I am confused by his actions: is he just being nice or does he secretly like me?

[KyrstenTheDarkAngel]

So there is this guy that goes to the same school as I do and we are both majoring in Theatre. I somehow know that this guy is gay but the way he acts around me left me with questions about how he feels about me. For instance: He sits close to me whenever he can sometimes, he starts fidgeting when he feels like I am close by, he will walk closer to me, he will talk to everyone except me (sometimes he will even ignore me), I either catch him staring at me or feel it whenever I am not looking, he will go out of his way to help me when near by whenever I am asking for help from someone, and he always says goodbye to me whenever he and I are the only two left in the classroom getting ready to leave. Whenever I talk to him or say hi he gives me this prolonged eye contact. One time he whispered my name when I was sitting next to him. We don’t really talk much but whenever he does he either says bye, becomes helpful, or says hi. I dmed him on Instagram one time just to be friendly and start a conversation with him but he never responded. He indirectly asked me if I had a boyfriend at the end of my 5 emotions exercise in my acting class. In one acting exercise he did with me he stopped me dead in my tracks walking and it was within kissing distance and looking into my eyes. I could go on and on about some of the other things he did or said around me, but my question is: if he is gay why does he act differently around me compared to his other classmates? Why does he send me mixed signals? Does he secretly have a crush on me, is he attracted to me, or is he just being nice?

[Rainbow_Boy]

Your friend could have bisexual tendencies even though he identifies as gay. In other words, not all self-proclaimed gay men can be 100% gay, even though most of them are in my experience.

Another possibility is he really likes you in an aesthetic sense, but not sexually. I could closely relate to that case, because I'm a gay man who often felt the same towards my female friends. I adore female beauty, so much so that sometimes I catch myself openly staring at beautiful women. Obviously, this kind of interest on my part can easily be misconstrued as sexual attraction by women, while, in reality, it is nothing more than envy in my case. I know that, because I feel zero sexual attraction towards women, whereas I do look and act feminine, and often find myself emulating female behavior. I am also always the passive partner in my relationships with men, on and off the bed, a complete bottom so to speak.

That kind of interest in all things female results in behavior that resembles some aspects of what you friend does to you. However, my close female friends know the reason of that behavior, so it doesn't come across as odd or confusing to them. We even exchange our romantic stories about men, including sex, so they see me as another girl in their circle, and don't think twice when I act intimately as one girl could towards another without meaning anything sexual in the process.

Is it possible a big part of your confusion results from the fact that you have not been close to this guy as a friend, so his behavior remains ambiguous? In other words, if you straight out ask him whether he's attracted to you, would that be an odd move that can hurt your friendship?

[KyrstenTheDarkAngel]

Thank you for the advice. It does sound like it could be one or the other based on how he acts around me compared to my other classmates. Also good question, to be honest we don’t talk to each other too much and I tend to be a shy person in real life which probably does not help my situation much... I would argue that he and I are more on the acquaintance level. Like “we know each other from school and that is it” situation. He will sometimes say hi to me, bye when we are the only two people left in class before heading out, and he either becomes helpful or helps me out when he is close by especially. But in a situation where I don’t really know him too well, I don’t want to say, ask, or do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable especially if he is gay or maybe even bisexual. I feel like I am the type of person that usually keeps my distance until I know someone’s intentions. I just have a bad habit of over thinking sometimes. It is hard telling what is going through a person’s mind sometimes, especially when someone gives you mixed signals.

[talloak]

What you never mention is whether you are interested in him. If not, then it doesn't actually matter whether he is gay, or interested in you or whatever. If you are interested in him, the next question is why do you think he's gay? Does that come from him, from rumors, from your assumptions? That could be a way in. You could simply ask him about it. By asking, you are suggesting to him that you want to know if he's available. It also explains to him why you haven't acted earlier.

[KyrstenTheDarkAngel]

That is the thing: I like this guy and I tend to be a shy person in real life (which probably doesn’t help my situation but still, lol). The reason why I originally think he is gay is because of this t shirt he wore a few times that said: “being gay means that I can kiss our boyfriends” or something like that and also someone asked him in class if he could join the gay group chat. It just left me with confusion and questioning why he acts so different around me compared to other people. I hope that answers your questions.

[talloak]

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions. I think you have enough reason to doubt whether he is gay but also enough reason to bring it up. Someone who wears a T-shirt like that is not going to be embarrassed or offended by the question. You can use the shirt as a starting point. I realize that this is a lot for a shy person to do but I don't think you should wait for him to break the ice. It might not happen.

[tamariabrax]

He is being nice. Gay guys don't have any interest in the other sex.

Guys that like you will outward tell you. He might be comfortable around the opposite sex.

[tamariabrax]

Not*

[spartan55]

A straight guy who is a theater major? That would be highly unusual.

[Jamie05rhs]

That dude's not gay. He might be bi, but he's not gay.

[devil_8888]

Maybe he’s bi and like you

[KyrstenTheDarkAngel]

That could be a possibility...

[Anonymous]

i assume every boyfriend you had, it was because he spoke to you first or asked you out first.

[chriscdi]

the dude might just be lonely

[Avicenna]

He's just being nice