Why do many so called “nice guys” struggle to get a gf? What are they doing wrong?

Question

Aysen · Accepted Answer

Being nice is a wonderful personality trait people admire but if you look below the surface, just being nice doesn't automatically get you a girlfriend. There's compatibility, personality type and behavior types to consider when it comes to finding someone to date. Some of the flaws that nice guys have that can be considered unattractive to others include lack of confidence, shyness, being too much of a pushover, have insecurity issues and/or are indecisive about actions they make.

Honestly, a nice guy is just as capable of finding a girlfriend as a bad boy would be. It all comes down to preference in what people like and are looking for. You can be the sweetest, most generous guy on the planet and it won't make a difference if the other person doesn't admire you for who you are. It's no wonder a lot of people today struggle with finding that special someone; even nice guys will have a challenge as well!

Yes, women will always appreciate men who are nice to them but this alone won't get you a girlfriend if they can't find other reasons to be attracted to you.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Like I once did, they operate under the false belief that being extra nice will make up for their lack of confidence and self-worth. It does not.

Yes, most women want a nice guy, but that is a much lower priority than confidence (which is usually #1 on the list). If you were buying a new Ford Mustang, the engine, transmission, and suspension options would likely be far more important to you than the color of the embroidery on the floor mats, and it's like that for girls - you being nice is floor mat priority.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

Those "nice guys" aren't nice guys when a girl reject them they become angry and insult her.
They fake being nice and they think they deserve a girl for it. They're arrogant and think they're better than the other.

For the other the true nice guy then being nice isn't a quality people seem to like nowadays (even women who are nice / kind aren't liked (in my country at least) they're considered like boring, most people like challenge and fighting and teasing in a relationship so they aren't a fan of nice people in general)).
After it can be cause the nice person is unattractive physically or appear to be dumb, etc..

311WasAnInsideJam · Accepted Answer

Being nice is the problem, if you're talking about the "nice guys" I'm thinking of. When their "do a simple courtesy to get into a girl's pants" plan falls short they immediately flip shit. They think they're entitled to a girl they don't even know's mind and body because they held open a door.

Guys that are actually just nice? Maybe they're looking at the wrong girls.

thatguyfromtoronto · Answer

It's quite simple to guys/men, just be yourself, and conduct a civilized conversation. Everyone has their own persona, they say opposites attract, sure to a certain extent, but I find that most couples have a commonality amongst each other, otherwise it's just based on sex and how long will that truly last then. I'm reading the comments from girls on here and I admit they are right, nice guys are putting up a front pretending to be something they are not.

I know, because I did the same thing, I catered to the needs of girls, I dressed a certain way to impress girls and it did not work. When one girl I liked didn't like me back it was because of 2 reasons -- 1) I took way too long to make a move, 2) when she decided to move I got super pissed and I admit that's my immaturity but I'm glad it didn't work out because she is also immature in her own right as well.

I think the narrative of being a nice guy has different layers to it. To me a nice guy is someone who is honest, trustworthy, has a big heart (i. e: donating to poor, helping others, praying to God) working hard, waiting to find the right person to have sex with and etc... That's rare to find these days. The way women and girls see 'nice' guys is they don't have a spine, they seem like mama's boys, and to an extent that is true. But girls, you can't be that tough on guys who have that persona, because I know plenty of girls throughout the years who cried to me about the bad boy breaking her heart.

I guess guys try to put up a persona as nice because that's a sure fire way to attract girls and girls have grown up to be this sweet innocent girl and to always be good and break their norms thus venturing off to finding other guys with a badass persona. Eventually, and this goes for both genders, either you get it or you don't, either a guy will continue to be a doormat or the girl will always be in abusive relationships.

If someone doesn't expect the best in themselves, how is anyone going to truly help you? One girl can't retransform your entire self, that comes individually as well. Sure there are things that a girlfriend or boyfriend can help fix, but it's also self-reflecting on ourselves individually. For guys who get rejected, maybe your going after girls out of your league, or going to spots where women aren't committed or it's just the wrong time. I'm 32 and I am still single but a large part of that is I'm busy with grad school and haven't really pursued girls.

