her right?

No, don't be full of shit. You're still gonna be attracted to her, and if she begins to warm up to you you're gonna forget all about that because you're so attracted to her.

That's how it is in that situation also. The "nice guy" to the woman is like the fat girl to you. The "bad boy" to the woman is like the hot but slightly bitchy woman to you. They don't go with those other guys because they're bad, but despite it, because they have other attractive qualities that the nice guy doesn't.

Where you're right is that women do prefer a guy who is very confident, assertive and masculine. Those also tend to be the guys who make things happen.

If you think about the way most women act, they're passive in the dating game. They tend to wait for the guy to approach, ask them out, make the first move. The guy escalates most of the time the whole way through.

Women usually lack the confidence to do that even if they want to, so they tend to want to hint. You'll notice that they almost always ask how to get a guy to approach them, not how to approach him. They're trying to get the guy to make the move. They also worry that if they do pursue a guy he might judge her as being too easy or too slutty. That's why it's up to the man. Also as a result of slut-shaming especially, as well as wanting to avoid players hitting it and quitting it, even if they like the guy they'll make him "work" for it.

Which man do you think is going to be more likely to approach, move things forwards, and keep pursuing? The "aggressive" guy or the laid back, passive guy? The aggressive guy obviously.

I used to get friend-zoned a lot. Then one day this girl I'd known for a while who I was interested in friend-zoned me after she met and got with this other guy. Knowing that she was the blunt type, I asked her why she thought this kept happening to me. She said that I wasn't aggressive enough, those were literally her words. I seemed uninterested. Meanwhile the other guy went after her and got her.

I took that advice and started being more forward, more straight to the point about what I wanted, and my dating life improved. I didn't have to act like a dick or stop being a nice guy, I just had to be more assertive.

When it comes to asking women for dating advice, apart from girls like her, at best most will give you overly vague answers that tell you nothing. Others will tell you things that sound kind of nice in their heads but which don't actually work. It's best not to take much notice of it. If you've already made the observation that women prefer those other guys, be more like those other guys.

honorboundHeart884 · Accepted Answer

Being, confident, kind, does àll that you say and still fails , what does he do to rectify and resovle the issue.

Both Men and women are guilty at times of illogical thoughts and pretenses.

Harmones make people at times suseptable and ignorant to those who are ignorant and selfish..

Not all men are stupid or blindly sex driven alone,

In conclusion, if you haven't or have realize it's harder for men to be open, vulinerable with state of some have agression and unwillingness to give even an inch to finding mutual common grounds.

In my case I'm a man who's always been a genuine to women.

I have been kind. My level to be confident when need be , caring always.

Generation, after generation states progress, yet it's just stagninance and slight of hand to divert from truth and pain.

Society tries to evolve norms, but just the same, things reoccur and blame just blindly blankets.

Individuality barely exists like it once did some ways.

Technology gives so much, but human kind is a flawed design, I'm no exception.

I acknowledge who I am and how i am.

The day when man kind and women kind can actually build a new paradiagm, state of affairs.

The one thing a portion of men and women can't master, dissolving vanity.

Your looks will fade, your thirst will fade, but the person deep in you your core personality, your vulinerable self is your honest self truth.

When you finally awaken and realize your potential beyond the surface , then your real life exposure. Begins.

Sorry , but beauty alone won't attract me, intellefince, personality, kindness, open mind and heart will, but I haven't found women that even comes close.

Their are kind girls, bad bitch types , soft spoken, wild flower types, nuetral types, villian types, broken types.

All these types can be eminations within the male being too.

So be aware, love to some is a game, and to some it's a ploy to enrich them and hinder another, or love is true and you get to spend forever with the person, you can call , beloved.

Good luck <3

Dali-chan · Accepted Answer

Women don’t want nice guys they want good guys.
Being nice doesn’t make you a good person, especially if you’re only nice with them, cause they will feel that your kindness is not genuine.

There’s a guy that attracted me once, even tho he wasn’t my type with this kindness, not because he was complimenting me everytime, or offering me flowers but cause I saw that he truly had a big heart when I see how naturally helpful he Is with everyone, not only the hot girl he want to bang like nice guys do , he would give his last slice of bread to a homeless guy, ask a kid who’s alone if he’s lost, and was very protective with children and women, but he also had balls, and wasn’t afraid to speak up his opinion, and he never let peoples walk on him.

