Should I be intimidated that this is my boyfriends ex, would you be intimidated?

[Anonymous]

He even compared me to her then claimed he didn’t mean it and only did it so I would “leave him alone” and stop messaging him etc but I don’t know

I wouldn’t be intimidated

I would be

Just forget him really

[ohshee]

Okay first of all who is the guy with second of all there's no reason in this world to be intimidated by anybody you need to find a confidence Within Let It Go

For me I look at it like this I can do anything in this world and I can do it very good in most cases but there's always going to be somebody it is going to be better than me and some things sorry I have to be honest about it but when it comes to love I'm not going to be intimidated by anybody because I know that I can love a person very very deeply and I can be the best at it that's the only part I can control I can't control what my partner thinks I can't control the love that my partner has I can only control me and that part I'm intimidating when you feel that that comes from the inside of you you either allow intimidation to happen or you don't let it go don't worry about it you can't control your boyfriend and why would you want to if he can't love you on his own then he's not worth it and you will know that and it'll be time to walk away don't be intimidated by anybody or anything don't be jealous of anybody or anything it's a waste of time

[loveslongnails]

I don't understand this post. He's your "boyfriend", but he wants you to leave him alone because you text too much? He thought you were too annoying, so he shows you his hot ex? WTF is that all about?

For starters, doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship. And she's his "ex", not in his life anymore, so why does he throw her out there? He's telling you point blank you're not as hot as she is, so... (I'm guessing) ... so why do I want you, even though I'm not with her anymore? This all sounds fucked up, so why do you call him your boyfriend? And why do you stay?

[Asker]

He didn’t say I wasn’t as hot as her he said “she ain’t shit compared to my ex” his friend told me he said, so me being me, I said he wasn’t shit then compared him to attractive guys I dated, then he said to me “you will never be half the woman she is and “I would always pick her over you” he didn’t mention looks but part of me thinks it’s to do with looks… wouldn’t you say? and I stay because of a lot of reasons, mostly to do with my love for him. He said he only compared me to her to get under my skin, so I’d leave him alone and stop messaging him but who knows.

[loveslongnails]

If you love a guy who says things like that to you "just to get under your skin", and you think that's all it is, I have no further comment on that. You sound desperate if you'll put up with that kind of shit. No matter how you rationalize it, sure doesn't sound like he has love for you.

[Asker]

There’s more to it than simply trying to get under my skin? Sure it’s toxic, abusive and disrespectful and I know plenty of other men I dated never said anything like that to me I know all these things. It’s hard when you genuinely love someone. Would you say it indicates he loves her or at least deep down somehow thinks she’s a better partner which is why he would even say such things? Because to me it seems I’m ignoring what might’ve been a small indication of where his heart lies

[loveslongnails]

Uh... yes, yes, and yes. If you know all these things, why are you still with him? Are you an addict>?
Yes there's more to it than just trying to get under your skin, and none of it is good.
Yes you're ignoring where his heart is at. You're the next, convenient thing around. No real man EVER says that shit to his current girl unless he's both an asshat and is really still hung up on his ex girl, who obviously dumped HIM, right?

And a big fucking yes to " Sure, it's toxic, abusive and disrespectful" ? Sure? Oh, but you "genuinely LOVE him"? Why? Because you like being abused? Is that your idea of love?
I don't believe you love him, you just want to think you do and not give up on "love", or what you think is love. I assure you, what he has for you is not love.

I think you've got low self-esteem and you're afraid of being alone. Any man who blurts this out of his mouth, even in a moment of anger, is revealing his true thoughts:
"“you will never be half the woman she is... I would always pick her over you”.
And your question is " umm, do you mean strictly LOOKS wise?" Really? He just told you how he truly feels, and you say to yourself "eh, it's just about looks and he's trying to rile me"?

Close your eyes, picture your life together in 5 years --- and then get out. If you don't get out, you should consider talking to a therapist to figure out why you want to stay in a demeaning, toxic, verbally abusive relationship.

[RubyAna]

I agree with this 100%

[loveslongnails]

@RubyAna Thanks Ruby. It's not rocket science, but when you're insecure and in denial, you'll look for ANY possible rationalization to avoid the truth, won't you?

[Киттйлинк]

Not at all. I'm pretty confident on how attractive I look. Plus I don't find her attractive. To add more to it she even has forehead wrinkles already. But it all depends on how YOU feel about yourself.

Also, irrelevant to if I felt intimidated or not, just the fact that he wants you to stop messaging him? while being your boyfriend? is a red flag. I would not message him at all ever again not because of intimidation but why int he world would my boyfriend want me to stop messaging him and using any type of talk about his ex to accomplish that? just seems like breakup alert to me.

[Anonymous]

You’re more than intimidated, you’re flat out insecure, and to an obsessive extent because you’ve acquired this girls photos, and are now posting them for strangers to openly judge her and that is completely wrong. You need to do some serious work on yourself internally, and not do things like this. Because if he wanted to leave you for her or anyone else, he will and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. So leave her alone dude. Focus on yourself and your relationship and enjoy what it is right now, not the negativity that it has the potential to bring.

