He says I can waste my time with him untill I find someone? Should I date him? What does he want?

[TessCasie]

An older guy I’m getting to know i kind of like him tells me “ you can waste your time with me untill you find someone”

he is divorced 40 year old got kids with his ex wife.

Updates

1 y

I’m very thankful to all you older men helping me out here.

[bowenw]

He may be hoping you will eventually fall for him. Even if you're not interested in a serious relationship with him I don't see spending some time with him being a problem if you get along well.

[TessCasie]

Wow you say something different while every other guy of your age says he’s only looking for sex. It’s kind of confusing tho cause he sends pics of his kids to me. I’m not sure whether he’s doing the same with other women I’m sure he is. We are in initial
Stages of dating so I can’t be demanding

[bowenw]

If you're planning to date other guys and he knows you will never want a serious relationship with him, you can't blame him if he sees other women. I suggest starting slowly to get to know him better and see what happens.

[TessCasie]

He is seeing other women

[TessCasie]

He told me let’s take it slow one day at a time

[TessCasie]

by the way I never told him I don’t want serious relationship with him. Rather he’s the one who said I hope you find someone soon. Until then you can waste your time with me. That’s what confuses me

[bowenw]

I understand better now. Would you be interested in an exclusive long-term relationship with him, or does the age difference concern you too much?

[TessCasie]

No it doesn’t concern me.

[TessCasie]

What’s disturbing me is all guys here giving me opinion is so different

[bowenw]

He may only want sex like others have said, or he may want a serious relationship. You will have to get to know him better to learn more. If he's a player and only wants sex he likely will push for it the first few dates. If you're not worried he is a serial killer, it can't hurt to go on a few dates with him if you think there is the potential for a lasting relationship, or even just a friendship.

[TessCasie]

I think he just wants sex. Also right now I’m on vacation haven’t met him yet but he keeps texting me everyday. I sent him a nice nude pic he just replied with a smiley emoticon. Just wanted him to feel better cause he got his first short vaccine. Moreover the other day he told me once you get up due to time difference call me. I call him he talks for like 2 minutes on video call and then cuts off saying going to loo. He sent me his pictures but when I reminded him about it on call he says I don’t remember you sending me anything

[TessCasie]

I’ll cut him off slowly I’m sure other women will deal with it better.

[bowenw]

It sounds like you've figured him out. His loss.

[TessCasie]

Ok so I deleted my nude pic which I sent him. And he replies me after 15 minutes saying “ wtf why did you delete it” I don't know 🤷‍♀️

[TessCasie]

He also says if he likes me will ask me to move in with him. Im not sure why he bring that up move in so early like initially. He is willing to pick me up from the airport as im on vacation now. He was pleading me to visit him before I leave but I had exams. I told him don’t wait for me. I’ll come visit you he’s like im afraid you won’t.

[TessCasie]

Also I figured his parents were divorced and he was brought up separate homes just like what’s happening to him now and his kids. Which means history is repeating itself. His mom and dad are separated long time back when he was a child and they married someone else. That’s why he’s like I’m looking for a girlfriend too but one day at a time.

[bowenw]

He is sounding somewhat desperate now for fear of losing you. Are you going to continue to slowly cut him off?

[TessCasie]

I don’t want to cut him off I kind of like him but he seems more lonely cause he’s out of a family structure now living all by himself so he’s looking for companionship.

[bowenw]

I don't believe you should enter into a relationship out of pity for someone, but if you like the guy I still believe it won't hurt to go on a date or two to get to know more about him.

[kidvid80]

he sounds like a pill and a selfish user to be honest. just wanting casual sex it sounds like. no self respecting man who wants to be with you in a romantic relationship would ever say that. you deserve better and can do better.

[DarkCarousel]

Sounds like he’s ok with a casual sexual relationship or that he’s glad to have the opportunity for no-strings-attached.

[Leavesbound]

He just wants you for booty calls. He's telling you that he is available for that only until such time as you find someone better or permanent.

[TessCasie]

He wants me to move in to cook for him too

[Leavesbound]

So he wants a housewife in all but name and ring?

[TessCasie]

Yup he divorced from 10 years common law partnership so?

[Tunasub]

Hmmm I wonder what he could possibly want
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

[TessCasie]

Of course he does and he even said someone to take care of him and cook. He’s very controlling and dominating in nature.

[Tunasub]

Do you like him? Do you want that type of man in your life?

[TessCasie]

I’m very submissive I like him

[Tunasub]

Well you are huh? Interesting... I'm a no judgement zone and if you like that then who am I to condemn. I would like some insight though. Have you Always been submissive?

[TessCasie]

Yes when I was 23 years old had relationships with a 37 year old guy I’m attracted to older men

[TessCasie]

Not all tho just usual him I find him physically attractive

[TessCasie]

Even the 37 year old guy kept f me but didn’t want relationship. But finally after a 2 years he’s like let’s get married but I didn’t like him anymore

[TessCasie]

This current guy messaged me he’s in pain due to vaccine. I’m on vacation right now. If I were in the city I would be in his house taking care of him.

[Tunasub]

Older men you say...🤔

[Alejandro3000]

He's implying just sex. This is not the ideal situation for a woman wanting a relationship. What do you like about him?

[TessCasie]

Should I cut all contacts with him? He keeps sending me his pictures and his kids. I don't know it’s confusing

[Alejandro3000]

That is confusing, how would I feel if a woman I've hardly met and not in a relationship with yet decides to send me photos of her kids? Run lol
On tinder a woman told me her boy is upset and angry at her for breaking up with his dad, this was in no less than 10 messages from the beginning of Hello how are you. The concept of slow down is the issue. If I was you I'd talk to him and ask why he sent you his kids photos and that you feel confused by his responses and actions.