He wasn’t the best looking guy in our promotion, but you’d be surprised by how many women wanted him ( including me). He wasn’t cocky and arrogant but peaceful, chill, kind, helpful and strong at the same time.

Women don’t want needy weak men, nor do they want a bad boy and a jerk.
they want a good guy with balls.

The only reasons why bad boys have more one night stands is because they are very honest about what they want, and girls love sex too, and at least they know that unlike a «nice guy» the bad boy won’t play with their feelings or emotionally manipulate them to bang them and then break their hearts, with a bad boy they clearly know what they are getting themselves into.

But true quality women choose to give their support and love to good guys with balls, not bad boys who just have a big dick.

ALackey · Accepted Answer

This is a very controversial thing. I'm actually going through this now. Got a guy best friend whom I've known since high school and he's the sweetest thing possible, gives me money to do my hair, takes me out, checks on me everyday, but however he's still not what I want. I know, weird. He likes me but I don't really like him.

The thing is a lot of times with nice guys, they think that being overly nice is what's supposed to get us but however it doesn't. Then they wonder why... a lot of "nice guys" are just nice, but that's about it. They have nothing else that really catches our attention or makes us fall for them and most the time with that, it just comes off as a front or a thirst trap just to get us.
Some "nice" guys are just TOO nice. In other words, they text too much, may be too complimenting, too affectionate, too invested in us, tries too hard, everything. There's a reason why they say even too much of a good thing, is bad. A lot of times when us girls run into "good guys" they're all of these things and it makes them clingy and too overly obsessive which we HATE. We like guys with GOOD TRAITS

NikkiLoves69 · Accepted Answer

Confidence is really all it is.

You can be a nice guy, but how will a girl pick you out of the crowd? If you're too shy to say hi or too afraid to make eye contact? I'm telling you, approach girls, have confidence in what you do and say, and be funny. Next thing you know, the other guys are gonna think you're "cocky and confident".

Another note, no girl likes that submissive, too shy to say hi guy. It's not cute to most of us, that's why we like the guy that comes forward and makes us laugh.

If you're a nice guy, just be a nice guy. We don't sleep with guys for being nice, we just want a guy to be nice. Period. But guys expect because they are nice we should fall all over them. Often girls get attention from many guys, if you aren't confident enough to come talk to me how will I ever know you're there?

We love nice guys, just many guys act nice when they think they getting something and then change when they don't. Then call it friend zoned.

If you want to be a nice guy, really consider what it means to you.

coachTanthony · Answer

I think it's true that women do like more of a cocky guy or alpha male type until it doesn't serve them. If these guys end up being "BAD GUYS" to them then after a few rounds with such men they will eventually start being attracted to a more nicer guy but it's a journey to get to the nice guy!

ThisDudeHere · Answer

To not come off as bad, obviously.

JackSmy · Answer

Based on what? Your limited, obviously biased experience? Maybe what you think they call 'Nice Guys' is different than what you think it should be. Maybe you just pick the wrong ones, or approach them with the wrong attitude, like you post here?
This same thing is on here, over and over and guys just seem to think that they should just get to date any woman that they like! Is it some 'entitlement' garbage, that you got from some place?
Women are amazing, and wonderful and you need to treat them like PEOPLE, and respect them, and not just assume that they SHOULD just like you!
When I was a teen, my dad took me aside, and told me about how to respect a lady, and be courteous, and so on and things about dating.

What I remember most, is that he said, 'For every 50 ladies you like, and ask out, maybe 1 will accept! Deal with it, Boy, that is life!'

When did it change, that young guys just expect women to like them, date them, and whatever else? No effort, not dating, no respect, just assuming, like she was something you are entitled to, like property?
That is FCKED up! She is a person!! She deserves respect, and if she doesn't like you, I think I know why!!