I don't care if I am viewed as a nice guy, that's perfectly fine with me, why should that be labeled bad? But I do agree, you gotta stand up for yourself, you gotta learn how to cook, and do shit on your own, from a guy's perspective you have to be assertive and direct and if you fail, seriously yea it sucks but you gotta move on, and if it means you stop talking to her so be it. When you wake up the next day and do the routine of going to work or school by train, how often is it we see different people so there's no need to sweat if 1 girl rejects you.

Kaazsz · Answer

The problem is us guys are told we are sexual monsters, and our sexuality is offensive to women.

Since many nice guys also never have experience with women, they do not learn that it is actually okay to flirt.

They never learn to flirt, and the only thing they know is what women tell them. “We want a nice guy!” So they act nice, not knowing any other alternative.

Then, when they do everything they think women want, they still can’t get a girl, they get mad. Which I think is to be expected.

No girl is attracted by a nice guy. They are attracted sexually first. What girls tell you they want, is what they want post relationship.

For attracting any woman, sexuality comes first even though women don’t want to admit it. They think men only care about looks. But women have an equivalent to looks which is more complex and impossible for a man who doesn’t get it to understand without a lot of experience with women.

Women are attracted to things which can’t be put into words, so of course it’s very confusing for your average confused nice guy who just wants to show women he is a worthy candidate for love and affection.

And this begins the spiral into depression and self hatred as nice guys get more and more angry that women are lying to them about what they want and that the truth can not be figured out.

The truth is, you must have experience with women to be good with women. You have to go out and suffer rejection after rejection, maybe for years, before things click into place and you finally get it.

It’s not fun for us guys sometimes. Especially if your life left you without any experience from your teen years.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Because women do not know what masculinity is. They have been force fed several ideas about it that are bullshit. Namely that being nice and having feelings is being weak (ironic because its women who then turn around and bitch and blame men for not showing emotions despite forcing it on them), which is far from the case (its harder to be nice then it is to be a selfish asshole). They also trade in love for lust, this doesn't affect them when they are young and desirable but when they get older and all the assholes have gone after younger women (who where just as ignorant but younger and more attractive) they then settle down with the nice guy because he is the one who sticks around (I feel bad for these men because they where told their entire life that if they where good people good things would happen and then they end up, instead of the women seeing them for the loyal people they are, as nothing more then a contingency plan and paycheck). So the reason why women go after assholes instead of nice guys is because they don't understand masculinity and because society never pushes them to think things through before they act (hence so many women demanding that the world just stop being the way it is rather then them trying to change themselves to fit the world) so they just go after their knee jerk reactions end up ruining their lives then drag down any man ignorant enough to give them a chance. Any good woman actively seeks out good men, stupid women actively seek out assholes because they are "exciting", because apparently getting repeatedly cheated on and abused is "exciting"(I've personally witnessed this. Seen women go after a guy who out right stated he was a sociopath (and was proud of it) then was upset when things ended up EXACTLY how every sane person expected it would).

z2000 · Answer

Everyone means something different by nice guy. So categories:

1. Guys that are actually nice. These guys are actually decent human beings, and not secret assholes. Usually they struggle because they have such a low opinion of themselves that they think by approaching a girl at all they are insulting her. So they just don't approach girls, or they do so rarely.

2. Guys that think being nice is the same thing as offering basic (yet often outmoded) social courtesy. These guys actually believe that doing things like hold a door open for a girl, pulling out a chair for them, etc qualifies them as being some great humanitarian. These are the same ones who will call you "milady". Their version of nice is stilted and artificial. It doesn't allow for building good connections with most woman and makes them uncomfortable. They lead with these actions as if they where their most attractive trait. As such they get rejected, since most women don't care about 1950s social conventions.

3. Guys that somehow believe their negative personality traits (cowardice, meakness, ect) makes them "nice". They think this because they confuse being too scared to be an asshole makes them not an asshole. But the truth is, when they feel safe (like over text messages, or when they have anonymity) they let all kinds of uglyness out. They call girls sluts, say they want to shoot up their schools, etc. But because they don't do this publicly it's easy to confuse them for the first type of guy. Girls don't like them of course; If they where going to be with an abusive asshole, most would choose one with guts.

