How can I help him?

[Anonymous]

I got paired up with this guy for my English project. Before this, we didn't talk much. He has anxiety, and he doesn't really talk to people much. So its been around 6 months and we've even submitted the project to our teacher 5 and a half months ago. At first we both didn't really talk much (after we got paired up, but then we just started talking and we got along really well. Im an introvert and I have mild anxiety, I find it hard to make friends, im insanely shy, I overthink a lot and Im always nervous. I tend to fret over stuff i don't even need to worry about. I can talk to people online a little easily, but irl its difficult (even while talking to people online, I try not to show that I have anxiety and I have a fear of being judged by people, and I start overthinking. His anxiety is worse and after we got comfortable with each other, we talked a lot. He told me that he listens to songs which "fucks with his head"( i thought he meant his anxiety) and one day when I told him about my trust issues and anxiety he told me not to give a shit about what other people think of me and enjoy my life. He's a good person and because of him, I've been getting better, and he's helped me a lot with my problems. He just started acting weird one day, ghosted me for 3 weeks, but then out of the blue texted me again, and when i asked him what happened he said "just depression and crap. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." I didn't know he was depressed before, i just though his anxiety became worse, and then we went back to normal, I gave him some relaxing songs to help with his anxiety and was there for him whenever he needed to talk, He's doing the same thing again (he's been ghosting me for a week and im worried about him. He's kind of my friend now and I want to help him out. His parents are business magnates and want him to be perfect at everything. They're rarely home and he was the one who told me that he had a strained relationship with them.

Updates

+1 y

he always listens to depressing songs, and I thought that relaxing songs would help him out at least a teeny bit, I listen to them whenever i overthink and he's just really amazing and I feel so bad for him

[ArztSchlachthof]

You should both dive deep into philosophy. Like stoicism, for example - it provides many answers for life-related questions and it will surely help, I assure you of that. Or religion, if you are that type of a person. Marcus Aurelius (Meditations) is a great start on finding out who you want to be and what do you want to do with your life.

Other than that, you can do nothing. He needs to realise that there are certain values in life that should be prioritised instead of pure nihilism, depressions etc. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you! And yeah, I meditate every morning from 6-6:20 and I’m a lot more calm now, and I’ve been listening to lots of soothing songs lately, and that has helped me too, but I’m not sure about him but I will suggest him these, he’s currently ghosting me 😅 but thank you for your suggestions!

[Overmind]

I used to be a lot like that; He probably likes you & second guessing himself along with all the other crap teens have to deal with; if he's anything like I was he'll push you away when you get too close. He has his walls up & doesn't want to lower them just to get hurt.

[Asker]

Maybe, im not sure about that tho. His father is home, and they don’t really have a good relationship, so it may be because of that? Or maybe he just doesn’t want to open up because he thinks that I’ll pity him?

[loves2learn]

I wonder if he has a crush on you do you think he might want to date you?

[Asker]

I don’t know. He used to flirt with me a little, like: hey cutie, sup? And stuff, and I didn’t really take it as a big deal because I dunno, I’ve just always seen him as a friend and I don’t think he has a crush on me lol, he's like really handsome, but my dad and brother would kill him if we dated because I’m not allowed to date until I’m 21 lol 😅

[loves2learn]

Wow. 21 is a long time to wait to date. ❤️

[Asker]

Lol, yeah, my family is kind of overprotective of me 😅

[loves2learn]

And I thought my parents were overprotective making me wait till I was 16.

[Anonymous]

"Just depression and crap" lol that's me. I know how that goes. Getting him some good music is a great idea. Music is everything to some of us, and if we get into the dark kind, it really can keep us in a bad place. Being active is something that helps me. Physical stuff, outside in the sun. I be living in the parks this summer. As for the anxiety, you can't really do anything but learn how to handle it. We still gonna have our freakout moments. But small steps would include starting to do more group activities where people can slowly get used to social situations and people without feeling too overwhelmed and stuff. I don't know. *shrugs*

[Asker]

yeah, we've both been helping each other, he's helped me a lot, but I just.. he doesn't open up to me much yk? and the worst thing is, he seen-zones me and ghosts me. I just want to help him out, i feel so bad for him. He doesn't deserve it. He always listens to depressing music and i worry about him. I've already met a lot of people who have had depression, and I've tried to help them, but failed, i just want to be successful in helping him. He taught me how to keep my anxiety in check (how to handle it and all, and I'm a lot better than i used to. I can seem like an extrovert whilst talking to people online and still get nervous/overthink without them knowing. He freaks out easily tho, like whenever i help him out with stuff

[Asker]

and thank you for your suggestions. I'll ask him to try that, but he's currently ghosting me, im sure he'll be back in a few days, I'll suggest these to him. And are you doing okay now? im sorry that you had to go through all these too. nobody deserves to be sad

[Opinion Owner]

yeah not all of us are comfortable talking about our feelings and stuff. :P I'm the same way about that stuff. But you gotta realize he's not a project. You can only do so much, and the rest is gonna have to be his decisions or not.

