How can a guy says he loves you more than anything in the world, but still oogles other women?

[Justd3]

Why is a guy so “in-tune” with women? The glaring, getting close to tv when any bikini or nude shots are on. Doesn't like any shows unless there is nudity. He doesn't even notice this. Whats up with a guy like this?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Yikes.

I mean, I'm just turned off by straight men this sexual at rhis point, but damn. That guy has serious problems if he can't enjoy things unless he finds something sexual in it.

Like, he needs therapy and maybe medication.

In my mind, he's lying. He loves women's bodies, but he can't see them for people. Just sexual objects. He knows admitting it will limit his options, though.

He doesn't love you. He just likes your body's sexual capabilities. He probably doesn't even know your interests, tbh.

[Justd3]

I agree here. He has massive self esteem issues (as do I (after all the crap I've been through). He was left by his mother at 5 and abused his whole life by step parents. He def has issues seeing value in women. Do you think therapy could help? Do you think this can change?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

There's certainly no harm in trying, but in my opinion he's beyond hope.

Unless he himself has a desire to become a better person, he will never move past his addiction. He will never gain more depth.

It is always worth trying, but if after one or two attempts of encouraging therapy he doesn't go for it, just stay away and stay safe.

[PrettyPriya]

He can’t say that. He is lusting over other women. That is at the very least emotional cheating. Love is a connection between two people. To say he loves you yet lusts over others is contradictory.

I am engaged. My partner and I love each other very much. We only love each other. I pay no attention to other guys and he has no interest in other girls. He makes use of time bettering our lives, not ogling other women. He shows me through all sorts of little gestures, every day. I do the same.

Those “little things” don’t include viewing or lusting after other people. Your boyfriend really won’t watch movies or television without nudity? I’d be concerned more about deeper problems like a porn addiction or other things you don’t know. I’d be very wary.

[Justd3]

He does watch tv without nudity. I notice if there's no nudity, he either falls asleep or labels the movie boring. He said its not true but he can't name any movie he liked that had no nudity. Besides comedy and marvel. I dont think he's watching porn. He said he's over that (there was a time he was doing drugs and watched it all the time- he was in his 20’s. Its just he is highly in tune with women and when he has to take a good long look or two, or stare it crushes me

[flipflopBD5]

Mabey he just likes the beauty of a woman. This doesn't mean he thinks any less of the person he is with. Or, he might just be a dirt bag.

[jasco]

Because I like looking at other woman. Women are beautiful. Doesn't mean I plan on smashing them as long as I am with you

[Justd3]

Looking and noticing is normal to me. But oogling and making extra effort to see? Thats straight up creeper disrespectful behavior. Im trying to find different perspectives. Would it bother you if your women constantly oogled men? If not, why? .

[jasco]

Oh ok I understand. Yea I would well to the point where she clearly is trying to get their attention or flirt.

[sage2021]

I know! Right? They can say they love us over and over but can't seem to keep his eyes where they belong. It's rude, it's hurtful. I would have to say something about it and it wouldn't be pretty either.
Maybe try withholding your I love you'd to him when he says he loves you. See if he notices. Then I would bring it up to him. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Justd3]

Oh I've said a lot. I do believe he doesn't realize it. Except the obvious. We've fought for days. I think smoke n growls is on to something here. I believe he doesn't even know what love is.

[Ruenella_]

I wonder the same thing. I used to think my dad was the perfect guy, but he looks at every woman he comes across without shame and it makes me disgusted when he's been with my mom for over thirty years. I've honestly lost a tremendous amount of respect for him when I got older and saw who he really is.

I could never be with a guy like that. It'd drive me insane. I think I would rather be alone than be unhappy. Not worth the headache.

[Justd3]

Yeah Im to the point I've lost respect for him. I dont know what to do. Im in love with him but just can't live with disrespectful person I feel I cNt go anywhere with. Why can't dudes just stop already! Look and notice but the damn head turning and oogling? WTF?

[Ruenella_]

Have you told him that it makes you upset?

[Justd3]

Yes. I walked up to him and said something. He got angry and denied for 2 days. Until I was done and ready to break up. He finally admitted it. He said he would stop and be more aware. Its been a couple of weeks bit I do t see him changing. Not that he hasn't got caught- bit can he change? Why do they do this if the supposedly love you so much?

[Ruenella_]

I think it's possible for him to change his habits and mindset but it seems like he doesn't want to when he was in denial about it for two days and was only forced to admit it. I wouldn't waste time with someone like that. You deserve better.

[Guy13]

That’s what we do…

[Guy13]

No one said we were smart. Or remember from day-day. I don’t remember what I ate yesterday…much less said.
How olds is he?
You two married?

[Justd3]

55. Not married

[Justd3]

You wouldn't remember if you loved someone?

[Guy13]

Alright-brace yourself. My mentors (45-65) in Work like me for some reason. Given this, I don’t have to learn many mistakes the hard way BUT…
When I go to the after work weekly Martini 🍸 🍸🍸🍸🍸 bar…-I always get the 40-62 ones. “How did like talking to my wife”. Now…

[Guy13]

I can’t get a 22 year old Time. Either one of their “like model”-girlfriend is there or they are meeting another. They do NOT seek it…Grey full hair…know how to treat a woman (“daughter”) sells. Like this, “Boy” goes to bar to retrieve either “drinks or tab”. Gone for like 3 minutes and my chair is occupied upon returning.
—What you think happens when, “here boy” go to the bar and get that (his card) and here…these drinks were really stiff…slight grin for young girly…hands me 50.00 for tip.

[Guy13]

They don’t call me boy but it’s pretty damn obvious…I don’t mind…they’ll eventually be a new hire 🙃🙃

[Avicenna]

He’s not blind

[Justd3]

Well neither am I but I don't oogle other men. Are you good with your woman oogling others? If so, please share your thoughts on how this doesn't bother you. Thanks

[Avicenna]

No one fails to notice attractive people they aren't dating. Now, one should not be obvious about it and talk about how attractive some other person is. That goes for men and women.

[Justd3]

Im not talking of just noticing.

[Avicenna]

Well, he shouldn't be doing what you described

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣

[Justd3]

Why anonymous? Come out come out. Be proud of who you are