What do you think of the "Men don't cry" culture? Is it causing more harm, than good in men? (Page 2)
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I haven't cried from grief since I was a child, having lost my mother horribly to cancer. But is was not really grief. It was relief that her suffering was over. When I was younger, I suppressed it when I took a loss and it was like learning to lie like lawyers do. It taints your soul.
As an adult, I cloud up at appropriate times. Recently it was two movies. Robert Redford's The Natural. "How come you haven't played Professional Ball?" "Well, I kinda got side tracked". Well, I kinda got side tracked in my life.
The other is The Bodyguard; Whitney Houston, Kevin Costner. I knew when I saw the movie, I knew that Whitney Houston was an "alley cat" in real life, just like her character.
I knew that she could have been liberated by marrying Kevin Costner. He wept at her funeral. I wept when I learned she had died.
It's OK to be emotional when it matters.
That's not a culture. Men cry. It was always like that. It's just that men have to take more responsibility, so bitching and crying about their misery somewhat publicly is just not a practical solution for them.
This is just another backhanded bullshit that actually harms the male role in the public eye. The narrative for men is already bad enough Men are shown as this pathetic idiots, who can't control their emotions, who are inherently violent rapists and pedos and if course misogynistic sexist homophobes that need help. All the bad labels... Leave men alone don't look down on them as those poor depressed individuals that can't deal with sadness.
Life is shit. And truth is, nobody gives a shit about you as a man. Yeah you can go to a therapist if you can afford that... But ultimately, you're on your own. So it's useful for men to have a "deal with it" mentality. Cause they need it to survive.
It's only bad from the standpoint that it TEACHES men to hide who they are. YES, I know I'll be judged for my emotions with most women. So I've learned to hide my true emotions. The result is, she never will meet the true me. Is that bad? Well I guess that's up for women to decide. I know I can never trust a woman enough to be my complete self. And I've just learned to accept that.
To answer your question, YES I do think it's sad 😔. We all should find someone we can be our true selves with.
Thank you 😊
Pansies and crybabies don't build nations or defend them. Men do. "Men don't cry" is an acknowledgement of reality, not of power or fantasy. The reality is that crying doesn't solve anything. Not one damn thing. It is a waste of time, energy, and respect. No one respects a crying man, LEAST OF ALL WOMEN. If you want women to respect you, crying won't do it. It does the opposite. There is no benefit at all for a man to cry anywhere except where no one can see him. When no one is looking, you can cry until you drown Egypt. Everywhere else, suck it up.
Actually there are mental and physical bennefits of crying, there are also appropriate and innapropriate ways andplaces to deal with certian emotions. Women respect men who are strong enough to deal and process emotions in a healthy way instead of repressing them
@Subarugirl
"Women respect men who are strong enough to deal and process emotions in a healthy way instead of repressing them"
Which is why you never listen to what women say. You watch what they do. You can scream "men should cry" until your lungs explode, but that doesn't hold up to the real world.
I never said men should cry... I said that according to science, there are physical and psychological benefits. It's science. What I did say is that having the emotional and mental maturity to learn how to deal with and process emotions in a healthy way instead of repressing them is respectable.
What isn't respectable is blaming someone else for your lack of effort to take care of your mental health... as someone who is part of a demographic 3 times more likely to commit suicide, I'm surprised you are more receptive to takin preventative measures to improve your mental health instead of just repressing you issues by ignoring them...
@Subarugirl No one is blaming anyone for anything. I am stating why the whole "men don't cry" thing exists and why it is ultimately a good thing. There are benefits to not crying. You don't waste time and energy and you don't lose the respect of your peers and the opposite sex. No one likes a cry baby.
Why do you assume that you either "bottle up" or you have to cry? That's just completely untrue. Crying is not an emotional release. It's a loss of emotional control. Not expressing emotions is not the same as not feeling them. Men feel plenty. We just don't show it on the outside. We process our emotions just like women do, but not necessarily through action. We can think through our emotions and sort everything out on the inside. There is no bottling involved. You just assume that because you can't witness it happening.
I neither assumed nor made a statement remotely close to that. I never said you should cry, I just said that you shouldn't be repressing emotions, and that there are physiological benefits...
Why do you keep trying to twist words?
People may try to suppress tears if they see them as a sign of weakness, but science suggests that doing so could mean missing out on a range of benefits.
A 2014 study found that crying may have a direct, self-soothing effect on people. The study explained how crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which helps people relax.
A 2016 study explains, crying is primarily an attachment behavior, as it rallies support from the people around us. This is known as an interpersonal or social benefit.
Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins.
These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4934120/#B30
Pretty much every statement that you made is inaccurate and has been disproven by medical and behavioral science. What you are doing is perpetuating a stigma of destructive behavior that you have bought into. "Real men don't cry" is not only harmful to the thousands of men conditioned to suppress their emotions but also to everyone around them. Men do not show emotion whether a positive or negative emotion; they have been told not to. So when emotion is finally pushed out of them it’s an explosive angry outburst which can oftentimes be of harm to the people around them at the time. These outbursts can manifest as passive aggression, sexual aggression, and even violence.
There has been a lot of research into this by psychologist and behavior specialist.
Totally agree. Women won’t respect a guy for crying infront of them
@βιυεsκγs Not crying alone, however, according to sociology and psychology most people will trust their partner more for opening up and being emotional vulnerable. There is no intimacy without vulnerability and with out intimacy there is not relationship.