While their is sometimes overlap between the 2nd and 3rd types, I do feel like the second types get a bad rap often. Most often they are just ignorant or on the autism spectrum rather than actively malicous like the 3rd type.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It's because they fail all the shit tests. They submit to women when they're wrong and act all fake trying to virtue signal that they're a good guy... and it just doesn't make the pussies as wet as a guy that will stand up for himself or check her ass when she's being fucked up.

That's all it is really. Successful with the ladies type guys necessarily need to be the stereotypical "asshole," but they should at least act like they have a pair of nutts. You know with shit like self respect, self validating, independence, or not emotionally charged in a way they become erratic in their thinking.

But watch, some butt-hurt nut job might even come at me with their 'offense' to my strong opinion for your question here, virtue signaling they're better than whatever I just said that hurt their stupid feelings... not even a bit self aware that's not getting them anywhere. They're the type of dudes that have no argument for anything, just ad hominems and feels over reals... like a lot of chicks are.

I blame the rise in this 'type' of guy with the rise in these dudes literally not having a Dad, or had a Dad who also was a total 'tool' for a woman. There is a type a woman out there that wants a 'tool' of a man, but outside of that 'tools' use, she cares not for that man as the man.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I guessI would describe it as a Christmas card that is printed with a broken ink machine.

If the card is beautiful but only comes in one shade of colour you probably will not buy it

If the card is beautiful but comes in only two shades of colour you probably will not buy it

If the card is average looking but comes in 20 shades of colour - you might be interested in buying it

Nice guys are the same - it gives you brownie points - but being nice is usually not the only thing you look for in a guy.

Just like this - if you meet a professor who is very good at doing research but bad at teaching - he won't get tenor

If you meet a professor who is very good at teaching but bad at research - he might get tenor but it is very unlikely he ever will

If you meet a professor who came from a very good school but he has no teaching experience - he would have to be truly exceptional at the interview to get hired

If you meet a professor who came from an average school but has very good experience and taught at very good schools - he has an extremely high chance of getting hired.

Being nice is almost useless - when its not combined with other qualities.

Average_but_not_Joe · Answer

Bro, be honest. It's a total cop-out. An excuse to make ourselves feel better when we can't get the one we like. There's a laundry list of reasons why stuff don't work out:
1) One of you 2 have problems and it's a turn-off

2) They're out of your league. Let's face it, extremely beautiful women put time and effort into their looks. And money. Looking goods costs money. If you don't put in the same amount of time, effort and money into yourself, then don't blame her for not thinking you're a catch.

3) You have nothing in common. Let's say she's hot. Ok... what else do you know about her? Chances are, not much. And if you do know but still have nothing in common, what are you gonna do if she gives you a chance? Talk about the weather 24/7?

4) Money. If you can barely even afford to go on a date, don't expect to get one. People want partners, and not being able to take care of yourself proves you're not capable of being one.

5) You're mistaking being desperate for being nice. Nice people are generally good people that have their own likes and dislikes, in addition to genuinely caring for other people. Being desperate is willing to let the other person walk all over you, doing whatever they want, being their errand boy and practical slave, all with a smile on your face. Ya gotta love yourself before you can love others.

6) The other person isn't mature yet. People aren't gonna want the same things their whole lives. High Schoolers definitely might mistake a nice person for a doormat, probably won't be the case once they're in the real world 5-7 years later. A party boy/girl seems great... till the adrenaline wears off and you realize you've gotta bring this person back home with you

0112358 · Answer

Lets step back and note that first of all it's quite possible the answer for many is it has nothing to do with being nice. Plenty of total assholes are also single, and nobody questions why. Being nice doesn't magically get you a girlfriend. So a little here what we have is that of guys who are single AND nice, we say 'oh why are nice guys single'.

That said there are a couple potential issues:
- women like nice -men-. A guy who is nice, kind, strong, tough, capable women love that he's nice. Women don't want to mate with weak men. If nice is spilling over into 'i'm so nice that I never disagree or criticize' that's not really nice, its cowardly. Similarly "I would never be clear I was looking for a sexual relationship where my needs are met" isn't being nice, it's being a pushover who tries to simply be whatever a girl wants.
- a lot of guys are given the impression that most guys aren't nice, and they are, hence they must be special. This is actually bullshit.
- guys in this position who can't get a girl often assume they -must not be being nice enough- and go from being genuinely nice to being suck up doormats who are actually being fake, and women hate that.

