Was I wrong for canceling plans?

Question

I’ve been seeing this guy for a month
He told me he wanted to come over tonight i said okay
But it was 11 pm and he still hadn’t came so i texted him and said “I’m sorry but I’m about to go to bed it’s super late and i have to get up early” he responded back and said “ I’m leaving my house now I’m sorry… “

Then he texted back again and said “hello? Do you want me to come unless you don’t want to see me?”

Why did he say that

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

Has he ever given you reason too suspect a possible drug abuse situation might exist with him? People suffering from drug dependency or are there substance abuse issues that erratic behavior, difficulty to focus on the task at hand, is easily distracted or becomes forgetful and has blackout episodes? You really don't give us much information to go on here, and I'm wondering if that within itself, is an indication that this guy isn't really giving you much reason to want to continue seeing him.
In any case, it doesn't sound like he's either punctual, reliable, or respectful of you and your living situation, obligations, and responsibilities. If you want to know if you're wrong about canceling plans with him, I think that it might be wrong of you to squander any more of your valuable time on someone who obviously doesn't know how to budget his.

Apope16 · Accepted Answer

Both of you are wrong here. YOu both need to be setting firm and definite dates! jeezz. set a time for him to come. ANd if he is tooo late then he is in the wrong and you have a right to cancel.

It sounds like it was a loose time and you canceled out of insecurity. I think you were wrong here because you chose to be manipulative rather than actually communicate. Why are you canceling a date if you want him to come? Send him a text and say "What time are you coming? I want you bad. I want you to come soon babe." That is communication. But trying to do some weird powerplay and canceling a date out of frustration is not a mature thing to do.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Dear. When someone puts off coming over to your house until 11pm, it's a booty call and nothing more. He was checking to see if the booty call was OK with you, which would mean FUTURE booty calls would also be OK.

You've only been seeing this guy a month. Draw some kind of boundary concerning what's going on. If you want a friend with benefits, he can come over any time you both want sex.

If you want to develop a relationship, it's incredibly rude to say you're coming at a reasonable hour and then schlepping over at midnight.

Figure out what you want and relay it to him. Personally, that 11 pm thing is presumptuous.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

No you weren't.. I had someone that used to do that. Keep pushing the time back try to show up late and drunk just looking for sex, but I'm no booty call nor will I let someone treat me like one..
The "if you don't want to see me" is him trying to shift the blame to you instead of owning the blame for being late or inconsiderate

Anon621 · Answer

I think he was just checking if you were still awake potentially even though clearly you weren't awake. I don't think you were wrong for canceling plans, in my opinion I personally think the guy could have responded differently and more appropriately saying something along the lines of "I respect the fact you have a dedicated sleep schedule so we can try to make plans to meet again another day before you go to sleep. Thanks for sharing this information with me I will make sure to message you in advance next time"

ohshee · Answer

It's called manipulation you didn't hear you when you said it was late and you had to get up early tomorrow so he tried to turn it back on you and say I'm sorry but I'm coming now. Unless you don't want to see me dude come on LOL so basically for him being late for him to just taking his sweet ass time something was more important than coming over to see you so now he's going to turn it on you you're you're the bad guy. Whatever it's called nowadays no you weren't wrong at all I would have done the same thing and I wouldn't even have answered his text it said it said unless you don't want to see me I would have went to sleep. No that's probably a lie LOL I probably would have wanted to get laid damn it sex

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

He wants to spend time with you, but he's inconsiderate and shitty with time. You did the right thing, he needs to understand that you have a life outside him, and he needs to come when he says he's coming insted of doing whatever bullshit that distracted for that long. Don't get me wrong, it's great for him to have a life outside you to, but when he makes plans, you need to be able to trust that he'll be their when he sais he will.

Miristheiss · Answer

That is fine... assuming you were expecting him much earlier and he was just late. I mean if he is just getting there at 11:30 or so that is pretty late to just "start" you time together. Unless you intend to stay up until 2 or 3 having sex or something or you intended for him to sleep over there anyway.

If it is just a month in it is kind of early for anything like that.

dudeinohio · Answer

His wording of his comment is trying to guilt you into letting him come over.

What you need to do is talk to him and get him to understand the latest time you will be awake and available.

People need sleep and have to get up in the morning for work. Explain this to him.

invalid1 · Answer

Hmmmmmm. Okay now maybe what guys said is right.. Maybe he is a douchbag who wants to guilt you when he can not show up on time...
And still probably though... Probably! I am not sure... Okay... Probably.
He didn't want to be late and disrespect your time. 😇 Okay? PROBABLY.

God knows best.

