Like no matter how much I hint and subtlety flirt they’re lost at sea. It’s almost like I have to spell it out to get the message across lol.
Are guys just naturally not as aware of non verbal, more subtle clues,
LOL that’s the difference between guys and girls , when a girl is talking to us friendly we sometimes assume she is hitting on us or has the hots for us even though she is just having friendly conversation , The same goes for girls as well when it comes to a guy talking to her , if I am talking to a girl just being friendly and making conversation she sometimes assumes I am flirting with her when really I am just having friendly conversation, and I have no clue that she is into me it happens a lot lol Why it’s best to take advice from opposite sex friends usually opposite sex friends can tell you if someone is into you or not. It’s just the way it goes , that’s one of the things that makes guys and girls different , If I go out with my friends to a bar or restaurant and they bring their girlfriends or wives with them , the girlfriends and wives will tell me that a girl is checking me out or tell me she has the hots for me, And I am sitting their dumbfounded thinking get the hell out of here , no she’s not , but come to find out they are pretty much accurate and spot on , A guy can do the same for a girl if a guy is checking her out , The only time I can tell a girl is into me for the most part without any assistance is if she is making eye contact with me and smiling , or she is showing a lot of body language , but if she is shy it’s hard to tell on whether she likes me or not. Why guys and girls in relationships have a hard time with their partner having opposite sex friends , The partner can pretty much tell that they are trying to be more than just friends , the other partner will just assume their partner is being jealous and insecure when really they are pretty much telling you the truth , if your partner is telling you to end a friendship with an opposite sex friend you are best to listen to your partner and end that friendship , if you love and value your partner ending that friendship should not be a hard task to do , when it becomes a hard task to do your partner will resent you and feel betrayed , never choose friends over Your partner unless you want to be single. It isn’t control , it’s respect , You can’t make your partner remove things for you if
You can’t remove things for them , For love to grow you have to remove selfishness and realize you can’t always be right , wear each other’s shoes before making decisions and love will grow
Hah!
I was on a tram in Melbourne the other Friday and a gaggle young guys and girls got on. One of the girls was very attractive wearing a flowing white dress and was flashing a brilliant smile at the guy she was talking to. She sat down clearing intending him to sit beside her - the only thing she didn't do was to pat the seat beside her.
He followed her and went to sit in the bench seat opposite her.
Fortunately her wing girl was immediately behind him and gave him an almighty shove in the back that made him fall onto the same bench seat as her. Funny.
So yeah you are right.
Bear in mind though guys are now scared of being thought creepy and being too forward. If I haven't met you before then I don't if you are just friendly and social or if you are signalling to me. Body language interpretation does need a baseline to get right and we don't know you, so we don't have that.
E. G. I was at cafe and a waitress was showing phone pics of her artwork to the group. I made some comment and she lightly stroked my finger. She had a highly electric sense of touch which caused a pronounced reaction in me. Wow. She was sacked the next day so I didn't get to explore that any further. She was quite young so shouldn't have been interested in me but maybe she was.
Sexual signaling is deliberately vague to not be overt and to have deniability so it is not surprising that guys don't pick up on female signalling or choose not to act because from fear of embarrassing themselves in misinterpreting you.
Nowadays, guys are wary of your motives. They don’t wanna be slapped with sexual harassment if they pursue you just because you smiled at them and giving them flirty look meanwhile you were just being friendly. The best thing to do is just tell them and ask them out! Say, hey when are you going to ask me out? Are you just waiting for me to ask you out? That will give them a sigh of relief that hey she wants me! I don’t have to do walk the wire to ask her out! Yes spell it out! Time is gold
Sometimes they also are just uninterested but some people with inflated egos can't understand that
There has been plenty of times that I caught onto a woman flirting that I simply was not interested. Either I did not know her or I was not into her romantically or did not like her at all
Change your tactics and don't flirt or hint. Tell them directly. "I'm interested in you." (etc etc.)
This way, guys will eventually learn when a girl is interested. But if you're subtle, they will err on assuming you're not. Because assuming you are, gets guys in a lot of trouble.
