In my opinion it's a rare thing. Or maybe they do it often when no one is around? Men were taught not to cry at a young age, to hide their emotions. Guys, have you ever been told not to cry or to 'man up'? Personally, I think that crying is good because it's like a emotional release. That way you become stronger. In my whole life, I have seen three men crying: My father, my ex and my husband. My father was often bursting in tears after he was finishing a conversation on the phone , with my mother! She was far away, in another corner of the world. He was just missing her a lot. I thought that's sweet. My ex cried after a big fight due to his jealousy. I never cried in front of him. I just couldn't. My husband cried twice. Once because we were almost breaking up. Second time: he was drunk and I remember it was my fault, because something wrong I ve done. That was his way to deal with it.
1. In my opinion it's a rare thing. Or maybe they do it often when no one is around?"
Yes, that is right. It is not very common for a man to cry often. About men crying when no one is around does happen, I think it does but that also will not be often. Yes if they have emotionally or psychologically traumatic experience then yes it is a possibility of them crying when they are alone.
Another point is, believe it or not it is true that not all men will cry. Yes they can understand and show sensitivity to other people's emotions, feelings but they themselves will be very tough on the inside that they don't cry.
2. "Men were taught not to cry at a young age, to hide their emotions. Guys, have you ever been told not to cry or to 'man up'?"
Yes, once again that is very true. At least in general. Although certain families, certain might actually encourage their sons to be more emotionally expressive.
Well, in my case my parents always encouraged me to express myself but as a man I always believe in the fact that a man shouldn't cry and whine about things but should instead be logical, rational and should look for solutions and ways to handle and manage things with little or no support from others.
3."Personally, I think that crying is good because it's like a emotional release. That way you become stronger."
Well, I am not sure how many men will agree with that though. However, yes I can see the sense in your point.
4. " My father was often bursting in tears after he was finishing a conversation on the phone , with my mother! She was far away, in another corner of the world. He was just missing her a lot. I thought that's sweet."
Yes, of course that is very sweet. It is a clear indication that your parents and especially your dad loves your mom a lot.
5. "My ex cried after a big fight due to his jealousy. I never cried in front of him. I just couldn't. My husband cried twice. Once because we were almost breaking up. Second time: he was drunk and I remember it was my fault, because something wrong I ve done. That was his way to deal with it."
I am not sure how can crying ever be a way of dealing with things? I don't see any logic in that at all. Crying doesn't solve anything. Yes it might make a person feel better and lighter though but crying too much can actually be counter productive and may do more damage than good. Meaning it can make others believe that the person resorts to crying when hurt and in that way the person who cries may come off as weak.
I'm well aware some don't. Maybe because they are taught and instructed not to cry and be stoic. Or maybe that's the way they are. My husband was raised by a strict father, a general. He was never allowed to cry or complain. Not even when he was a little child tripping and hurting himself by mistake. Im my opinion, crying can be a way of dealing with things. You can be at your boiling point and that way you release. You calm down. (Fun fact: you release your toxins too. ) After you calm down, everything it's much more clear.
There is a few questions in there (1) Cry when noone is around - Some might but very many go to a place where it could have , when you hear a guy say "I had my moments" that is what he is talk about, the last person I heard use it was my friend , his wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer (Thankfully in Remission now) , it was his 50th birthday party in his house and he was talking about his dogs. He said they were great company when he had his "Moments" sitting on the sofa after holding together all day in front of his wife and kids but they had gone to bed now and he could let go. (2) Told to "Man Up" ::- Maybe my generation and older , it was seen as a sign of weakness but now thankfully it is seen as a sign of strength though there is still no time for dramatic crying, you have to be crying for real, you are not a 2 year old toddler (3) The drunk crying a bit like end of point 2, he will be judged whether it is real crying or dramatic crying Overall , I am probably like most guys , if my male friend really cries , I will support him and expect same if I cry BUT we have no time for dramatic crying from either gender.
Here's the thing. I don't care what society says about this. I also don't really care what other men or women say about this. They can have their ideas and their preferences. (And without question, they do influence society, I'll say that.) But on this topic I am unwavering. Because I want to live in the evolved future, not the archaic past. I want to live in Gene Roddenberry's (the O. G. Star Trek series) vision of 'the future.' Ok, so Kirk (and some others) had quite a few trysts, with various species. But I can justify... no, accept, that because it would not have been appropriate for a captain to have these relationships with his crew... that it was the only option left, to combat some loneliness. Leaders are strong. They require specific traits so that others may follow without fear. But behind closed doors, life is different. And in my home, within my walls, the people I love can express whatever they need to. In a world where men and women are equally valued. And not always for doing the same work and the same roles, but excelling in different aspects of life sometimes, but equally valued for their efforts and contributions... in a world such as this, a man or a woman crying is no different to me.