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

Do you know what separates a nice guy from a "nice guy"? Where they point their anger at. A nice guy is angry with himself and blames only himself for his problems. A "nice guy" blames his problems on others and the world.

I am a nice guy and I really don't like to hear "nice guy" bashing. I know they are all talking about not really nice guys, but even if I don't share some features they have I certainly share others. This makes me relate to their pain and feel for them.

Me and them know what is like to feel that worthless, that no girls likes you and never will. I blamed myself for that, they blame the girls. Even if there is a difference I know how much that feeling hurts!

I tried to improve myself and they will sit down and wait for the girl that will like them or for the world to change. It's hard to one day look in the mirror and say " I suck! Let's change that!". But since they think the others suck they will always have a hard time getting girls.

Now for the other part... I never shamed any girl or was ever angry because I was rejected, but that doesn't help either. Being nice was never the reason I was rejected like the "nice guys" believe it is, but it was never the reason I got a girlfriend either!

Make no mistake about that, girls do like the bad guys. Being a real good guy doesn't help you unless you have other features like looks and attitude. It really doesn't.

In resume... They can''t get girls because they lack the will to improve themselves and even if they do they will find out that a guy can be good and do everything right and still fall short.

Anonymous · Answer

Why I don't prefer a nice guy?
- They are 'too' nice that they would go as far as to become a 'pleaser' whenever they are with me. This means that they'd hold themselves back and I wouldn't be able to know them as who they really are. To me, they feel like a helper or assistant or lackey.
- It feels as if they are trying really hard to keep me that I feel like some sort of a trophy or something.
- They mutter the words 'I love you' really quickly and repetitively that it bores me. I don't feel convinced at all. They sound desperate, to be honest.
- They kept telling me that they are 'honest' with me and that they won't ever lie to me. What does that sound like to you?
- They don't talk about other stuff, except the fact that they love me and how much they praise me for being such a perfect person. I can't even have a real conversation with them because of this.
- They're not really as 'nice' as they say. I decided to break up with my ex recently. He told me that we should continue being friends afterward, but he ignore me lol.

Lightning8 · Answer

We have a hard time distinguishing a product from a human being, particularly in the U. S.

Also, in addition to the male gender role expectaions never changing really, men are also thought to be inherently malevolent, dangerous and scary under the surface. It's as if guys need to apologize for being born, the way they've been painted by society. And so guys grow up under this way of thinking and become petrified around women, thus they don't gain those social and flirting skills. More guys are missing out on these life skills and withdraw into these new forms of nonsocial entertainment like videogames.

If the thought of rejection wasn't scary enough, guys are trying so hard now to prove that they're precisely not that creep, sexual aggressor, or monster that they've already been raised to think they are. But then they still get called a creep or... "nice guy".

This blindness to a sensitive, gentle, sweet soul can cause it withdraw or die. It can certainly exacerbate depression. So I think this relatively arbitrary "nice guy" stigma is dangerous because we can miss out on the presence of many happy productive members of society; because we simply refused to kindly appreciate their humanity

Anonymous · Answer

I would say, as a guy who has dealt with a lot of loneliness, and having interacted with people in general, and wanting to give advice or help someone out, my opinion would change from guy to guy.

At times, I’m called that to this day, but I would not categorize myself as nice. I’m kind and apathetic and usually not a jerk, which may come across as “nice.” But that’s not what I care about.

So as someone who has, at times, been labeled as a “nice guy,” I can give you what I think are my issues, many not being my fault, some perhaps being “my fault” something I’m in control of.

But each of those might change a bit from person to person.

I have a friend who dates what seems like really normal women. Good women. Women “way too good” for what he would bring to the table. It’s bizarre how he gets and keeps these women as long as he does (most relationships not lasting more than a few months)... sometimes it makes sense as to what he’s doing. Sometimes, though, it’s just crappy circumstances.

