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If someone needs to lose weight or "should" lose weight, I'm not going to really knock the reason they're doing it.
It's kind of like the idea of going to a movie for a first date. Probably not ideal, but is it horrible or stupid? No. Can a relationship last when the first date was a movie? Sure it can.
Likewise, if a person should be losing weight, and the idea of being more attractive is what inspires them to do it... great. It may not be the most solid inspiration, if you're not commited to that person yet, but if it works, it works.
The thing is that many people will let their relationship define their weight or health. Meaning... you break up, and you gain weight because you're down or because you don't have to impress them any more. So the reasoning is kind of based on a tenous thing. Ideally, you're doing it for yourself AND your partner. But not everyone handles it that way.
And as long as you're losing weight in a healthy way - not starving yourself and going on "Grapefruit only" diets or trying to drink a gallon of prune juice a day... some weird thing like that, or lose 20 pounds a week (unless you're morbidly obese), then it's probably good. But if you're a person that isn't naturally motivated at all, and they're the ones getting you to the gym and all that... and if the relationship doesn't last, then the reason for getting up tends to fly out the window. And without that inspiration being accessable, or with so many emotions involved... it'll be a lot harder to keep getting out there, that's all.
No. Today many people have this idea that if you do anything because you feel like you should for someone else, that's wrong. They whine about "pressure" as if it's a bad thing.
Part of the reason I like to stay in shape is to stay attractive to my girlfriend. If that means that I go to the gym regularly and eat good food rather than sit on my ass all day and eat junk, I can't see how that's unhealthy at all. In fact it's more healthy.
The people who say that it isn't tend to be unhealthy people. They'll claim for example that being obsessive about eating good food and avoiding junk food is unhealthy. How? How can it be that not eating things that cause health problems is unhealthy? They only say that because they personally prefer to eat junk and sit on their asses. That's why they hate the "pressure". And/or the reason they do feel fine with being unhealthy themselves is because ethey don't care about what people think of them.
The "pressure" from other people is a good thing as far as I'm concerned if it drives you to better yourself.
Congratulations on the weight loss to the person in the photo. Mad props for your success.
That being said, you should never, ever change who you are for someone else. If they couldn't accept you for who you were/ are
they're not going to lose that trait just because of weight loss.
They'll just find something else wrong or some other reason to tho make you feel bad about yourself.
Changing our bad behaviors, habits, lifestyle choices can be a great thing, especially when successful. But it should always, always, be because of and for you, yourself!!
Someone who loves you wouldn't want you to do It for them. They would want you to do because it would benefit your health and overall well-being. Someone who loves you would be gentle about losing weight and would encourage you to do it a healthy way without putting stress. You could do it for yourself and for someone else if that person isn't being a jerk about your weight. If they lose attraction because you lose weight, that is their problem. Not only will you feel better about yourself and feel more confident, but you'll also be healthier.
Opinion
72Opinion
I voted A by mistake.
I wanted B.
But yes. Nothing wrong with that and in fact... if u look at it from the correct angle... this is just another form of self motivation.
I think the same btw! Like for example right now i dont work out as much as i used to. I kinda dont have a reason to. But i do know that once im married to my love... i will push myself to achieve the best body just so that our relationship and attraction keeps growing and our love increase with time. And i hope she does the same as well. My wife. I believe in a love life where both couples push themselves and each other to grow together in life and in each others eyes as well.
No, If he inspires you to change and that's what you want, that's fine.
If it is a requirement to keep the relationship... um on shaky ground, but still ok fine if it is what you want... e. g. either way you go you are fine... is the mentality.
If there is more going on here, then I'd get outside help to understand what is going on. some people can be coercive, manipulative, controlling, etc.. and that isn't love nor healthy.
Ideally you do things that you want to do and your partner is there to support and cheer you on, not that you have to change. but it is admirable someone is willing to change and sometimes change is necessary.