@AmandaYVR You are correct, however you do realize why that's never going to happen don't you?
@Vegasrunner There are reasons it will never happen also. I really feel like online you see "just say it directly" advice bc it is easy to tell somebody else that but actually doing it would be counter productive in many situations. Online I think people imagine two strangers in a room full of strangers and they do not need to ever see each other again if it does not go well, that is not how things usually are at least from what I have seen (I know situations can be different).
@Vegasrunner Yes I know all their reasons. I've made a list, actually. Some are understandable; some are conceited and misguided af.
It's difficult as hell to put yourself out there and face rejection.
But the point is SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT, and girls saying, "Well, it's not goona be us" for a whole list of justifications, is just not good enough. There is waaay more at risk when guys have to do it (in today's litigious, cancel culture etc. world, especially), but none of that matters to females who simply prefer it the way it has been.
The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships ↗
@AmandaYVR I think we're discussing two different topics. In you're article it looks like your discussing taking the initiative when it comes to dating. Your post encourages women to be direct, my question to you can you clearly articulate 1 or two reasons why this is something women are unable to do w/men?
@Vegasrunner There are about a dozen reasons they are unwilling. Unable is not a factor.
@AmandaYVR Yes, we just need you to articulate 1 or two of them.
You are right!!! Sometimes when guys don't flirt back for the reason that they are not intrested either not attracted or are already in a relationship. Sure rejection sucks. But better then wasting your time on someone who will never make a move and you will just creep them out in the end
Yeah since many times... Sometimes they aren't cathing the hints just means they really aren't that into you. But someone too full of themselves can't figure that out LMAO
Opinion
105Opinion
u BIG HINT: Guys are different from girls. Guys don't think like girls. Things that you think are obvious hints are totally lost on guys.
But that's not because we're stupid. There are situations where girls don't understand us, either.
The assumption that "he must know what I'm hinting at because it's clearly obvious to me" is a horribly bad assumption. Horribly, horribly bad.
@OlderAndWiser. Yes, and guys counter with 'why TF can't she just say what she wants"?
@KrakenAttackin I think they are not biologically capable of speaking that directly.
Agreed.
I don't think it's biological. I think that's the way that they have been socialized in their peer groups.
Women who are actually friends with guys (straight guys, not gay ones) seem to have a much easier time communicating with men.
@Jamie05rhs Yes, I was being a bit facetious!
that or not interested
@OlderAndWiser Ohhh. Haha. Went over my head. 😄
It's quite possible to be too subtle, in which case a guy has to be an incredible pattern spotter to be able to tell what you're trying to accomplish. You need to be a bit more direct with most guys, and it probably takes a little while to adjust to that and figure out what actually works.
We do not understand Womanese…
To generalize, men are direct, women are indirect. Men are blunt, women are subtle. Men say what they mean, women beat around the bush.
Honestly, I've felt a bit frustrated at times with women who "hint and subtly flirt" because they are not being courageous or forthright. They are being amorphous and tricky, and leaving plausible deniability all the time so that even if they did mean something in some way, they can always backtrack and say you misinterpreted it.
Especially these days, men aren't going to go in for that sort of thing and take a risk as much because we see other people getting canceled and burned for it. It's not just a matter of "whoops I misinterpreted" anymore, it's say goodbye to your career and maybe you're getting sued or persecuted for it. No thanks.
PS I checked out your profile. Not sure if D&D is your thing but I just finished watching this show on Amazon Prime that was really good: "The Legend of Vox Machina" you might like?
That's your problem. You hint and flirt with subtlety because you want plausible deniability in case shit goes sideways. But the problem is there are plenty of women who do the exact same thing as you and either are a) just being friendly, or b) just flirting for attention. So how are we to distinguish your genuine interest from all the other women's disingenuous interest? You don't live in a vacuum with these guys. You have to take into account these guys' past experiences with women. Guys aren't necessarily clueless (though some are). What guys are are overly cautious. They've probably picked up on your hints, but are thinking "if this girl really likes me, she'll be more forthcoming with her interest. Otherwise she's probably not all that interested". There's an inverse relationship between how obvious a women is with her interest and how long it takes a guy to figure out she's interested. If you insist on being subtle, then you have to be prepared to keep it up for a loooooooong time.