CubsterShura · Answer

If you are talking about the so-called 'nice guys' who think they are some hero deserving of a pedestal because they have been doing people favors, they aren't really nice. Having a feeling of entitlement or expecting things in return is terrible. Bitterness towards a woman that rejects you is terrible. Worst is that these men have the most disastrous combination of two undesirable traits. High ego and low self-esteem.

But what if it is an actual nice guy? As much as being nice is very important in a relationship, it is often not enough to grab someone's attention or interest in the first place. I would suggest that you socialize more. And be patient! If you are good to others it will pay off some day. Every single girl that is dating a guy right now is because they know he is nice to her and nice enough for her, including the one I'm dating. He couldn't be nicer.

Have patience, don't be afraid to express your feelings for a girl and keep being nice. It will help someday.

Thedivinechic · Answer

There's no such thing. Nice guys are undercover assholes. And when you date a "nice guy" they have feelings of insecurity because they don't understand why a girl finally likes him. Then he unconsciously treats the girl that likes him like shit. So, women don't like to date a guy they constantly need give reassurance too. They like men that already are assholes because they know what they are dealing with immediately. As opposed to a nice guy that will turn asshole and probably leave you in the process of his turning. 😆 lol True story.

ManOnFire · Answer

You mean decent men. That's usually what guys mean when they they talk about this, which is okay. A lot of women - especially young women - don't want decent men because they think they're "boring" or virgin-y.

And a lot of these chicks will try to justify that by talking about how "nice guys aren't really nice." That's their write-off for every guy like that, even though they know very well that there are plenty of "nice guys" who are not fake or having a motive. They simply don't want decent men because they aren't mature enough for it and know that, and want somebody wild or stupid like them.

NaultD · Answer

People see through your motives. If you do what you can at any point for anyone, your not willing to lose any skin over it, and not keep score. You do things just to have company doing a choir for no real reason is more attractive.

The "nice guy" #cr#tm guy everyone sees right through them. You clearly want something, you put a pound of flesh as an investment when the other person dosen't owes you a thing. You want something in the future rather the company and friendship in that moment to build up something with them.

Nothing is wrong being nice it's how you go about it. Do what you can, don't lose any skin over it even think of times being a week ago. You remember the company foundedly and the choir you got over it. A choir is something you have to do without it being an investment.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

A lot of self proclaimed "nice guys" I've met are not actually nice. They think that having manners and being polite makes them a nice guy, when really that's just the bare minimum to be a decent human being. They also seem to operate under the assumption that any girl they like and are nice to for long enough should date them, and react poorly when rejected and decide that girls just don't like "nice guys" rather than accepting that she just wasn't interested in them. These are also the guys who will stalk and pressure woman i to dating them, insisting they deserve a chance because they weren't an asshole to her

Unit1 · Answer

In response to any girl saying "There's no such thing. Nice guys are undercover assholes." - they shouldn't complain about being abused or not finding a good man.

Good guys usually lack the excitement or the energy to be it in life to be dangerous or somehow be criminal. Those good guys tend to treat others with respect, build their own life, ace the exams, read articles or guides on how to become successful in the workforce in order to make tons of cash and do what they like in life.

Meanwhile the jerks drive on their vehicle to the club girl next district, that he met on tinder in order to cheat on his 3 girlfriends by exciting her with big lies, treat others rude, use profanity and drugs and do some damage.

Which of these 2 do you think will draw the butterflies?

ImHere4You · Answer

Guys and girls say personality matters more than looks. We all know most of the time looks matter more. People go with someone who is so attractive they don’t care if they’re nice. The other person can treat the person who has feelings for them however bad they want and leave when they find someone new.

There are some people who have both traits but it seems like most often the good people will always sit behind the attractive people with no personality. Attractive ones often know they’re attractive and make others know it. There are some people but very few who will be drawn towards someone with a good personality even if they don’t have the best looks.

Anonymous · Answer

Because sometimes they come off as fake and seem to be on a time limit with their niceness. They are pushy and feel entitled just because they are being nice. It feels like they think they are doing me a favor for just being nice. Some women can see right through that fake vibe shit

yucel_eden · Answer

There’s a difference between a nice guy and a good guy.

