Boyfriend doesn't pay for me anymore

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been going out 8 months now. In the beginning we used to go on 'dates' a lot, we could go out to eat, go to the movies, etc. and he would always pay for me. Even if we got fast food, he paid. I really appreciated that because I'm a traditional girl. Fast forward 8 months and we rarely go out anymore. If we do, its like at Wendys and I have to pay for myself. One day he said he'd buy me a cup of coffee and then once we got into the store he asked if I could get it myself. I'm pretty sure he wasn't so broke he couldn't buy a $1 cup of coffee. He says money is tight, but that's his own fault since he refuses shifts at work. Honestly, I just want to be taken out every once in a while and to feel special. To me him being 'cheap' just tells me that he feels like he doesn't have to try after we've been going out so long. I tried to express my feelings but he didn't really get it and it just started an argument. I don't know how to explain this to him without seeming selfish or spoiled. Should I just deal with it?

[selfishstars]

You can't explain this to him without seeming selfish and spoiled because you are selfish and spoiled. What makes you so much better than him that he should have to pay for you every time? Why should he have to work more shifts to pay for the costs of dating? Because you don't want to have to contribute to dates that are for both of you to enjoy?

By asking you to pay for your $1 cup of coffee, he's probably trying to prove a point. There are two people in a relationship and there's no reason why he should have to pay for everything.

[dreamtime]

OMG, some women do actually get it.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say I'm selfish, I just like to be treated nice. If a guy sees a girl worthy of taking her on nice dates and going the extra mile to get her attention, then it shouldn't just end when he's got her. I don't expect him to work extra for me, but he chose to take off work for months so it does bug me when he complains about money.

Most of the time I do pay my way, but it would be nice if he treated me like a girlfriend and not a friend and took me out on a nice date every once in a while

[selfishstars]

Guys like to be treated nice too. They like it when girls go the extra mile to get their attention and don't expect them to pay for everything or do all the pursuing, etc.

[Anonymous]

you aren't his responsibility. who wouldn't get tired of paying for someone including themselves for months? seriously, you need to chip in. it is not all about you. I understand this "tradition" but it doesn't even seem like you put in an effort. relationships shouldn't be one-sided like this, and you need to understand that. also, he can be traditional in other ways that does no involve money.

[Rainbow_Dash]

Aren't you being a little sexist? Don't make him pay for everything forever. :P You say he's already paid for you a bunch of times, so if moneys particularly tight for him at the moment, what's wrong with you splitting the bill and paying for yourself? You can't be expected to be spoiled 100% of the time, Anon. :)

[Anonymous]

What do you do for him? He's probably sick & tired of catering to you & getting nothing in return. Show a little, get a little. It's a two way street.

[Asker]

I do nice things for him, like I go all out on special occasions or will pick up things I think he would like at the store or make fun little 'im thinking about you notes' etc. He's mentioned before he doesn't like a girl buying him things or treating him because that would 'hurt his pride'. So I do try my best, I just think a lady has her place and a gentlemen has his. But of course I don't expect to do nothing and get everything in return, I like doing things for my boyfriend.