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Women want a man that I define as a “kind lion.” A man that is loving, caring, kind, nice, sociable, humorous, and sensitive, but at the same time has a certain presence and mentality about himself that exudes lethality, brutality, and violence against all his and his friend’s and family’s enemies. Women want nice guys, but not nice guys who are just nice. Likewise, a woman might enjoy a single fling with the “bad boy” or “asshole” type man, but rarely do these last in a long term relationship or anything outside of short flings. In my opinion, women don’t love the “bad boy” or “asshole” type man, rather, fall in love with the kind/nice man who is capable of great violence and defense when it calls for it. A woman who knows you’re physically and mentally capable of protecting against and fighting against harm is more attracted to you once she realizes you can also be sensitive, cuddle, etc. I don’t think the “bad boy” or “asshole” sentiment mimics reality, as women do want kind and nice men. Now, women might fantasize about the “bad boy” type guy but just because one fantasizes about something doesn’t mean that’s what we actually get or go for in reality or practicality.

Dongtai · Answer

Because what a girl says is nice isn’t what you think is nice.

Being nice isn’t avoiding confrontation or letting a girl always get her way regardless of if she’s wrong. It’s not letting her get away with mistreating you because if you put you’re foot down, she’ll cry. Being nice isn’t a sacrifice. Don’t sacrifice your well being for the sake of a woman’s “feelings”.

Girls want a man who’s thoughtful, caring and treats them like a decent human being. They want to go on adventures, laugh and be told they’re pretty. Most importantly they want to be treated with respect

BUT

They also want a man who will stand up for himself, no matter who it is. They want the man who keeps her around because he “wants” to not because he feels like he can’t do better. She wants a man she knows she might lose if she fucks it up, not one who will put up with anybody’s bullshit because he lacks self-respect.

If you’re going to be a “nice” guy. Be genuinely nice. If you wouldn’t let a friend treat you that way, don’t let your girl. Let her know you’re her ride or die until the moment she’s the one that’s making you die.

EpicDweeb · Answer

I think the problem with your question lies in men often painting the issue in an extreme. Any time I hear boys talk about "nice guys" they portray them as some dude who panders to a woman's every whim, acts like basic kiss ass, doesn't assert himself, and often lacking in confidence. If not the scumbag panderer who just wants to get in a woman's pants then the "nice guy" is portrayed as the blubbering idiot who tries to win a woman's affections via a sob-story meant to invoke pity on the woman's behalf.

When a woman refers to a "nice guy" she usually isn't talking about a wet blanket who just goes with the flow, doesn't assert himself in any way and panders to her every desire. Usually she's talking about anyone who isn't an asshole, is generally kind, isn't quick to fight about things, and is willing to go out of his way for her.

In my experience and from what I've heard from women (largely on this site), girls usually aren't looking for:
- A guy who has no personal aspirations but one willing to put himself out for the sake of others even while striving after personal goals.
- A guy who fauns all over them but one who shows genuine affection and sincerity in caring for them.
- A guy who acts like an overly emotional crybaby but one who will be honest about what they think and feel.
- A guy who gives lip service or flattery but a guy who makes them feel loved and appreciated.

That's what a girl thinks of when she thinks of a "nice guy." To answer your question slightly differently, women want nice guys but they aren't running on your definition.

Nik1hil · Answer

Nice Guy is a decoy!

"Nice Guy" is what women use as sieve to filter Out the Guys they don't want..

3 things

Be cocky - With an attitude that none can fuck with you..

Be a Bold Jerk, it's what women love!
Women love to throw blames...
If you can be a bold jerk who will catch her blames and still keep up with her without flinching.. You got her..

It's not confidence..
Be exclusive for her..
As in the idea that even if she was standing in room filled with hot female pornstars and Victora secrets models..
But when you walk in your eyes will only be on her.. You will walk up to her. Lift her.. And carry her with you..
Like there were No other girl In the room..
That PASSION!.. Makes its rain between her legs..

And Remember Women prefer erotica over porn..
So sew a story with words..
Most men think foreplay starts after the Date with women.. In bed.
When in reality Foreplay starts for the women.. When she starts preparing for her date! Dressing herself and dreaming what could happen.. Sew all them into conversation.. And she is yours.. 😎🤘

HopelessRomantic2119 · Answer

The issue with most “nice guys” is that they’re being nice BECAUSE they want sex/relationship, and they think that if they’re nice, that’s all they need to be. So when they are nice to a woman and don’t get sex/relationship they say “wtf I’m a nice guy, I treated you well.” But that’s not all a woman wants.