Yes it is wrong. You asked a very metaphysical question, so you are going to get a metaphysical answer. Changing yourself for someone is a good sign that you are with the wrong person, since the right person would not want you to change and would be unhappy if you did. Changing for someone means that you prioritize the wishes of others over your own self, which in this context is a bad thing. I would not want a girl to change herself for me, and I would not change for a girl.
Incidentally, the girl in the photo is more attractive on the left. She is adorably chubby.
It's okay to Lose a few pounds, but don't go overboard. You don't have to make a 180 turn. Just try to become a liiiiittle bit more appealing to your partner so they value your looks AS WELL AS your personality. Also a lot of mental change comes with weight loss, such as confidence and a feeling of achievement. So all in all, if you really like your partner try to lose a little, bit don't if you are skinny. Excessive wheight loss is bad. Don't go completely out of your way to get skinnier. Eat a little less, but don't stop eating what you like.
I have been here myself. I think you should only lose weight for yourself be it for health reasons or to just personal reasons. I have to watch what I eat all the time because I am emotional eater. Stress really sets me off and food is my way of dealing with it. Once I thought some people would except me better if I were slimmer, so I lost weight. Truth was it didn't change things and I put weight back on. Then one day I just decided to lose some weight just for myself. I felt better and became more active. I still have to watch what I eat, but I would never again do it for someone else. If you like or love someone, they except you as you are.
We humans are social beings. As such, it's perfectly normal for us to rely on each other sometimes to keep ourselves motivated and focused toward our own goals!
The important thing to ask yourself is if YOU consider losing some of your current weight to be a positive potential change FOR YOURSELF. If it couldn't hurt to lose some weight, consider it a blessing that you have somebody around to offer you incentive to improve! Having something to strive for is what keeps us going in life, don'tcha think? :D
There are 2 sides to this, the bad one and the good one.
I don't wanna write too much atm so I'm just gonna say that I'll side with those who say that it isn't a bad thing.
Tbh you might lose the person but if you get fit, your whole mentality and habits might change. Yeah sure you won't have the person anymore but you'd have become a better version of yourself in that you'll start living healthier.
I think it depends. If the person has a chronic disease due to obesity and has loved ones they care about enough to want to try to be there for them and goes to the gym to lose weight then that's not really unhealthy thinking that drives the action. Less so there are situations where someone unhappy with themself might find healthy coping mechanisms with their partner and might want to lose weight for them to reach some sort of goal. But I will admit like 80% of the time its toxic thoughts and ideas that drive ones weightloss for another person.
I don't think it's bad. If your partner got with you while you're fat, you can assume that they got with you mostly for personality and nothing more. You finished filtering the ones only in it for looks. Now that you're both together and have strong feelings for each other, it's okay to want to look more physically attractive to them.
However, you should always want to be healthy and look good for yourself. It just makes you feel much better about yourself and let's you do more with your body.
Depends.
Are you a healthy weight? It'd be harmful to your self esteem but depending on how much weight you want to lose is probably physically harmless if not slightly helpful.
Are you underweight or really close to it? Don't lose weight for anyone. It's a good way to ruin your body physically and ruin your self esteem.
Are you overweight? It could be harmful to your self esteem but you should probably lose weight for yourself, it's fine to use someone as motivation as long as you're doing it for your own health.
Assuming you're already healthy:
Who is the person?
A crush? You probably shouldn't
A long term partner/spouse? You can
A close friend or family member? If you're a healthy weight then I don't see why they'd want you to lose weight but I guess you could
No. Why would it be?
I will say that in order for your lifestyle changes to actually stick, it's better for you to also be doing it for yourself, but using this other person as inspiration for wanting to get fit and attractive is perfectly normal. Nothing wrong with it.
Nobody cares about your motivations as much as you will. If doing it for someone else gets you taking action, then the motivation serves its purpose. I dont buy this false virtue signalling trend that we can't do anything unless we do it for ourselves. We live among others, we share kinship, our actions affect others. As long as you do it for the right person, then go ahead and consider it a service to them. In the end you'll both benefit from it all the same.
