Takes hours to respond does he feel obliged? urgent help needed I need to respond to him?

[Anonymous]

Hi so this guy that has responded to my story on social media it was just me asking a question about tattoo places and he responded but he takes hours to reply , we usually only talk like once or twice a week and he knows I’m interested in him we rarely pop up to eachother though. But he popped up answering my question then I replied back then he replied after an hour I replied he replied again after hour etc etc I want to know is he replying cuz he feels obliged and doesn’t want to seem rude or is he busy? I don't know …and I don't know if I should end the convo , not to mention he only pops up to me once a week I do the same. But the hours in between I feel like he might be forcing himself to reply but his replies aren’t dead like Yh sure ok , he talks in the texts but I don't know if he is just being polite or is he fucking around? As I mentioned before he knows I find him attractive etc but that’s it. Rn he just replied after an hour but I don't know wether I reply back to continue convo or end if someone help urgently please.

Updates

1 y

So first convo he responded under minutes , second one normal timing fast replied all good third time the same and this time he is just taking hours between each reply , and this four days thing it’s been 12 days since I have got his snap off of his friend and 12 days we have only talked four times …. which I find a little weird , I know after this convo there will be no other convo until another four five days unless I pop up , he probably only popped up today to respond to my story

Updates

1 y

Maybe he doesn’t know how to pop up but it’s weird how it’s accurately every four days …not three never five always four. It’s weird how he knows I’m moving into my uni accomdation and hasn’t said to let’s meet before you go or something , maybe I’m overreacting about the hours since it’s only today he has taken one hour between each reply but this four days thing exactly is throwing me off how has it been two weeks I have had your snap and this is our fourth convo …

[SteveSmith1985]

I can help with this.

This guy is not just talking to you out of obligation. People don't DO that generally speaking. Unless there's some particular dynamic to your relationship (e. g. you've been good friends for years) then there is no reason a guy would do this.

You are overthinking this and doubting that he genuinely might like talking to you... to the point where you've convinced yourself that he doesn't really want to talk to you, and that you might as well end the conversation. That's based on NOTHING AT ALL aside from your own internal self-doubt.

ALso, If this guy is aware that you like him: Then he would not be casually talking to you if he had zero potential interest back. In other words, nobody is going to talk to someone who likes them out of politeness. Not in a million years. Quite the opposite. If you don't like somebody back, you're LESS likely to casually talk to them (so as to not give them the wrong idea).

This is all in your head. So... yea... reply with whatever. Just... talk and don't overthink "what you think he's thinking" so much. It's unhelpful for you. It'll lead you to making unnecessary dumb decisions (like ending the conversation needlessly)

[Asker]

he knows I find him attractive and I’m also the one who got his social media off from one of his friends so maybe he does think I’m obviously in to him on top of finding him attractive. It’s just I don’t want to look like a fool put in effort and get my hopes up and he might just be fuckinf around weirdly he always pops up every four days …which I find so weird I don't know if he doesn’t want to seem desperate or playing hard to get but it’s starting to make me overthink. Last three convos there have been flirting by both parties so it wasn’t all one sided and he has usually responded fast etc. The downside is he only texts once every four days and now he is taking hours to reply. But you’re right I could be overthinking and ending the convo needlessly he might also be busy

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... keep your hopes 'realistic' based on how things go. But yes, you are doing some serious over-thinking here.

First, yes, this guy knows you like him. That's not really up for debate. A girl finds you attractive, then adds you on social media... any guy is going to put two-and-two-together.

He isn't fucking around weirdly... unless he's an super-weird guy. People just don't DO that. They don't. Nobody but a sociopath is going to just fuck with someone for no reason like that. You can really get that possibility out of your head.

As for him popping up every 4 days? Yes, it could be him trying not to seem to eager. It could be that he's busy. It could be that he's just not a dude who goes on social media everyday.

If you've had 3 flirty conversations that he seemed engaged in, and seemed to be enjoying... then THAT is the "important" part. THAT should be what your focusing on. If anything 'indicates' where he's coming from it's this.

The fact that he's taking hours to respond means nothing. Nothing. Especially since it sounds like he isn't ALWAYS taking hours to respond. People do have shit going on in their life. When your waiting on a reply... a few hours seems to be forever. If you're running around "living life" you could be busy doing one of a million things. There are definitely days where YOU were be too occupied with some other aspect of your life to reply immediately. But thinking it means anything would be a mistake.

[Asker]

To be fair you do have a point because after our second convo he requested to follow me on Instagram and stuff surely if he wasn’t into me and knew I liked him he wouldn’t do that , the whole four days thing is just annoying it makes him seem disinterested in me or like I’m some side thing I don't know what to make of it.

