So he is 32 and I'm 26. I don't consider myself the most mature person in the world because I kept my soul young and sometimes I do risky things. Well yesterday I I went out with my friends and on the way back I crashed my car into a traffic light. I was a little intoxicated as well. I was too shocked and scared to drive again so I called him. He was crazy mad and when we got home we fought. He was yelling at me that something could've happend to me or others because of my stupid actions. I was drunk so I couldn't reason with him, especially because of his raised voice. I smashed a crystal vase of his mom throwing into his direction. He said:"Ok, that does it. I'm sorry but you need this."He dragged me to the sofa and he put me over his knee. I thought he was joking but then my skirt was flipped up and he spanked the crap out of me. He kept on hitting me and asking me why am I so reckless, do I have a death wish.. etc. I went from cursing him to telling him I was sorry and I'd never do it again. I really meant that. Now that I am sober I realise I was so wrong but in the same time his actions towards me worried me. I don't want to get married with a violent man.
If you said no, and meant it, it's abuse. If you said no and didn't mean it, it's role play or foreplay. If he actually thinks it's his place too discipline you, or you think it's his place too do so---- Manson family values is a good name for that horror show.
0
7 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I said no and I asked him to stop. Failed. After that incident I suggested that we are not good for eachother. Clearly there are some issues and I said we should take some time off. A break. He said that's unacceptable because he loves me and he would spank me again if necessary. This thought terrifies me.
If you don't feel in control of this situation, removing yourself from this situation is advisable, at least for the time being so you can get your bearings.
Is there any way I can convince you not too wait for a "NEXT TIME," because I don't want too be morbid, but that's how nice gals like you usually end up in the morgue. This guy sounds like bad news all around, and I think you owe it too yourself too secure a safe place too sleep tonight, get a solid 8 with some REM activity going so you can wake up refreshed and ready too see this piece of💩 for what he is, with the security of. 300 yard restraining order in your hand.
Restraining order in process. Good idea. Thank you! Thinking to leave the city for some weeks. He is an influential person and as far as I know, he can find my whereabouts in no time.
Spanking can be a turn on where both partners are into it, but if that's not the case I consider it physical abuse. A good guy would not do such a thing and would be more concerned that you were not injured in the accident.
0
6 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Thanks! My thoughts exactly! He didn't even asked me if I'm fine or injured. I was open to discuss things in a calmly way. He triggered my anger as soon as he started to yell like a craay person. The only fact I know is that I got injured after the accident, not during it. That's messed up.
If this is not an isolated case of behavior that you find objectionable, it may be time for him to find a new girlfriend. Whatever happens, consider using a ride service if you're out drinking.
This is the first time when he does something like that. I didn't recognize him. He was like a completely different person. He jokingly threatened me before he would do it. But it was a joke. Well yeah, during the incident his words got to my brain. I could never use my car when drunk. Ever again.
He may have been hiding a hostile side that you've only just found out about. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be planning a wedding until I got to know him a lot better - knowing what you now know.
Yeah that's very strange. it doesn't feel like abuse, It feels more like he doesn't view you as an equal partner, but rather like a child.
Also, I don't think I would ever be in a relationship with somebody who ever lays their hands on me like that, regardless of what I did. If my girlfriend throws a vase at me I leave. Get the fuck out. It is insane to put them over your knee and spank them. That's what you do to a literal child.
So yeah my advice? Break up with them. I don't think it's abuse, but it is definitely not a good place to be in
1
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yeah... I tried to discuss this. He was open to talk with me but in the same time he is not sorry at all. I am sorry for the whole situation. Him yelling at me like a crazy person triggered me and I broke that vase. I don't support the idea of spanking a child.. let away spanking a grown up. I wasn't raised like that and now that I know how it feels, I will def not do it to my kids.
I would leave and take a break from all this. He doesn't accept the break because he loves me and he said he would spank me again if necessary so yeah.. I might end it eventually. Not sure bout that.
Well it sounds like he's not sorry at all, and he will absolutely do it again if he feels like he should. Which is not a very healthy dynamic in a relationship.
I would vote end it all. It's better than staying with someone who It feels like they can put their hands on you whenever they want
If he spanked you without your consent, that is abuse / assault. No question about it. He is a violent abuser
Separately, your behavior was dangerous to yourself and to others. That lamp post you hit could have been a person. In addition you were violent, throwing and destroying the vase.
That doesn't give him the right to spank you, two serious wrongs to not make things right.
YOU - need to learn to control your drinking. If you do want to get drunk, call an uber. Don't EVER risk other peoples lives again by driving drunk. You don't deserve a spanking for that, you deserve prison.
But, you also need to leave that abuser. I don't care what the provocation, he doesn't get to hit you ever. Maybe, if he has never done anything like this before, and he realizes how wrong it is you can decide to stay with him - that's your choice. But if there is a pattern, you should leave
Holy shit. You two are a trainwreck. He cannot spank you as punishment. Wth? But you are delusional about yourself. You drive drunk, you fight without self-control, and you throw precious objects and use them as a weapon. You're reckless. Maybe you are both right for each other.
if I did that to some of my ex’s, I would have woke up to my testicles on the table.
it really depends how he has been other times, but that to me would be a flag.
discuss it explain bout kitchen knives and testicles
0
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
He never did this before.. but again that's how a violent person acts for the first time. He did threaten me a few times before but I never thought he would actually do it. Well after last night I told him to sleep with an eye open because I don't know what I'm gonna do to him if this happens again but I am actually considering leaving soon.
