I got too drunk in front of my friends with benefits and he kicked me out?

[Anonymous]

My friends with benefits of 4 years called me to come over, I was already pretty drunk. He proceeded to pour me wine and said his colleague (another girl) was going to come over. He joked about having a three way which wasn’t funny to me (he does this all the time). Then the girl showed up, saw I was drunk and left 15 min later.. which was odd… I guess I spilled some wine in the kitchen and then when we went upstairs I spilled again. I apologized, he yelled at me and told me I can’t stay there and that I had to leave. I started crying then left. He has been ignoring me since and called me disrespectful for showing up wasted and spilling. Accidents happen, I didn’t do it on purpose and apologized. Then he said he never kicked me out, but I remember he did! He also said he was “joking” about the three way… Then he said I was crying uncontrollably for no reason, but I was crying because he was being mean to me. He’s so mean, I didn’t do anything to harm him, I just made a drunk mistake by spilling wine :(

[btbc92]

Asker,

Firstly, I don't know what to say here. There is a LOT that needs to be discussed in your situation. But I believe the real question is, what are asking here? Validation? Advice? Direction? Because one thing I can say is, we cannot make your situation with this man, better. But I am just going to cover all bases here for you and for others to read so they can get the necessary help available. The main question I desire to ask you is: What are you doing in your life? You need to ask yourself that question. What are you DOING in your life? What is your life about? Is it this?

For starters, I want to say that in your current situation is abusive, it's not a relationship, and to be honest, what are you looking for out of this? Are you looking for an identity? Because to him, it is very clear what that is, somebody to just use for sex and company. What is he for you? Somebody, who you can get your needs met whatever those "needs" are? I am just going to be blunt here. I overall want to say I am sorry you have been treated very poorly. However, this is what happens when you have premarital sex out of marriage, let alone being married to that kind of man. If I have not made it clear before, this guy is abusive and is using you strictly for sex and that is obvious that the other girl was for it also. She is not a friend, she is somebody who is getting something out of it also. Why are you even doing this and with this kind of man, let alone involved with that kind of people? What is this lifestyle doing for YOU? Sounds like all it is doing is being destructive for you and that you don't love yourself, don't even know who you are as a person, and have given up at life. Hense the drinking also. And is using sex and alcohol to numb that pain. Why were you with that person for 4 years, of hell?

Secondly, no. He was NOT joking. I can clearly see that this guy never took you seriously and saw you as somebody he could use. That's all, he thinks he is a hotshot, and he's not. That type of man is weak and you are way stronger than you realize. You don't a guy like this jokester. But having premarital sex, having that kind of whoredoms, is not good for your future. Let alone the drinking, you're going to have to get some help. I don't know if you have family or friends, somebody who can try to help you or help support you. But that should be your focus is finding a place to live, getting clean both sexually and with the drinking. Get serious counseling and therapy, a job don't have one if possible now, and get help. Get serious with your life. Because this what you're doing here is not living. And it can eventually if you are not careful, end you up in the hospital, jail, or dead.

The guy is gaslighting you, abusing you, using you, mistreating you, and who knows what else. But the question again you need to ask yourself, is what are you DOING with your LIFE? What do you even want out of your life? This guy is not mean, he is flat out wrong and abusive as I said before. Doesn't even care about your wellbeing or for your life. No empathy whatsoever.

If you want my advice, this is it. Drop the joker and start moving on with life and actually start changing your life. Ask God for forgiveness, ask Jesus for help, repent from these things, don't do them again, ask for assistance, and find a place to go. See if you can find a domestic violence or shelter for women who can help you get away from this guy. For your safety. Whatever you can take with you, have it with you. Whatever you don't need that is not important, then figure out what it is or let him decide at this point. But whatever you do, end that relationship NOW.

[btbc92]

HOWEVER

IF for whatever reason, you choosing to stay with that man. Don't upset him anymore. Whatever he asks, then if that is what you are subjecting yourself to then you are under that obligation if it matters to your life or ability to stay. But understand that is bondage and slavery. It is your free will here. And I can't force you to do anything you don't want. I am not an expert or licensed professional to tell you anything. But I would encourage you to seek help immediately, or at most professional counseling for your situation.

A narcissistic man like that cannot love you like what you're expecting if you were, but he doesn't even love himself or anyone. He uses people, and it's clear he attracts people who like to be used. You must find the purpose for your life and find a way to really develop a plan to actually sustain on. Regardless of what, you are a person, a soul, and an individual who is in need of assistance and help. And if you expect to have anything good, you're going to have to do what is hard, and that is not being around that kind of man. Why do you go back? It's up to you to decide that. Please find reputable and etiquette help as soon as possible, and not rely on a place like GaG to help you because a lot of people on here are not serious about others and will put you in greater harm. Please again, call for assistance. Go to your nearest church, etc, and see if they have links, programs, or referrals to help you. Speak to a social worker, etc.

[btbc92]

Stand up for yourself Asker, if you expect to ever have a future. Let him do what he does with anybody else if they let him. But stop settling for a loser. You're better than that. Save yourself for marriage, change and get your life back in order. Become a better person. Not this. Whatever "this" is you have going on now, as I said again, is not living. It's death. Can't seek the world to solve your problems, only Jesus can.

[Anonymous]

Quote: My friends with benefits of 4 years called me to come over

So, you are apparently required to remain sober at all times when not with him so that you can be in a fit state whenever he decides he wants you to come over.

The guy is a fucking prick.

Be glad you aren't wasting more of your time with him.

Then dont waste anymore of your time with him.

[Spookydood]

You said the guy in question had joked about threesomes before, right? The dude wasn't mad about spilled wine, he very obviously was looking to get the two of you in bed. You know that, or are trying to hint you know that.
Sounds like he's done, move on.

[ChrisMaster69]

Leave him, he broke that friends with benefits thing by not being a friend.

friends with benefits is not just about sex.

[Anonymous]

You're just pussy to him, he doesn't want all the relationship crap and drama.
He doesn't care about you, he's not your boyfriend, he's a dick appointment.

[burlen]

I'm sorry for what happened to you. What exactly is your question?

[Morgador]

Total jerk, he should have understood that shit happens and he should of put you to bed. Should of never let you leave in that condition unless he took you home and put you to bed safe

[Surely]

Apparently he doesn’t like $h! t face drunk girls!
I stopped going to parties in my younger years because I didn’t like babysitting!
Apologize and don’t do it again!

[Browneye57]

Ew boy... you're some piece of work aren't you. Dear lord...

[Mangospacho]

Wow. This can get you kicked out? Based on this, my wife should’ve kicked me out years ago.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're fucking a douche bag. You should probably stop doing that.

[Anonymous]

If somebody spilled wine twice in a short period of time yeah I’d find that disrespectful. Fuck all these simps. Did you even apologize?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

You can always find another friend with benefits.

[Anonymous]

OK and?

[Jmmmfi4]

he's over reacting