Think about it— most guys if you asked them if they wanted a girl who was nice to them, they’d say “absolutely.” But is that the only thing you want? If she’s nice to you does that mean she doesn’t have to be independent, funny, pretty, smart etc? No. It’s the same with women, at least healthy ones.

They want a man who treats them well, but is also funny, smart, charming, independent, exciting, etc.

I’m not saying women don’t take advantage of men being nice to them, surely SOME do, but being nice is only checking one box on a woman’s desired qualities.

And as a final note, most nice guys aren’t independent. And they rely on a woman’s satisfaction to make them happy, women hate that. A woman wants to be a part of your overall happiness, she doesn’t want to be all of it, ESPECIALLY early on.

The6ix · Answer

I believe as girls get older they realize their mistakes dealing with assholes, players and jerks then it dawns on them that they want a guy who is a nice person. But I realized women and girls who get older do not want a man to be a yes-man (unless she's on her high horse) but that a man is willing to stand up for himself. The moment a woman feels like she can walk over you and do whatever she eventually loses respect. But if a girl is bitchy at heart and says "I want a nice guy" is it because you want a guy to be subservient to you? Because sweetheart that's not love, that's an illusion of you controlling him and he doesn't have any backbone or a pair of balls between his leg.

I highly doubt a 30 year old woman wants a guy to purposely cheat on her or insult her or treat her like garbage just so she remains infatuated with him. I do believe girls want a nice man to be with especially if she wants kids with him, because I'm sure if any woman or girl out there reads this I'm assuming you want to be with a guy who will treat you well as a husband but also be a good father as well.

westwordbound · Answer

Yes this is an age old question. I think women consciously believe they want a nice guy, but their subconscious prehistoric DNA programming betrays them. At the subconscious is where mating decisions are made and it’s much stronger than their conscious thought. This why what women say they want vs what they REALLY want are rarely congruent.

With all that said the nice guy vs asshole argument is an oversimplification. Women want CHALLENGE and a nice guy is the antithesis of that. They also have a hard time distinguishing real confidence vs insecurity guised as confidence (which is what most assholes are... they are insecure but they compensate the most effective way possible). This does slightly improve when some women get older but it’s always a problem. Their hard coded dna makes them wet when they see an aggressive asshole. All rationality goes out the window.

If you are a born nice guy I feel for you. It sucks. Really sucks, especially when you are young. However unless you get serious PTSD or brain damage your personality can only be modified but never reversed.

You CAN however do things to block out nice guy tendencies that turn women off. I recommend reading doc love, Corey Wayne and dr glovers “no more mr nice guy”. They give you step by step tactics to be more self aware of what you are doing and how it’s turning women off.

Pamina · Answer

I'm so tired of this same old incel talk. Guys like you fail to understand the difference between Nice Guys™ and guys who are genuinely nice people. For us women it's very easy to spot the difference between a guy who is nice simply because he's nice, and a guy who's nice because he expects something back from you - especially if it's romantic or sexual affection.
You also fail to understand that being actually nice to other people shouldn't be viewed as an accomplishment but as a given.
And most importantly, you fail to understand that being nice is *one* trait out of many traits that influences someone's attractiveness. So even if you happen to be a genuinely nice person, that alone doesn't make you attractive.

Loulouchuchu · Answer

Fake nice guys are a dime a dozen. They're everywhere, both my exes were "nice guys" but deep down very selfish and insecure people.
Young girls want cocky, etc because they are exciting and it feeds the list that they want to feel towards a guy..
Women want a nice guy, a protector and selfless person. I think it's very dependant on age of the woman but yet some older woman still like the drama of an idiot.

Show me a nice guy as described above and I'd marry him.. genuine nice guys are one in a million x

holograph · Answer

Women DO want nice guys. They want nice guys that have confidence and won't be pushed around by the entire world, though.

In some cases, a "nice guy" is not so nice. Look at Subreddit "niceguys" (also "nicegirls" because some women are the same way).

In some cases the "nice guy" might be too damn nice, such that he never stands up for himself, and a woman would expect a guy to stand up for her (and any kids).