Decent answer.
@Thatsamazing thanks.
That said, there's some evidence suggesting that intrinsic motivators ("doing it for yourself") have more staying power than extrinsic motivators ("doing it for hubby"). But usually these motivators are bound up together anyways-- you start doing it for them, but when you feel the improvements you start to wanna keep going for your own sake.
You can use someone for motivation, but anytime you take steps to change yourself (weight loss, plastic surgery, whatever), the main reason should be for you.
The main person you should change for faces you in the mirror.
No... Doing something for someone has become labeled as "bad" because of jealous people of a more lazy nature.
Compare it to a man that holds a job to impress... you still disapprove? And if you do, we have no conversation to have. But if you don't... maybe.
It's a good motivational tool, but you also have to do it for yourself... otherwise if things don't work out with that person, you will give up and fall back into bad habits... and possibly worse if you were overly invested in this person. Losing the weight will benefit you in so many ways, don't let 1 guy be the only deciding motivation.
Thereâs nothing wrong with being motivated to lose weight or get healthier/better looking for someone else.
I mean.. itâs âforâ someone else in that itâs to be more appealing to them but at the end of the day, itâs for your own benefit. I see no harm in that!
If itâs also what you want then why not. If said person is making you feel bad about your weight and says you need to be thinner, then Iâd rethink it.
But make sure it is something you really want to, because itâs a big lifestyle change. To be able to stick with such a change you have to really want it for yourself.
It depends, is it your decision or are you being made to feel like you should?
Because if it's your decision then yes perfectly right and reasonable to want to look like your best for someone you love dearly
But if you're being made to feel like you should lose weight then no. That's not a healthy relationship.
I wouldn't say it is wrong but questionable because loosing weight is a good thing but why only for someone else?
I mean you should treat yourself with respect and part of this means you are not treating yourself well and want to for someone else's sake.
Don't get me wrong it is great that you found a motivation to be more healthy but ask yourself why for that person and not for yourself and make sure you also do it for your own sake.
I believe you can do it and good luck.
Well in my view irrespective to whether you doing it for the sake of the person or voluntarily it is still morally wrong to do things for someone or for the sake of it.
You should only lose weight if you realize the drawbacks of weighing more and if you have the motivation and the determination to lose weight.
If you drop your good habits that you gained to become healthy once you feel you have the guy, yeah it's bad.
Also if I knew a girl was trying to lose weight to get me I'd be weirded out. To me that seems desperate and I'd wonder what other insecurities she has.
Not wrong, but it isn't going to be strong enough motivation for you to make it happen.
Let the transformation be for you, with happy side effects of your SO not being able to keep their hands off your amazing bod.
I think its ok to find motivation wherever you do so long as its on the way of self-improvement. Dont boil it down to it being for someone other than yourself though. You just got your motivation from there.
If you love someone, you want to be the best person you can for them. That means being healthy and looking good. If you are overweight, you are not at you optimal health.
I think the big difference is that if you are trying to lose weight for them to like you more. If you are losing weight so the guy you like will date you, that is not healthy. If they really love you they will love you at any size.
I think you're looking at it the wrong way. First are you losing the weight a safe and healthy way? Secondly say you lose the weight and rhe person could still give less then a damn about you. Do you regret losing rhat weight? I mean sure there may be a part of you rhat says "i did this for nothing". But you didn't do it for nothing. You raised your attractiveness whether that paticular person thinks so or not. And more importantly you're healthier overall because of it.
If you want to loose weight, loose it for yourself, not for someone, even if they are not forcing you.
What if that person you lost all that weight for ended up dumping you, you might end up getting a breakdown and overeating yourself to death.
So in my humble opinion if you want to do something, even if you aren't being forced by someone, never do it for anyone, it doesn't matter what it is.
I voted it depends. During a time when people are embracing who they are more than ever, I donât think âfatâ people should be ridiculed mercilessly.
