We often shit on “nice guys” for their own predicaments as if their problem could be instantly solved. But why do they act this way in the 1st place?

[Anonymous]

I just saw a real gross question by a young female on GAG talking about how she is so turned off by nice guys to the point that having sex with them “feels like rape”.

As disgustedly asinine and typical her question was I a actually applaud her for being honest. If I was in her dating range I would at least know exactly how to treat her (like shit just as she wanted). But of course most women aren’t that honest and also some women have a strong enough self esteem to not be that stupid as her. But I believe at least third of women crave this “challenge” (which is often abuse) from men.

With that said whenever I see the “nice guy” syndrome debate arise in GAG debates I find that most people automatically throw the nice guy under the bus. Like the guy intentionally wants to be mistreated or something. Like he can make a instant fix if he wanted to.

But the reality of why so many western men suffer from this predicament is ultimately much more complicated. Having domineering/abusive mothers is often a huge unspoken problem. Also feminism in grade school education (and society as a whole) is confusing the living hell out of young men. They are just going along with what women “say” they want. Simple logic.

Anyway I don’t believe most men were born “nice”. That doesn’t mean they should be abusive assholes. They can be good guys with an edge. But why isn’t anybody pointing a finger at the source of this issue?

[Anonymous]

Real simple my man. No woman wants to mother a guy. Children yes. Men no. It's all in the way women think. For as compassionate as many are when it comes to attraction there's little room for compromise. They want what they are attracted to. Sometimes it's very unhealthy sometimes it's abusive.
I came to the conclusion a while you got 2 choices be the guy who ONLY seeks what he wants and if a woman becomes attracted to you along the way well OK. Or be the guy that takes her feelings into consideration and be as woman repellant as possible.
I really don't care whether woman talk to me anymore. I really don't! Because I don't play by their rules anymore. They hate it. But it's what they love in a guy. It's funny though because they're all wasting their time as I'll do nothing but waste theirs anymore. A woman has nothing that holds any interest for me anymore. I just make fun of them (which they take as flirting lol) till they eventually figure it out and go away. Or I eventually just walk away when they don't.

[Asker]

Yeah well I quit bending over backwards for women years ago. Just right when I thought one might be worth a shot she once again proved that it really is a zero sum game.

On a side note I did pull an attractive 22 yr old girl a month ago. I didn’t write this point to bitch like I haven’t been laid in over 2 years.

But with that said I really do want to settle down with somebody. If she comes along great. But I’m sick of sticking my neck out.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand wholeheartedly.

[InfobotLives]

As much as some people are perhaps too blunt, it is not unhelpful to snap someone out of the nice guy trap with a dose of reality. Nice is often bland at best and disingenuous at worst. Furthermore, nobody is nice all the time so it's a strange way to describe oneself. Saying that you try to be kind and compassionate is more convincing and saying that you are very level headed and emotionally stable would be more reassuring.

The nice guy triggers alarm bells, that's the problem. Part of the problem is that the statement often seems to come with expectation. I'm nice so why don't I get things? That attitude is where many self declared nice guys go wrong. Nice doesn't get you paid and nice doesn't get you laid. You need more than that, because nice is a basic expectation. You're not going to get any awards for that. Besides which, as much as it is good to understand your qualities it is really for others to determine how nice you are and how much they even care about that. So don't say it, be it and show it.

[Asker]

There is definitely a major difference between disingenuous “nice” guys vs legit gentlemen. But let’s be real: how often do women confuse the two? More often then not in my experience.

Anyway I learned years ago that “acting nice” doesn’t entitle me to a woman’s pants. But I was also raised to respect women. How do many modern react to that nowadays?

[SamA_nold]

I am not saying it is wrong, but...

People have bad pasts, and yes, those influence how we behave today, however, you also have an active role in how you chose to respond and react to other people and situations. A person who was beaten as a child is not validated in beating their own offspring. If a girl is not interested in you, it does not mean that that girl wants to be treated like shit, it means she is not interested in you.