In other cases, he might genuinely be a nice guy, but maybe he just needs to put himself out there and meet more people and take more chances.

rozequarts · Answer

I find that a lot of men who ask this question are the same men who expect girls to drop to their knees just because they got her flowers or something.

If you are a naturally good person to people regardless of gender and or relationship status, WITH a really cool personality (yes, I know that is subjective), girls will like you. Not all girls. But for sure you will find a few in your lifetime.

Personally I like a man who is balanced. I find introverted, laid back, (maybe a bit shy) guys to be the sexiest. They usually have a lot more going on up in their brain. Luckily I have found a few guys who are introverted and laidback but not insecure. Some shy guys are shy out of insecurity, and if he is TOO insecure, it would be a dealbreaker for me.

Shuri · Answer

The problem is that a guy's definition of a nice guy is not the same as a woman's. Most self proclaimed nice guys are actually the assholes we refer to. Buying me dinner a few times and calling me beautiful and holding open a door doesn't make you a nice guy. Giving me your time and listening to my wants and needs and being their emotionally and being supportive is a nice guy. However, most men don't equate this to a nice guy.

You can be an alpha male and still be a nice guy. You can also be shy and be a nice guy. But it's more about personality and emotionally availability that make you a nice guy as well as how you treat me as a person. I shouldn't be treated the same as your friends or like someone you see as expendable.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Because to admit that they do not like a nice guy would make them seem like bad people. They don't want to appear to be bad people, so they say the like nice guys.

The strategy should be simple by now. Stop listening to women for advice on how to date women!

Point number 1!

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice... ↗

bitter_passenger · Answer

You know what, I'm gonna push aside my dignity for once and tell you what kind of a man a girl (ME! Just me only) could want, I don't know about others. By "nice guys" girls usually mean, a man who has a bad and a good version of themselves. Be cocky and slightly aggressive while at the same time more laid back and passive. Girls don't just run after the negative, they search for man who has equal qualities to the things you've stated above.
Maybe I'm wrong, but, that's what I look for in a guy. A man needs to have flaws as well as his perfections. I know I have mine.

ManOnFire · Answer

If it's one mystery for me, it's why women like men who are assholes. They seem to think these guys are the epitome of a real man and are strong, but it really just tells me a lot about what kind of woman she is. She usually has little or no decency and lets us know that she's the type who has little care for anyone else, because if she did she wouldn't sit there and laugh along when a badass wants to try to make a fool of someone else or support it when he acts like an asshole to anyone else.

I learned how to recognize women like this even before I knew they liked badasses or were with one. You can just tell. And I steer clear of them.

hahahmm · Answer

Yes & no. I think women go through phases. Maybe think of it as a branch in the road. Most start out just wanting fun & excitement. The ‘nice’ guy is too boring. Then the road splits into 3 directions:
Safe, dependable guy who is easily manipulated (aka ‘nice guy’)
Safe, dependable guy who is a leader.
Fun & excitement. Probably with an easy to manipulate ‘bad boy’. This lane is just like the 1st road they were on.

Some women pick one road. But women are known to multitask. She may pick multiple roads at the same time too.

JackRoss129 · Answer

This is a fantastic question, well worded as well. I think women do this because most people want to see themselves as having high moral standards and capable of upholding a moral compass, whether most women do this is another story. So when the question is posed to a woman: Do you want a nice guy or a strong man; most women tend to answer I don't care about looks, I just want a guy to treat me right, or something along those lines. This creates the illusion they are morally sound and provides a cloak of moral respectability in which they can cover their insecurities and fragilities with. Which ironically they seek to remedy by seeking the attention of a 'confident' man who will provide direction they are so lacking themselves.

viajen · Answer

It's not cocky and slightly more aggressive.

It's more confidence and giving the impression that you can handle any situation, without being arrogant.

I haven't met a single woman who has been in a relationship with a cocky, territorial guy and has wanted the same thing again.

This idea that women don't go for "nice guys" automatically implies that you're expecting something in return for being nice to women.