Someone needs to be a rock. I'm glad my dad didn't cry like my mom does. She'd freak out and cry over everything. For me as a child having someone who wasn't crying in moments of distress gave me strength. A child seeing an adult cry can cause unnecessary fear so having someone who could keep their shit together isn't a bad things. People make too big of a deal about what others do, let men be men and let them deal with it in their own way.
P. S most men do cry on occasions but they do it out of sight.
I don't think men should cry unless it's some happy tears... It doesn't look or feel right... In my darkest personal times I didn't cry even alone... I don't know how some guys cry in front others or even online with tons of people watching... And it's not toxic masculinity cuz I grew up with no dad or a big brother... It's just common sense.. I don't like guys being a drama queen
It’s both a good and a bad thing.
Men who cry around certain individuals, typically around certain women, use their weakened state against them.
Men who don’t cry bottle it up and have to let it out in secret like in the shower or in their car where they’re alone. Either that or they just keep in inside until it subsides, and continue on with their lives.
The culture is clearly made up by women :
Bc women secretly want a DAd type figure , a protector ; they won't admit it but each time a guy shows weekness of character they will direct inconsciently to a Protector other than guys.
so yeah that's why.
While I dont agree with most of what you said, I do agree that most people dont want a person who exhibits weak characteristic traits, and emotional repression is one of those.
There is no such thing as a "Men don't cry" culture.
Men reserve crying for when it is warranted, joyful and sad times inside the family or close male friends.
We do not become blubbering wreaks it times of trouble.
We put emotions in a box at the back of our heads, deal with the trouble logically, after that has been dealt with we then look at the emotions and work through them, or if it is something like an impending death through natural causes or illness, we will work through the emotions ahead of time, so that we can be supportive of others during those times.
Women never see our true emotions because we have learned from painful experience, that more often that not, if we show our true emotions to women, that they will weaponise them and use them against us.
It's obviously harmful to boys and the men they become, but what is the solution? And please don't say it's only up to men to change it. Men certainly play a role in it but so do women. Things like a man crying in the same way women do go to the core of the very nature of heterosexual human attraction. Telling males they should feel free to cry and show emotions in the same way females do is just setting them up for failure with the opposite sex. Until we acknowledge that fact we will never be able to deal with the issue with any honesty.
I think it's awful. Men, like women, should be able to express themselves in moments of pain in a natural way.
Amen to that !. Thank you 😊
I don't think it's quite as prevalent as many people might think it is. If anything, I think men are generally more aware of the need for a clear and stabilizing presence in tense and difficult situations. Men feel sadness, fear, and anxiety. We suffer when we experience defeat, rejection, and loss. And yes, there is another side to it as well. We experience great joy when the situation calls for it. We just don't express it as readily or instinctively as women do.
we actually cry a lot but don't want people to know we want people to know that we are cheerful and smiling people (I even cried a lot, to be honest I'm not lying it feels like crying can really heal the heart) .. and it also depends on the reason a man cries, for example, someone cries because it hurts and doesn't get better, that's normal... there are some things that , if we cry it's actually embarrassing..
It sounds a little arrogant, perhaps: but I do not need a woman to tell me when to cry, and when not :) - no confrontation intended.
As for myself: crying will not give me a solution if 'there's a problem'.
And: no! It does not harm me in any way when I don't 'cry'.
On the contrary: I do cry when I hear an extraordinarily good rock tune, or when I feel (again) grateful about my Mom. Tears of joy (or fun) are ok.
Okay
Thanks :)
I don't show my emotions because women in my life always used it against me.
Whether it was love, pain, sadness, or joy, they turned it against me at some point, to either use me or hurt me.
And there it is, that's the experiences I'm looking for. I have witnessed this myself. Where they shame little boys to teens to even grown men about crying. Calling them names and using it against them. Now I will admit both men and women do this. And I often ask myself why? Why has that become a thing. Now it's not a thing for all, but it's still a thing that happens and I don't think it should.
Men in my life never shamed me for my emotions, but since men are often more rational, they tried to fix it rationally. Which in some case wasn't exactly what I needed.
Okay I understand. Thank you for sharing 😊
Men will cry when they need to not necessarily because someone thinks that they should or it's acceptable. If a man doesn't cry it is fine there's nothing wrong with him. You don't accept everybody to accept your thinking no more than you are expected to accept everyone else's thinking you have the ability to influence yourself and the action spirit. So when the feeling hits them he will cry
Try spending 8 years in the middle east specifically 4 years in Iraq and 4 in Afghanistan as a USAF PJ, YOU JUST BECOME NUMB, Is the only way I can put it.
I understand
Men need to cry. I think without crying they become cold and closed off. I want a man in touch with his feelings. I always tried to let any guy in my life feel all their feelings and release stress around me.
I used to think that real men did not cry. I think in some cases it can be okay.
I do believe it's okay, I think as human beings we all need to let it out sometimes. Thank you 😊
men should only cry at funerals and actual tragedies, crying just cuz your sad or upset is feminine af. i think it’s a positive part of masculinity that we are more stoic and can compartmentalize our emotions better than women. Women want strong men not guys that are emotional as them.
Exactly. Male stoicism is rooted in Freudian psychology. Women don’t really respect emotional men. They see them as other women. They are actually the primary reason men don’t cry whether they realize it or not.
Seriously?
Nothing but truth here