Ideally, I don't want anyone to cry. I don't want anyone to feel that sad. I am not one to cry often when happy, overwhelmed, but that is another situation too. It is hard to see anyone that upset. It is even harder to feel that you are the cause of someone's pain. But a man who cried, who cries, in front of me, will have nothing but my respect. It is a vulnerability, though often not a choice, but a basic human need, involuntary. Control, or little control, I don't care. But if they could control it, and they in any way did in fact make a choice to allow themselves to feel this way in front of me, I would wrap my arms around them (or give them some space, if they preferred) and just be there for them.
Personally, if a man was brave enough to cry in front of me, chances are, he is seeking my comfort. I don't judge people who cry, be it men or women. It's a way of getting close to one another emotionally. Crying is not a sign of weakness, crying is sense of relief.
My husband told me that a tragedy happend when he was 25. His grandfather died and at the funeral he couldn't stop himself from shedding tears. His father reacted immediately by slapping him twice. I can't understand why some people believe it's weakness. It's not. It's being human. And it was a funeral.
Yes the man was a general in Army. Still it's not an excuse. I was educated different. My parents learned me moral values, let me express myself the way I feel and most important they never hit me. I will do the same with my kids.
"Guys, have you ever been told not to cry or to 'man up'?"
Only our entire lives. From toddlers through grade school and on up.
"Walk it off."
"Be a man."
"You're fine."
"Suck it up."
"Boys don't cry."
"Don't be such a pussy." (I've heard my own niece tell a guy this.)
"Put on your big-boy panties."
Even if you don't get this at home, you certainly will at school, or playing sports, or at a job. Men have always been expected to control/bury their feelings, and honestly for good reason. Forget the post-WWII era, and think about what men did for all of human history before that.
Men had to farm (extremely physical work in harsh weather), soldier/fight in wars, be sailors (60% mortality), hunt dangerous game, work in mines, work in construction, etc. Getting emotional at critical times would not only endanger the guy who was emotional, but the others around him as well. If you were afraid or upset, you had to suck it up and still do your job or you could all die.
Women obviously had their burdens as well, but the majority of the time, they were in far less danger, and crying or being sad or afraid wouldn't put other people at risk like it did with so many male-oriented jobs. And given that women usually had to care for the children and the domestic animals, her ability to empathize was an advantage.
Things may have changed a lot in the last 60 years - though a certain percentage of men still go to war, still work in mines or build bridges and skyscrapers, and work on farms (still one of the most dangerous jobs you can have), or work as sailors/fishermen (also very dangerous) - so even though a large number of men may have office jobs or otherwise much less dangerous jobs, there's still a sizable number who go to a dangerous job every day. And that's why we're still taught to be tough and strong.
@GISELLEHot I can't speak for other cultures, but that's not really a common fear in western cultures. I'm not saying it never happens, but people still do it with guys who are OBVIOUSLY straight, so...
I see my family do it to my baby cousins, where anytime they hurt themselves and start crying, the men in our family will immediately shush them up as to say “boys don’t cry”. It’s sad because they’re just babies and that’s how they will grow up to be, men who can’t deal with their emotions because they were told to suppress them at a very young age.
@Kaneki05 Really? That's actually very surprising to me. Are you from the US?
I know there's been a big Feminist push to get people to stop doing this, but unfortunately, the result tends to be men who most women don't find attractive. And relatively recently, a lot of women realize that they made a mistake and went too far, but for a generation or more, the damage has been done.
From the UK but i doubt uk people just don't do it. But i have never seen it. We mostly just laugh at people who are lightweights when it comes to drinking. I think that was what made you not wimp.
If you cried or not just seems everyone here couldn't care. And i've moved schools quite a bit and not one had anyone caring wether you cry over something or not.
I agree, I know a lot of men who perceive crying as a weakness and one of my close male friends has even told me that he shouldn't cry about things because men shouldn't cry. I personally don't think this is healthy and think everyone needs to at times. If it helps you let go of the stress and get your emotions out, do it! I don't like crying in front of other people because
I don't like the attention it draws to me and I prefer to do it in private so I can understand why they don't want to cry in front of other people, but I still think it's important to get it out.
I also think that with certain things in life, it's concerning not to cry over them. Of course, people do process their emotions differently, but the emotion of sadness is a very normal thing. Emotional numbness is not a good thing and shouldn't be strived for (I was actually on medications in my teens that made me feel this way, and it was scary and I felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling nothing when I should've been sad).