Porcelaine · Answer

We want nice guys, just not boring ones. We want kind, generous ones, but confident, with self respect and a life, something they are doing and enjoying. Guys have a very twisted view of what a nice guy is, the way they describe them is more like a doormat. Nope. We want someone with a mind of his own, but not controlling.

chickenflipper · Answer

I waited forever for “nice guys” to like me and they never did. I would try to talk to them, was nice to them, but they only wanted outgoing, loud girls and ignored me. They were wimps and wouldn’t notice me or make a move. I was never asked out or had a kiss or anything. Then finally, at age 22, my outgoing, kinda cocky and a little edgy, boyfriend appeared and asked me out.

Then the “nice guys” started to notice me and talk to me when they saw I was taken. They suddenly were hideous and unattractive to me. They missed their chance and they didn’t see value in me, so they became of no value to me. Then they complain about girls not wanting nice guys.

Luvme66 · Answer

According to me... They want to be treated right but not like a damn princess because that would basically make you her dad and thats not what you are aiming for are you.
So just dont be desperate for her and if she wants you cool, if she doesn't cool; plenty of fishes in the sea.
And dude being too nice to a girl makes the girl feel like she is valued without even working for it... and people only value things that they have put efforts on. And nice guys doo it for free and people dont value free things.

amaranthblossom · Answer

My ex-boyfriend was a "nice guy". As soon as he had me, he became a real asshole. So it made me a little cautious around other nice guys, because I don't know their true intentions. Are they just nice because they want sex? Or are they really just nice because they want to be? Thankfully I found a nice guy with no hidden motifs.

DiegoO · Answer

Every woman is different. For some a nice guy (translation: a cool guy) is someone with dominant personality traits, for others it can mean a guy who is chill, laid back, passive. It doesn't have to do anything with political views, it's mostly a result of culture, family background, personal experiences. Therefore, for a woman who grew up in a ghetto, with a family that goes along with the culture of violence that rules the place, a guy who acts like an "alpha male" will probably be the "nice" guy she wants in her life, the nice guy that will be her guardian, etc.. For a woman who grew up in a palace, surrounded by intellectual parents and introduced to a intellectual circle, a "nice" guy will be a guy who is into chivalry, who is open minded, a guy who rather be a partner, instead of "the man".

SarahsSummer · Answer

Its not about girls NOT wanting a nice guy. Its about being a confident guy. Not cocky/arrogant, just confident in who he is. He can be a "nice" laid back, respectful guy AND be confident. thats what I like anyway. So to recap confident yes, detached no. laid back yes. brutish no

Kurαȷ · Answer

The only real difference between the two is that the cocky guy makes the woman feel lucky to be with him, the nice guy only ever makes the woman feel like HE is lucky to be with her.
And that is a big no no.

What women want is the kindness and affection of a *superior* mate, to be made to feel special, the affection of an inferior mate is worthless and won't make any woman feel special.

dancing_in_nebulas · Answer

Nice guys are not really nice usually.

Typically they are too soft, yes men, insecure and toxic.

They talk down at you or dont say enough. Dont take care of themselves, arrogant, emotionally selfish, and easily act like victims all the time.

The aggressive guys, per say, are just men in neutrality.

They aren't aggressive, just confident and unafraid to be themselves and work life to make it suit them and their partner.

Gamillions · Answer

Nice guys are normally boring. example? I found that being nice and predictable as a bachelor got me in a few doors for a date. But being a little wild and saying some things that were not necessarily rude, got me in the bedroom 5 times faster. If you say the right words when meeting a new lover can work almost immediately. Your first words out of your mouth will determine your success with your new potential lover. My neatest words I ever spoke in a bar were something truthful that went like this. I bought a new shower curtain today (which was the truth) and want to show it to you tonite. This girl was very mature and good looking. She also made more money in a year than I made in 3 years. It took her by surprise and we were headed to my apartment in 30 minutes. NICE GUY? Nope... a nice guy would never say such a thing. But nice guys always finish last. So just go for it. When you get old you'll have memories no one can take away.

BoyUFine · Answer

I personally like a guy who looks manly, but my man is very respectful and careful. We've been 5 years together.
Girls like bad guys probably because they aren't mature enough or just want "good sex".
Like I have this girl friend that is complaining that too many men msj her but it's her fault for accepting all the damn men request 🤷🏻‍♀️ like i have a bunch of pending request and I can see the mutual friends and she has al of them added.