However, obesity is VERY unhealthy. The number of health complications it leads to is endless.
If youâre losing weight for your kidâs, grandchildren, or loved ones so that you have a longer, healthier, happier life then I applaud you.
Better than not wanting to lose weight at all.
But its worse than wanting to lose weight for yourself because love doesnât last and when that person goes you will gain wait again.
If you want to lose weight and you'd do it even if you were not with that person it's okay. I had a friend who wanted her boyfriend to lose more weight. The thing was that he had started to do so before they met. She just didn't know how long it would take. I said that since she didn't force him into doing it and he started before meeting her it would come off. If you are forced into losing weight it will be nearly impossible
never ever put another on a pedestal. you will always be the last one by your side in life. you come first. love yourself. the older you get the more you will see that self love is all you need, others are just a bonus on this ride we call life.
Yes because now if they leave you or somebody else now your miserable anyway. Lose weight to be healthy. But love yourself! you'll end up obsessed and depressed. People will only see the body. Not your soul and what makes you unique.
Thats about the only time i try to lose it tbh... when im motivated to look good for the dude
You should want to lose weight for yourself, just for the sake of being a healthier person. We only have one body, and sure modern medicine can do a lot, but it canât fix everything.
First off do it for you but if doing it for someone In mine encourages you Let them be your motivation but let it be for you either way the guy will appreciate
Yes. Your reason should never be attached solely to someone else. Because they could leave or things could go south at any time. And then there goes your motivation/inspiration.
you should be wanting to lose weight for yourself. not to impress/or get somebody cos they may turn around and reject you and say: i liked who you were. not what you have become.
How about wanting to lose weight for yourself? There is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically fit so long as you can still keep your life in balance.
No, it's not wrong at all. It's actually a sign of selflessness. You're putting someone else before yourself.
If your primary motivator is someone else, than yeah its bad, if the primary motivator is you, to get healthy than it's a good thing. One leads to resentment, the other leats to fulfillment.
I lost 80 pounds for someone and I dont regret it, but each is their own
no i did it for myself
I get your idea and to a degree it's fine, but you should lose it for your health sake and because you want to for you more so.
Yes. Never change for someone else. Always do that for you.
Nothing wrong in wanting to be attractive to someone. I workout for myself and my future partner. I want us both to be attracted to eachother.
If it is your desire, not theirs, then no it's not wrong. If it's an insecurity, then it's still not wrong, but the insecurity is an issue.
Whatever gives you a reason to better yourself. I don't see anything wrong with that.
I think it`s definitely wrong. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for yourself
If it motivates you to get healthy then I can't say its a bad thing.
Not if you feel tired or doctor feels it's a good idea some times it best yo get a body fat count 1st so you know what you should loose an that way you dong loose to much cuz can cause health problems
Losing weight is a good thing (for people who are already overweight). Better health makes a person feel good and live longer, so why should it be a bad thing?
Its good to take care of yourself in general but there is nothing wrong with doing it for someone although it is healthy to find the motivation within yourself.
It's not bad but it depends on the intentions and how you approach the situation.
No, it's a good way to show you're willing to put effort into it. It's also healthy, obviously.
Yes because you can't do things properly if its involved someone even you say your doing it voluntarily... Do it for yourself everything is about you first before others...
Stay slim ladies! PLEASE, we have enough land whales out there!
No, why wouldn't you, that's self improvement any way you look at it.
It depends why your doing it for them because most importantly people should do it for themselves?
Yes, it's wrong... you have to do it for yourself, for your health, not for anyone else!!
I disagree-- people can use other people as inspiration. We do it all the time. Your point of, it should be something you do for yourself, is mostly true I agree, but it's not wrong to do it for yourself AND for someone else.
If it acts as motivation then sure. But it's not the best purpose.
I recommend you live your life for YOU, and no one else. Do it for yourself.
If you are doing it for someone else, you will stop once you have them. Then the relationship will go downhill.
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