Men don't "run" on emotions the way women do. Men have always had to do the terrifying and dangerous jobs - hunting, mining, sailing, construction, and combat, among others, so we can't afford to lead with our emotions, or we couldn't get these things done.
A consequence of this is that we aren't nearly as sensitive to emotional considerations as women are. Men literally don't give much if any consideration to what another man is feeling, nor do men expect other men to do so for him. We use logic, reason, and hierarchy/chain of command, and emotions don't enter into it. We may feel some emotions in the moment, but we are practiced at setting the emotions aside and getting on with what needs to be done - even when it is uncomfortable or dangerous.
For this reason, it's unreasonable to expect men to have anything close to the emotional sensitivity that women have. Our emotions don't get even 2% of the daily exercise that women's get, so of course, we are lousy by comparison, and, YES, you have to spell things out for us and quit expecting us to "just know" what you are feeling better we just don't. We aren't this way just because we're trying to frustrate you - it's literally how we survive the things that we do day-to-day.
And, you may not always remember this, but the fact is that women very much DESIRE that their men are calm and stoic and not overly emotional, and you don't respect men who are not this way. Numerous studies have proven this. Yes, the cost of this is that you have to explain your emotions to us sometimes, and be a bit patient with us as we get that part of our brain spinning - despite the cobwebs and rusty gears that are slow to start turning, but ultimately you value our stoicism far more overall, even though it is occasionally frustrating.
Expecting men to be as emotionally sensitive or fluent as women are is like trying to teach a pig to sing - it will never happen and will just annoy the pig. It's an unreasonable expectation to have.
Bingo. I was too succinct, and you elaborated my point much better.
Thank you for putting together a well thought out answer. Problem solved😆
While I would make the claim men can be emotionally healthy, and emotive in healthy relationships if both partners are conscious, You're not wrong when you say women expect men to be a certain way for them to be considered good providers and protectors.
You can communicate a lot of things with your body language, but if you have issues you need to address to your significant other, it's important that you openly discuss it with them, and give them time to understand you on a basic level how you think and emote. Things take time to become familiar, and in order to establish familiarity, you need common ground, commitment, compassion, and intimacy, as wellas trust responsibility, and the ability to be vulnerable sometimes. All of this needs to be mutual. I can see you're attempting to clue in subtly on your emotional needs, but many guys can't pick up on these things right away, because they can be heavily focused on the other important things, which is why you need to find that middle ground to work with so you're not on separate islands, but are connected with a bridge of some kind, that strengthens overtime as you develop the relationship and understand your needs better. You can't expect a stranger to understand these things, but with tender love and care, such a loving relationship can be nurtured.
I probably could be in tune to your emotional since I have good relationships with my sisters and mother, and understand their body languages easily, as well as my exes from the past. I have had experiences that would help clue me in to your social cues, but of course, even someone as well-rounded as myself would take time to know how exactly you thought about these important things.
Some guys are clueless emotionally speaking, save for how they basically feel, and that's not something you can change, unless they wan to change those things to be better, so keep in mind some guys don't walk into relationships wanting to fix their problems, but instead are. considering their own selfish needs first. A good man will consider your needs as well as his own, so keep that in mind.
Just know, there's plenty of emotionally intelligent guys out there, it's just a secondary skill to most men, because men tend to be more logically intelligent, understanding facts and pragmatic understandings of things. To a lot of guys, the world of emotions is unstable, and confusing, even though they experience those emotions themselves, even if they heavily self-regulate them, sometimes too much.
Every man is different though, so give it time, and try to avoid being too vague or subtle, and offer them an opportunity to understand what you want them to know about you regarding your emotions. Open Discussions help, but not mind games.
Guy are clueless in everything…lol
It is just how it is.
I remember having crushes on guys (in real life, as well as online), and I would give little hints, and they never got it.
If I hadn’t told my current boyfriend I liked him, who knows what the story would be. 😂
Guys can’t read our minds. We have to tell them what we want, or they are going to be hecca confused. 🤣🤣🤣
Yea you can assume a girl is flirting. She could also be setting you up. No one has time for games
@chris_987 or approaching for sex
A lot of guys end up having relatively low emotional intelligence due to way they’re socialized growing up. I think times are changing and there’s a larger social conscious about the impact of stunting men’s emotional expression, but it’s slow uphill battle overall.
I’m not sure what made you write this, but I hope everything ends up okay ❤️ Take care.
