When guys send mixed signals?

[Emmineh]

I started seeing a guy last year around July for about a month. Everything was going great but then I had to leave overseas for 4 months but we still kept in weekly contact. When I came back home in November things picked up where they left off but he was running hot and cold. I figured he'd lost interest so I told him we can just be friends but he said he didn't want that and that he wants to take his time getting to know me. About a month later I wanted to know where this was going so I told him I just wanted to be clear that I'm looking for a relationship eventually and he said he was too but he was in no rush. When we are together everything is great and he acts like a boyfriend but the problem is the communication when we're apart. He doesn't message me and can go a whole day without checking in with me. Sometimes he will call me after work to talk but it's always late and I told him this makes me feel like an afterthought. He tells me he likes me and he doesn't want to date anyone else and he doesn't want me to date anyone else so I'm confused. The communication has been a big issue for me and I want to be a priority. I'm not sure why a guy would act like this? What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

What does he want?

[thomual]

Well first of all. A lot of men are less maintenance than girls are. If he's happy and content with his life and your relationship daily contact may not seem necessary to him.

However in your case it does sound like he's being a little too cavalier about the relationship, almost as if he likes it for now, but is keeping the door open for something, "better". I'd be worried too if I were you. I think you should just ask him why he wants to go slow.

[Emmineh]

He wants to go slow because he said he wants to make sure that he is going to be spending a very long time with whoever he ends up with...

[thomual]

His answer was almost too perfect. It seems unlikely that he is in that much control of his feelings, and also has nothing but pure intentions.

If he's telling the truth, he sounds like a gem. But if he's lying, he is the worst kind of user. A reciever. Men/women who lie to get what they want are emotional rapists. You should do a thorough investigation into the honesty of this man.

If he tells white lies. If he lies to coworkers or vendors. Does he lie to strangers when they ask, "how are you?" Does he tell tall tales for entertainment? Does he keep secrets about his flaws? These are strong indicators that you are dating a pathological liar and emotional predator.

If he's honest. Relax, and double down on the relationship. But make sure.

[Emmineh]

Thanks for your advice, that isnsome great insight! I can't trust his word anymore because his actions don't match up. He didn't even contact me for Valentine's Day but when we crossed paths the next day he said shyly happy valentines... you're gona kick my ass then asked me out for the weekend with no proper apology... Pretty sure that shows me where I stand with him. I wish I could down grade the relationship but I have too many feelings from him

[thomual]

Omg he's so lucky to have you then. I can't believe he did that! What a moron! He doesn't deserve you.

[Emmineh]

Thank you I appreciate that!

[Furuok]

Wow uh? I run a crew at work and am not allowed to have a phone at work. Also during each season my work hours are extended from 8 to as many as 12 hours a day. Are you able to ask what's really going on?

[Emmineh]

I have asked he just says he's busy and doesn't like to talk while he is working. So I asked if he could message me in the morning before work instead and then we just chat after work or when he can... he's response to that was I'm pushing and he feels pressure but he still likes me and wants to see me...

[Furuok]

Has limited data? Or doesn't have enough time on his phone ?

[stephh98]

I’ve been in this EXACT situation (creepy!!). I was crazy about him and I went along in his whole ‘I need time’ BS. Conclusion: he dumped me after months and months. If he really liked you - like you like him - then he would do everything to have you. Cut if off.

[Avicenna]

Its definitely confusing. Share your concerns again and explain that you really need answers.

[dthomas89]

Guys send mixed signals, when girls do. We don't understand what you want, so, we start doing things that confuse you. Games, basically

One of you just needs to be straight up

[Emmineh]

I've been very black and white with my intention so there is no confusion on where he sits with me

[dthomas89]

Doesn't mean he's not confused

[Iron_Man]

He likes you and doesn't want to be pushy always calling you to much then you'll get bored of him

[brute4s99]

Don't give up on him. Understand him before you do anything rash and end up breaking a couple of hearts.