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It's not true for me. I don't care about what she did before we met. By that, I mean that I don't pry. She can tell me what she wants. It's fun hearing people's stories and learning more about them. The longer you are with someone, the more you learn about them. I share all kinds of stories with my wife and I know a lot about her at this point. And, honestly, only a very fucked up person would hold something that their partner did in the past against them. I did lots of things in my life. Those things helped to shape who I am, and I learned from any mistakes I made. That's true for everyone. The people I feel sorry for are those who lived uneventful lives.
I'm not interested in hearing details about a partner's previous boyfriends or love affairs, though, except under certain circumstances. For example, I never bring up previous relationships unless I'm talking about some fun thing I did like going snow skiing, to Rosarita Beach in Mexico, to San Francisco, or a concert or something, and mentioning that a girlfriend was with me. The fact that I had girlfriends in my life isn't a secret, but it would be unwise to reminisce about them with a partner. A partner should feel like they're the only one who matters.
Well, it depends on what the past is.
When dating I wanted to be with women who had values I had and who didn't cross my deal breakers. If she had done things I loathed or if we are not compatible then I wouldn't date her.
What type of past are you referring to? I kind of depends on what is in your past.
It is actually stupid and insulting to act as if a person can do anything and expect it to not have future connotations. What you've done in the past can have an affect on the future and to act as if you can do anything and no one should dare have an issue with it today is insulting. So someone can be a murderer or a child molester or a hard core drug addict who is constantly relapsing but "its the past", everyone should just love me and accept me unconditionally because I'm so special.
Life doesn't work that way.
It depends on what the past holds. Some things would be deal breakers, some others make make things a bit uncomfortable but we could get through them, others wouldn't matter in the least and would have no bearing at all.
It depends on what it is in the past we are talking about.
Do you have a few major examples?
Don’t give up too much information in the beginning. The more he proves that he’s trust worthy is the way he unlocks level by level. It’s like walking in the middle of the road and telling a stranger, “Hold my purse for me I need to go pick up something from my car.” Out of nowhere that person runs off and never returns your purse.
That’s what it seems like when a woman unloads all her personal life and baggage to a man she just met. Take your time to get to know a guy and you’ll know whether or not he’s the type to hold your past against you or not. You learn more about a man through dating him, conversation, and asking questions that will allow you to dig deeper than the surface.
I believe once you tell a guy something about you, they will always hold it against you and not foget about it. They are always looking for something you do that they don't like about you. They don't tell you of course, you just never hear from him again and don't know why. They are super picky when it comes to getting into a real relationship. You could be out on your first date at an Italian restaurant, and get one little but obvious piece of green oregano lodged on a your eye tooth. He spots it when you smile, and it bugs him so much that he just can't get it out of his mind. And he never calls you again.
Opinion
138Opinion
First off, if you have a past that your convinced they won't want you, you should be trying to figure out where you went wrong and how to fix it. Second, it depends entirely on how she was and how she is now. A woman who has a past and is fine with it, yes she will be kicked to the curb. I don't want a woman who was getting gang banged. I'm not going to treat her special because she didn't treat herself as if she was special, I'm not going to put in the massive amount of effort and money and time into dating her to get what she gave away to other guys for free (that means she is using me, I'm a chump, not a boyfriend).
Now if she did stupid shit, she knew she did stupid shit and she has made a concerted effort to change (and I mean actually change not oh I've changed because I stopped doing gangbangs last week), then that is also something that is factored in. Most guys will be more willing to be with a woman who was screwed up and acted out stupidely then he would if she was screwed up acting out stupidely and proud of it.
As for lying about it, that is manipulative and evil. Your telling them your some one your not, you are lying about who you are and when they find out they are going to understandablly hate you for it because you lied and you took away their right to choose. You wouldn't tolerate that from a man why you would do that to a guy is beyond me (pretty twisted honestly. Its basically rape, you've taken away his right to choose and he lives his entire life with you as a lie not realizing he is being exploited (because it is exploitive).
No, not always. However, your past actions do have consequences on your future. There is an old saying of what goes around, comes around, and you most of the time in life will never be able to cheat that. I went out with a girl I really loved once, she completely lied to me about who she was. I thought originally she was a sweet, loving girl, she was a bit older than me. Turns out she was just using me along with 4 other guys for sexual attention and then picked what she perceived as the best one and fucked off, giving me the friendzone and then the guilt trap I value you when I told her to fuck herself. She had pulled this crap with 25 other guys.