What many women don’t understand is that it’s not only female sexuality which is shamed, but male sexuality is also.
While there are guys who don’t respect boundaries and will act like creeps no matter what you tell them, there are plenty more who are at the other extreme who are afraid, sometimes overly afraid of being labelled as creepy.
They’ll see women complain about guys who for example take any sign of friendliness as a sign of interest, and they’ll take note not to act on those signs.
These types of men are unlikely to ever make a move no matter how blatant your hints are.
Also, many men just aren’t that confident in how attractive they are. It’s no secret that most men rarely ever get complimented the way women do, probably partly because women are so indirect.
There are guys you think are attractive who have no idea, in fact they probably assume that you’d never be interested in them. When you hint, again, they assume you’re just being friendly. They’ve been taught that assuming attraction is wrong and creepy.
Years ago I remember being at McDonalds with a bunch of friends, and seeing this girl on the other table who I thought was gorgeous, out of my league. I saw her looking over our way but assumed she must be looking somewhere else, maybe at some other guy behind me. Anyway when she left one of the girls at our table asked me if I was blind, because she’d been staring at me the whole time trying to get my attention. That’a how a lot of guys think.
Honestly sometimes I ignore my girlfriends subtle hints, I don't want to play games or jump through hopes, I will ignore her sometimes till she talks like an adult to me and tells me what she wants or what the issue is.
I made it pervectly clear early on how important good communication and honesty are to me, and that I won't play games like that.
Plus Sue also thinks women hit on me all the time, I just assume they are being nice, and I've heard from many women, "a girl being nice dosent been she wants to date/sleep with you, so you girls kind of shot yourself in the foot, y'all made flirting and nice chit chat so hard to yell apart that yeah, you will have to straight up tell some of us when you're flirting cause we just don't respond to it anymore, some guys just lump it all into the nice category.
Hi, in short: a woman is more aware of non-verbal communication. There are lots of studies about this, but yeah... . When it comes to communication, I found the book "Men are from mars, women are from venus" very good to point out the differences in a fun way.
The funny part however is: you are frustrated that men don't get the subtle messages, while men are frustrated when we tell something to a woman, direct communication seems to hard at moments. But you know what.. don't forget, to us men, women give our world color and beauty, and I mean this in all ways possible.
Woman # 1 (you) - "why don't men pick up on my subtle hints and queues? It’s almost like I have to spell it out to get the message across lol."
Woman #2 - (the other half of the female population) - "why is it I can't be nice or friendly with guys without them thinking I'm romantically interested in them."
100% of men - "why are women sooooooo fucking confusing?"
Message to women: "STOP EXPECTING MEN TO READ YOUR FUCKING MINDS, BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS SET US UP TO FAIL WITH YOU".
This is spot on!
Yea pretty much this.
s how do you actually hint, or flirt with them?
what's the actual scenario or situation?
also, there were many times in which I could tell right away... that some girls were intrigued or interested in me, and yes... they made it obvious as well that they were open for me approaching them, open, receptive and inviting except for the actual words "come and hit on me" lol
now, I wasn't clueless about it... I just had a girlfriend waiting for me at home, lol
so, that's I prefer actual communication and words...
Probably because we're not brought up to have feelings! We have to be TOUGH and MEN!! Partly so YOU'LL like us better!! We're told no woman wants a man that has feelings, they want men that are strong and don't cave to emotions!! Then, we GET a woman (IF we're lucky!!) and she wants to know why we AREN'T attuned to her emotional wavelength!! Well, pick one or the other!! You can't have it both ways!
I'm one that IS in tune with a woman's emotions but, I've only had 3 girlfriend's my entire life and none lasted very long!! Y'all CLAIM you WANT a guy like me but, at the same time, you all go running after the first guy that'll beat the piss out off you!!