A nice guy is a doormat with no spine. He does not speak up to people when he is right, he does not punch the guy flirting with he’s girlfriend, and will agree with the girl he likes even if it disagrees with he’s own values just to get some validation back.

A good guy, will get girls because he will stand up for what is right, even if it means telling he’s girlfriend to fuck off. He will not let himself be trampled on or bullied, though he will not bully others.

Girls don’t reject nice guys, they reject doormats. The problem is 99% of guys below the age of 30 cannot find the middle ground between an arsehole bully and a doormat.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Some "nice" guys are only nice when they want something from you. The moment you reject them, they take that mask off and show the jerk that he truly is.

purplepoppy · Answer

The problem isn't being nice, that's always a good thing. It's they target the wrong girls. They'd do much better with the quiet shy type of girl, unfortunately these aren't always the easiest to ask out.

Anonymous · Answer

They are approaching getting a girl with the wrong set of assumptions. Yes IT IS being nice that is the problem First, sit back and observe. Who is getting the girls? That's right-the assholes. Now its true girls bitch about assholes but who do they end up with? Who does she award her prize to? Nice to her and you get "friendzoned". Women like to be dominated just a bit - no matter WHAT they say. If you sit there and listen to the minutia of her day, sit there at her beck and call then she totally takes you for granted and quits trying at all. You become her emotional tampon. All women try to pussywhip their men, often without even realizing it. But if you allow them to then they lose all respect for you. Man up and you'll get more girls, and have more respect for yourself. Don't listen to what women SAY they want-women always say the socially appropriate thing rather than the truth of how they feel. WATCH how they BEHAVE to figure it out.

morningsunshine0000 · Answer

Because they struggle to find confidence and assertiveness that women find attractive. Masculine traits are attractive, not having low self esteem, letting the girl walk all over you and having no opinion for yourself.

Felinegirl · Answer

99% of the population is 'nice', meaning they have good intentions. Or at least not malicious intentions. "Nice guys" think they are somehow special and should therefore get special treatment. That's not how it works! Niceness should be automatic, other things should make you stand out.

Evil_Chuck · Answer

Not sure, I can't get inside their heads. I guess if you're nice to them for no apparent reason, they assume you're faking it to get in their pants. Which could very well be true, but on the other hand they could be missing out on a guy who really IS nice. And since they can't get inside our heads either, they'd rather err on the side of caution.

Unless a good-looking jerk comes along, and suddenly this mental screening process falls apart at the exact moment when it would do them the most good. =_=

dtweed96 · Answer

I'm a nice guy and this is no lie because I met girls I dated some, crushed on some but never had a real relationship. Because a relationship means a lot, well it does for people who are sincere while players just take it as a game. Me on the other hand I find relationships sincere, I always wondered what is it about love that crosses my mind. I was just going to take it as a characteristic of my zodiac sign Libra. Anyway while I date and meet new people the thought of a relationship might cross my mind once and awhile.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I prefer nice guys. But i do like if they try to be bossy once in a while like "No you're not leaving me. you're staying right here." So if you're gonna be nice you gotta have a slight bit of dominance. Otherwise i will run the relationship which i have no prob doing 🤷

Alice2398 · Answer

I do tend to like nice boys, they just don't like me as a girlfriend and rather date a girl who treats them like crap.

I think it's a conference thing, ass hole guys usually just get in there and are blunt and straight to the point. You know what your gonna get with them, instead of a shy, sweet guy who cares to much about being respectful and end up giving off mixed signals of not being too interested and gets himself friend zoned.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Most women don't want nice guys because they don't want relationships. Women basically go out of their way to be unattractive as possible for dating. So they may SAY they want relationships but they don't. They want to be degraded and raped. Look at everything they do, its to entice men to abuse them. Ie wear tons of makeup and sexy clothes, talk to men when fuck everyone...

I have lots of luck with women in certain ways. Im very aggressive and attractive so i know i could get 3 girls naked and let me punch them in the face before i could find one girl that is sweet and nice that i could ask on a date. Its really sad but that is the nature of women. They hate themselves and if you're nice to them they dont respect a man that treats trash like gold. If you treat trash like trash they are all over you.