Fast forward a few years, she developed massive depression from being pumped and dumped, then she came crawling back to me. Only this time I no longer see her as the girl I once thought she was, I see her as a pitiable whore, who basically belongs in the streets. As do the multitudes of other men that have been through her like she was a £5 quick shag. I declined her offer of a relationship, feeling more inclined to pay her for any time I spent with her. Her past now defines who she was, as she chose to go down that path and threw her youth away on worthless crap, and now all the guys she knew who she played treat her like a whore.
Moral, for all men and women... Your past does catch up with you in the end, don't think you can just lie, cheat and sleep your way through things. Karma is a bitch and high-value men especially when it comes to women, don't want an ex-femme Fatale with a sordid past. You want a man with a good future, well then men are entitled to a woman with a good past. End of story.
u this is not true for everyone, no...
in all my relationships and even with my friends that are girls, they always have opened about their pasts, their experiences, their mistakes, challenges, flaws, shortcomings and everything (as well as the brighter and more positive sides and aspects of their lives) and I've also been open and honest with them... and in all those 20 years or so, it has never ever been a problem with any of them
however, it has to be with the right people and for the right people... you cannot just simply go around and trust everyone out there just the same, it is best to be more careful and selective with these things but... a TRUER love will never ever turn against you and harm you
This really depends on the character of the guy and whether or not he really truly believes the past is the past.
God's honest truth, you can sleep with a bazillion people, some men won't care. You can still be a virgin on your wedding night and he finds out you kissed one of your guy friends once, he'll lose his shit even after he says it doesn't matter. It really depends on the guy.
Obviously if you give someone an STD or are sleeping with their friends then they'll freak out, but seriously there's no difference between 1 and 10 partners. Some guys will 'feel insecure' if you've had more success than they have, and there's nothing you can do about that.
only some men do. It's because you're a little boys and if it hurt them they will always carried around so they can rub it in your face because you're not grown up enough to let it go or to even understand the real truth of what really happened. And if it's something they can use against you because you might have admitted that you were wrong did they think they can always do that and that's just pure bulshit if a guy treat you that way he's going to treat you in a lot of different ways to there just no good when something happened in the past is in the past is done and it's over with. If a guy can't do that it is mind is very small his heart is very small
My take on it, is the past is the past. She is with you now, what matters is what you have with her now, today.
If you love each other and you have an amazing relationship, that is hard to find. Don’t look for reasons to mess it up.
A lot of guys want to know who she has been with, etc. Her sexual past is irrelevant. Every person she was with before you, gave her sexual experience that you get to enjoy today. If she is with you, you are the best, the one she has chosen. The past does not matter. Enjoy what you have.
We all have a past. It’s over. You can’t change it. Look to today and tomorrow. Looking backward is a waste of time.
Nah that’s just not true at all , like many opinions on here it’s a massively generalized statement. Everyone has a past , and to have lived is to have made mistakes right? Therefore perhaps it’s more about understanding a persons past and how it has affected the choices they have made. If anyone is to hold another hostage to their past then it’s them perhaps that are being a little narrow minded as they are saying that people don’t have the capacity to change and we all know that just isn’t true !
Not true…………. Guys that are bothered by a girls past are very insecure and need to grow up.
My girlfriend has a very bad slutty past,
She is known as a whore to a lot of people
She slept with a lot of guys. And even slept with most of my friends.
Until we met, We were just supposed to have sex. But it wound up turning into more. We got along great, shared a laugh or 2. Exchanged numbers ect…………. I asked her if i can take her out.
And the rest is history. Ben together over 3 years. Now and its never ben an issue.
We laugh together about her past. It dosent bother me 1 bit. And i could care less what she did before me, Who. And how many………..
We are blissfully happy
Any guy that holds that against a girl is an a** hole
It all depends on the guy.
In my case I loved hearing all about the sexual adventures of the girls I was with. Of which my wife was the most wild and adventurous.
When we're in bed and playing, experimenting and she gets a little twinkle in her eye. I ask her what she remembered and she'll tell me and if it was something we never tried we'd do it together.
I had to be clear first that I would never judge her for her past. Extremely important!!!
Her past is her past, share as you feel comfortable.
Do I love her now only? Will I stop loving her because of her past? That's not love.
So, with many girlfriend's and especially with my wife they've told me, to the point of bragging, about every sloppy stinky raunchy detail. It's even more fun if I'm going down on her as she relives the memory.
It depends on the guy.
'because no matter how much he loves her, he will use that against her at some point.'