You gotta remember men wired differently then women we don’t think or look at things the same way you do. What you call an obvious hint can be something we won’t even notice or we will notice it and think it’s something else.
there's also the thing where we dont want to come off as creeps if we act on what we think is a hint but ends up not being one. Then we just look like a creep for misreading the situation.
in all honesty if you like a guy it’s just better to come out with it and be straight with him.
Cuz a lot of women I’ve been with in the past at least beat around the bush and don’t come out with a straight answer with how they feel in turn some of us genuinely don’t understand but some of us in our more petty moments aka me sometimes will purposely pretend not to understand to stress you out till you give us a straight answer because we are tired of that break in communication. It’s a tit for tat scenario however I will usually before being this petty tell them to be up front and that I hate that kind of beating around the subject.
I can sense most things, I can sense when something is wrong I always knew when my ex was upset as she would go quiet and not say much or she’d act differently to normal, I have a good sense of emotions with people as I’ve had to growing up it was a must with the childhood I had I had to be attuned to peoples feelings, I however don’t understand flirting have no clue it’s lost on me, also if you like me tell me as if you play hot and cold with me I’m gonna think you’re a jerk and leave, I need to know straight up.
because that is just how most guys are, pretty clueless.
That is one of the differences between men & women.
Women are great at subtle hints, guys are pretty clueless.
If you want us to know something then come out and tell us, otherwise you are in for a lot of disappointments.
So conversely guys ask why don't women tell us what they want?
You think you are telling us what you want, but in fact you really aren't.
Guys or the vast majority of guys are very simple creatures.
We simply do not grasp subtle hints.
I have it where I have seen a girl flirt or give a hint one second, but then the next minute, they act different, so you think they are just being friendly and fun. Girls make it hard to figure out sometimes with mix signals, so we just think we are In the friends circle. And know that's a deed end. It happen to me a few times where a year after after I have a girlfriend I would hear a girl liked me, n I'm just like you could have been more open n tell me. I know it a scary thing to do, but society always expects the guy to make the move, just sometimes, we may have been rejected In the past, so we don't. Be more upfront, most guys are easy to read.
Well, for starters, we don't like rejection. So we try to avoid it. Also, if we like a girl we don't know what is being friendly and what is flirting. So it's not that we're oblivious, we're unable to separate the two if hwe like a girl. It's also possible that we aren't paying attention to you, so we don't notice anything that you do. If you like a guy, you could ask him out or grab him and kiss him. He'll get the message loud and clear. I didn't ask her my girlfriend out until a day after we made out
Guys don't communicate in hints and clues - guys just SAY what needs to be said. Do not treat your man like a woman, and don't expect him to act like one. TALK to him, and just tell him what you want to say. He can handle it.
Remember: men don't operate on our feelings, so we are used ignoring or compartmentalizing our feelings and using logic instead. This means we aren't very tuned in to feelings. It's not in our nature.
The simple answer is because we guys communicate less with subtle clues and non verbally we often don´t understand when women do and I once heard I think in a podcast that it´s also psychologically proven. A guy can learn a woman´s bodylanguage at a time but he has to learn like a new language it´s nothing that we understand naturally because we communicate more verbally.
Well it's just that fact that guys and girls are just different... Also even if you flirt many guys have a problem differencing if u are being nice or flirty I've noticed this with many guys including my boyfriend... Just some girls flirting.. and I've had to say hey they are flirting yk ! :) And he would be like wait really?
Anyways sometimes it's better to just say it tbh or maybe give them a way stronger hint like a kiss.
I think there could be a couple things going on, one is, how are you flirting it may not be as obvious as you think. Second, it is possible they "get" it but are not interested so they pretend not to get it. I am not saying that based on anything just that it is something that happens, I have been told that by guys about other girls when I asked them (trying to help the other girl).
Either that or they have been trained to ignore them because of the social norms. Sometimes woman are not good communicators too. Just saying off of experience as a raft guide. It’s a job where you have to communicate what you want clearly and without chance for misinterpretation when it’s crunch time. Some women, like men, are not good communicators.
I said it once already on here I guess I will be saying it a lot.
I had women throwing themselves at me for YEARS. I even had beautiful women asking me for my number.