[Asker]

true, lol, people tell me that i have a "savior complex" or something, and i think that its partially true. But i'll try to be there for him whenever he needs me, thank you for answering :D

[Opinion Owner]

yeah I'm good. Mostly because I have some strong beliefs and no matter how bad I might be feeling about things at any given time, I hold to those for strength. And I focus a LOT on positive things every day. Also, I know my limitations in social situations. haha. I can decide for myself when I'm ready to try something out or not... still sux balls when people try to force me into talking in groups though. 0_o

[Asker]

haha i feel you. im glad you're doing better now :D

[Opinion Owner]

hey wait, imma pm you. nvm it won't lemme. haha. and thanks. :D

[Asker]

lol, i could pm you if you want to, and thank you for answering :)

[Opinion Owner]

ok sure. and yw

[Asker]

lol, you're anonymous though

[Opinion Owner]

oh right. lol well i'm on your list somewhere.

[Opinion Owner]

here...

[Still-alive]

Hmm so i guess you can't hang out with him after school or something? Do you have his number or social media? Maybe send him like yourube videos or such you find funny and maybe he will like it. Also maybe try talking to him about his depression maybe he will open up to you one day. im glad he’s helping you out at least… maybe you should tell him that. He might find it endearing.

[Asker]

Lol, yeah, I go to school with him. I can’t hang out with him after school because we’re on full lockdown here :/ yeah, I told him that, I sent him a heartfelt message lol, he hasn’t seen it yet.. as I said, yes ghosting me, but I just hope he sees it soon.

[MudRucker]

Could it be he caught some serious feelings for you and doesn't know how to deal with them?

Most guys are afraid to tell girls how they feel about them.

Maybe casually/subtlety start a conversation about it. Don't push to say any certain thing but at least open the door and see what he has to say? if anything.

[LuminousMind]

@mudrucker
Really like your advice, wanted to ask if you wouldn't mind following me so I could ask a question about a situation through pm?

[Asker]

@MudRucker I don’t know, he does flirt with me, but it’s just harmless flirting, I guess lol. But I’ve never flirted with him because I don’t want to lead him on, and I’m not really allowed to date until I’m 21, so

[jeremy_09]

Just don't worry about it and it will work itself out.

[Asker]

Thanks lol, but we don't really talk anymore... but I wish him the best and hope he gets better :)

[jeremy_09]

That's probably best.

[Asker]

I guess? lol. I recommended therapy, so I hope he's doing better. Thanks for opinion on my question! :)

[Asker]

opining* shit, sorry for the typo lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Many times I use sad songs just so I can cry, I know it sounds strange maybe send him some happy songs and they can be any kind

[Asker]

I’ve tried sending him really cheerful songs and sometimes relaxing songs to help him calm down, and I don’t know if he ever listened to it, but yeah, I did send him, and I texted him a “hey” on Thursday, and he saw the message last night and he still hasn’t replied back

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@tatianamay Well, I hope things can get better with him, I think keeping his spirits up and let him know that you are there should he needs talk is the best thing you can do

[Asker]

Thank you, I hope so too! And yeah, I’ll always try to be there for him :D

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@tatianamay You're Welcome :)

[michaelbernad001]

He feels insecure. It will take some time. Ur comforting him so well. He might fall in love with u

[Asker]

lol, woah, I do not want that. I don't like like him and I sure as heck don't want him to like me that way. And thanks, I do try my best to make him feel safe, but he hasn't replied to my texts in 2 weeks, so

[michaelbernad001]

May be he has a girlfriend and she told not to be close with u. May be she is jealous because ur so pretty

[Asker]

haha he doesn't have a girlfriend. He has anxiety like me, but a lot more severe, anger issues and depression and all that, so im pretty sure he doesn't lol. I'd have known if he did, trust me haha. And thanks, that's very kind of you to say :)

[michaelbernad001]

I wish u team up with some other guy. Because both have similar problems so he doesn't feel any different. For example in magnet north pole and north pole don't mingle to gether. North and South attract each other.

[Asker]

That's true, but we're just friends lol

[michaelbernad001]

@tatianamay nice texting u. We should text again 😍😜.

[anon1903]

He needs a distraction.

[anon1903]

As far as I know, people with depression tend to view things negatively. That is, he sees himself as a burden on the friendship of you two.

[FEARLESSHERO]

Talk on the phone, instead of texting

[Asker]

He’s been ghosting me lol, and yeah, we do talk on the phone. But I don’t know… he’s acting all weird