Why is he avoiding my question?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a guy for 7 months and I'm I. My late 20s he is early 30s. I have always felt like he has walls up but still felt like he really liked me.

I find the biggest issue is when I try to have more serious conversations about where things are heading or his feelings in general he gets overwhelmed and almost has a panic attack. I feel like I get vague replies.

On a normal day to day he makes an effort to contact me see me etc but two nights ago I confronted him via text as I won't be seeing him for a while to just get some clarity.

I explained that I have been thinking of us lately and know it's an uncomfortable topic but I need to know what direction this is heading. I asked him if he was wanting to commit to a relationship. I explained that I need a more serious commitment and if he accepts all of me including my child etc.
I also said it's ok if he does not a want the same but I need to know where I stand.
It took him nearly 20 mins of leaving me on read to just say, he knows I'm gonna think he is making an excuse but he is really tired and has been in and out of sleep can he please talk with me tomorrow and sent a kiss.

The next day he waited until the late afternoon to let me know he has to go to some emergency work meeting and that he has not forgotten about me.

And now day 3 still nothing at all.

I am unsure if he really just lost interest that suddenly or if I should not just assume but I find it a bit hurtful and rude like I'm not a priority.

Ps he was the one that has been saying things like he sees himself with me, he really really likes me, he is 100% sure about me etc.

I just can't understand why he just won't answer me at all especially since we have been seeing eachother for a while and even if its a no I feel I deserve that response

What do you think?

[bamesjond0069]

you're a single mom. There is no fairytale future with you. Either he has to shoot himself in the foot to be with you or keep it somewhat casual. This is why every time you go to force his hand he disappears or has a shit fit or shuts down.

Imagine literally the bravery and self harm you would have to do to literally shoot yourself in the foot. This is what you're putting him through every time you force his hand. And most men who will give you the time of day will be the same.

I won't date single moms period but due to my situation id be fwb+ with the right one. But second she is untrustworthy with birth control or has bad behavior or asks about marriage i have to call it off asap. Not acceptable. doesn't qualify for anything additional.

So either accept your situation and stay in your lane or find a man who will shoot himself in the foot for you aka step down a notch in desirability of the man.

[Asker]

So according to what your saying I should just feel lucky that anyone even gives me the time of day and either allow them to use me and let them have their cake and eat it too because my feelings don't matter simply because I have a child?

Perhaps guys that think this way should have the "bravery" to say they only want one thing instead of dating a woman with a child for several months and making it out as if they actually want something more with that person

[bamesjond0069]

From a man perspective you're the one trying to "have their cake and eat it too". But its not like there aren't options. 1. You can just understand that most guys on your level will now not be open to things like marriage or children or cohabitation with you. And accept their time effort and love as enough. 2. Date ultra selectively spending most time single and carefully seeking out guys who might make an exception ie single dad w custody. This will be difficult though because even single dads w kids often won't take a single mom seriously. 3. Date significantly below your level. I actually know a girl who had 4 kids with 3 men who is ULTRA HOT and i think at age 28 she married a fat ugly star wars collectible 50 year old. But she got married. Your mileage may vary depending on your specifics but you most certainly will have to date down to some degree.

Regarding him telling you... sure he ought to communicate to you when asked. However its not his responsibility to be experienced with single moms or to know exactly what he wants when put in a unique situation. Its confusing because he very well may love you and not be thinking fully clearly. This is going to happen with many men so unfortunately you won't be able to count on a man fully explaining this to you. When i first was confronted in a similar situation i didn't know how i felt either as i was in love but couldn't bring myself to be in a relationship and i wasn't even sure why. Then after awhile to process i realized there was no chance i could do it specifically because she was a mom but that was not clear to me at first since i never been in that position before. The constant is you so you need to understand this when you're talking to men. Its not their job to have dated single moms before and know their feelings about it in advance.

[IsoUser]

I would hope to God that the guy isn't married and just leading you on. Because that is exactly what it sounds like to me honestly in any event just my humble opinion. Just don't put your heart on your sleeve so to speak, just some advice take it or leave it so to speak.

[Dkc123]

If he's ready he'll make it official. Don't ask for it.
If he's not sure that means he's not ready.

Now choice is yours either wait or move on.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply, I guess I just wanted to understand why after all this time I couldn't get an answer to even say he isn't ready

[spartan55]

He won't commit to you. He wants the free 🥧 pie and nothing else.

[Danny_dan92]

This man reminds me of how I am.


Don’t be pushy.

[Asker]

Could you please explain further as I don't feel after 7 months asking for where I stand is pushy and him not replying for 3 days just seems rude

[Danny_dan92]

If he cannot give you a straight answer after that length of time talking/dating.

Drop him. Problem solved

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s scared. And he is stalling for time. When will you see him next irl?

[Asker]

I am not sure now as he hasn't talked to me since. But originally it would have been next weekend.

So you think he is scared, not that he isn't interested. I am very hurt by this atm

[BarryLiverstone]

You are hurt because you expected him to step up and claim you as his girlfriend and he failed. So now you are left worrying he doesn’t want you at all. But really you shouldn’t have attempted to talk about this over text as that’s a poor way to communicate. Should have waited till you were in front of him to talk. So now he feels scared and is stalling for time and hoping you will drop it. I can’t know if he really does want you or not but you will have to talk irl to find out. Until then you will feel hurt and disconnected from him

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. I normally would do it in person but I feel like he gets overwhelmed and shuts down in person and then it goes no where.
I have seen him get into a panic if a question is asked

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. If this becomes a serious relationship there will be even tougher questions and discussions. So don’t let his panic response prevent you from talking in person. Instead be supportive and ask why he panics and what’s on his mind

[007kingifrit]

this is his problem not yours, he needs to give a clear answer and/or you need to walk away

[Anonymous]

even a blind man can see it you pressured him gave him an ultimatum he got scared of committment and ran away the relationship's over

[driven159]

he is afraid to