[Asker]

He got so drunk and compared me to her from top to bottom told his friends supposedly I was nothing in comparison and would never be half the woman she is gas lit me into believing he didn’t say that and sure maybe I am. But that’s because apparently she’s my lack. She’s a great person though I am not hateful toward her

[kay_nint9]

I saw a famous member on this site posting picture of a girl claiming she is his online girlfriend.

[Asker]

@kay_nint9 famous? Who?

[Opinion Owner]

And yet she’s having to pay for that unacceptable thing he said? By having her photo anonymously shared on this platform so strangers can judge her? You lack empathy. He should be broken up with and tossed to the curb. Instead, you have no issue throwing her out there, just for a drop of validation, hoping someone would call her ugly or say something to ease your insecurity and make light of how inadequate he said you were. Please do some healing asker; because this is ridiculous and if the shoe were on the other foot, I bet you’d be horrified to find your photo online for others to pick apart in such a manner. Leave him, the guy who doesn’t see your worth, and do better.

[Anonymous]

bruh my girlfriends ex boyfriend was a stud he is 6ft 5 plays football and could crush me like a can, Im still with my girlfriend, Just because he is a "alpha male" over me does not matter, The same applys to girls dont worry

[Asker]

You think she’s an alpha female or looks like one?

[Opinion Owner]

she's not she is a pretty little 5ft 1 thing lol

[Asker]

Check me out.. anonbrunette99

[Flower7]

Regardless of the photos, you should be “intimidated”by the fact that he compared you to her. Even if he said he didn’t mean it, I’m sure that he did. Gigantic red flag. It would probably be best not to stay with him.

[Asker]

What makes you sure he meant it?

[Flower7]

That’s not something to joke about.

[Asker]

He compared me to her a year ago to his friends then just three months three months ago to my face he gas lit me into believing he didn’t say it or it was just because he was angry and drunk but I’ve literally driven myself insane comparing myself to her the sick thing is, he hasn’t seen her in 6 years so those pics are actually her 6 years ago … that I’m hell bent on comparing myself with :/

[Flower7]

This has become a very toxic relationship. Time to get out!

[andreasderjuengere]

She surely looks good.
But that does not mean that YOU aren't attractive as well.
A relationship should be about building a future (long term or short term), but not so much about analyzing the (recent?) past :)

[Asker]

No but about a year ago he told his friends I was nothing compared to her and got drunk and compared me to her from head to toe when he was mad, he did it again in December. Kind of stayed with me he said he doesn’t mean it he was very angry, didn’t like that other guys flirt with me so he wanted me to feel what he felt. Oh it is the past he hasn’t seen this girl in 6 years, those are images of her 6 years ago when they actually dated she looks different now but it’s not like he knows that

[andreasderjuengere]

So: the ''problem'' (if there is one) lies in your man's anger management. The girl is simply a symptom.

[Asker]

Why do you think it’s her though that he uses to piss me off because she’s not his only ex at all…

[andreasderjuengere]

Simply, because it works?

[Crafteroon]

If I found out my girlfriend is spreading pictures of my ex online I would be pretty upset. Not because of her insecurities, but because of her lack of boundaries.

[Asker]

To be honest he probably knows he notices what I do online a lot but I meaaaan he compared me to her so he already broken a boundary

[Crafteroon]

If you can't bear to be compared with previous partners then you probably shouldn't date anyone. Because comparing will always happen, and you can't win all of them.

And if you think dragging a third person into the argument is okay because your feelings got hurt, grow up. It's between you and him. Posting his ex online is so much worse in comparison.

[dustybiker]

Why are you so worried about his ex? You have him now, no?

[Asker]

In an argument he got so drunk and compared me to her from head to toe that’s why even though he said he never meant it, that stuff stays with you big time

[spartan55]

What do you mean 'intimidated'? Like she's going to come whoop your ass. Geez you and your boyfriend both need to grow up.

[NorthAfrican]

She looks like a normal American girl but you seem to he a rebound for that assh*le.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Nope you shouldn't be intimidated by his past! Besides.. Is she supposed to be good looking?

[Katielovesitbig]

She'd love the dick too...

Does the thought of that intimidate you?

[far2gud4u]

She’s an ex for a reason x

[Finchie40]

She’s attractive but what do you look like?

[Naimgood]

I'd have to see 20 more pics, just to be sure

[Asker]

Why…. Uh

[Naimgood]

I'm kidding you posted a lot. She's cute but pics vs real life are totally different. He's not with her or any other ex's so why be intimidated? Unless you think they'll hook up again

[Asker]

they will never hook up again she hates him plus those pics are of her from 6 years ago he hasn’t seen her or known what she looks like since then but he got drunk and compared me to her and even told his friends she’s better cause he got mad at guys flirting with me and wanted me to feel what he felt but, I don't know.

[Naimgood]

He sounds like a pussy, guys flirt with you and he gets mad and takes it out on you? But they were flirting with you... and he didn't say shit to them

[Wise4myage]

Don't be, it can only lead to problems.

[Staximus]

What does his ex have to do with you?

[Nagahime]

No, who cares?

[In_Trance]

Sure... then what?

[Asker]

Then I really wondered why men have to compare woman to their ex’s what purpose does it give

[888theGreat]

she is attractive