Oh dear! Yes! What you wrote is absolutely right about men taught not to cry and not to show feelings and if they do they are gay now and their voices can't be heard because they pussed out blah blah blah. It's ridiculous that men are not allowed to cry, yeah! cool story dude but am having a bullet been pulled out from my shoulder with no anesthetic and getting stitches without a single tear , once i went to dentist and her needle for anesthetic shot broke in my mouth so we had to pull it without anesthetic and that was in 1995 i was 11 , i cried. Now! I see my wife having anxiety problems, my brother got divorced and he has a little kid, my dad got diagnosed with prostate cancer and my mom have arthritis. Try to not feel sad or broken when all the ones that you love are going through shitty things and you just stand there ! dead inside ! no feelings not what so ever because men don't cry, it's guy, it's true because someone told me so. Get the fuck out of my face. If you don't cry ! congrats you are a human with no feelings or you might have a medical condition , go see a doctor. Crying is for men, pretending not to cry is for babies
I don't think there's anything wrong with it and I think people need to be more accepting of it, like if someone happens to find it off-putting, then fine, but I think they need to understand that men are humans and humans have emotions, so they're allowed to cry.
It does depend on the reason though, like who wouldn't cry or at least be really upset, if they lost a loved one, but some guys are just emotional in general.
The thing is, I think it's as common, for me anyway, to see guys crying, but they should be allowed to, like you can't stop someone if something really bad happened.
Personally, I rarely cry, because it's not a side of me I feel comfortable showing to people and I feel like it would be really awkward, but sometimes it may be necessary to help you feel better after it's over - I'm sure I've heard from a former school teacher, then whenever she'd be stressed, like if she'd have work to mark, she'd make herself cry, because it would relax her and allow her to concentrate, stress-free.
Yes most of us were raised to be strong and not weak to man up , but we do have feelings also , just some of us had it harder then others , I was raised by an abusive alcoholic father that punished and hit my brothers and I for no reason if we shed tears he would call us worthless so with the crap I dealt with growing up it’s very rare for me to shed a tear. I got to the point of showing no weakness to my father I threatened to knock him out when he came at me the last time when I was about 15 years old was the first time I didn’t back down to him. I think when a girl c’s a guy cry it’s a turn off to her considering girls are attracted to men that they look up to , a girl is attracted by feeling safe and protected by her man when he cries she looks at him like he is weak. It’s just the way it is between Men and women and how it’s been for generations , when I found out my ex wife cheated on me , even though I was devastated and crushed I didn’t shed a tear to her and told her to pack her bags and get the fuck out. She has tried getting me back and apologizing to me, Friends of mine that cried in front of their exes those girls don’t want them back, sadly to say like your Dad with your Mom. It is only ok to cry in front of a girl when he lost a loved one that passed away , but if a guy cries over a girl that he loves he is considered a wimp or if he cries over an argument he is a wimp. That’s why it’s said that girls like bad boys , a girl is turned on by him being strong and confident, I have only been with submissive girls going for a dominate girl isn’t really a turn on to me , I like girls that feel safe in my arms and look up to me , just the way it is
I believe if a man cries and he does it in front of you, it means he’s truly hurt. In a society that mostly shames and ostracizes a man for crying, it takes a lot of emotional stress to influence him to open himself up to that possibility. It means he doesn’t care about judgement and “needs” to let go of his pain.
Crying is one way our body lets go of stress when we get overwhelmed. Men are conditioned to carry a lot without letting it show. Letting it show might mean losing respect and not being seen as “a man”.
Whenever a guy cries in front of me, I ask him if he wants to talk about whatever it is that got him there and I offer a hug. Hopefully it will ease him through the pain and help him overcome it.
context matters. Dude men have to fight wars and shit, that girls don't really have to. Not in the same way and not historically and I"m not complaining, just saying there's a space for honor and shit. And both genders face different issues but both have causes of grief for sure, whether that produces crying or not in secret or among others. I think it can be healthy psychologically in those rare instances where I do. Tears are like healing in a way. But I usually keep it secret. Van Morrison Tom Jones "Sometimes we cry" yeah baby.
They seem to do it quite often. At first I was like oh wow it is unusual but after a few dozen times of seeing dudes cry, I realised that it is just normal. I don’t think any less of them. If anything I tend to feel sorry for them. Not in the ‘oh I pity you’ way but more like ‘he must be going through so stuff because I have been there and felt the same, so I can relate’. Although, I do encounter dudes who cry a lot for no reason (like a small argument). But yh, it is just a natural human emotion. I cry sometimes. I also punch things or break stuff when I’m angry. I think I cry when I’m very frustrated because I’m angry and I can’t punch the thing that is making me angry. So I can imagine guys feel this emotional overload too and need to let it out somehow. I try to comfort them if they’re willing to accept it but if not I give them some time and then try to take their mind off things by acting goofy or doing things they enjoy.
I think men cry less because they are less emotional in general. I was never taught "not to cry" because of my gender, and I never felt any societal pressure preventing me from expressing myself emotionally whichever way I wanted.
The only time I was told to stop crying, was when my mother felt like I'm "embarrassing her" by crying whenever I would trip or hit myself in public. But as I aged, I acknowledge that this had nothing to do with the society, and that it was more about my mother being a bitch.