Dr. Warren Farrell talks about this a lot in his several books, the most relevant of which is also his most recent: The Boy Crisis. Boys are seen as defective girls throughout childhood and don’t get nearly as much parental or teacher effort put into them while growing up. Boys police other boys out of having feelings because that generates weak adults unfit for hunting or military service. In the military the teasing is merciless because it is a way of weeding out the guys who will hesitate on the trigger and get their squad mates killed.
I think it’s great that the stigma of men not showing emotions is going away. Expressing one’s emotions and not bottling them up is healthy.
Opinion
86Opinion
You're pretty loaded with responses right now, but I'll throw my take into the ring.
Amongst my own groups of friends, we generally do understand each others' emotions. But there are a lot of cases where someone seems down, but says they're OK, and the general assumption is that it's just something they don't want to talk about. Like there isn't always an expectation to pry and probe further. I try to reach out when it seems reasonable, especially when they give off that vibe like they feel like they aren't "supposed" to be upset about something. Then I might ask to let them know they can open up about it.
But otherwise, guys are generally used to reading emotions, but only acting on what is spoken.
In the case of girls, I'm generally more asky. I was raised by sisters, so I've gotten a little more used to the idea that she is WANTING you to pry a bit.
But if it's romantic interest from a girl, I tend to need something a bit more blunt. Not because I don't sense the interest, but because women in the past have gotten VERY upset when I mistook their flirty behavior for actual flirtation. Like if she is going to draw that kind of attention but get upset when it's interpreted wrong, I'll just put the ball in her court.
Don't think it's that at all I think it's the guy doesn't know that you're upset and does know what you're feeling good. He does not know how to help because he doesn't know how to show his emotions and how he cares that's probably 50% of the mend the other 50% probably just don't give a fuk they weren't in a relationship for that guys are stupid guys are weird that's why when you pick somebody to be in your life you can't take them because of their looks you have to take them because of who they are on the inside
Well, subtle hints can give an indication of "something is on your mind" or "she's horny", but no deeper insight than that. If you aren't explicit about what you want, need, or dislike, you're becoming the "if you don't know what's making me mad I won't tell you" archetype.
It's the same for guys going the other way, I'm blunt about what I want, dislike, and need. I don't expect anyone to be able to read my mind. You're dumping your responsibility to communicate onto the other party. Why would I just understand how you feel? Why bother playing horseshoes and hand grenades rather than getting away if you're unwilling to communicate?
People can't just read minds, and if you're expecting someone else to be able to divine your intentions, your assumption is that all women are the same, and the approaches used in previous relationships should be used on you.
Why can't some women learn to communicate better? People can't reminds and I have seen women that act as if the guy around them should be able to. So trying putting yourself in the guys shoes. Also your overall tone and body language do not provide a lot of context. So without being able to read your mind no one is going to be able to figure out what the issue is and attempt to fix it.
That and when women act as if their overall tone and body language should sum up everything it's like trying to figure out what a crying baby needs or wants. So in less you are willing to actually tell me what the issue is, I'm going to walk away before I'm tempted to ask if you need your dipper changed.
Because even though guys and girls are equal and similar intellectually, the are as opposite as night and day emotionally. Most guys want to understand where girls are coming from romantically, but girls lack the understanding of the male condition necessary to help them understand the female condition.
Ask me and questions about female reproductive function and anatomical distinctiveness in 9 out of 10 times I'll be able to give you the correct answer. Ask me questions about where her head is at emotionally concerning men, and one out of 10 times I might be able to give you a close to relevant answer to that question, but never a certain fact concerning her emotional makeup and what makes her tick.
I think the main reason for that is that many guys haven´t spent much time with girls in their youth and are also not spending much time with women in their private life unless their dating.
How shall guys get to know a woman and her behavior if they don´t spend with them? Because many younger guys hear either from other guys they know or from so-called dating coaches that they shall avoid to be "friendzoned" at all cost because they wouldn´t be able to date that particular woman while being "friendzoned".
The negative side of that can be that guys try to avoid social contact with women hence they don´t want to be "friendzoned" by a possible crush.
So guys spent less time with women and are therefore clueless what a woman could mean when she´s showing a behavior she´s not explaining with words.
There is some good insight here.
Ya women are exponentially more in-tune to each other. Men's and women's brains are wired differently in every level. Women excel at several skills and men do at others. While I have heard the speculation as to the reason why woman have far more emotional perception there is no denying it completely blows a man's out of the water.
We are a great compliment of different skills that makes our unity incredible. But it does take realizing that we are not alike and not expecting that we will perceive maters with our different skill sets in the same way.
But now that you know we are clueless and you still don't say it bluntly I think you have to agree its your fault.
We on the other hand often wonder why you want us to read your mind when we clearly can't. That is our side of it. Please just tell us.