It took years of that for me to realize that I was not repulsive to women. That in fact, I was very attractive to women.
I don't know. It sucks. I should have been neck deep in pussy since I was 13. But I never got there till halfway through 30.
Like I always say, when you're really good at flirting, the other person is going to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they're being flirted with. So when I hear women talking about how clueless they think guys are when they're being flirted with, it will usually seem to me that they're actually not as good at flirting as they think they are.
In the age of #metoo guys have to be extra careful. No means no, so guys ain't approaching anymore. It's not that we are clueless, the risk ain't worth the reward a lot of the time. You have to make it clear to a guy that you like him nowadays, and if you don't then it means you kinda like him but not enough. And he may know that you kinda do, but needs the reassurance.
I don't know about other guys, but I'm very oblivious when it comes to girls, a lot of times this has happened where I realize weeks/months later that a girl liked me and was flirting with me. I think it's also because girls are way too subtle, and I think that she was just joking or being nice, and I don't want to get the wrong idea and end up making things awkward. However, there has been a time when a girl was not very subtle and I knew she was interested but unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual so I didn't do anything about it.
For the same reason you refuse to use your grown folks’ words, i suppose. Quit being coy and tell men how you feel. Guys are literally going to prison for acting on assumptions based on “subtlety”, ultimately passivity really. Those that don’t end up on the registry are still ruined on social media. Quit playing with men’s lives and livelihoods and just say what you’re feeling.
Then be direct. We aren’t mind readers. Especially if it’s subtle. What might be flirting for one woman isn’t for another. There is also the chance a guy just isn’t into you.
Be direct. There is times where I know a woman is flirting but ain’t into her….. Just point blank.
Another thing is. We aren’t mind readers. Especially if you’re being subtle. I would rather someone be more direct with me. Then you won’t have to play games
Too focused on technicality while speaking.
Confusion as to what actually the girl might be hinting to. [Example]Being flirtatious and being friendly are two confusing things for us. Hence, better to just not acknowledge the hint.
Sometimes, guys do the task of predicting the pros and cons of responding to your emotions, and then take decisions about whether to acknowledge them or not.
Sorry, I can only think of these many.
Because tons girls that are not you, have given men a very bad vibe. They have trained men to distrust women craziness. I've personally had countless girls all over me giving signals, over time, when I pursue innocently back, they reject like did something wrong. Even get angryly creeped out. "Most" women who flirt are playing evil games!! you all suck, rude evil worthles game playing bitches! Last thing I want is to do go after anther rude bitch that flirts... 😡 end up on the metoo movement! Or on Facebook with a photo as a creep!! 🤬 "After you flirted"
Attention whores, all dressed up flirting, when they are away from there man, are everywhere. women are trash.. its not. the guys fault you are a attention slut!!
Men are not woman. If you want them to know something you need to tell them.
Don't hint, men don't get hints
Men understand direct, clear and right to the point.
Men don't see hinting and leaving clues. You want to flirt, do it like a guy would flirt with you.
Guys are touchy feelly and know what you mean when you grab his inner thigh or butt.
There's two reasons.
1. He's genuinely not able to pick up the cues. Not a problem cause not everyone is good at that.
2. He's probably noticed it but isn't sure and doesn't wanna come off as presumptuous or creepy.
Either ways, it'd be simpler for you to simply ask him out. Make the first move yourself.
We get the hints we just don't want to act on them because we are afraid of being labeled a creep or having you think we are weird for it if we are wrong about the hint.
Most aren't aware. I know I am in the minority because I pick up on the smallest hints, body language, and micro expressions. In women some of them last a fraction of a second. But since I prefer to be single, I do not take action when I notice them and occasionally I've seen the woman in question look frustrated... but most guys wouldn't have noticed that micro expression of interest anyway!
Depends on your hints to a guy if there like smoldering eyes he might think the worst an if you touch his arm he might think your clingy an as for the stroking your hair he thinks you have o c d an as for conversation if he doesn't think your on the same page he will just finish conversation an move on so just really comes down to personality an a lot in common
So ask him out.
