What should I do? He acts flirty and seems interested, but I now suspect he may have a girlfriend (who he may be having problems with)?

[Anonymous]

I am really confused right now. There is a guy who I was sure liked me. All the signs were there and people I talked to about it agreed he seemed to really like me. Body language wise he ALWAYS faces me and stands close to me. Even if he is talking to someone else, his body is turned towards me. He finds reasons to talk to me. He always runs to help me with the least little thing (I never ask - he just comes and helps). He smiles and laughs a ton around me. They are not little closed-mouth grins or giggles - they are full-teeth smiles and loud, happy laughs. He never mentions a girlfriend. He always says singular things like "my car", "my house", etc. He never makes any indication he is taken.

Now for the confusion. Today, I am almost certain I witnessed a fight with him and who I assume is his girlfriend. I had NO idea he had a girlfriend if that was the case. I somewhat know this girl, but she has given off "bad attitude/mean person vibes", so I haven't made it a point to be real friends with her. She's recently began talking to me and I've been civil, but I don't really want to be friends because of her overall personality and attitude. The reason I think it may have been him fighting with his girlfriend is because him and this girl were yelling at each other and she mentioned she took care of the house. He got sarcastic about it. After, she told someone else that the guy in question could kiss her a*s. She seemed mad the rest the time I was with her and the guy in question seemed annoyed, but still kept looking at me. That made me think they may be together but still no confirmation.

It really confused me though. He acts VERY into me. When we talk, he seems very happy. He makes and holds eye contact. He mentioned the girl who I guess he was fighting with by name one time, but it was very casual and he never referred to her as his girlfriend (or even his friend). He was actually talking about someone she knows and that's why he said her name.

What should I do?

Updates

1 y

As an update - I know 2 of his closer guy friends. One I already knew. The other I just met through him. The friend I only met thanks to this guy actually got involved in a situation I needed help with. Me and the guy in question were talking and I mentioned a problem. He right away wanted to help and said he'd ask some of his friends for their thoughts. Later, he came over with this guy friend and the 3 of us talked and came up with a successful solution.

Updates

1 y

Other info - neither the guy in question or the girl he was yelling with wear rings. The girl has never mentioned a boyfriend or said she's dating the guy in question either. I would have thought he would have mentioned her to me. Especially when he was talking about the person she knows. In my opinion, he shouldn't have just said her name. He should have absolutely referred to her as his girlfriend if they are together.

[130120]

What makes you assume she's his girlfriend?

"The reason I think it may have been him fighting with his girlfriend is because him and this girl were yelling at each other and she mentioned she took care of the house." > Maybe she's a family member, a cousin, or just a friend? Why don't you ask him if he has a girlfriend (in a context of a conversation) ?

Reading your story, to me he seems genuinely interested, but then again some people enjoy flirting with others even though they're taken...

[Asker]

The only thing that made me suspicious was when I overheard bits and pieces of their yelling. It seemed like they may be together since she was saying "who takes care of the house - I do" and he got sarcastic about it. They were also arguing about her work. She wanted to leave early from her shift one day and he apparently didn't want her too. She got mad and said she was going to leave early from work that day anyhow whether he liked it or not. I didn't see how that'd be relevant unless they were together. If they are together then dang. It seemed toxic. I would say they both needed new people in general (even if me and that guy never became anything at all - I'd say he needed a new girl and she needed a new guy for sure).

I do agree that yes, some people flirt even when they're taken. I disagree with that 100% and don't like people like that. If I'm taken, I am NOT flirting and I am making it well known to others that I am TAKEN. I don't play games. I did feel that he really liked me and had interest too, so the fight thing really confused me and made me worry he may be taken. I thought maybe he was taken... but won't be long and is already checking out other options. Time will tell, but I am definitely exercising caution.

[Asker]

Another thing that made me assume she was likely a "closet girlfriend" was when she said he could kiss her a*s. She seemed super ticked off when she said it. I assumed that was the aftermath of a fight with her boyfriend. Why else would she say that?

[Anonymous]

Huge red flag get over him. Long time ago there was one guy he was texting me all the time and even he was getting mad when I ignore him but then I've realized he has girlfriend. He was like he loves me and his girlfriend at the same time. I was young then and I didn't realize that he has girlfriend. It's really huge red flag and disgusting.

[Asker]

It is really sad to see he probably has a girlfriend and never said anything. Until now, there were no indications at all. None. No one mentioned anything about it even though we share friends. That makes it even worse. Like why wouldn't a friend pull me aside and TELL me he's taken? Or why wouldn't the friends scold him? It seems really weird. I don't date taken men. So he needs to make a choice and be sure of what he actually wants.

[ElementoP]

It sounds like he's into you, but I'd avoid him if he doesn't break up with that girl first.
Not because you'd be a "homewrecker", but do you really want a guy who cheats when things get tough between you?

This other girl might seem like the nastiest person ever, but you don't know all the facts. You might think she deserves it, but the next girl he finds might think YOU deserve it

That's just my humble opinion

[Asker]

Thank you and no, I have nothing against the girl. I don't even really know her. I have just avoided her due to her attitude. I avoid any unpleasant people. But yes, when she started talking to me recently, I was civil. I was not rude in the least. No, I do not want a man with a girlfriend. He seemed absolutely awesome and I'm sure he still is. I was definitely assuming he'd mention a girlfriend if he had one. When he never mentioned this girl as his girlfriend, I didn't figure they were dating at all, or he would have named her as a girlfriend. It does seem that if he does have a girlfriend, he is likely not happy and is already looking at other options (in this case, it seems he has deemed me a potential option). I plan to tread very carefully until I am 100% sure of his status.

[ElementoP]

Good, you sound like a smart person. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Cheaters never mention their girlfriend, but she might not be. Either way, he definitely likes you and if you decide to go for him I don't think you'll have any problem with that

[Asker]

Thank you. You are definitely a wise guy and I appreciate your input a lot. I figured it was safe to say he liked me. I was just being brief by what I described. It feels like he absolutely does like me a lot. I don't think anyone ever deserves to be cheated on. Even if I don't like you, I'm not wishing that on you and I am not about to partake in something like that JUST to be spiteful because I don't like you. I believe in karma. What goes around, comes around. So I am being careful and using extreme caution until I find out more. If he wants me, he will absolutely HAVE to ditch any potential girlfriend ASAP. I won't 2-time.

[ElementoP]

Yes ma'am! Agreed. Good luck to you and hopefully your new fella 👍

[Asker]

Thank you!

[spartan55]

Okay, you are being ridiculous. Cut through all of the nonsense and flat out ASK HIM if he has a girlfriend. I will bet anything he does.

[Sarahplus2]

Avoid any involvement. Sounds like a train wreck there.