Bluemax · Answer

I don't believe women don't like kind, decent men.

What I tend to believe is that women, like the rest of humanity, want to date men they're *attracted* to. If he's nice and attractive, then great! On the other hand, if he's not nice but handsome, well then (being only human) women will let other considerations take a back seat. Men do this too.

markanthonypeace · Answer

The problem is.. as a reformed nice guy... that you are nice one step too far...

A girl still wants you to capture her heart... making it feel like someone else is driving.

She needs the nice guy to be more forceful than he is typically capable of being at that point.

shimmeryns · Answer

When they claim themselves to be a "nice guy", that's a red flag. They maybe not as nice as they might think they are. A nice guy is only a nice guy when others label him as such.

StChaad · Answer

Nice guys have been asking this question for decades. The very simple answer is that immature & inexperienced girls perceive bad boys as more masculine. This changes over the years as emotionally mature women (30+) get their fill of flakyness, cheating and physical & emotional abuse.

"Masculine" guys (jocks, bikers, bullies, gangbangers) are also mistaken for good lovers due to their supposed aggressiveness and superior experience level, when often, it is the more gentle & sensitive guy who actually gets a woman off, if he is well-read on female anatomy.

Nice guys can fight this perception without actually becoming assholes, but it takes some studying & practice. There are a number of helpful videos on this, but I could –and probably should– write a book. Unfortunately, most guys don't even like to read.

LittleRedKat · Answer

Because the stereo typical Nice Guys are insecure and dont know how to take control. Most women want to know that their man can take control and lead.

rjroy3 · Answer

In short, they emasculate themselves.

They deprive themselves of being completely open and comfortable with their sexuality. To the point, the only way they feel they can come at a girl is in a prim and proper manner. They act as if they HAVE TO do things for her and check off every superficial box in order for her to like him. I know it's popular today to say "nice guys" are manipulative and aren't really nice guys. But that's not it in most cases.

Texaskid1 · Answer

Very simple.

From a woman's perspective :

nice guy = Weak guy. He will not be able to provide or protect me from the dangers of the world.

Asshole = Strong guy. This guy gets what he wants. He can provide and protect for me and our children.

Peralta · Answer

Most self proclaimed nice guys are far from it. Most of the time they’re the same as the hot bad boys they claim to be different from. The only difference being their looks.

hahahmm · Answer

The more you seem desperate/needy for a woman the less interested she’ll be in you. Hence guys who already have a woman or many women are magnets for more women.

Generally speaking.

Women don’t want to feel that they are with a low value guy.

Guys have been conditioned to think that she’s more valuable than him. But as he gets older & wiser he sees how dumb that is.

Mr1987Joe · Answer

Because, despite what comes out of many a woman's mouth, they are attracted to masculinity, and masculinity is rough. "Nice guy" is generally synonymous with "doormat," and a doormat is emasculated, offering them nothing of what their natural, feminine instincts tell them they are attracted to.

Anonymous · Answer

too clingy, too creepy, stalker-ish, too available, too much like a door-mat, too boring (no life experience or life stories) i want an equal not a puppy

dannyboy1999 · Answer

If the person is genuinely nice then it's just means they're not compatible. Just because you're nice, doesn't mean you automatically get the girls and what matters is that if you get rejected, you keep your dignity and stay nice. Getting angry over rejection just shows that you're putting on a facade.

Be yourself, be true and show interest and the rest you have to work out for yourself.

sasukeuchiha7 · Answer

The problem with nice guys is that they think being nice makes girls fall in love with them. It doesn't work that way. They're only good to people when they get expect something in return. Plus they always people please without actually being their own person.
And most important, they can't handle rejection. They get angry and pissy when they get rejected

Stoner710 · Answer

They’re being nice guys and giving women what they want, What does it mean don’t buy them a coffee here and there but never spent more than $40 on a date and they start nagging leave them and if they’re not putting out you don’t deal with them unless you have no desire to sleep with the girl you are talking to nice guys are pushovers women I know that they can manipulate these nice guys into getting them whatever they want without having to give up the goods

Kas19 · Answer

Guys that call themselves nice are usually not nice.