[SteveSmith1985]

hahah, oh I KNOW I've got a point here... you are worrying over nothing that's worth worrying about. The evidence suggests that he's interested enough to be worth continuing.

As for the 4 day thing being annoying and making you doubt his interest: I guess it really depends how often he does this and how long it's been going on? Does he regularly seems to take forever to respond? (like each time, as opposed to taking a while to respond, but then engaging in convresation without undue delays in replying)

The simple thing to do would be to bring it up. You can bring it up in a 'joking-not-joking' way. You can bring it up in a half-sarcastic way, you can simply ask him ernerstly and sincerely why it seems to take him so long to reply. You might as well. He knows you like him and seems to like you.

If he IS playing hard-to-get... saying something will hopefully get him to stop. If he's busy, then at least he can assure you of that and explain that to you. But since this is messing with your mind, you should say something. I can tell you, for sure, he has no idea he is causing you this mental/emotional turmoil. Pointing it out will likely get him to change that.

[Asker]

I keep rethinking it over and honestly the two times he has popped up has been accurately every four days I don't know if that’s coincidental or up to something , the person above also said they may find me attractive but not want anything with me but then why pop up? or engage with my social media and respond to my story , my story was me basically asking if anyone knows any tattoo shops around here and he replied and said ‘I need tattoos asap too ‘ maybe that’s his way of trying to start convo but now that I’m convoing why take an hour in between each response. Last convos he usually responds quick but today has taken hours between each rep.

[Asker]

I don’t know how to even bring it up to not sound desperate or demanding since I am already the confirmed interested party he could even be making me a joke in front of his friends

[Asker]

And I also do think he is active on socials while I’m waiting for a response his snap score changes Idc if that sounds crazy but it’s obvious I don't know why he is even making convo with me at this point

[SteveSmith1985]

Jesus. You are not easy on yourself here. You're... I don't even know if "overthinking" is quite accurate... but you're doing some pretty unnecessary mental contortions that are not helping you successfully navigate this situation.

So I'm not going to pretend to know where this guy is coming from. I don't know you, or him, or the conversations you've shared. But, from everything you've said to me, my distinct impression is:

-Things are going just fine between two people who are at the "'talking pre-something phase" of things. You have each done little things to indicate your interest to the other (adding on social media for example). Moreover, you've had several "good" "flirty" conversations.

Today, he seems to be taking an hour to reply. To you... this means he is maliciously toying with you (it's... concerning that you would assume people have such motives based on this). Or if it's not malicious, then clearly it's an indicator that "you might as well not bother talking to him".

With all due respect: Are you insane? Does that really seem like a reasonable way for you to interpret this situation and his likely motives (it is not).

You really do need to take a step back and look at what you're doing here. You're running-away-with the smallest thing (one day, he takes an hour between responses) and blown it up to mean all kinds of crazy shit that it clearly doesn't. You're fighting a battle internally here. This guy is just chatting with you, while doing... whateverthefuck at the same time. The conclusion your drawing in no way fits the evidence. Especially when you broaden your scope beyond "today". How things have gone SO FAR make today a meaningless change from the norm.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think he feels forced to respond but I don’t think he’s interested in you the same way you’re interested in him. Try to end the conversation with something super simple and wait to see if he not only initiates a conversation but keeps it going. Like when he commented about the tattoo stuff, you probably kept engaging, it was him.

[Asker]

Out of context this is going to sound weird but since we was speaking about tattoos the last thing he said as a reply to me which I haven’t opened yet is ‘I’m getting my hands done by someone I know 😂get a back tattoo or something’ I can tell he wasn’t paying attention to what he wrote since before that I said I want a tattoo on some other place which I told him. I feel like his replied sound rushed this is what’s making me doing it

[Asker]

Doubt *

[Asker]

but if he isn’t interested in total this is our fourth time talking , two times he has popped up which is including this one. Why does he pop up? It’s just giving false hope which is what I don’t understand

[Asker]

And I also don’t know how to reply to his last text

[Opinion Owner]

I guess this is my thing — he knows you like him, yet he hasn’t done anything about it and I think that says a lot about his position. Back when I had a crush on a guy, it took me over a year to finally spill the beans and tell him. His response was super ecstatic, he said he liked me too and from there he’d text or send voice notes, and we had dates until we ended up in a relationship. I know not every guy is the same, but to me, something along the lines of this is a better indicator that your guy likes you as well. Up until now it doesn’t sound like he’s done much of anything with the knowledge that you like him. He’s commented on your stories, but to me that’s just too generic to indicate mutual romantic interest. Plus his lack of conversation just sucks. Like by the time he gets around to responding then you may be getting over the initial topic, and it makes the conversation just seem flat and uninteresting. I have to ask, what was his response when you told him you liked him?