Anonymous · Answer

He probably have another thought on meeting tonight than you have, the different times. I would also assume a guy would come earlier if he had said tonight. Sounds like he think it is fine, and maybe he thought you could just sleep together and hang out the next day?
But now you can talk about it and say what you expect about meeting times, and how he sees it.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

No, you’re good. Sounds like he was jagging around about coming over and that last part grrr I don’t like it when people do that because they know what they’re doing and it’s not cool. Saying unless you don’t want to see me. Sounds like a manipulator to me. I’d drop him completely.

Anonymous · Answer

He was being an asshole, trying to insinuate that the reason you guys didn't meet up was because you didn't want to see him, and not because he was an asshole who let things go too late so that the only reason to go over was to go to bed together.

Xitomyth · Answer

He's worried he screwed up royal. Also, he may have zonked out himself after talking to you the first time. Ask him later about why he was so late. He may have a good reason, and he may not. Only way to know for sure is to ask.

DJB72 · Answer

Trying to guilt trip you. If you've only been seeing him such a short time it sounds like you're not his priority.

Jenom · Answer

He's likely playing you going by that response and his texts. I'd avoid him.

Seinna · Answer

You did well and he was inconsiderate. And he's trying to guilt trip you even though it was his fault so I would be very suspicious of his actions from now on, he's manipulative.

rounddablock · Answer

Nah that was rude of him to come so late.

But guys have often seen and heard women make up bs excuses all the time for ulterior selfish reasons. So we sometimes get impatient and upset. But still he shouldn’t of come so late.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Is your relationship already sexual at this point? Sounds like he was planning on you being his booty call and he was trying to lay a guilt trip on you to allow him to come over so late.

Browneye57 · Answer

No. Why didn't you actually TALK?
You cannot forge a relationship by texting. PERIOD.

This needs an adult conversation. What was he doing that he couldn't come over as planned? There needs to be a better explanation.

menina · Answer

He didn't believe you, but I think you were right in cancelling. You need to think about yourself first.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Maybe he was banging another girl and it took longer than expected. However, if no time frame was agreed on then you can't complain too much.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Unless you guys usually meet around midnight no you're not wrong for what you said. Don't worry about what or why he said. He was in the wrong.

Shaggy_KW · Answer

Well if you invited him by a certain time and he didn't come by that time, it's not really your fault but if you invited him at 11 and he was just leaving that's your fault

OutWestBandit · Answer

yup show class and basic courtesy when dealing with a lady.

Waldoe · Answer

he thinks he can guilt you into a bootie call.. screw him

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, you weren't wrong at all. His lazy ass should have come over quicker.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, what time had he indicated he would come? That really is too late to keep someone waiting unless perhaps he was working.

Floppy2112 · Answer

He was coming for a booty call. I don't know if that's what happened but that was the point. I don't know what he meant by the last part though. Did you want to see him or not?

Alyssa11 · Answer

Okay my question is what plans did you have at 11pm at your house? lol.

Malono · Answer

No no no, you should wait until 3 am if necesary. Until mr. "In time" would decide to come to you. -Sarcastic mode off-

KennyG72 · Answer

because he's an idiot who doesn't actually respect you

Anonymous · Answer

You were not wrong. If he wants to see you he should make an effort, not whenever he gets around to it. What he texted back could be his way of saying if you don't see him he is breaking up.

exitseven · Answer

I donlt know why he could not show up at a decent hour. You are not wrong about this.

Iron_Man · Answer

That guy would’ve kept you up the whole entire night drilling your brains out you don’t want a booty call like that

K-I-S-S · Answer

He is an asshole and he doesn't care about you.  Or so it would seem.

RHK36 · Answer

Nah, you were right. He shouldn't have assumed he had all night.

michael1469 · Answer

Nope, you had every right. If he really wanted to see you he would be there right after work.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Well I’ve done all I can do

pink_and_inlove · Answer

No you’re not wrong and you guys need to agree on a time to meet each time

rebeliouse · Answer

@wincx3d depends what he was coming over for if was sex and stay over that was bad otherwise well he was late and missed out

princeofromance · Answer

He is the one in the wrong. He should have contacted you, and told you that he was running late.

Anonymous · Answer

Is this a troll account? haven't you posted about baby daddy's etc long term issues?

slatyb · Answer

Dump him. He's very rude.

serious · Answer

No, you were not wrong for cancellation of plans.

YOLOIFIC · Answer

No, your life your choice.

supercutebutt · Answer

Yes. Cancel culture is wrong.

loveslongnails · Answer

What time were your plans for originally?

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I think he was trying to make a booty call

BeachLuvR97 · Answer

He's not worth your time.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, you weren't wrong for canceling the plans

msc545 · Answer

I have no idea why he said that. Just ask him.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Nope you waited for sometime, right?

Calgarydirty69 · Answer

guilt trip, obviously worked

Open2It · Answer

He needs to learn to respect you and your time.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Cause he got busy

karaspara · Answer

He's a twat

ItsMeItsMe1989 · Answer

yeah

Was I wrong for canceling plans?

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