Dav1ss · Answer

I think a lot of those "nice guys" are more shy and thats why they dont get a girl as easily

morimeme1 · Answer

You know, there are those who call themselves "nice guys" and then feel entitled to something after walking you home because he has "been so nice". Yeah, that is not the nice guy girls will go for.

Anonymous · Answer

Let me sum it up for you. A nice guy Is a guy who doesn’t like to show his alpha dominance. He’s so nice that girls will only see him as a good friend. Now a bad guy is the guy that doesn’t give a **** about what others think or do. He knows what he wants in his life and he goes for it. He doesn’t go after the girls because the girls go after him. Why do you think this happens? It’s because girls want to play games. If the guy is too easy to get than the relationship is boring. My advice is to focus on your life and be successful. Having a girlfriend is only going to slow you down from reaching your goals. It’s like retiring from a job. The time you start to settle down. This is my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

Most women will say:
1) Confidence, or rather a lack there of
2) Clinginess
3) Availability
4) No one is actually nice aka a lack of honesty

I think it's honestly a mix of these, plus everyone's bad experiences and pessimism. If you are an honestly good guy and want to get to know her better then tell her that, sure it's nerve wracking but it'll be better that way because unlike us guys women don't warm up to a guy. For women her first impression of you matters and will, 99% of the time, always be her go to feeling.
As Bill Burr put it "Even the most devout feminist is still a woman when the house is on fire". His point was that the majority of women have the instinct to want to be protected. They want a man, not a boy.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s complex. But I recommend googling Corey Wayne. He gave me good advice.

I think many young boys have been brainwashed at a early age that aggression, assertiveness and masculinity is “evil”. Also many boys get raised by single and/or domineering mothers. Feminism is only getting worse. It’s insanely fucking stupid how they create men they don’t want.

Anyway I think it’s impossible for a true nice guy to become an asshole unless he’s subjected to severe PTSD or something else traumatic. However a nice guy can fight his beta qualities. He say no. He can flirt than ignore. He can develop radar for friendzone bullshit. He can speak up about he wants. He can fight back assholes

cth96190 · Answer

Nice guys are not doing anything ‘wrong’.
The problem is that most females younger than 30 are excited sexually by scumbags.
Most young females throw themselves crotch first at worthless losers. Partly because it pisses off their fathers. Partly because they are hard wired to look for alphas, but lack the life experience to be able to distinguish between an alpha and a sociopath.

Eridan · Answer

Because they aren't actually "nice". If they were, they wouldn't focus their attention and care on just one specific girl. They're only doing that to gain her trust and basically trick and bribe her into sleeping with them, which of course almost never works, because most girls are smart enough to see through that.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

It is because women in general are not dense. They understand the difference between being nice and attempted manipulation. They will observe you. If you treat the overweight and/or unattractive girls with the same respect that you do the "beauty queens" then they will know you might genuinely be a nice person. If they instead see you pandering to all the hotties, they will likewise know you are just a wannabe player.

JustJen · Answer

I really don´t know why, but the guy in that picture makes me wanna punch him in the face

slatyb · Answer

Either they aren't really nice or they are too shy to ask for a date. The "nice guys" who are always refused have a problem with their approach or their personality.

KissesAndKiwis · Answer

Sometimes coming off as too nice makes you step back it really depends who they’re being “too nice” to in the first place. if they are being overly nice it comes off as desperate, if they’re being nice to others and you Notice then it’s cute

LuWe22 · Answer

They is a literal Nice Guy Collection on Reddit. A little example below

ChiPaPa · Answer

Two reasons. One, they have nothing to offer except being nice. I'm bleeding out my life blood. Do I want a surgeon or a good semaritan who doesn't know their ass from their elbow?
Two, they are nothing close to being nice and are using it as a smokescreen.
I used to be the second, now I'm the first. I have nothing to offer.

DarkxAngel20 · Answer

Because nice guys are spoiled. Being nice isn’t the same as being good. Nice guys don’t know how to stand up for themselves and only know how to complain why they’re single instead of doing something about it to change themselves and be better.

Why do many so called “nice guys” struggle to get a gf? What are they doing wrong?

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Why do many so called “nice guys” struggle to get a gf? What are they doing wrong?

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