Nope, not true for all men. Some men do it because of immaturity, just to blame and put their girlfriends down. Others may do it because of being aware of the tendencies their girlfriend have had in the past and if it still reflects in the present, they point it out due to frustrations. Mostly happens because of lack of trust in men.
'a woman should never tell a man about her past'
High risk. Even if we consider that ALL MEN are the same and bring up their partner's past against them, what if you try your best to hide your past and they somehow come to know about it? It will get far worse.
It's best to be honest about your past, let your partner know how you truly are now and if there are any changes in your personality and behavior in the present. If they continue to use your past against you all the time unnecessarily, dump them.
If you are entering a serious long term or permanent relationship, you should tell your guy everything, no matter how bad it is. Just think how he might react if he found out, after 5 years of marriage, that your body count was over 100. The truth has a nasty habit of coming out when you least want it to. Not telling all amounts to deception. OK, you might lose a guy, but better now than when married.
Yes. Especially Asian men. The majority will not even marry a non-virgin girl. Especially South and Central Asian men as well as West Asian men because in Arab, Indian and Persian cultures a woman’s virginity is seen as a badge of honour. A man will not marry a woman who is impure. If he does marry a woman who even only just had one boyfriend and she probably never even slept with the guy, he will still hold that against her. If the girl has sexual history it has resulted in divorce.
In a way I am glad our men are like that because they care about us and don’t like their women sleeping around. It protects the women and that’s why you don’t see many getting knocked up out of wedlock or raising kids without having been married. Overall the kids turn out better than other culture kids because there are principles, traditions and values in place. There is respect boundary and shame and people don’t cross those boundaries.
Yes and No, it really depends on what she shares.
A friend of mine once dumped his long-term girlfriend after she disclosed that she previously had been used for sex by another older guy from their town that she kinda dated briefly.
He basically didn't understand how she could be so stupid and foolish, and no longer could see her a wife or mother of his kids. She was naturally devastated.
I would say anything done the last 5 years is a good way of judging their character. Digging deeper then that seems a bit unfair you must allow people to make mistakes and learn from it. But since changing behavior is hard and most people doesn't actually change. Her past will tell what she is bound to do in the future.
Men use a woman’s past to judge if she’s worthy of them or will cheat/future behavior. I won’t date an only fans girl because I wouldn’t date a stripper or whore same point. And I don’t have many options.
Cheaters are always cheaters. Fuck them they should die period.
Drugs… money habits… politics… short relationships.
Yes we’ll hold it against you. But you say she really loves him. How’s she gonna claim to live him if she can’t trust him to make the best decision and she decides to hide the truth… because the truth is she don’t love him she just wants him.
Immature men will never let go of it. Emotionally mature men will most likely be uncomfortable with it, but prosper through and use it as a way to become closer to her. Most women sleep around because of deep rooted insecurities. A man who loves her should help her heal from that and show her that she’s valuable outside of sex.
I’ve always been honest, as I don’t want drama. You figure out early if you are compatible or not with honesty (not to be confused with losing mystery though) Everyone has a past that we can’t change. The universe dumps on us and we all have to deal with choices in those moments. Our past is what makes us who we are in present. Anyone who can’t accept you for who you are, and been through, needs maturing or someone else.
It depends on the man. Some will have a problem focusing on who a woman is in the present because of her past, whether due to their own insecurity or because they worry that her past might cause problems in the future. Using it against a woman is another matter, and is manipulative, but some will do that too.
There are men who will focus on who a woman is in the present. I took this approach when finding a girlfriend and am glad I did. I would never use anything in her past against her. That would be an immature, mean thing to do.
It's not so much that he will use it against her. There's a good chance it would bother him, and make him check out of the relationship a bit (for several reasons related to this).
But at the same time, I think it's important to tell him anyway. It will come out eventually, and that could complicate the relationship a lot more. If he is not okay with it, she might have to accept that he isn't the one.
For many guys, we'd ideally prefer our partners to not have a past worth noting. We understand you can't change the past. But girls with pasts also need to understand that not every guy can (or wants to) look past it.
I mean both sides do this. I personally would rather just not know. As long as you don't have STD's or a kid I don't see why it matters.
But sleeping with a lot of guys is a bigger deal to men, than it seems to be for a man to sleep with a bunch of women, for women. IF that makes sense.
He doesn't want to know how you fucked more guys than he has girls. Or any of the details.
Women won't like the fact that I have slept with a lot of women, but they will accept it more than a man would. Women like players that act like gentlemen, men like ladies that act like sluts, but aren't really.
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