You know, everyone you come across doesn't know how to read body language or social cues when there is a change. At the age of 30, you should know how important it is to speak. Nobody can read your mind at all. With that said, nobody can immediately understand you, nobody can be truly supportive, nobody will know how you feel if YOU choose not to speak up.
I know there are some men, including myself, that can immediately pick up on vibes and cues. A lot cannot and those are the men you are referring to and experienced.
When I was 15 years old I was masturbating in the kitchen as I everybody was away to our aunt's house for the day. I was watching lesbian porn on the laptop, anyway while I cumming hard my brother came over me. All I could see was this big dick in my face cumming a over me as I was cumming, I was terrified as I came. I've no idea what he was doing home or how long he'd been watching me. He acted like nothing had happened.
I told him to never do that again or I'd tell our parents and he was like what are you going to say? "That you were masturbating in the kitchen when I was home and that he creeped up and came all over me" He had a point. This kind of thing went on any time our parents were away up until I went to college. He'd spy on me in the shower, or sleeping or changing or masturbating. Sometimes he'd just start jerking off in front of me for no reason.
So are you trying to say Is that he understood you and your emotions and was not clueless?😁👻
Men are not mind readers nor are they even raised as girls to be great empathetic communicators. Whereas a woman will speak an average of 20,000 words per day a man will only speak maybe 7,000.
Whereas women like to focus on and talk about their feelings men almost never discuss the subject and instead what little we do say is practical problem solving.
Talking or even thinking about ones feelings isn't something guys are well practiced in or interested. So expecting a man to read and react to feelings like a woman is foolish.
Men aren't taught to cultivate that aspect of themselves.
A lot of men are emotionally retarded and need women to balance them in that regard.
On a general level, I find women to be far more understanding and empathetic than men.
I see it all the time as a counsellor.
Well, keep in mind - the majority of men are taught to suppress their emotions/feelings. So a lot of them can't process their OWN emotions, I wouldn't expect them to understand another person's emotions.
You're a Cancer sign, if you don't want to deal with this? Date Cancer men.
many males are taught at a young age to hide their emotions from others as part of masculine behavior meaning they have less empathy. because showing emotions is often seen as a sign of weakness in male and/or as more feminine behavior. so if you don't clearly express yourself to him he's not likely to pick up on your emotions or signals. a female dropping vague hints will likely go unnoticed by many males so be more direct with him if you want his attention and/or him to listen.
also helps to keep conversations short and on topic if you want to get your point a crossed to a guy.
Good things to keep in mind
1. There is a difference between knowing and relating
2. There is a difference between knowing and caring
3. There's understanding while at the same time understanding it's unjustified emotion
A lot of men are very aware of your emotions and don't want to be bothered with it, because ultimately men have to be the ones to help you manage your emotions. So in the case of some women, men back away and don't want to deal with it
You don't have to 'hit us over the head" you just have to use to your words and tell us what the problem is.
Yes, I can see that you're acting like a brat. But the question is, WHY are you acting like a brat?
Yes. I see that you're upset. But WHAT is making you upset?
Yes. I see that you seem anxious. WHAT are you anxious about?
As we all know... You can't live with them and You can't live without them! lol
The feeling is mutual! LOL
@Jamie05rhs
I'm sure it must be! lol
Really big APPLAUSE for this one 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The honesty deserves appreciation.
The reverse is also the thing for men , as well.
We are the ones that complete each other for sure , not sad but true :)
Tone and body language are what we call "hints" and can be read wrong. Also girls have a habit of their mouths and body language sending different messages. Us guys have waaaaaaaaaay too much on our plates to take time to play guessing games with our girls. If you want us to know how you feel, say it and let what you say be how you truly feel.
Women love to ask us guys why we do not communicate our feelings. Trying to force us to guess your body language is the same thing.
not using this as an excuse, but probably the vast majority of guys are clueless in the emotions deoartment.
I know when I was growing up guys didn't show emotions it was just how we were raised, so many of us just don't know what to do.
If you are never taught about something, you really don't know how to react.
Maybe you should just use plain language to convey what you want him to understand. That's kind of the whole point of language and words lol.
Emotions aren't that important in life. Your actions and behaviors are much more important.
Hollywood and HBO aren't real life lol. Just use words and stop being silly.
Some will say it's because we lack empathy others will clearly say it's because we're not psychic and don't know. I probably would agree with both. Who actually can read someone's emotions or understand how someone emotionally feels sometimes. Or maybe simple to you can still be a mystery to others, or like art everything is always up for interpretation, what you see will not be what I see
In my experience women aren’t the great communicators that they are stereotyped to be.
