I have a bad personality and have trouble starting + holding conversations with new people. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

TDLR: I’m socially anxious and because of that I get really mean and no guys talk me in the first places and everyone else knows how to talk to guys but me

I’m a pretty closed off person so when I think someone is being rude or making fun of me (which is all the time). If someone does something to make me think I think they hate me (which could be as simple as not including me in a convo) and then I’ll want to make sure they know I despise them even if I don’t (but they usually end up not hating me.) I get passive aggressive or shut down this doesn't contrast well considering naturally unapproachable. I refuse to make conversation because I don’t know how and I don’t want to become a laughing stock. I often don’t know what to say in the first place. I’m always embarrassing myself when I do talk to guys. My friends are super social and I just stand next to them not engaging with the guys they talk to (which makes me think they hate me for not including me and then I get rude and the cycle repeats) I just wish I could click with someone and be like able. I just want to be noticed

[Mikeysoda]

Thats tough. How did you become friends with very extroverted people but not with guys?

You could find hobbies that you like and do them. As you do them, begin to connect with the other people that participate in the same hobbies you do, that way you have an easy way to connect since you already have the hobby in common. From there, see who you naturally gravitate to and vice versa and let it go naturally from there.

If you know your weaknesses already... then be aware and stop doing them. Remember, who is for you will be for you, for who you are. Just be willing to become the version of you for you and to keep working on that.

[Asker]

I’ve been friends with my friends since elementary school, I’m in college now. They’ve always been able to talk to guys and bad guy friends around our group but I’ve never been one of engage with them. Sometimes I can get really mean to them if I do end up talking to them which is rare since they usually don’t include me in conversation.

[PastorJohn69]

Aahh.. I'm sorry.
I thought for a few minutes...
This is the best I got
Please
I do mentoring and counciling at my church and I don't have a ybody on a schedule.
They just co. e to me for advice and help.
I try to help as I should...
So with that sai.. said...
I say this..

You can use me for practice.. getting used to talking outside your comfort zone
I prome if you say anything mean I won't take it personally
I will keep it on the legit and I promise, people that practice that which they stumble the become masters.
I can help you develop skills to not feel socially awkward.
I am always confidential
As a pastor, I give my word I will never sideways to you

[Graci_e]

I think this is something you could really benefit from talking to a therapist about - preferably a therapist that does social skills.

You could have social anxiety or even Asperger’s.

Have a read of this:
https://everydayaspergers.com/2012/03/31/day-62-females-with-aspergers-syndrome-nonofficial-checklist/amp/

I have Asperger’s and have been in social skills therapy since I was 7 to help me cope with situations. I do so much better now and with interacting with people - I’m a lot more confident and can hold a conversation.

I completely understand how you feel. Have a look into those options.

[Asker]

Don’t think I have Aspergers. I got tested for a lot of things when I was younger and if I did I then not sure social therapy would help considering I would think their advice would be obvious. I know my flaws I just don’t know how to fix them.

[Asker]

I guess I do know how to fix them I’m just unable to.

[Graci_e]

Girls can very easily fall through the diagnostic net, just so you’re aware.

Talking it through with someone helps give you the skills to manage these situations. You may know your ‘flaws’ (it isn’t a flaw) but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have the skills to manage them.

[Intothevoid666]

I don't know but just be happy ur not a guy cuz you’d die a virgin if u were lmao

[Anonymous]

Date socially awkward guys.

[Asker]

Can’t find them and still can’t approach them. Most times they wonder why I’m talking to them.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you tried being direct with them?