Bananaman177 · Answer

I think there's a lot of social pressure on girls to lie about what they really want.

Like, if they said they just want a big dumb brute to fuck them like an animal all the time, they would face shame for admitting to it.

They know that they are SUPPOSED to say they want a good guy, and a quiet, peaceful marriage, so that's what they say to strangers. Only their closest friends or maybe no one knows what they really want is driven by pure, animalistic lust.

foriWish · Answer

Well obviously not all women are the same and want the same type of guys. Just as not guys want want a certain type of woman. You have most who pretend to want nice virgin girls yet they sleep around and go for sexually confident women and call them sluts. Hypocrites

Also toxic masculinity is not what you people think it is

Athena1993 · Answer

A nice guy who is confident in himself. Why do you insist on over thinking what doesn't require it. All this extraneous stuff is irrelevant. Someone kind who treats us and others well who is confident in who he is. Why is thst so baffling for guys. It's almost sad how off the mark guys are.

MilaRay · Answer

I’m pretty straight to the point about what I like. I like a guy who is kind to others and to himself. Somebody who loves themself and has integrity in themselves will be a nice guy naturally even without trying to be. His main goal isn’t to seem like a nice guy but like somebody deserving of respect because he gives and requires it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

It depends.
Some want someone who treats them well.
Others want to feel the masculine. It could be what they got at home was abusive, their esteem is low so they need that sense of strength, etc..

They aren't all the same, a lot of it is how they were conditioned.

Izumiblu · Answer

I don’t see it as an inflammatory question

It’s pretty obvious to me. When I guy sees himself as a nice guy yet he is unsuccessful with women he clearly has a different definition of nice than I do when I say I appreciate a nice guy

In fact when I hear a guy talk about how he is a nice guy and he never has success with women or that he gets taken advantage of or that women lead him on I don’t even picture a nice guy because I don’t generally believe he is right in his self analysis.

LoU_Hades · Answer

You can act super nice and kind, but in certain moment you have to switch into controlled aggressiveness mode. This isn't different with women or other man. Being nice in some specific situation is considered as avoiding confrontation and this is a weakness, it's gender independent.

Felinegirl · Answer

We don't want a 'nice guy', we just want someone who is not a douchebag. That's quite a low bar and most guys are easily nice enough.
Other qualities are way more important, we want someone who is the whole package. For me, that means: not a douchebag, attractive (in my eyes), has similar interests, intelligent, fun to be around and does something interesting with his life.

CatsCat · Answer

It's because when us women see those cocky and slightly aggressive guys we think that should translate into defending us should some other guys come along and harrass us... But it usually turns out that the cocky & slightly aggressive guys end up turning that attitude towards us instead. That's when us women say HELL NO JOE!! Defending is ok. Offending is not

Massageman · Answer

Many women DO want a "nice" guy. But, if they keep looking bars for them, they will be disappointed. They are more likely to be helping in a food pantry, tutoring kids after school or helping an elderly neighbor by mowing their lawn. If the gals would fish in the right pond, maybe they would land a better catch of a guy.

1truekhaleesi · Answer

There's two types of nice guys. The guys who just believe that they're nice but are actually douchebags and the genuinely nice guys.

Redbee · Answer

It's not about cocky or aggressive) Women need a warrior and superman in 1 pack😁

So you can compete with other pretenders and prove that you're the best. Even if you're just near and always come to see her with a pack of cookies.

No need to fight or to be rude with somebody. Just do a bit more than other guys who wanna get the woman.

OhThatsMorgan · Answer

No that’s not true (well for me). Everyone is different and everyone has their own personal preference. Tbh, I feel like women that lean to or are attracted to “cocky and aggressive” men would be a attracted to them more so because of their looks. Why would they be attracted to someone who doesn’t look good AND has a bad attitude; you know?

thinkaloudtolive · Answer

This is so true. It proves the theory that women don’t actually know what they want.

They think they want nice guys because of Hollywood and movies. In reality, humans (and women) are drawn to the very animalistic traits in which they claim to despise.

Assertion, strength, masculinity and power: all requirements for survival, and thus what women are “really” attracted to, even if they don’t consciously know it.

