Is it a red flag / suspicious that my boyfriend won't' go to his high school reunion and doesn't have contact with ANYONE from high school?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriends 10 year reunion is coming up, he didn't even mention it to me I just found the invitation in the rubbish bin and asked him about it, at first he got pissed at me for reading his mail, but then told me he doesn't have any contact with anyone he went to school with, he was bullied and so cut all contact and doesn't want to go, and I really want to go, it sounds like a great night but he's refusing, and I'm just a little suspicious why he's so adamant, what do you think?

Updates

1 y

Okay, maybe I was overreacting, thank you people

[Anonymous]

No, it's not suspicious.

My experience: We tried several times to set up a High School reunion. One year, it was set up by two guys as a thinly veiled attempt to promote their high end restaurant. It was going to be like $200 a person, and very little entertainment that would really justify the price. I don't even know if anyone went because it was ridiculously expensive for what we would get. I think it may have been cancelled.

Another year, some people all happened to be flying in to town for various reasons, so fairly last minute, we just sort of did a "pub crawl" kind of thing. Everyone was on their own for costs.

I happen to live close by (stayed local), and happened to have a few hours of work near where we were going, so I decided to go, for at least part of it.

Most of it was pretty chill. It ended up being on average about 20-40 people, with a kind of "open door" thing going on. If any former bullies showed, they either kept to themselves and their cliques enough to where I didn't really notice, or they happened to show when I was at work, so I ended up not having to deal with them. Most of the people were generally ok. Some of the people I got along with back then who stayed local DID show up later, so it was cool seeing them and catching up after work (though we sort of keep up with each other a little bit anyway) - and in spite of my generally negative view of high school, I AM glad I went to that one.

Had it been school sanctioned, say, AT the high school... had it been a whole weekend, with a bigger group of people coming, or if tickets were expensive (even if none of the bullies showed), I probably wouldn't have gone. Most of High school WAS hell. LIFE was kind of hellish back then, up till senior year, so there's only a few people or places I have any desire to reminisce over.

(I eventually lucked out on some things back around the end of Junior year, so as traumatic as school was, it could have been a lot worse) - but I still know how much of a problem many reunions can be for a lot of people, and I respect people who would never show up.

[Nawlins34]

This is not a red flag... with a caveat.

He literally told you why he doesn't want to go.

He's being consistent because when something is of NO value to you,
you throw it away.

YOU then try to force value on something he doesn't value when
his actions clearly spoke.

You're discounting his feelings and how that era negatively impacted him. If they guy is worth dating, then trust his judgement.

It's 2022, anyone worth keeping in contact with after high school has a social media. If they aren't worth him reaching out to, that's a statement.

Leave it be.

But... here comes the aforementioned caveat.

If you are so starved for information about this guy that you have to look in the trash to know more about his history because he won't share ANYTHING. That's a red flag.

Not specifically high school, EVERYTHING.

If he's still in pain, then he shouldn't be dating, he needs counseling and needs to heal.

Outside of this, this isn't a red flag.

I hope I've helped, be safe and good luck.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

No, not a red flag.

To me, someone who is done with high school who glorifies high school and really wants to participate in things like reunions, etc, is a red flag.

YMMV if you're younger and closer to high school, but in your 30s, it's pathetic to still compare yourself and your life to your high school.

The only person in my life who focused that much on high school was my ex-fiancé, who basically peaked in high school. That's the energy people who value high school more than their adult accomplishments give me.

[KitsuneFoxSpirit]

Exactly. Most people look at high school as a speed bump in life. It happened. Not worth going back over.

[anon1903]

I wouldn't go back to my college reunion either, if in future they've one. The reason is it was treated as a beauty pageant, popular girls were plain mean and spread rumours about my mental health and whatnot, I experience inferiority complex as I am not as rich... Definitely not a red flag here, he might just hate those years of his life.

[WindAtMyBack]

I would say it's normal to not go to reunions. Only a minority of people go to those things. Most of the people I've known who went to a reunion didn't go to another one.

The longer it's been since high school, the more likely that you no longer have any contact with those people. Most people very quickly forget about high school after they graduate. That part of their life is over and they move on.

At five years there may still be some strong ties between people in school. By ten years people's priorities have shifted quite a bit.

Some people really enjoy reunions. But they are in a minority. By all means go if that's what you want to do. But there is nothing wrong with your boyfriend not wanting to go, and you shouldn't push him.

I still look through my HS year book regularly. All my friends do too. Sometimes we look at the yearbooks together and talk about the people. I also do name searches on the Internet to see what people are up to (although I rarely find them). But that is very different than going to a reunion.

[KitsuneFoxSpirit]

1st off - If ANYONE'S behavior is a red flag sweetie it's YOURS. You are disrespectful of your boyfriend's PRIVATE property. His mail is HIS PROPERTY. You have NO RIGHT to read his mail WITHOUT his permission.

2nd off - DO you WANT him to be uncomfortable? DO you WANT him to possibly be harassed? He said he was bullied, etc. WHY would he want to go to this reunion?