This topic is very heavily varied in its responses. For some guys, they do have that old mentality where real men don't cry. For as long as men have existed, the notion that a crying man is weak has always existed through one form or another and probably always will. It is an unfortunate reality that men today still believe that to be a real man you have to be some kind of He Man.
A lot of other men however don't cry for more personal reasons. A lot of the mentality is produced by the environment. I grew up in an environment where crying only got me beat harder, so in my mind, crying results in pain, and even though I know those days are long gone, its not so easy to break a mentality you have had most of your life.
There is a lot of reasons out there. An every guy is different. I am sure there is some wannabe He man somewhere below who thinks crying is for sissy's or your gay if you have emotions. They come in all shapes and forms.
Sience has proved that crying is unhealthy. I am not saying hold in your cries or gonna becomes one of them people who picks on someone for crying. But it has been proven to cause problems and i personally would try not to because of this.
i have never ever been told to not cry. but like all unhealthy things for myself i find it nice to cry when i watch a show that can make me do so. For some reason i just like shows that can make you get upset when something happens and you become emotinally invested.
@IAMNathanael reduces acid levels in the stomach this can lead to problems but i wouldn't worry about this one unless if your crying a lot. Are eyes get puffy and irrated.
May lead to more saddness even depression. Just like anything it has downsides.
@IAMNathanael yeah everything excessive is never good. The main problem with emotions it's easy to get into a pattern. It's the kinda thing you shouldn't worry about but be aware of just so you don't just think but it always makes me feel better then start to do it more often without realising.
My wife has only cried twice in about 13 years of being together as well. I dig that. It's a very strong and healthy quality, in my opinion, provided it's not caused by repression and more by positive and productive thinking. You don't see Buddhist monks cry very often either because they are masters of inner peace:
I haven't cried since I was in my 20s. I do have some unhealthy habits in that I have angry thoughts sometimes, but I've learned to diffuse a lot of it with humor. I don't get much of a temptation to cry. Sometimes I wonder if that would be healthier than a temper. But I don't think I'm wired to internalize that way. If I'm irritated, it drives me towards action and doing something about it, even if it's a bit headstrong at times, rather than passivity.
I've seen men cry before, but pretty rarely. I don't see women cry that often either, though.
Personally I try never to cry in front of people. Not necessarily because it makes me feel vulnerable (although that's one reason) but because I don't want them to be uncomfortable. And a lot of the time when someone starts crying not many people know how to react, so they just pretend it's not happening or try awkwardly to comfort them. Sort of like wetting your pants. I just don't want to cause a scene..
i've never seen my dad cry before, not even when his father died (my grandfather died wayyy before i was born but that's what other people told me). he's just not a very emotional person in general. but i have seen my grandfather (mom's dad) cry several times-- he's a pretty emotional guy. sometimes it's happy tears and sometimes it's not
i think that maybe society pressures men into hiding their emotions. back in elementary, if a boy cried, they would be teased a lot more than if a girl cried. it's like how trauma, silent expectations or scary things from early childhood stay with people their whole life. the whole idea of "boys and men don't cry" is woven into the mind of many men, and it's something they probably grew up believing.
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I think it's weird that they shame each other for crying sometimes Luckily my boyfriend is not like that, he's a very sensitive man and I've seen him cry a couple of times. The last time he cried over the phone and told me "no wonder my mother called me a sissy when I cried, now every time I cry I end up coming to you" to which I replied that I was there to support him and that he shouldn't take it to heart because his mother is old and she was taught that men have no feelings, they're supposed to grunt or something like that lol
My boyfriend rarely cries. But the one time he has cried, I could just tell he was truly broken down. So I supported him, gave him cuddles and consoled him. He's a human being. It's normal!! The worst part is he felt so embarrassed after it. For crying in front of me. I told him he should never feel that way, and I am always here for him.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that men are logical thinkers, not emotional thinkers. I don't think it's just because they've always heard "boys don't cry"... I've known my husband for 18 years and have seen him cry twice, once when his mom died and once when his uncle died.
i appreciate a crying man because he doesn't care how he looks to others and it shows that he cares about something other than himself in most cases. crying is brave for anyone because some people think it is embarrassing and those people care more about how people think of them instead of how they think of themselves
I might get teary at a movie, but really cry very rare since childhood. I really struggle when I do really cry to start crying even when I want to it's like being "emotionally constipated" Or I react the same as I do when I need to be sick, but something won't let you.
I was taught that tears were poison if the soul and crying was the act of bleeding it off.. it helps with good mental health it promotes more feelings in relationships on the whole and life's a bitxh man sometimes just let the pressure off.. I'm not saying in the grocery check out line but there's a time n place for everything.. even men crying. It's unnatural to not cry ever. in my opinion
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