A few days ago I met a guy I know since elementary school. Somehow we ended up talking about who our crushes use to be at the time and he mentioned that I was always his crush since elementary school but he never approached me even in high school because other guys and friends of his also had a crush on me. He said it was difficult for him to think of approaching when all guys kept looking at me. All of that was a surprise to me and led me to this question. Do guys really get discouraged when other guys look and like the same girl as you? And if so, how do you deal with it?
Guys: Do you get discouraged when other guys like the same girl you like?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
I don’t like feeling jealous. This also puts me in predicament where I have to “compete” with other guys which I also hate.
Some guys will throw each other under the bus in an effort to impress the girl. Sometimes that bs sadly works. Women see a douchey guy as “dominate”.
I won’t self sabotage myself and speak highly of other guys (to look like a “good sport”) but I won’t trash talk them either. My advice is throw the dice and see where it lands. I do not cheat. But again some girls do fall for that crap.
Anyway I am naturally an introvert that doesn’t mean I’m shy. I am not afraid to approach women and I will take risks asking for numbers or hanging out. There are very attractive women who men are to intimidated to approach. I got over that fear a long time ago.
This can go in one of two directions depending if the girl already likes me or not. If she likes me then she will like me even more because I showed confidence. But if she’s not interested she will often just string me along for attention to ultimately friéndzone. She likes having several options.
I HATE that. Hate it. If she’s not interested than politely say so and respect the position I am in. I won’t get angry. I’ll still say hello if I into her. But at least I can keep my dignity.
I understand if she is attractive that many guys will like her but it can be a bit irritating.
I recall years ago when I was in college there was a very cute girl that I a thing for. I my young 20 year old mind I though it was love. I recall how she always made eyes with me in class and when we would see each other around campus. Anyhow, as I was walking down a hallway one day on my way to class I saw one of our professors hitting on her ; she was leaning against the wall and he had his arm over her in a position that men will sometimes use when they are attracted to a women. Anyways, she seemed to be into his advances. I never said anything to them but it left an impression in my mind;this women was about 23 and the professor could of been about 63 or so and had a huge beer belly and a crusty old face. From that moment on my crush factor on her went down about 95 %. The thought of her being into some old , crusty dude killed the boner as they say. She would still flirt with me after that but I was just cold from that moment on wards. It is kind of like how when the slutty girl flirts with a guy at a party... just... yuck... I mean really just yuck.
I know a guy who has liked someone for 2 years but she keeps saying no but he won’t stop, so why would they back down if a friend also likes that girl? You could just see who gets her and move on.
Some guys do. Some guys do not. If a bunch of guys wanted a girl but were afraid of talking to her, that would motivate me to talk to her because I was fearless & it was like a competition. On the other hand there were times I was interested in females that nobody else was.
For sure tho, if a guy's friend states he's seriously interested in a girl then he has 1st dibs and his friends won't try to approach her. It's not an unlimited time thing tho. if he didn't actually approach her for months, eventually his 'dibs' wouldn't count for anything. So I guess a guy with more "friends" would have fewer options if he's only meeting females when his friends are around. Ha ha ha.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Yes. What’s the point of hitting on the hot girl when the hot girl gets hit on constantly and can have her pick of whatever swinging dick comes her way?
And I’m going to be the lucky one she picks, when there are other guys who may very well be better looking, funnier, more financially well off, whatever. She’s just going to pick me out of all of them?
So why bother even talking to her? She’ll immediately think that I’m just one more guy who is only trying to get in her pants. And I get to risk making her uncomfortable or being labeled a creep for whatever reason they come up with.
I don’t even bother looking at attractive women anymore or consider speaking to them. I just leave them alone. 🤷♂️
No. However if the past if a friend had a crush on a girl, even if I did as well I wouldn't make a move. Not worth the potential problems it could cause with my friend. As far as other guys go then it's no problem (one caveat though, a close male friend of hers. 99% chance he likes her and will use his position as "friend" to try and dissuade her from other guys.) I dated a girl a couple of years ago who constantly got hit on and chased by guys. No issue, in fact it was less pressure knowing she constantly got hit. If she had said no then I'd just be another guy she rejected. A easier pill to swallow knowing she rejected 100 of guys before me. Having her say yes was a huge confidence boost because she could have anyone but chose me.