NerdInDenial · Answer

Unless you’re rich or famous or powerful, you have to be good looking to attract women. Being a great guy is a nice to have. Women claim they want a gentlemen or nice guy but this request is geared towards good looking men. This request is general and confusing, but women won’t make it clear because prioritizing looks over personality makes them appear shallow which is negative. Thus, claiming the desire of nice guys gives men hope and won’t affect their status or reputation negatively.

UsernameUnknown1234 · Answer

Well I don't think actual 'nice guys' exist a lot. I think what girls usually want is someone who will treat them with respect, and don't take advantage of them in any way or form.

The 'nice guys' I have known aren't nice for that long.

TITAN-IDC · Answer

Gentleman is more like it? Life to short not to take the lead on everything. I think the word has a different meanings, theirs a difference between doormat nice guy and a gentalman (respect for respect) nice guy. The world is full of mentally ill people. Girls want protected. A fighter.

AngelBritney · Answer

Men who are not the "Nice Guy" appear to be stronger and therefore women think they get good protection from these men. A "Nice Guy" might not portray that. (view from evolution)
I do not speak for all women: Some women love the mystery about bad guys, the forbidden aura that they display. But deep within they want a caring men who protects and love them. Guess bad guys are an exciting adventure even though we know that it could not end like a fairytale. Again, I do not speak for all women.

GraysonDooley · Answer

It may not seem like it but I have talked to a lot of women that LOVE nice guys. It may be hard to find the right one but it is worth it. Just be yourself

CandacePerry · Answer

My past experience with guys there were all fake nice. We don't have a fake nice. we just want a nice guy with a some confidence but too much then I don't like at all.

I_Am_Sazerac · Answer

There is a fine line between "nice" and "weak." Not all women go for what you have mentioned, but lots like the kindness, but also want to see firmness when it's necessary. Simply being only nice gets one nowhere, and that applies to both men AND women.

RoxyStark · Answer

Self proclaimed """nice guys"""" are more often than not actually awful people.

You don't get an "acts of kindness" punch card that you redeem for sex. You have to be genuinely caring and good and not get mad when sex isn't offered freely. It's also important to note that most self proclaimed nice guys guilt trip women to get what they want.

#ISaidIWasANiceGuy, Bitch

Stan83 · Answer

I think it’s not about bad or nice guy but more about independent guy that has his hobbies, his life and makes place for her but let her free.

Baobei · Answer

Absolutely disagree. I'm dating the best guy in the world right now, he's so nice sometimes it shocks me. It's an amazing feeling, being treated as a princess. ^^

jss123 · Answer

I get told by women I'm a nice, kind person but those same women go out with horrible men (their words) and complain about them to me. One of them said no to me when I asked her out! ... Physically attractiveness definitely overrules personality. The same applies to men. Nice, but plain women are overlooked. Its certainly not a gender based thing.

kwaza · Answer

Yes, they don't actually wants nice guys. Imagine a girl telling me that she can't date me or gets married to me, because I'm too nice or kind, that I can't even slap her at one time, she needs someone who is tough in all things. I was born gentle, but the society spoiled the inner me, the lady I'm dating now, if I want great sex at night, I have to be angry with her on a little thing, then at night she do offer me awesome sex of my life.

Hypnos0929 · Answer

Women and Men think nice guys are 2 completely different things.
To a man a nice guy is just that, a nice guy. Sure he may have 1 bad day in a blue moon or have differing opinions but he's usually just a chill guy.
To a woman a nice guy includes the majority of her emotional and sexual preferences. He also has to be nice to her but still have flaws that she can "fix" to make herself feel like she did something that matters.

In short to women "nice" is more than just a personality trait.

ask4any · Answer

Women are wishy-washy. Most of them don't know what they want until they realize they don't want what they have. They fall in love with an idea of what kind of person they want, but never realize there is a flip side to every coin until it's too late.

DevilsAdvocator · Answer

Because they want to maintain the facade/self-delusion that they're "good girls". And that they're "not shallow materialistic slutty gold-diggers and/or bitch-whores like every other girl- I'm Different from all the other girls, I'm Better".

Women don't actually seem to want "nice guys" so why do they keep affirming that they do?

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Women don't actually seem to want "nice guys" so why do they keep affirming that they do?

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