Do you agree that men do a poor job in maintaining their friendship past college?

[Lookingforthetruth]

Cliffs:

- male friendships have dropped off a cliff since the 1970's

- after the early 20's/college years men lose friendships more rapidly than women

- many men let their connections go and rely on their partner's connections for a social life

- treatments for depression seem to be better suited to women- direct one on one communication, need to be heard and understood/comforted

- men do better with group therapy, like a "men's circle" which is less confrontational/less vulnerable feeling

- depressed/anxious men benefit more from accomplishing things/building a sense of efficacy and self-worth

- men benefit greatly from "third spaces", aka: shared places that are not work or home

If you want to step up and improve the mental health of men in your community, or improve your own social connections, then be the guy who does the "emotional work" of making contact and making plans. Men are more likely to meet up to do a specific activity together [watching sports, playing poker/pool, etc.].

A specific "third space" they talk about is a shed... a community workshop, or maker's space where men can show up on a Saturday or Sunday and do projects together/help each other make and fix things.

Yes

No

[Lionman95]

I think it depends on a guy but generally I would say yes and I see it as a problem because or though I´m one of these guys. I would say it´s a problem of wrong priorities especially since in modern times it seems like social media and the online world are a replacement for meeting social contacts.

The problem is also getting friends after you lost most is very hard because either guys or women tend to reject or put on you read the moment they know you´re rather a loner at least in my experience.

All those men´s groups sound good but there are few of them. I think it needs the discipline, focus and right circumstances to keep them but because many of us guys don´t have that we tend to fall back and ignored until a social problem arises.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes. Because them mfers be gettin' married. And then they just disappear into their wife's butthole -- face first -- and they are never seen again.

[exitseven]

Hahaha it really was just like that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@exitseven Haha. I'm sorry, brother.

[WindAtMyBack]

I don't know if I agree or not. What is a poor job? What is a good job? Is there a bar to compare to?

I have some good friends that I've known all my life. They're spread out all over the country. Since I've known them since early childhood, the distances haven't really been a problem. When you've known someone for 60+ years, going ten years without seeing them doesn't break the friendship.

I also have a few friends I've known since just after high school. I've managed to keep in touch with them. I didn't know them from college, but I've known them since around that age. Every one of them live long distance away.

I've lost track of every one of the people I knew in college - Except one good friend I didn't lose track of, he died. I lost track of people from college because I've moved around so much. Same with people from work.

I have a number of friends I've made in the past 10-20 years. They are mostly neighbors so they are nearby and I see them regularly. They are all in their 60s and 70s. ALL the guys I know in that age group have many long term friends.

[ManOnFire]

Men don't like bullshit. And men who really want concrete connections in life don't want just simple group time with buddies or anyone else, they want to actually bond over thoughts, ideas, world viewpoints, etc. And when men don't meet people who are going to be that, they'd rather not spend time faking it out with others.

I think that's a difference between men and women. Women's friendships actually last shorter than mens, because they're often based on a need for social recognition and being part of a group. When a man meets a for-real friend he'll usually stay with them for life. A friendship has to mean a lot more to a man than just some get-togethers and laughs. There needs to be some serious trust, through-thick-and-thin loyalty, and discussions other than the weather and somebody's baby.

[BlueScorpio]

Seems to be like a life/societal thing. People grow apart naturally, you take different paths in life, maybe people move for their families and careers, they're just to busy to hang out like they use to. Since I've graduated, I haven't seen most of the people I went to highschool with nor kept up with the people I use to speak to either. There were moments where I tried to rekindle old friendships but it just never worked out. I only have one good friend that I managed to stay in contact with but even then we hardly see each other cause she had kids earlier and I was always working. We talk when we can though. But I agree that it's bummer, it would be nice if people had more time in life to keep friendships strong and alive.

[NathanDavis]

I don't know about other men or all men...

but I know is not easy and it's not simple either

personally, I got close with about five people during college years and mostly they were women, and in average... between my close and best friends that are men compared to women... the women do a bit more effort to reach and keep connected

sometimes, there's just so many things to do and to take care of so you end up with less time for friends. so in my case... because of the technology and smartphones, it has been much easier to keep in contact through all these years

[Guy13]

For the most part... Depends on the institution and the prestige associated with Alumni meets... Away from the wife, bitching and moaning, etc. Soccer pitch can be shed too... broaden that. Group therapy is not what guys do... that's what pseudoscience wants to call it

[captain_voidwalker]

It depends on circumstances, a lot of it has to do with men working on average 10 more hours per week than women. In the medical field men work on average 25 more hours per week than women. When you spend most of your time at work friendships take a back seat.

[Jltakk]

I have many great friends from college, but like with family, I just disappear for 6-8 months. I have many mental afflictions that interfere with me ever truly enjoying the company of others. I don't hate people, I just don't enjoy being around them, and I'm too distracted to really remember what happened at the party. I never saw it as a male thing and more of a me thing.

[exitseven]

It is more like a poor job maintaining friendships after they get married. I had a lot of friends when I was in my early twenties but I got married and immediately had kids and was just too busy to hang out with them much.

[Jamie05rhs]

Shame on you. lol (jk)

[exitseven]

@Jamie05rhs Now that my kids are grown and gone I wish I had some of these friendships.

[Jamie05rhs]

@exitseven Aww. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?
It's very mature of you to make that admission, though. I respect that.
Please tell the younger men.

[Anonymous]

I personally am still good friends with my high school bros and the friends I made at university. I know tons of other guys who are the same. My dad still spends a lot of time with some of his mate from his younger days. This all just seems the complete opposite of reality.

[DarkWinterNights]

While I did lose contact with every friend I had from before graduation. I do have a few good friends I made at my first job and apartment I have had ever since. I’d say the biggest issue that prevents us from hanging out are wife and kids.

[OlderAndWiser]

I can't speak for other men. I met my best friend on the first day of college in August, 1971. We have been best friends for 51 years.

[zagor]

I certainly did. I had a lot of friends in college but the first few years after graduating lost touch with everyone.

In grad school I avoided this problem by not making any close friends.

[WhitneySnow]

Wow I never knew that. I wonder if that’s why my guy friends like Dungeons and Dragons so much.

[Rania05]

Well... Men in my country doesn't have these problems but I know there's in other countries

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Its known that many women aren't aware of the reality of men's mental health and general loneliness.

[maximumpower]

Some people tend to move on.

I remain in touch with more people from college than from high school.

[Snakeyes7]

I was never really all that good at making friends anyway but I am still friends with the ones I actually managed to make.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

I completely relate and its also known that women are not aware at all to this issue.

[Anonymous]

I don't worry about friends. I know they'll always be right there when they need me. 🤣