Does a guy declining a girl’s hug request make him a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Trying to see if anyone believes males are obliged to consent to requests from females.

[Anonymous]

Jerry Seinfeld famously denied Kesha a hug at an event. He didn't know who she was and she ran up fan girling and he declined her 3x. The press went wild with the story, like, oh, he should have just given her a hug, but he fired back with something to the effect of "fan worship goes one way. I preform but I don't see who is on the other side of the screen so people just randomly running up for hugs is a no go." Your body, you do not have to hug anyone you don't want to. Now Covid has made this a reality for just about everyone, but on the other side of it, no, literally means no.

[btbc92]

It is not rude unless he was rude about it. For most people, people assume that it is okay to just hug everybody. And I had to learn the hard way not everybody wants that or is touch avoidant. For touch avoidant people especially, they really do need a lot of time. I somewhat touch avoidant for a lot of reasons. While I personally love hugging people, and I'm, however, more cautious of others hugging or touching me. I believe we need to start teaching children especially this important lesson in life to save others a lot of heartaches. However, some people, like some guys who are very rude in snatching themselves from touch, really need to state their boundaries early on.

[litty]

You are aware consent means give permission, while obliged means they have to do it, right?

Also, if you must really know why they decline a hug, why not just ask them?

[Asker]

I am fully aware of that, I was just trying to see if anyone thinks guys have the obligation to give consent for being “men” due to some thinking guys not hugging when requested for a hug by a girl makes him a jerk, disrespectful, and not a gentleman. People get so confused sometimes and think that guys have no choice but to consent. My mom thinks that too, that guys not hugging a girl requesting it are disrespectful.

[Slartybartfast]

I hate being touched usually, that said I just grin and endure it like any other social rules I don't like, but follow.

[Asker]

What the society says shouldn’t dictate your decision. If you don’t want it, feel free to just say no. If they turn out rude and complain about it, walk away. If that happens at work with anyone, especially superiors/authorities, tell your manager or one you trust the most. If you don’t trust anyone of them or they all don’t act in your favor, tell the HR. If the HR doesn’t act in your favor, tell the corporation or the headquarters. If they don’t act in your favor, then file a lawsuit.

[enbyofenvy]

Its your body, your consent to give or not give. If youd consider someone a "jerk" for not giving you consent to touch their body, im very concerned for your community and everyone around you. Thats a very... Rapey mentality. You're not entitled to someone elses body, and if someone chooses to not give consent, thats their choice to make.

[doopayo]

No, that goes for everyone. My mom sometimes wants to hug me and I’m just not in the mood to be hugged. And she doesn’t understand that a lot of the times, it’s just about respecting boundaries. Doesn’t matter the relationship or gender

[Subarugirl]

No one is obligated to consent to anything they don't want to do period.

[Asker]

Issue is some people say that guys either have the obligation to consent or have to want to do it, labeling is as not being a gentleman and as being rude and disrespectful for not doing so.

[Subarugirl]

you can decline without being rude. It's not your fault some people can't take no for an answer.

[dustybiker]

Just own it by saying something like “Don’t think me a jerk, but I’m not a hugger.” Even if it’s just a specific person you don’t want to hug. When you claim something that could be awkward it saves it from becoming more so.

[Kaamraj]

No ofcorse not. Sometimes the culture and situation doesn't allow hugging, and sometimes that man just doesn't want to.

[jshm2]

Use proper English, bucko. the work "jerk" is not an insult outside the US.

But seems you have not learned what the word "consent" means, yet either.

[Asker]

I know what consent means, I was trying to see if anyone thinks guys have the obligation to consent, which of course, makes no sense to think anyone has the obligation to consent for that will lead to disappointment. Like, everyone has different preferences but not everyone realizes that or the importance of respecting boundaries.

[karaspara]

I don't see why that alone would be rude obviously depends on how it was done but some people just aren't touchy feely

[Texaskid1]

Nope.

It. just means he does not want to get me too'd

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Nope

[EssenceOfLight]

You aren't obligated to anything and their definitions about you don't matter.

[SupremeWarlord]

It depends on the culture and the context, where I live it's very common for people to greet each other with hugs, and it's a bit rude to turn down during family meetings for example. If it's not a greeting, then probably not.

[DarkWinterNights]

Depends on the relationship they have. If they’re co-workers it’s probably safer to avoid physical contact.

[InferiorElegy]

No it doesn't, they aren't entitled to us or our bodies just like we are entitled to theirs.

[MountAverage]

I have never met a single woman who thinks any guy is in any way obligated to hug her. What nonsense.

[Anonymous]

If a guy doesn't want a hug, it is what it is. I've declined hugs from the guy that I like but it doesn't make anyone a jerk.

[Anonymous]

No, unless she was freezing to death then u monster 🤪

[KingofCups]

If you don't want to touch a person it definitely means you don't feel a powerful emotional connection.

[KrakenAttackin]

Not at all. You should not have to hug someone you don't want to hug.

[noohair]

I don't care for hugs because I don't want to get sick. Yes I am weird.

[EnglishEuropean]

I like to hug but your body your choice man.

Also, Social Distancing.

[Kaneki05]

No but his loss, cause i always would accept.

[Anonymous]

Not if she's a stranger or being obnoxious or drunk

[jasco]

No some people don't like hugs or touching

[Wise4myage]

No, not really. He might just be very shy.

[ChiPaPa]

Nope. You're not obligated to give her anything.

[Hangry06]

Absolutely not. It's your body

[TurningGraves]

Look no further because, yes, it does.

[Asker]

Okay, now here is the next question: Does a girl declining a guy’s hug request make her a jerk?

[TurningGraves]

Girls can’t be jerks through their actions. Maybe through their words..

[MrOracle]

"Girls can’t be jerks through their actions."

Not only false, but a clear indication of bankrupt morals and values.

[TurningGraves]

Are u sure it’s not indicating something else?

[Asker]

Okay, so then you are saying a guy declining a git’s hug request makes him a jerk, but a girl declining a guy’s hug request doesn’t (necessarily) make her a joke? If you do believe that, what makes you to believe that? Please be specific and unbiased.

[TurningGraves]

You’ve changed my mind, asker. They’re both jerks.

[Asker]

Thank you. Now you are probably not sexist.

Although I do disagree with you. I believe it doesn’t automatically make them jerks. People don’t owe anyone a hug, and nobody is entitled to being hugged by anyone. But I respect you for not being sexist in this regard.

[jspl90]

oh so turning down physical touch makes you a jerk😂 @TurningGraves hey lets have sex

[TurningGraves]

Okay

[jspl90]

... well that did not go the way expected well okay do you have a latex allergy or are normal condoms okay

[Asker]

@jspl90 , you should be careful to not make such moves here. Literally. I am no moderator but I don’t want to be blamed for that over posting this question.

[TurningGraves]

You should join us, asker.

[jspl90]

buddy I am not even on the same continent as her so these are justjokes and talk

[Asker]

@jspl90 , oops, I didn’t know that. Sorry.

[Asker]

@TurningGraves I don’t want to join in a sexual relationship. I would rather just have a platonic & no strings attached cuddle meetup, because of my religion and because I am disgusted by the act of sexual relationship. But if I had a girlfriend or was talking to someone, I wouldn’t be down to cuddle with anyone else besides her, but I don’t have a girlfriend. Do you live in North America by the way?