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It's because the vast majority of men NEVER get a compliment from a woman, unless it's his mom or older female relative (or otherwise some woman that he'd never have a sexual interest in).
You have the top 5-10% of men - the rare, gorgeous, hot men that every woman goes crazy for - and those guys get tons of compliments from women, to the point that the compliments tend not to mean much to them.
But the other 90% so rarely get a compliment about HIM that most men literally struggle to process on a rare occasion that they do get one. Men tend to get compliments about what we DO, but we almost never get a compliment about who we ARE. If I put up a poll for men to vote on, I think women would be shocked at how many men haven't received a PERSONAL compliment in 1 year, in 2 years, in 3 years, in 5 years, in 10 years. Most men are INVISIBLE to most women, except for brief periods when they are providing her some kind of service: working on her house, fixing her car, etc.
It's not that men don't WANT these compliments; we do. But it's just so rare for most men that they have no experience dealing with them, and they don't know the protocol for handling it.
There was a big thread on Reddit because someone had posted this pic, and a number of women thought it was a joke - that men didn't actually feel this way - and were shocked when hundreds of men on that thread confirmed that it was completely true. A few women admitted that learning this shook them pretty deeply - they'd never even considered things from men's side. But that's mostly because nearly all women ONLY interact with the top 10% men - the ones all the girls want - and THOSE men usually don't feel this way. Most women don't realize that 90% of men are completely invisible to them.
It's not common saying good things aabout us! We've been criminalized and so many fingers have been pointed at us that it feels weird being appreciated or hearing good things like compliments and all that
Just think about it when you hear cruel, murderer, thief and things like that you subconsciously think of a man! Which sucks tbh
Opinion
104Opinion
I guess it's because women/men are (not all) pre-programmed to it being the male's perogative to be the chaser. Usually the men dish out compliments so aren't used to women doing it.
Of course it depends on the way it's worded.
I look at women as equals so wouldn't be uncomfortable them saying anything. As said before though. I speak as I find so if I like someone I'll tell them. I have no problem telling a complete stranger she is beautiful. I've never had a woman not walk away saying thank you and smiling. It doesn't mean I want to get in their pants. A kind word can make someone's day.
I guess it's the way it's worded but I don't follow convention. Not everything is about sex but there is a weird stigma attached to women speaking their mind/saying it as it is. I personally prefer it.
Honestly it happens so seldom to men woman compliments us we don't know how to react... last thing you want to do is over react. Never want to assume too much, but it feels really go to be complimented.
It seems like flirting to us, but us men have beating down into submission by the feminist and society today, that complimenting a women could be deemed as unwanted attention or sexual harassment. But do to us and we are like, "What the fuck am I supposed to say?"
But if a women compliments me and say I am handsome I usually say "thanks, I love your eyes or you have a beautifulsmile." Unless of course we don't find the woman attractive then its just awkward.
I'm not used to compliments at all.😭
I usually don't know how to respond to it either making it awkward and cringy AF.
I wish I knew how to handle it. For example, one girl told me I had a nice bum and I usually got picked on by it. I said thanks and stood there awkwardly. I made it weird and I usually think when they eventually walk away, I thought, "oh nooo, I hope she doesn't hate me now" 😭.
Come to think of it, I actually remember EVERY SINGLE COMPLIMENT I ever gotten, from both guys and girls.
Did my reply help?
They often do think it is flirting because it is so rare for anyone to say something nice to a man. Seriously, women think something is wrong if they don't get compliments daily, or at least weekly, but men often go years, sometimes decades without people saying anything nice because generally, most of society doesn't care about men at all.
Men are genreally some times not told nice things in certian situations so we are unsure how to apprach with a proper response due it being so rare at times for some of us men.
I have seen girls go " oh I love your hair" or " that is a lovley dress, it makes you look hot!" quite a lot but with some guys because we dont get that much from other men we play it on the safe side andtry not to think you are filrting with us but are unsure if you are being just polite or super friendly at times.
People with low self esteem might project their fears and self-loathing on others. Imagining compliments to be disingenuous. Others might just be bashful and come off as uncomfortable when they really just don’t know how to react. One thing that can help put someone at ease about a compliment is to let it carry through with your attitude. If you keep your tone non-judgemental and relaxed after the compliment, it can help relax guys who are inwardly unsure what the context of the compliment is.
Haha, it might well be - I don't think it's a common occurrence for most guys.
Incidentally, the movie that picture is from ("What If"), is definitely worth a watch - I love Zoe Kazan.
No; it isn't because we Think you're flirting. It's because we Don't Know.
Re: update: I appreciate your sympathy and kind sentiments. But no, it doesn't feel special at all. Because I feel like compliments from a woman are empty unless she actually wants me. (Sorry; I'm just being honest!)
That's okay. What I said isn't true for every man. Thank you for your opinion. It was just as helpful.
You're welcome! :)
I asked a co worker this and he said coz we just don’t get it at all. Or rarely. He said guys normally compliment women always so when they do get it back, it’s like a wow. Really?
@AndrésC64 I like to compliment where it’s due and sincere
I see his point as well. A lot of us guys would love to be complimented more often than usual since we hardly get it much at all. Yes sincerity is important too of course.