I had an ex once tell me she was okay with me going out to a coffee shop on a sunny day instead of mowing the lawn, but then was upset later and yelled at me because I should have known “by her eyes” that she really meant “no.” And that because I couldn’t tell it’s proof that our relationship is in jeopardy.
Just because she says she’s ok doesn’t mean she is. It’s like the I’m fine response when I’m reality you’re not.
Not all women are like your ex
She is also bad at communicatiins
I ahte women who give such excuses, its just childish and stupid
Im always honest, better bitter truth than sweet lies for me
Want a man in tune with emotions? Find yourself a guy with a Pisces moon. No one teaches us to read body language, the few of us who can had to make the effort to learn ourselves or intuitive. Also as men traditionally we provide & protect. We were defenders & emotions in the face of certain death gets a man killed.
Do you hit deaf people when they can't hear you?
Get it into your head. We evolved SPEECH for a reason.
"I would think my overall tone and body language would make it fairly obvious how I’m feeling."
Well it doesn't. You're 30. You should have figured this out by now especially since every man in your life has probably said it. We're not mind readers. If you want us to know something, speak up.
Generally speaking, most guys are not emotional people and have no references or experiences with it. Most also have little patience for it. Ignorance is bliss sometimes in regards to female drama (especially if between females).
And did I mention, once a guy gets in the middle of the drama, there is no positive outcome…. The guy won’t know what to say and will likely agitate you more in the long run.
Why would you want your guy in the drama anyway?
You ask that question at 30. You will ask it at 40. And 50, and it stops at some point. When you realize that you are gifted a household item from your husband, or non gifted by your kids, who have no idea what to give you, you start realizing that just their presence is enough. There is no perfect gift other than presence. At some point the gift is simply cake and ice cream, or going out for dinner. Once you get to that point, us being clueless is out the door.
Lol yeah, guys aren’t wizards.. we don’t just magically know what’s wrong with you. This is why I always say women are probably the worst communicators of humans. You expect us to know exactly what you are thinking. When you want, instead of just saying how you feel! But straight up. We call thay playing games. And we as men are too grown for that nonsense. Say what you mean, mean what you say.
I found what worked better than hitting them with a blunt object. You must hit them bluntly with your intentions, that is the only way they understand.
@chris_987 I don't understand how you can hit someone and not expect them to retaliate.
@chris_987 If I act like a man, you should treat me as one. No joke, I once asked a friend to punch me in the stomach. Instant regret.
@chris_987 Right! If I want a feminine partner, I will look for a woman instead, they do that better.
@chris_987 In my group of girls I can only think of one!
@chris_987 No, I'm straight!
@chris_987 Because men naked are the best thing
@chris_987 Yes we do. Do you know why?
@chris_987 -BEEP- wrong! It's not that a penis is ugly, it's who the penis belongs to. I could not care less for a stranger showing his private parts to me. It's weird to me. I'm looking for something longterm and if a stranger sends me that it's just a complete turnoff because he's just interested in a hookup. I appreciate the honesty, but you could just use words. These are not just dick pics, they are are UNWANTED dick pics.
If you were my boyfriend, I would not mind it, as long as you put it to use later today ;)
Bingo!! Why guys don’t get this is beyond me! I love big beautiful dicks by someone I love and have a bond with. Stranger dicks though? Stuff off!
Thanks for backing me up!
@chris_987 If you ever see a guy ask this question, spread the word, help us out :)
But the vagina is just a thing, men can just get turned on by looking at a body part of a woman. While women need to see the man's personality. So it makes sense why a penis by itself would do nothing for you.
Because you guys see the dick and don't want to get to know the person, where as men see the pussy and want to get to know the person.
As women are with us often. Several possibilities. We aren't women, so if you don't communicate your feelings (which women can be bad for not doing sometimes), we'll just assume everything is alright. Sometimes guys will pick up on them but not want to "open that can of worms" lol. Or, depending on the guy and how he feels (or doesn't) about you, simply not care enough.
"overall tone and body language would make it fairly obvious how I’m feeling" - NEVER assume this. You women are often too subtle with things, and you have to remember we have our own lives and problems, so the focus isn't always solely on you and what you "might" be feeling or not. Like I say, communication is key and huge! Not "tones" and body language.
Is it obvious to you with guys?
I think that younger guys are somewhat clueless so you girls seriously should give them a break and some time. I know that I was in my teens and 20's I really didn't grow up until after High School when I joined the military guys may be a little slow on the uptake in relationships when younger but as we age we learn everything from the girl he is with trust me and I spent 18 years of my life in the military.
For being the gender that is allegedly better at communicating, you do a surprisingly shit job at communicating.