3rd off - Most people don't keep in contact with high school friends. They have far better things to do. Go to university, get a job. Depending on the time - get married & have children. Except for a handful, or less, of very good friends almost nobody stays in contact with others from high school.

Most do not go to a reunion for that reason. It's irrelevant in the grand scheme of life.

[Jabberjaw]

I didn't go to my high-school reunion and I have multiple friends from highschool still. Most of us did not lol.

I even remember in my senior year having a conversation with one of them when we said we wouldn't come to the 10 year reunion.

We held true to our word 😂

But yeah, I wouldn't call it a red flag. It really depends on what his life in high school was like. Like I had a really good time in high school, a lot of friends, a lot of good times

But I'm also not looking to relive those days, I've moved on from it and I don't plan to ever live in the past. I say that as someone who enjoyed it. Can only imagine if he didn't enjoy his highschool experience

I think most people don't really talk to their highschool friends anymore unless they grew up in a small town and still live in said small town.

[bamesjond0069]

I think its fine. I still talk to my best friend from HS but he lives far away from me. I dont live near my hometown. And i was moderately popular but i had some of my "friends" jump me and beat me up and try and harass my HS girlfriend and do some light sexual assault on her. So either people were people i didn't associate much with or they were my friend group who either participated or didn't stand up for me when i needed them so i have no reason to talk to any of them ever again. Its nothing i did or anything bad about me.

[Clowr]

Sounds like a great time? Go and see him uncomfy because allegories of him being mocked flowing up to the surface again. Yeah. Sounds like a good time.

If he did not like that chapter of his life, then I do understand him. Did not go to any of my reunions either. Don't feel like it would give me anything. And also did get bullied. Not by all, but if I don't have to have then in my life, then I choose not to.

[Clowr]

* because all the memories of him

[Honesttguy]

I dont visit any reunions cus i dont give two fuks about it. They are not my friends, i dont like them, i dont want to see them. You trying to force your way on me, you would quickly be going in direction of not being liked by me and thus removed from my life ending up just like rest of them.

[Honesttguy]

Imagine being raped and then its 10years later, hey lets go to reunion sounds like fun time, hmm are you red flag for not wanting to see that rapists face ever again? Its how you sound to me

[Aerissa_Jade]

No, not a red flag... I don't go to mine either, only had one so far though but no plans to go to them. Those that are friends, I am still in contact with. The rest, I don't really care to ever see again or not.

Really social people see it as a big deal, the rest of us are just like whatever.

[Anonymous]

He already told you.
He was bullied. He may not have made any good, meaningful memories in high school, so if he says that he doesn't want to go, you'll have to respect that, there's not reason why this would be suspicious, unless you have other reasons to suspect he's hiding something.
If you're too immature to respect his wishes, rethink your own mindset before questioning his.

[GingerGuy]

I don't think it is at all. Probably very common with guys? I'd have no interest either. Other than a couple close friends (that are still to this day and keep in contact with), I have no "good" memories from high school, nor do I want to see or talk to ANYONE from then. No interest at all. I think it's very different for you women, but for us guys, probably very common.

[GingerGuy]

For him, there would be nothing "fun" about it.

[JustinTheGreat]

I don’t think there’s anything necessarily suspicious about it. I’m only in contact with maybe 3 people from high school. I don’t think I would have any interest in going to a reunion either. I wasn’t the most popular kid but I got along with a lot of people, but yet I I still have no desire to see any of them. I could especially see why someone wouldn’t want to go if nobody was nice to them.

[alice55]

He just told you he was bullied how is that not enough? Who want to go willingly spending time around their bully?
And how is that a red flag? Are you trying to say it was his fault he was getting bullied?

[DarkWinterNights]

High School wasn’t great for me. I had friends but after we graduated I lost contact with all of them. If I ever got a reunion invitation I don’t know if I would go. I think most people moved out of state. I wouldn’t consider this a red flag at all.

[whereismyjohnny]

I don't understand why would this be a red flag? He was bullied, it's completely logical that he doesn't want to have contact with or see these people.

[BrookeAZ90]

By the time my 10-year reunion would have come around, I think I maybe talked to one person from high school. That isn't ever likely to change.

[exitseven]

I never went to any of mine and I have no contact with anyone since I graduated. I am pretty well adjusted.

[Blackcosmo]

I wouldn't go either and it's not something to worry about. He's probably just really nervous.

[KrakenAttackin]

Red flag, seriously? For most people high school wasn't a great time of life. I rather think people who enjoyed high school to be a red flag.

[Juxtapose]

For REAL man. High school was only fun to popular narcissists in my opinion.

[Sparkie460]

No it's not a red flag. I didn't go to any of my high school reunions. My 40 year reunion is coming up and I still won't go.

[Akanzal]

What's there to be suspicious about? If he doesn't want to go then he doesn't want to go.

[Juxtapose]

Obviously you don't know what it's like being bullied otherwise you would be on his side.