Guy says he is not “mentally ready” for a relationship with any woman right now! Men, Who can figure them out?

Question

Guy says he is not “mentally ready” for a relationship with any woman right now? Think I know what that means , but what’s your take on it? Says he has a wall up to protect himself and can’t figure out how to let it down. It sucks he says but better then he get screwed over again. Wants to remind friends and think he is a genuine nice guy ! Know his last relationship ended very bad about two years ago and he has not dated much. Felt special he even talked to me for four months, then clammed up. Said he noticed I got a lot of attention from guys on Facebook profile selfie picture , he seemed jealous and cared. Even thou the picture was not sexy. Going to give he space , and respect his choice. But is there anyway to show him I am not out to hurt him or cheat , beside saying I wouldn’t. Deactivate my Facebook account to see if that help

devilman666 · Accepted Answer

Tbh that's pretty much where I am too, relationships are a lot of work, and after a hard breakup with getting cheated on, it can be hard to trust again, then in your next relationship you're looking for signs that your parter is cheating on you 24/7, because you're scared of getting hurt. I'd say if you want a relationship with him then just take it slow for now and build trust, don't rush or pressure him, and while you should be careful not to make him jealous/suspicious, he will probably become jealous and suspicious regardless. If he does then you'll probably just have to tell him off a bit and set boundaries. As far as I can tell he doesn't want to hurt you he is just afraid of getting hurt himself.

I'd suggest befriending him for now and talking about his fear around relationships, specifically what triggers make him suspicious that he is getting cheated on, if he airs it out then it might help him to get over it, plus it might help you with trying to set boundaries that work for you without making him suspicious. Also, potentially suggesting councelling/therapy to him might be a good idea, it could help him to get over his fears much better.

Lastly I would like to point out that to me this relationship seems like it will not be easy for you. If you pursue him then I think you will have quite a bit of work helping him get over his fear of being cheated on, if you can get past that then it might be fine, but you never know, in the end he might just need a woman who will straight up end the relationship over his jealousy, just to prove to him that not all women cheat. Good luck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If the break up involved cheating or another guy in some way, that's why he's the way he is.

It's up to you if you really want him. Many people would disagree with this, women in particular, but a girl who gets a lot of male attention and has a lot of male "friends" will make a guy like this weary.

I wouldn't say that you'd need to deactivate Facebook. Instead I'd say unfriend guys you're not interested in, who don't really matter to you. I put "friends" in scare quotes because a lot of the "friends" people have on Facebook are really people they barely know.

I did the same thing once I met my girlfriend. I cut off anybody who wasn't in my immediate circle, particularly girls. I still had one or two close female friends but that was it, and it was clear that there was no attraction either way between us. She did the same with her's, kept a couple of male friends she was close with but didn't speak to any others who she wasn't.

We didn't even speak about this either, we just did it of our own accord and it's god. That alone showed each of us that we respect the relationship and that we're trustworthy.

Just doing that might change his mind, maybe.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

" Guy says he is not “mentally ready” for a relationship with any woman right now... " NO. I've heard that bull too many times. You know what it really means: he's not that interested in a relationship with  YOU .  I don't care what people say, if they want to date you, they'll MAKE themselves ready and available for you.  In other words, he was letting you down easy. For whatever reason, he felt you weren't right for him so rather than flat out say "No," he made it seem like it was his fault, not yours, and gave you the old friendzone speech.  Deactivating your facebook, changing your profile image... none of that will change his mind- and honestly, I don't believe any of that was the real reason he turned you down. He's just too insecure in himself, or isn't feeling a connection to where he wants to be with you.  Anyway, don't stress over it. He said he doesn't want to date you- move on! Find a man that is ready for you.

kitty71 · Accepted Answer

The guy I like ws like that he told me once he did not want to develop a relationship with me only being a casual thing. He did not like the drama tat develops into having a relationship and date seriously unless your guy is ambiguos and really do nto know what he wants for sure or he could be bipolar or odd and that is why he behaves like that. The guy I liked I learn at the very end before he dies just 3 weeks ago the guy wswas bipolar. Maybe his behavior got in the wy to develop a real relationship with a woman so is why he always decided to stay single no hassle no problems for him.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

I dont know exactly what triggers his fears. But I know mine, maybe
I was shunned for being inexperienced and not knowing how to behave etc.. for me there are specific behaviors or ques that either I or someone else manifest, like flirtatious behavior or the smallest vibe of interest. It just triggers heavy anxiety and feelings of guilt so much so that I just feel like I must go away or disengage from the situation. Sometimes I go into periods where I can't talk to women at all because of fear of them showing interest or myself.

Whst I am trying to convey is that maybe there as some things or behaviors that trigger his fears and make him get his guard up. Finding out what those are and trying to circumvent those somehow might be a way in.

As I understand it though, you've been at him for a while. At some point you must also consider to cut your losses.
He might be selling himself short when he pushes you away like this, because I believe the best way to move forward from trauma is to get new experiences that overwrite the bad ones and grants perspectives to oneself. Opening the door for self-improvement by taking action.
But he might also have lost interest or have other people going for him and this is his cowardly way of rejecting you.

Kaazsz · Answer

I’m not dating. I’m not in a position in life to do so. It wouldn’t be fair to the woman I date. And it isn’t just because I want to fuck 100 bitches first. Which I would like to do actually, if I could but I’m not the type with such an ability. But either way, even if I wanted to fuck 100 bitches I’m STILL not in a good position in life to even just do that!