Communication with body language is communication.
No, it's not.
Communication is being direct and concise so that what you say cannot possibly be misinterpreted.
I don't and I will never respect anyone who fails to communicate in such a way because it only makes them look like they hate being responsible for the things they say and wish to maintain a degree of plausible deniability.
Because if we DID get emotional like you, you would hold it against us as a weakness. That's why.
Facts.
That's the sad truth
I certainly wouldn’t. A man in touch with his emotions is healthy.
It’s entirely possible you are among the few who legitimately hold that view, but it would seem to be uncommon. One internet site is a small sample size to be fair, but there seems to be uniform agreement among the target demographic.
"Oh my God, my cat, Boo Boo Kitty, coughed up a hairball this morning."
Emotional for a woman, not the slightest bit interesting for a man.
Lol.
Most guys do not think from an emotional point of view. If you need consultation, you're much better off directly asking for it than putting on a show.
Surely after all this time you realise men can't read body language like women can, we genuinely can't. We can still open glass jars etc for you though.
Men just fundamentally have lower amounts of empathy. I reckon that's an evolutionary trait. Women have higher empathy so they are better at taking care of children. Men have lower empathy so they can make the hard decisions easier.
What’s that got to do with understanding body communication?
AHhh yes.. This is exactly how guys feel when their women get behind the wheel of a car!
All it means is our brains are wired up differently.
I wish I had a girlfriend. I'd know exactly what to say I think. "How are you feeling?" What's troubling you?" And then just listen and not offer advice, but be 100% present. That's all you really want isn't it?
I understand your frustration, but at the same time I could ask you why are you so damn emotional?
Estrogen.
Would be fair if I called that toxic femininity?
Why do girls expect guys too read tier minds? We don't know what's going on up there, believe it or not. Just tell us for a change. How about that. Would help everyone along.
Because guys and girls go through completely different emotional conditioning by their peers. Boys will get bullied if they express their emotions, so males tend to mature slower emotionally.
Yes, we are, "The squeaking wheel gets the grease" is a very old and true saying. We do Not have the ability to read others' emotions... Sorry but not an option to change it, it's a Mother/girl trait... Guys respond to direct messages
Because Feeling your emotions is Impossible and not based in Reality.
Maybe You should take your medication 💊 it might fix those Delusional thoughts you got going on.
I am not delusional!!
Yah that’s exactly what a delusional person would say.
Because you can’t communicate or tell someone directly how you feel
We’re not in tune with our emotions as much as women and are by nature more logical.
And were mot mind readers.
m still not sure if you're frustrated about guys being clueless or not...
Because y'all have too damn many of them. It's confusing as hell 😂
Guys aren't mind readers, and sometimes a gals cues for polar opposite feelings are the same or so similar we can't tell the difference no matter how hard we try.
Maybe because you're not expressing your emotions the correct way.
The problem is think men are the same as woman and assuming you'd want a man that act like a woman. Girls literally choose men because they are the opposite of them. There like a child that cries for something they think they want but when they get it that's when they realize that they don't want it. So if anything women have much more maturing to do to realize they need to communicate like adult and not think men are born with ability to read subtle hints and read your mind.
@chris_987 I agree!
@chris_987 there has to be a balance. A little bit of both in moderation.
Women often tend to expect men to be mind readers in matters where it's quite illogical to presume of us to automatically know what you feel/want.
we just aren't built to understand these things so good. we can do it sometimes but all the time? no. it takes a great deal of effort and concentration to understand for us
You think whatever you want, but we're not mind readers. Girls should really understand their "hints" are only understandable by themselves.
I mean the hints are pretty bloody obvious.
My mom calls it emotional poverty or emotional impotent
With mt boyfriend happens the same
I gotta be damn crying so he notices im sad
doesn't spot any emotions at all
They just don’t care.. but when they care they definitely notice all the emotions.. after while they choose to ignore
You're not far off. Women typically make so many decisions out of emotion that it's difficult to keep up. However once tiy understand this it's pretty EZ to control them.
That's so true 🤣
Because we dont want to assume and act a certain way.
All you have to do to fix this problem is TELL US HOW YOU FEEL.
Wtf do women always assume we’re mind readers? And by the way ur even more clueless about mens emotions than they r about yours in my experience.
Guys are logical and girls are emotional. An emotional cue will be translated or seen in a different way to a guy.
Because we quickly grow tired of women naddering on about random female hyperbole that has no basis in reality.
You could be upset about anything. Speak up and stop leaving a trail of crumbs. You know, like an adult
If a guy asks if something is wrong and the girl says "nothing" then nothing is wrong
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