I can relate a lot, I’m totally the type to give up on his emotions and crushes because of other guys. It happened to me, and it brought me a lot of sufferance. It’s basically due to eternal insecurity and low self esteem. Some guys won’t stop not even in front a vast crowd of guys adoring one girl, but i felt insecure even in front of one single guy: I felt like I couldn’t compete with him.
Yeah a bit. Mostly because I know it would turn into some stupid game between me and him rather than some attraction between me and her. I hate when men have to compete for someone attention. It feels degrading.
Also because I like when my taste is a little more niche. I know I'm not inflating an already over-inflated ego.
Yes a little bit and I don't really deal with it more so just give up because some certain guys usually ruin it for the good guy, example, "a bunch of other guys what makes you any different" feel like we won't even get a shot at you because of how my people were already on you so we might as well move on and find someone else 😐
Well for me it's not even find someone else though, I would be stuck on you for a good long time but in silence and then eventually it will fade and then I just like nobody for a long time and hopefully someone eventually comes to me but that's when I was alright now I just don't want a relationship I'm good single for now
For me, that is partly low self-esteem but also if my friend goes on and on about a girl I like then I feel like "Eventhough I like her a lot she's not worth losing my friendship, because friends outlast many relationships" or it's that I assume my friend is way more attractive and has a better chance. But that too is a self-esteem issue. I have some major regrets over this..
Nah your guy is weak minded. It's common but not a good thing.
Personally I know who I am and I know the value I bring.
So no matter how many guys are looking at a girl the way I see it she can either chose me or chose the second best option and either way I'm good with it.
He was insecure in HS but many guys were back then. Also HS girls don’t always tactfully reject HS boys the right way. I remember they said nasty things to me back then.
However if he is still acting this was in his 30s that’s a different story.
not really now, it only makes sense and it is always expected... that if you really like someone, then there is every change that others will like that person as well
so, getting discouraged about this makes no sense at all, what matters here is... who is she going to like, and that could very well be, you...
The only time I liked the same girl my buddy did was back in 4th grade. When I mentioned who I liked he got all mad and was like “What? I was guna say her! She’s mine!” Because we were in 4th grade I wasn’t really worried that there would be any further dispute 😂
It's totally normal for other guys to be interested in the same woman, so I don't see why anyone should waste time being bothered by that. And that has no effect on my decision to approach her or not, which is determined by whether I find her interesting.
I don't know if discouraged is the right word or not. It very well could be. I am a very firm believer in the bro code. If a bro says he is interested in someone it would be a real dick move to try and get with that person. What I find though is that most bros don't live by that code anymore. It's sad. So much cheating going on these days. I don't even have to know a dude, if someone says they are married I could never get with that person.
Men thrive off competition , so this shouldn't be something that either intimidates you or deters you. But if you realize that someone else is going after all liking the same lady that you like it should be okay if you really wanted her attention you would make sure that you gotten it if not you don't worry about it because there's definitely more than one woman in the world. One stress I get bent out of shape over one, when there's a million others.
Specifically if she does not turn down those guys who are flirting with her, and hasn't shown any interest in me. I take that as she's already spoken for.
To me competing is a waste of time even if I think I'm the better option for her, I'll only be interested in her if she only has eyes for me.
I do get discouraged, yeah. Absolutely. Hell, I'd never even bother trying with any popular/hot girl unless maybe for whatever reason she approached me. And yes, I have always had very little confidence in myself.
I often go for the most desired woman in social situations. However i do back off if other men are interested i dont care but if she doesn't give me some sort of go ahead im not going to be one of many trying to woo her. If you can't let me know im the one you want to win then im not playing a game with 20 dudes fighting over you.
In my experience it is quite common for guys to like the same girl. What happens varies mostly on which guy the girl likes back. Maybe it is you , maybe not. Sometimes all the guys get put into the friend zone.
Absolutely. When a girl has a lot of attention, it makes me feel like I don't really have a chance because she has tons of options. Why would she go for me? I feel like it would be a waste of time and effort to go for the "popular girl".
Those guys have insecurity issues, or the girl is known to just want attention. I've been known to step up to girls all the guys were too afraid to step to and it was always quite a pleasant experience.
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