Why do men speak more softly towards women than men?

[shaysh87]

when they talk to women , they talk in a much gentle, sweet , quiet tone. Sometimes they might laugh a little like a woman. When they turn around to talk to men, they seem too loud, brash, and the opposite of gentle voice. but the guys don't tend to mind. It sounds as if they are trying to yell at me.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Partly a mirroring thing, partly a "wearing different hats for different jobs" thing. If my aim is to be accepted as "one of the boys", I know the fastest way to that end is cracking dirty jokes and being a bit louder and brasher. If I want a girl to like me, then I want to put her at ease so she feels safe around me, so I'll "play nicer" around her compared to when I'm cracking wise with the guys. That's just me though, and I'm sure some guys take it to excess (as in, they actually start to feminise their own personality to try and "be like the girls". My goal is never to be LIKE her, but simply to have HER like ME. And it's human nature to mirror the mannerisms of those we want to like us.)

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Also maybe a protective thing, like, she's someone I wanna protect, so I'll be softer and sweeter around her almost like a dad talks softer to his daughter than his son. Men instinctively want to challenge each other and kinda jostle for position -- even if just for pure entertainment's sake. So a lot of our humour is about trying to one-up each other and see who can say the wittiest or most inappropriate thing. But we don't feel this same instinct to jostle and spar so aggressively with women. It's like a dad will tell his son off for things he lets the daughter get away with. Is it "fair"? No. But human nature never evolved on the basis of what's fair or equitable. It evolved on the basis of what gets men and women pro-creating most effectively, with the highest likelihood of offspring growing to full maturity. So it's no stretch to consider that a girl who's treated with some amount of gentleness and "playing nice" by the males in her family would grow up to select a partner who also treats her with a 'gentle touch' -- quite literally, a 'gentle-man'.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Of course there's also that shadow side of women's psychology that secretly desires some "rough play", but only on the understanding that it's consenting play with a partner who has the capacity for softness and gentleness as well. It's why 50 Shades of Grey books eventually reverse the roles by showing how the bad boy gets "tamed" and devotes himself to "the one". (At least, that's my understanding from the movie trailers and amazon reviews lol). If it was just 3 books of a brooding douchebag making her bite the pillow non-stop, it would become hollow and unsatisfying to the target audience. But if it were three books of some perennial Nice Guy™ worshipping the ground she walks on, women reading would feel physical disgust. This is what men on GaG seem to always miss about "what women want". They see black and white, "oh if women won't date me for being nice to them, I'll become an asshole instead". Lime, sure buddy, let us know how that works for ya 😅. But like Yin and Yang, there's something about showing a bit of darkness with the light, and lightness with the dark...

[RACSKC0B]

Because guys are always looking to replace their mothers, or convince other dudes they have the biggest dick.
We're dumb, knuckle dragging, mouth breathers.

[FilmGuy93]

Because we don't want to come across as assertive and aggressive?

[shaysh87]

Why you dont want to be aggressive towards women but are aggressive towards men

[FilmGuy93]

Do I really need to explain why someone would want to come across non-threatening to a person half their size?

[shaysh87]

Im not even half his size

[FilmGuy93]

Okay, so the value in not intimidating you should be even more pronounced

[shaysh87]

i find guys ranging from 3 inches to a foot taller speak to me more softly

[Anonymous]

For the same reason we speak most softly to children, because they are sensitive and easily offended.

[Anonymous]

Because women are still looked on as the weaker and gentler sex

[dolemite89]

cuz women can’t handle being talked to like a man

[Anonymous]

Because women like it?

[12zooleud]

Respect

[jahaims]

Social hierarchy

[RobEurope]

Its biological.