What does he want from me and why me?

[Anonymous]

This continuous behavior has been happening since 2016. We hardly talk to each other (very short/ dry) conversations. He’s always quick to look at my Snapchat or Ig stories, always comments on my stories or sometimes messages me to check up on me. Why put all this effort if he’s always acting hot and cold. We have known each since middle school but went to different HS.

[tojazzjune]

I have a few guys doing this with me. It’s the winter, I’ve known them as Friends for decades but I’ve had no interaction since then. They both randomly reached out this month and here I am, chatting. One said he saw me on a dating app and reached out. The other said that he remembered that he liked me those years ago but wanted to get to know me better. It makes me feel a little shallow in ways because my enjoyment lies in face to face interactions far more and virtual leaves so much room for misinterpretation.

[PrettyPriya]

Have you gone to lunch or something like that? I always find face to face better. It gives you a much better picture of that persons feelings.

Text/email/social media messages or behaviour is often interpreted differently by different people.

[Asker]

We “hung out” once but we didn’t talk much just made out and almost hooked up. But he has always been the type to not share his feeling at all well at least with me

[PrettyPriya]

Maybe he just isn’t your type it seems. Some people just aren’t good communicating.

[Asker]

That’s what I thought too but it doesn’t explain why he’s always been invested to know what I’m up too. For example if I go days or weeks without posting even months he will message me just to check in

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like he just does that when it crosses his mind. Sorry, not what you want to hear. 😞

[Asker]

It’s ok, I still appreciate your input thanks anyways ☺️

[PrettyPriya]

You’re welcome and good luck!! ❤️

[JustAnOnlineAlias]

Sounds to me as if he likes you but doesn't think you feel the same way

[IncognitoBandito]

He thinks you're not that interested but still likes you

[Asker]

Well I did ask him once when are you gonna ask me out in a playful/ teasing way but he had the nerve to tell that I always run away

[Truthbewithyou]

I've had guys do this to me. It's an ego boost. They come around to check in, to see if you'll reply once, or a few times. Once you do, they know you're not dating anyone and you still have interest in them. They'll like your social media posts so you'll remember they are still around. You're the backup plan to when there's no one else. It's a mind game.

[Asker]

Can you message me in private I have so many questions. Everything you just said made so much sense.

[Truthbewithyou]

How do I message you?

[Truthbewithyou]

It might be easier if you message me

[Asker]

I sent you a request if that’s ok, just so I can message you and ask some questions.

[Truthbewithyou]

Yes, it's ok

[spartan55]

What are you doing any different than him?

[Asker]

Well I do reply but he has always been the one Initiating the conversation

[spartan55]

So, nothing really. And you are griping about him being hot and cold (of course). So what do you want from him and why him?

[Asker]

Well back then I would try to make conversation but he would leave me on read all the time even though he was the one initiating the conversation or small talk so I stopped trying to make actual conversation. So I asked myself why but all this effort in always liking my posts if you don’t wanna talk to me or have an actual conversation.

[spartan55]

Did you just say "all this effort in liking my posts" 😂 Seriously? Looking at those takes about 30 seconds TOPS. You make it sound like the guy moves heaven and earth just to comment on your social media... I don't know, maybe you were joking.

[Asker]

It’s the truth, I just want to know what does he get out of all this? Am I helping boost his ego? Is it a mind game I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️

[spartan55]

Not sure why that is important. Do you like him?

[spartan55]

Don't ever think that any guy looking at your social media 'means' anything.

[Asker]

I use to like him back in freshman year HS, that was years ago though. But yeah i mean I know I’m aware that any guy looking at my profile means nothing but I question his behavior particularly because he seems to have a pattern.

[spartan55]

I'm referring to the present, do you like him now?

[Asker]

No, since I don’t see him at all I can’t say I have a personal connection. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t his attention. I know it’s wrong but a kinda like the attention even though it’s only on social media. But that doesn’t stop me from questioning his repeated patterns.

[spartan55]

You are focusing on something that doesn't matter. He probably uses you for attention to, or he thinks you aren't interested.

[Asker]

Maybe that explains why when I go silent on social media for weeks or months on end he ends up somehow checking on me because his not getting his daily dose of attention 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Avicenna]

Only he could possibly know