You should be able to understand that guys are walking a thin line when they approach a woman, especially at work. I remember one place I worked where a kind of goofy guy (no, not me) asked a girl out and she told half the girls in the place about it in a "OMG! As if!" kind of junior high manner that was pretty insulting to him.
Guys aren't mind readers why don't women understand that? Guys know you can't always believe a "hint" is truly a hint because sometimes when you approach a female who you think was sending signals or hints turns out she wasn't and now you gotta deal with her attitude. Hints are no longer good enough.
Yes sadly us guys are pretty clueless at times when it comes to girls. Us guys think mostly logical why women are think emotional and feelings which makes them smarter. Also us guys are sometimes afraid to say the wrong thing and idea or be cocky and makes be stupid and makes us think we have no chance hooking up with you.
Experience plays a lot in dealing with the opposite genders emotions. Not everyone cares to see the hints some people would rather just straight up tell you or have you tell them. could be how your doing it. Some are truly unaware of you flirting though
You Girls think Hinting is enough all the time when it's obviously not yet you still keep on Hinting.
If Hinting doesn't work it means you need to take action, You Girls are so afraid to be Straight forward because you might be perceived as too slutty or something, A girl who takes action is way more Attractive than a Girl who just Hints, She will just get ignored Because to us it can look Rude and Selfish.
Sorry most of us are clueless when it comes down to women. Hinting is not good for either sexes. Sometimes you have to get to the point of what you want. if it is sex you can come in a room dancing around in front of us naked, we would eventually get the hint.
i actually never had this problem. Every time I put out a hint, he usually notices. The problem is not with him, its you. your hints are too light. you aren't afraid of making bold hints because you are afraid he might reject you.
Because you must understand that they don't do hints and subtlety. As soon as you realize that, it becomes child's play.
I am sorry but subtle clues get men in trouble. Men can see something as a subtle clue and make a move of flirt and the girl get all upset because it was not what the guy thought it was, and now he is a pervert of some kind and the girl doesn't want to be around him anymore.
It is best to be direct with him...
I think its either they’re clueless because they’re not interested at all, or have low confidence that they convince themselves a girl is just being friendly… im not a guy tho so dont come at me
One of the myriad ways we are different is emotional intelligence. Women are just better at it and always will be. As such, it is unreasonable and illogical to expect men to compete at the same level on the same playing field in that regard.
No, they're not. They really are, for the most part, as you stated, clueless. About flirting and about being flirted with. I am not, but even my married friends, their wives make unspoken I inuendos all the time and they don't pick up their cues. Like they're oblivious
The thing is, you women think what you give are "hints", but it's not. Want a guy? Be more direct. Show him, but show him really.
I'm not telling you to jump at his pants and suck him dry in public, but a more direct approach will give more results.
Whatever happened gradually along the way of time produced a reluctance among us guys to attempt flirtation. Women act all paranoid and scared if you show any kind of interest, so we stopped.
why give hints when you can communicate clearly… lol
Games are for children. Just say what you want. Until you have asked for something and been denied, you have no basis for complaint. If you grew up in a home where plain speaking was punished, get some counseling and learn to live with normal people.
Men are direct. Most don't play those psychological games.
You either tell him, "Hey, I really like you," or you keep disappointing yourself.
No most are not, or they might think you're just being ''friendly'' and they don't want to risk anything because they mistook a girl (s) just being friendly with them before. Just tell them straight up want you want or feel, it's much better and easier for us.
Most guys (me included) do not get subtle hints, so why do you women keep trying that? And then blaming the guy for not getting it? Just tell us what you want.
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Because it is ambiguous, every hint you do can mean litterly nothing. So in todays climate it's easier to treat it as nothing instead of reading a woman wrong.
Because women is little hard to understand 😅 sorry and also when we express my emotional felling maybe we didn't observe eighter she likes or not 😅 maybe
Can I ask, why not just be crystal clear?
Instead of dropping clues to the murderer, why not just tell him who it is? Get what I'm saying? What's the point of being subtle?
He could be too busy to date you. Unless you're hinting that you just want sex. You weren't very clear about weather you're hints were implying a relationship or just sex
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