[TessCasie]

I’ll have to meet him in person to know. What do you think as a man by the way he’s 40 year old

[TessCasie]

Why would you run?

[Alejandro3000]

the person is either stupid or manipulative because by showing you his kids who are no doubt adorable looking he's emotionally pulling you to accept his agreement. From experience when I've been a prat a girl which I tend to be the girls usually tell me off the bat and also how it makes them feel.

[TessCasie]

So should I just tell him straight up I’m no longer willing to stay in contact with you or just block him?

[TessCasie]

by the way he also said if he likes me he wants me to move in but will take it slow and one day at a time to get to know each other but he surely wants to have sex with me. And I know he talks to other women.

[Alejandro3000]

I think you should meet him and talk to him but you control the situation. It seems he's not really interested in courting you and that for me is a major red flag. If you allow him easy access he'll never change. Relationships are supposed to be more than sex as you know. I hear women constantly say I get bored of sex and want more. I ask them what? They say to like me back and by that want to spend quality time with her and do things together. So you stick to your values. You're a young high value woman so act the part.

[TessCasie]

I couldn’t meet him cause of my exams I left the country within a week. right now on vacation he was pleading me to meet him once before I leave. So all this is happening on chats long distance. He’s like get me hooked untill you get back I’ll pick you up from the airport if I’m free from work. I told him I’ll be back in country in September. I told him there is no need to wait for me. He is like I’m afraid you won’t contact me back. Yes we met online and it’s our initial stages of dating so I can’t be demanding he is talking to other women. He also says if I like you I want you to move in with me. And get a work near my house. I did send him a nude pic cause wanted to soothe him cause he got vaccine side effects I’m very nice to him. He looked an smiled. Im sure he was talking to other women. Which is ok. Later I deleted it he was like wtf why you deleted it

[TessCasie]

He looked an smiled I meant he sent back a smiley emoticon.

[Alejandro3000]

Is sex what gets someone hooked? Or is it the person they are interested in? I don't think he's been giving you a good vibe because you would have met him had he not put pressure on you to have sex with him right, you haven't been comfortable and that's his fault for stating his intentions. Other women? I'm sure they too are not naive enough to be disrespected unless they are in there 20s, even so he could still be seeing women whilst you're with him until you become exclusively in a relationship which he doesn't want.

[TessCasie]

I asked him on video call what are you looking for he says friends but later in time a girlfriend. Basically his parents were divorced and living separately with other partners. Which makes me think history repeats itself.

[TessCasie]

He messaged me saying he is pain due to the vaccine. These all things are making me emotional

[Alejandro3000]

Jee, I had the first vaccine and yes it feels like your arm has been punched really hard, the pain goes away after 2-3days. Friends first relationship after is reasonable but friends don't have sex so he's played into your hands.

[TessCasie]

Ok I’ll take it not to date him

[Alejandro3000]

Hope it goes well for you 😊

[TessCasie]

Lol I’ll definitely meet him tho face to face once back in country

[Alejandro3000]

i dare you to tell him you won't bother self isolating so you'll have sex with him the day he picks you up from the airport and in the car, because life is short lol that'll have him arrive on time and hold up a sign with your name as you come through arrivals 😅

[TessCasie]

Your funny lmaooo

[TessCasie]

He’ll be very excited

[Jamie05rhs]

That's true; you could. But it would be a selfish thing to do. What about the person that you find? Have you ever thought about how they would feel about you "wasting time" with someone else?

[TessCasie]

You’re right! I don’t understand why he sounds insecure. Or is it he doesn’t like me much

[TessCasie]

He send me pics of him playing with his kids.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think he's insecure. I think he just wants to fuck you, not date you.

[TessCasie]

Oh ok

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: update: No problem; anytime.

[Browneye57]

He just wants some sex. What a loser. Tell him to just focus on raising his kids.

[TessCasie]

He is a good father. Just depressed due to divorce. He even send me pics of his kids when playing with him.

[Browneye57]

So what. Stay away. Run away, in fact. As fast as possible. For a LOT of reasons.
His depression is not your problem, you can't fix it, and you're not his mommy.

[Wise4myage]

He most likely just wants to have lots of sex, but maybe is just bored and wants companionship. Ask him?

[TessCasie]

Yup true

[TessCasie]

Yes he is lonely after the divorce right now living all by himself and just sharing custody of the kids. He sends me pics of his kids when they are at his place. I feel so emotional seeing it.

[Wise4myage]

Well, do your best to be a friend to him.

[Shamalien]

What if the right guy comes along and sees you ‘wasting your time’ with this guy. Will you miss an opportunity?

[TessCasie]

Your 💯 correct moreover dealing with him means no insurance nothing cause he’s given everything to his ex wife.

[LazarusTheRisen]

Clearly he just wants you for sex and isn't concerned about you or your feelings. If you date this guy or whatever you would do, you will get hurt.

[Bklynbadboy12]

He's seems insecure like he knows you'll find someone better. I don't like wasting my time I'd move on

[TessCasie]

Out of a 10 year relationship divorce so most like it

[Bklynbadboy12]

How did you meet this guy

[TessCasie]

Online

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cool if you see a future in it do it but if not don't waste your time babe ok

[TessCasie]

Ok thanks

[Cowboy6666]

Sounds like he is broken emotionally.. If you both like each other then marry each other

[Anonymous]

You should pass he just wants sex.