Boyfriend signed me up for a bunch of job agencies and now I'm being spammed so I freaked out and now he is mad at me?

[Anonymous]

I have two separate emails. One for business, one for "pleasure" (social media, subscriptions, family and friends). Obviously I use my business email for anything job or work related.

Well I work per-diem through one company and then I work on a commission based income making requested items (mostly graphic design or tattoo draw ups). Our finances are 100% separate. He has absolutely no clue how much money I have, which in total is over $180k, not including what I've invested over the years. But since I only work whenever the fuck I want, he thinks I'm broke as hell. I pay all of my portion of bills every single month and never given him reason to think I have no money. But I guess since I "don't dress nice" (I refuse to buy designer shit) I must be broke.

So basically he went and signed me up for a fuck ton of job searching websites (indeed, job recruiter, etc) and this morning I woke up to easily 40+ emails in my PERSONAL email because he didn't even use my fucking business email. He sent everything to my personal. To say I was beyond irate over this would be an understatement because I had to go through and unsubscribe individually to so many different emails and it took up my time and effort when it didn't need to happen to begin with. I told him he crossed a line and disrespected me and that if he had a problem, he should have confronted me directly instead of spamming my email with a bunch of job listing agencies. I also at this point told him that I made a hell of a lot more than he does and that my savings was easily 10x the amount in his. He didn't believe me so I showed him. Now he is absolutely pissed at me, saying that I "withheld important information" and is saying that I "owe him a lot". For what, I'm not sure. Considering I pay my half on everything and he doesn't buy gifts. There have been a few times he bought dinner that he wanted and bought me some too but I didn't ask and don't feel I owe him anything. Am I wrong here for being pissed?

[HollyK21]

A conversation may definitely be needed. For one, he was 100% wrong to think he could take the reigns on your life and sign you up for all those websites, with not even enough consideration to ask you, use your work email, and just basically screwed up bad with that. It was offensive, inexcusable, and uncalled for. On another note, I do have to wonder what made you keep your salary from him in the first place. Paying for your share of things is absolutely fine, but this is more than a roommate situation, it’s mutual cohabitation. How you navigate this fact in the relationship is your choice, but clearly for him, sharing at least your salary (not how much you spend on xyz) was important. I’d like to think that he wasn’t just trying to be a complete asshole about what he did (I. E the motive not being your lack of material items), and somewhere mixed in there was concern over your ability to cover certain things going forward should you want, let’s say, a bigger home, a different car, etc. So while I absolutely understand your anger, and you are very much entitled to it, I think there may be some confusion as well, and if he’s worth it then clearing the air is worth it too.

[Asker]

The reason neither of us shared our finances or our financial stability was because it was agreed upon when moving in. He stated that his mom and dad made him untrusting of people when it came to financial aspects and therefore he did not want to share details regarding how much money we had. He promised he would never ask what the status of my finances were providing I was contributing my full share- which I have been. Had the agreement been different upon moving in together and he hadn't been the one to bring all of it up originally, I never would have withheld how much money I had. I'm not sure where he gathered I was broke, other than what he has told me (which is just that I don't dress nice). I drive a 2019 Mercedes and my portion of the bills is pretty hefty ($1900 just for my half- which doesn't include grocery or my bills like phone and insurance). So why he assumed I was broke is definitely beyond me. However, now that he does know my financial situation, he has definitely been pulling the "our money" stuff, which I am definitely not okay with. Especially considering he doesn't save his money where I do.

[HollyK21]

Oh wow, that definitely changes things then. My hope was more of a devils advocate, that maybe under all the “material possessions” stuff, he genuinely had a deeper, more understandable concern. But with everything you’ve said, it just seems very gold digger of him. Already talking about your salary with a partner is touchy, but he’s mentally combing your assets and just really overstepping his boundaries. I wouldn’t blame you if you left him, since you could afford to do it and you don’t want your money being the core of your relationship. Even having a conversation about it, I feel like it’s been made clear where his head is really at, and you’d be so annoyed and disappointed at this coming up again down the road. Like him buying some high cost item then saying you have the money. No thanks.

[ochitougly]

Run from that guy! He doesn’t respect you and he thinks he can push you around when he is not even providing for you? What he did is not okey. You are not a child and he isn’t your tutor to make decisions about your job and life for you.

[Chill_Thoughts]

Yeah no, you definitely should be pissed and I wouldn't give him too much time to rethink. It's obvious he's in the wrong he should really just apologise for being a douche, breaking your trust and then hope you forgive him. If he doesn't, then he's probably not worth the hassle

[20yearsolder]

You should return the favor, sign him up for a bunch of gay websites. See how he likes it. Maybe he'll learn his lesson

[RosieMelts]

Unsubscribe and get him back. Also look into any of the ones that interest you before deletion, and just send the liked ones to your business gmail.