That was a healthy relationship right there. I understand your point of view and I was thinking about that because of this whole idea of a man being in charge ( in bed) and the spanking itself because I never got one, not even during childhood lol. This incident wasn't the case. I felt humiliated and scared. Guess BDSM is not my thing. Too painful..
1. Was the spanking over the top? Did he leave serious brusies, harm, lasting pain? 2. Was the spanking or your action of driving drunk worse? 3. Are you really that immature that words do not resonate with you anymore that it can be understandable that he sees no way out or do you think you could've been reasoned with?
2
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
1. Yes, it was. I have trouble sitting down. However the pain starts to fade away. Anwyay that's way abnormal. I'm a grown woman ffs. 2. Both. I don't say I was innocent but it wasn't his call to punish me for that. 3. Words are ok. calmly discussing is fine by me. Him yelling like a craay person triggered me.
Quite frankly. You both are immature. He was overreacting since he was incapable of how to handle the sitaution. And you saying you are a grown woman after you crashed your car for drunk driving is quite the joke as well.
Honestly, you BOTH should take a step back and think about what each of you as an individual have done there. So far I only read how you are downplaying your own misdoing while shifting the blame solely to him. Time to grow up for both of you.
Well I admit my part. I never said I'm not guilty. Grown people are dumb sometimes too. Terrible accidents happen and that's not ok. Thanks God, no one got injured. Just me.. after the incident. That could be a joke too. Anyway him reacting like that was wrong on so many levels. Situation got worse last night and I had to leave.
Time to break up, move on, and take a step back to think about your life. Do you really want to be the kind of person that is recklessly driving drunk at 26?
Well you were driving drunk and definitely could’ve killed yourself doing it. It sounds like he just couldn’t think of any other course of action as you were drunk and couldn’t be reasoned with. It also sounds like it worked so I wouldn’t jump to him being abusive it’s just the circumstances led to that being the most effective course of action.
well what he should have done instead call police and have you rightfully arrested, maybe jail and license suspended drunk driving is a very serious offence. now ask yourself will you ever drive drunk again after the spanking? this is one offence my teen daughter would get a serious spanking and i only believe extremely serious since you not only could die you can very likely kill a parent or child. so if he convinced you never to drunk drive i think you deserved what you received. this was not just someone who got anger over minor thing but one of the most serious dangers in life
You're actions were absolutely stupid but his behaviour is abusive. A grown man is capable of killing another grown man with a single punch, and therefore it's important they never hit women. This guy clearly has no restraint in that regard and you now risk being a victim of physical abuse if an argument gets out of hand which it will at some point in your relationship.
There is a fine line between being dominant and abusive and this guy has clearly crossed that, unless he is literally begging for your forgiveness and promises never to do it again I would exit that relationship quickly. It shows he has no problem with what he's done and will do it again for whatever reason he deems necessary.
You sound like a fucking arsehole. You get drunk, decide it's a great idea to drive a car, crash the car. You literally could have killed someone or yourself. And then you worry why someone that cares about you got mad? Girl you shouldn't be worried if he's abusive. You should be worried about when he's going to leave. Take some responsibility for your actions and grow the fuck up.
I mean that would definitly be assault, but it certaintly doesn't seem like he is a violent person just had no idea what to do and ended up resorting to treating you like the child you were acting like (note I am not condoning spanking rather accepting the reality that many view it as an appropriate and valuable discipline tool). Personally if I were him we'd be done as your behaviour was way out of line.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
What the fuck? While I agree that you did some really reckless shit (and you admit that and are aware of it, good), what he did was incredibly unethical and inappropriate! You are NOT his daughter and even if you were, you are full-grown woman and that shit is abuse! You need to leave him.
1
1 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yes! I am fully aware of what I did and I I did was completely wrong. It wasn't his call to treat me that way. I left him.
So I take it you didn't like it? Anyway, all kidding aside, he had no right to do that. Guys do not hit girls no matter what the circumstance. You deserved a good bawling out, yes, but no physical stuff. I appreciate that he cares about you and maybe thinks he did the right thing but NO.
Well you should break up, normally in such circumstances I would advise going to the police, but your actions of course were far from legal in this case. You also need to learn now to drink responsibly or next time it will be a police officer's blackjack on the side of your head.
I’d start with never drink and drive. I have too many friend not here today because of it. Second you bc should not be hitting you if it’s not for “play”. He also has a problem. Maybe spend some time apart and figure this thing called life out.
Being one who used to do that for mutual "play", I'd say he's being rather forceful in 'conditioning" you to be "that way". If you're not into a bsdm lifestyle, leave him now.
The fact that it wasn't consexual makes it abusive. Get away from him and report him. Being drunk and acting out gives no one an excuse to put their hands on you.
You're mature? Tell these dumbass choices that. You do shit my younger siblings wouldn't even do... What he did was strange, but to say it came outta nowhere would be lying.
Most Helpful Opinions