Yes but women get complimented too frequently on small shit like looks and small accomplishments. That’s part of their inflated ego. Men simp way too hard.
Yes there can be a sense of amazement but that doesn't really translate to uncomfortable all the time 🤣🤣
Bty you got a very honest and humoristic co worker
Congratulations 👏
@Userisrohit he’s nice and super sweet
I'd say it is mostly due to upbringing and how women have treated those men in general.
Men instinctually have a goal to impress women in order to find a partner. That's why you see them in a lot of top positions because women are attracted to status.
If a woman compliments him, especially one he is really into, it almost feels like he just got accepted into his dream job.
We barely get compliments. We don't know how to digest them. We see them in different light. Flattery probably. All alarms and sirens 🚨 starts within us, what she wants from me? I know I am an ugly arse mutha f*cka. (I am not but still that can go on in our head)
Starts wailing *
Thanks for like!
As a lot of guys here say, we don't get or hear much compliments from woman (if it's not our family or someone like that)
by the way: in my case it's not that I would get uncomfortable, but I just don't trust it, that the woman real mean it.
We are not getting complimented nearly as often as girls, so when we do get complimented we are confused for real. Like it's something, that happens for the first time and you don't know how to react or whether it's a genuine compliment or if there is some shady intention behind the compliment or whatever. Lots of things are possible. Thus we are confused for the first few times and freeze up.
Usually it gets better after around half a dozen times.
They don't get them as often as us or not at all so when they do they might not know what to do with it.
That's a beautiful update :)
Why do men get so uncomfortable when you say something nice to them?
Because we rarely receive complements of any form so we tend to view them with wariness or distrust and look for the hook inside them, unless we really know the person giving the compliment.
From what I've seen, to them its a not a real compliment or it is. They don't know how to take it so they freeze, wondering are they being joked with or it's a real compliment
Compliments are trick questions. “I love your hair” sarcasm. The guys got a bowl cut and now looked like a fool for not seeing this as sarcasm. Better to assume she’s shit talking and not look like a fool.
No, I'm just not used to compliments.
What I did usually a necessity, I didn't find it necessary to compliment an act of necessity.
Though, maybe I'm just being too strict on myself.
It’s just Strange we don’t normally get Treated very well so when someone says are you okay we get Puzzled and we’re like huh
Like what this must person must be bored or lying or lonely to ask me such a Question
But If I thought a Girl was Flirting more than likely My Dick would rise to the moon and A Large Device would be Clearly Visible
You may not believe it but men are rarely complimented by women.
When your day to day conversations don't include being complimented, it feels weird to hear someone say something nice to you.
Most of the compliments I have received from women were followed up with her asking me to do something for her.
Because men usually don’t get compliments. So we don’t know how to respond to it. It’s an avenue that’s rarely traveled by women in regards to men as far as complimenting us. But don’t get it twisted I’m not saying we complain about not getting comments the way a lot of women do.
I am not used to getting compliments from women , the only times they were nice and tried to give compliments when they wanted something, help with studies , other work or something. I am putting boundaries now and it can be weird if women give compliments.
Since you are talking about men, not some men, allow my answer to represent all mankind. We, as men of the world, believe a single compliment from a girl is a direct sign that all you women want from us is to have sex with us, toy with our hearts and minds, just so you women could go brag about it to each other and get some hi 5s.
It doesn’t happen often so a lot of us don’t know how to respond because we never except it, it blindsides us basically and makes some of us aka (me) feel stupid for not knowing how to take one
It's not just that we don't get compliments often. We're shamed, blamed, and criticized for nearly everything we say, think, or do. And even for things other people say, think, or do. So we go through life thinking we're the bad guy in every situation. Its not just discomfort, it's cognitive dissonance.
'Cause they're not used to getting compliments.
Because we are not used to being treated nicely 🥰🥰🥰
Men rarely get compliments. I wish it weren't true, but so many of them have never really been given much positive feedback.
One more way in which toxic masculinity hurts men.
I'll never understand how the logic of toxic masculinity works.
We live under a tyrannical patriarchy where men are privileged at the expense of women *but* it hurts men too somehow. It sounds like a complete contradiction and not to mention it's technically telling men that the struggles they face are always their own fault. Try telling that to a suicidal man who already thinks he is a burden to everyone around him and see how that goes.
I'm not sure how it applies here even if it actually helps.
@Snakeyes7 the comment wast meant for you
Women aren't the only ones who pressure men with toxic masculinity. Men are often times the ones spreading it themselves via the whole "macho" act and routine.
@Smoke-n-Growls Men aren't the ones men are specifically looking to impress though, unless they are gay. This "macho" stuff is typically meant to encourage the desire to be "macho", I don't think there's anything toxic about that.
That's why the fat acceptance crap confuses me so much. Why tell someone that they are fine the way they are when they can always be better?
Oh, man, I'm sorry, Snakeyes7. Macho culture can definitely be toxic, but it's good you seem to see the positive of it.