Besides, when I date someone she has to be special. She has to be better than the rest of these hoes out here. She has to have substance. Maybe if you’re not good enough to date we can fuck, but when it comes to dating and love and finding a long term partner, that’s next level shit. I want to be happy the next time I commit to someone. That means being very selective about who I choose.

When I was younger I probably would have dated anyone. Tho my options were less then than now, I didn’t know what I know now and I would have dated anyone. I was desperate for anything.

Now a girl must really be something great for me to want to date her. For real. And there aren’t that many great girls out there. They are rare. Sure men are running around drooling all over the place for a woman, and I think that makes women feel special. You aren’t special we just want sex. When we find someone truly worth it is something very rare indeed.

nonratracereality · Answer

First off men with integrity, responsibility and maturity are a vast minority while the average jerk who learns a few manipulative techniques or tactics and bildsides the person they're talking to and get accepted because it seemed extremely clever at the time but after a time you run up the same tree. Love you get classy be successful I guarantee the people in your life will reduce itself by 60%within 3 years people don't want a winner they want a person that doesn't require any work at all. Meet like people and be happy meet sort of and there will never ever be complete peace!!!

Bananaman177 · Answer

Relationships aren't really all that much fun when you're the man.

It doesn't take too long being with most women to figure out that they're actually a lot more trouble than they're worth and it was actually better when you were lonely and jerking off.

Most guys I know just got an anime waifu pillowcase and call it good.

In the end, whether you put a whole woman on the pedestal or just the pussy on a pedestal, it's all the same. Neither one of them belongs up there. Neither of them is worth throwing away all your time and happiness for. Especially after the Honeymoon Period is over, when it's all about ever-increasing investment for ever-decreasing returns.

Anonymous · Answer

Trust takes time to build. You can say the words, but time is the only proof of it. And who knows how long it'll take for him to heal from the past. Everyone is different. But there's nothing you can do but wait (if you're willing to?). And assuming this isn't an excuse or "nice way of letting you down". But he also has to realize everyone and every relationship is different. If he's still hurting, that's one thing, but if he's just carrying that "baggage" that's different and he has to let go of that.

jkm1864 · Answer

I for one am not ready to date because I'm not financially viable at the moment due to covid19 shutting down the energy sector. You women have no idea because You are practically born with everything needed to enter a relationship where as most men have to build a career first so they can show that they are responsible enough to have a family.

slatyb · Answer

It means he's not ready for a relationship WITH YOU for whatever reason. It could be true, or it could be just a kind way to decline. Pay no attention to the reason anyone gives for declining romantic advances. There is only "yes" and "no". When it's "no", then accept that and move on.

kemo56 · Answer

He maybe over you... but, that might not be it, sit down, if you can, with him and tell him ur concerns, and try to pry out "his problem, urs only if u want it to be" ... If he doesn't respond to your caring concerns about him and how he is feeling... Then move on there is a person out there for u

Blueeyes81 · Answer

I often through up my guard once I realize she's getting too close. The speech he gave I have given myself. The thing is if I'm not 100% into you (say 75%, there are things about you I'm unsure of) then I won't try to push through it. But if I'm 100% I'll try everything in my power to overcome my walls. So I'd say he likes you but not enough to try and push through his relationship issues. Don't beat yourself up over it. It really is his issues and has virtually nothing to do with you.

bro25 · Answer

Ahem correction "women who can figure them out?" No one yet in all of the time humans have been on earth can understand why women act the way they do. 😂😂😂

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Why don't you go ask your feminazi sisters? They're the ones who normalized "aromantic" as a fucking sexual affiliation. In my time, they used to call that "an immature moron looking for no-strings-attached sex" and these people were frowned upon. Hurray for progress!

YHL6965 · Answer

Well, I understand him because that's how I feel right now. I feel like my feelings have been a bit too moved around, kind of like a rollercoaster and so I want some time to get my feelings a break because I feel like trying anything serious right now will lead me to making the same mistakes again and suffer from that.

Anonymous · Answer

"Men, Who can figure them out?"

The irony of this ^ coming from a woman is pretty rich.

Relationships and marriage for guys these days are a very risky and expensive proposition. I don't need to know this guy's details to understand where he's is coming from. If he's not interested in a relationship, he's not interested.

Anonymous · Answer

I know how he feels I got fucked over numerous times including my current she runs off and gets engaged to some guy after 4 months of knowing him throwing away a 3 year relationship she had with me so yeah it's understandable for him to keep his walls and guard up so he doesn't get hurt again. you forget you women have all the options us guys we have shit

Dazzler1983 · Answer

Imagine you both got together and you've got 100s of likes and most from men. It's going to make him insecure. Don't delete your fb just for him but be more aware of what you post and why. He's scared that you get to much attention and the good guys like a woman to be modest and humble.

Can-I-Get-A-DoOver · Answer

Be glad you found out now before you invested more time. He said that because he can’t give you want you want. It’s not the right time for him to commit. He wants someone else who he may or may not have already met. He’s waiting for someone better.

mindNsoul · Answer

Believe what is he does and says and not what you wish him to do or say. Don't try to force something that it's not natural for him. Respect him, love him from far, and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

He knows he's a hot mess and would fuck up any relationship. He doesn't want to do that. So he is, as he says, not mentally ready to date someone. This is not difficult to understand.

MzAsh · Answer

He thinks he’ll get hurt by you in favor of someone else, because he’s perceiving himself as lower value than you are.

Poppykate · Answer

Don’t waste your time! 99.9% of the time it’s just an excuse to not date YOU.

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