My boyfriend isn't nice anymore?

[Anonymous]

okay we started dating almost 3 years ago and he was really sweet and affectionate towards me but a half year in he started to tell me that I needed to lose weight and how I dressed was weird, etc. it did mess with me emotionally/mentally and we got in a huge fight that almost ended it for us. but we didn't and continued our relationship. well things didn't get better with that. he doesn't say anything to me at all how he feels. unless its usually anger. he never tells me that I look nice or good or compliments me at all. he isn't mean anymore but he isn't nice either. I used to say nice things and I used to do nice things for him but I've stopped because I don't see it as fair that I'm putting the effort to make him feel good and letting him know that I'm attracted to him and want him and I get nothing in return. he never makes me feel like I'm special or attractive or anything to him. sometimes I feel like I'm not even his girlfriend the way he treats me. we even have talked about it and got nothing out of it. over the weekend I asked him how I looked and he said I look normal...not nice or good or bad or ridiculous. normal..like how I always look. I'm really confused. who says that even as their first answer? what do I do? I really feel like I'm not wanted or attractive to him at all. I guess what I'm asking is why is he like this? why can't he make me feel good like I have tried to make him feel. what can I do to fix this?

[wanacot]

Why are you still in this relationship? Please don't say because he used to be nice and things used to be great. I hate hearing those excuses for why people are still in horrible relationships.

It sounds like you've both checked out of this relationship and are just holding on and going through the motions because you're both scared to be alone. I can understand and sympathize with that. After 3 years you have a very strong bond with someone. However, even from how you've worded your question I can tell you don't want to be in this relationship anymore with who he has become.

The simple answer is things aren't going to change back to how they were. For whatever reason this is what your relationship has become and there's usually no going back. Maybe he's to blame, maybe you both are. Whatever the case the result is still the same.

You need to get away from this unhealthy relationship so you can work on putting it behind you and moving on. You deserve to be complimented and treated nicely, all girls do. This guy isn't going to give you that.

[Asker]

i guess I forgot to add that we recently had a baby together. about a month after our big fight I found out I was pregnant and she was born in october. I really don't want my daughter to be born in a broken home like I had to. is there anything else? a way to make an unhealthy relationship back to what it was or something? I know I sound so unrealistic but I want change in this relationship and do what it takes

[wanacot]

Wow. Like I said, things aren't going to get magically better.

[Asker]

yeah so I'm pretty much stuck aren't i?

[nevergivinguponu]

XPER- said it all. I just wanted to add that even with a baby you can and should have expectations of what you want in a relationship. It is time to see a counselor. Having a baby makes a huge change to a person's life and at this point you need a counselor to change this relationship.