[Asker]

Oh nobody is entitled to romance (man or woman) no matter what their behavior.

But can you agree with me that the “nice guy” syndrome issue is real? Yeah just because a guy (or girl) acts nice doesn’t in itself make them attractive. But if the exact same guy was NOT nice would he fare much better with women?

Anyway I know most women don’t really enjoy being treated badly. But they do like challenge and a nice guy (unknowingly) is the antithesis of that.

My question is society brainwashing so many young guys to act that way?

[SamA_nold]

I think there are some men out there who truly suffer from "nice guy syndrome", but it has also become a sort of fallback for men, a cop out if you will. That is societies fault, but not because men are specifically targeted. People are not generally taught healthy coping strategies for their emotions growing up, instead, they are expected to learn on their own, which is why so many people today struggle with depression and anxiety. Men, due to older traditions, are more at risk for not having healthy emotional role models. For these reasons, a lot of people struggle with rejection, because it brings up strong feelings that attack our vision of self-worth and belonging. People get angry, and projection is usually used because it's easier to blame the other person than to look at yourself.

[SamA_nold]

I think it's okay to be angry, and hurt, but some people, both men and women, take it as an opportunity to harass and belittle others. There are healthier ways to deal with emotions.

I think the main problem here is not that the men are too nice. Girls want guys who are nice and respectful, the same way men want a girl that will respect and value them. However, these "nice guys" will often attempt to raise a woman to "goddess" level, and will become almost... Overbearing. In relationships, we want a partner who will be equal with us, who has their own dreams and plans for the future. We want to be happy seeing them succeed. Nice guys tend to abandon their own values and lives in order to play to a girl. It's not healthy, and it's a turn off.

Now, nice guys get extra hate because of how they choose to deal with rejection. If a guy was rejected and just moved on with their life, you wouldn't hear much about it, but as written above, people abuse their emotions. It's terrifying, because it makes people realize just how emotionally unstable that person is, and how quickly they can turn against you. Instead of asking to work through differences, or accepting a declination, they grow violent and aggressive.

[Asker]

You brought up some good points. And I agree with most of what you said above.

There is a difference between a “fake” nice guy vs a genuine nice guy.

I personally learned many years ago that attraction is NOT a choice. Nobody owes me anything romantic despite what I think of them, how much work I put into pursuing them, etc. This is true for both genders.

It’s one of the reasons I’ve very skeptical when I meet someone new. I’m very careful not too invest too much money, time, effort. I also make it clear I’m romantically interested. Yeah I’ve been cheeked a few times but at least she has zero excuse to play dumb since I made directly clear were I stand. I’ve even consensually hooked up early a few times (despite really not wanting to) to make a point.

Also if I do something nice for these women I do it with no hidden agendas. I recently got a small inexpensive gift for a girl (who later rejected me). She offered to pay for it but I declined. I made that choice knowing it could mean nothing.

I also always thank the minority of women who tactfully reject me. That doesn’t mean I enjoy being rejected (no one does).

However respect IS a choice. There are plenty of women out there who will try to exploit genuine nice guys. Sucks that the onus is on me to be “tested”. But I’ve definitely had more than one woman try to pull this shit on me. The most common is them playing dumb and trying to friendzone. I’ve met grown ass women in their 30s who still think that’s okay. It’s ridiculous.

[The_Maphio]

The post from that female encapsulates why single females are constantly increasing in today's society.
"being nice" is something that we learn during our education, when our parents actually educate us. Especially to girls.
It seems like these attentions are not worth it anymore, just approach a girl as she was a bro of yours and see what she bitches for this time. Get a girl from an earlier period in time, since modern girls are mostly that kind of trash.

[Doflamingo1]

I think you should probably look at where nice guys came from before you try to look into solving the hate on nice guys.

[Joshua0213]

Nobody shits on nice guys, people shit are fake nice guys who use it to get things

[pjf1958]

You interpreted that post like an old pro. Well done