Unfortunately, boys of my generation were caught in the "don't show emotion" and "boys don't cry" machismo, and it didn't teach them resilience. All it did was make them feel like they had to hide their feelings and avoid emotional maturity - because being able to handle their emotions was "girly" or not macho.
Unfortunately, a lot of men haven't had your good experience. And it's unfortunate that you can't recognize that.
You could be a really strong ally for your fellow men.
@Smoke-n-Growls The "show no emotion" part is a gross misconception (or possibly malignment) of masculinity. What that is really in reference to is stoicism, which is the virtue of controlling your emotions before they control you, aka impulse control. It's a skill that is useful for keeping a level head when things go wrong.
It's the virtue that allows sportsmanship if you or your team loses, in martial arts that teaches you not to use your techniques unless absolutely necessary or not to panic whenever you or those you live are in danger to reduce the amount of mistakes you might make to get away from the threat or to neutralize it.
From my experience, it was never the men who has given me a hard time for showing my emotions, it was the women, more specifically my family members and exes.
I have shown my emotions to long time friends over losses I had they with me and they never gave me any shit. I was a fool to let my emotions loose with family members and my gfs at the time. If they say it doesn't bother them now, it will later and they will use it as ammo for the next argument over something stupid.
Needless to say, I am not buying the toxic masculinity narrative. Women, at the very least, have a role to play in this and it's far bigger than men do.
It's one of two things all their life they've never ever got a compliment or they're embarrassed because you don't know the truth most of the times it's because growing up they never got a compliment so they don't know how to handle it
A: we ether are thrown off and are trying to determine if your flirting or B: we just receive so little complaints our whole life besides our mother that we're not sure how to respond... Y'all bros can correct me on this if yah disagree.
True for me. I think it’s because men don't hear things like that often from women, and because we're creatures that don't really need praise. It's nice to get it, but we're usually not requiring it.
That too but also at that point men start thinking she s gonna ask for any favour
. and
Obviously i will also get uncomfortable if a girl starts flirting with me out of blue
We're not used to being complimented. On a regular basis we almost never get compliments, unless it is from a significant other in a relationship or backhanded compliments only to mess with is for a joke a group of girls think is funny.
We're never sure if you're flirting, so the possibility goes through our minds, and the notion is dismissed as ridiculous, but then our minds start wandering and we start thinking about what you might look like naked, but then we realize that you've been talking the whole time and we haven't been listening. That's why we look uncomfortable.
When a woman opens her mouth it is usually to manipulate a guy into doing something. He instinctively knows that she is forming a spider's web. Maybe he only knows on a subconscious level tho.
Yes , we get barely any attention so if you decide to compliment us chances are we fall in love instantly
it’s cuz compliments from women are usually only given so that the guy reciprocates. If an attractive girl randomly came up to me being friendly giving me compliments i’d prob think she’s a hooker 🤣
It is nerves. That is all. It is something natural and shouldn't be taken personally.
Guys don’t normally get compliments because we’re always giving them. We just don’t know how to react when it happens for us is all. We don’t think everyone is interested in us. We’re just an awe to complimented is all.
No most guys enjoy flirting. It is usually just being fundamentally shy. If you want to see how secure any guys is tell him that he's pretty masculine guy---I'm surprised since you have such a small dick
For me it's common to receive compliments, but it seems it's rare for most men. Hence they might suspect there's a second intention.
because unlike women. we rarely if ever receive compliments.
per your update, Thanks for that. My wife does a good job with compliments. she's the first woman i ever dated who ever complimented me on literally anything. Incidentally it was my cooking she complimented lol.
Lol this is cute
Well HR coworker is so kind. So I ask her questions trying to get to know her like where’s she from and she looks at the floor while talking to me. Still nice. Girls get shy around me sometimes
Don't confuse being surprised with being uncomfortable.
Cause they’re dark. Dark guys can’t feel good about nice things that are said to them. Less dark guys or gold guys should always feel good when a girl says something nice
In the modern world men aren’t used to getting compliments. It’s not always some political or philosophical argument, it could be something as simple as lack of exposure.
Maybe they are shy when you seem to be flirting with them
I don't, but when I say nice things to women, some if them think it's flirting.
We aren't used to it, and we are unsure how to act when we get a compliment.
It's because they're not used to it, because they very rarely get complimented or have nice things said about them at all.
We don't know if you are being sincere. You may be testing us or lying or being sarcastic. Or maybe you mean it. We can never tell.
Because unlike women who receive it in industrial quantities, men never receive it. So it stinks of rip-off, or taken for a ride.
People who don't get complimented a lot often feel unworthy of them.
If you're a total stranger and start flattering me out of nowhere, I suspect a scam. I get targeted for those quite often.
Why would men get uncomfortable? I don't
If anything, it makes more sense for men to loosen or open up more.
How often do men get compliments? It can be difficult accepting a compliment gracefully when we’re not used to receiving them.
Maybe because guys aren't used to compliments especially by females, hell I've never been complimented so I wouldn't feel like a compliment was real..
We are not use to it, So most of the time we think that it is a flirting and we usually don't know how to respond.
It doesn't happen often and usually catches us off guard.
Because men never get compliments, so we are taken back and perhaps a little suspicious.
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