[Asker]

Well I didn’t tell him liked him when I got his snap he popped up saying who is this , asked my name etc and said why do you want my snap I think I said smt along the lines of oh I find you attractive and just thought to ask for it etc etc and he replied and asked ‘oh do you like me’ and I replied that’s a bit of a stretch we have never talked in person but I do find you attractive , and he said ok fair enough. I don’t remember much after that. He said that he did notice me around college etc but never came up cuz he doesn’t know me besides we were in different years I’m in uni now he is a year younger , and he said he didn’t know I was interested because whenever he saw me in the common room I seemed very disinterested. it doesn’t help he is so antisocial literally talks to no one like I don't know who his friends even were. But I deffo know he is very active on socials etc but I don't know what that says. Yh the four days thing is starting to annoy me because what is going on? Am I a side thing? Does he have some main chick am I a just incase choice like replacement or something?

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh ok, so he doesn’t know you like him he just knows you find him attractive. Well how about this — consider ending the conversation on a light note, or just leave it alone in general. Give him the opportunity to engage, and by that I don’t mean just commenting on your story because that’s way too generic. I mean him reaching out, saying hello, and starting up a conversation on his own. To me you aren’t over thinking the situation simply because you aren’t wrong. He isn’t engaging much, taking ages to respond and obviously it’s going to make you feel like he’s disinterested. You took the leap of faith and told him you thought he was cute, but as of now he isn’t doing anything with that information and I’m sure you want to feel like you’re wasting your time. So wait it out, and if he doesn’t say something on his own accord then you have your answer. But it’s not up to you to keep the ball rolling, and I don't know maybe he isn’t actually the sort of guy you want. Let’s say he does like you but this is how he shows it — to me it’s super lackluster, boring and there’s no effort on his end. If this is a preview of what’s in store for the future, I wouldn’t want any parts. So who knows, maybe this is the universe saying that he’s not the right guy. Personally I’ve had many guys that I thought were attractive but behind the scenes we don’t align at all.

[Opinion Owner]

**don’t want to feel like you’re wasting your time lol

[Asker]

Yh I ended the convo on a light note even put a laughing emoji , it’s been like 20 minutes on delivered I’m sure it’s another damn hour or two till I hear back , I don't know if he oblivious or downright stupid by taking his time to not seem desperate. After the third or second convo he did request to follow me on insta and obviously this I after he knew I found him attractive etc and got his snap off of one of his friends which made my advances clear surely he wouldn’t have requested to follow me or reply to my story today if he had no potential interest in me

[Opinion Owner]

But that’s what I’m saying, like even if there is potential interest, he’s way of showing it sucks. He would be engaging more, asking you questions about yourself and trying to get things going now that the ball is in his court. But the lack of effort makes me feel like even if he finds you attractive, he may not be looking to start something with you. That’s why I’m like maybe you should step back and see if he starts actually trying. Keep yourself busy in the meantime, don’t focus too much on him until he gives you a genuine reason to.

[Asker]

Your honestly so right 😂the ball is literally in his court , he doesn’t ask anything about the whole two weeks I have got his snap we have spoken four times and all exactly four days apart I don't know if that’s coincidental the two times he has popped up it’s been four days apart exact. But why is he even texting me let’s say he does find me attractive but doesn’t want anything with me he knows I’m leaving for uni anyways what’s his point? Nothing is making sense. The first convo ever I ended it he popped up four days later third time I did fourth time he did I’m thinking maybe he doesn’t know how to pop up that’s why he responded to my story saying ‘I need tattoos asap too ‘ but then why take so long now that I’m finally convoing with you

[Opinion Owner]

Guys are weird lol I had someone in my past I thought was so attractive on FB, I sent him a friend request since we had mutuals so I didn’t think it’d be weird. I messaged him first something like “hey did you go to blah blah high school? I feel like I’ve seen you around?” (Obvious not😂). He responded and then from there it was the same dynamic as you and the guy you like. He’d message me every few days, or if it was the same day it would be hours apart, and it made me feel so confused because in my mind he had to be interested to keep responding right? Ultimately it never went anywhere I just stopped responding because that pace didn’t work for me. But moral of the story is that maybe his actions don’t make sense, but you also don’t have to decipher them. You know what feels comfortable for you and what doesn’t and this routine of his doesn’t make you feel very good or engaged. I don't know about you but I’m very prideful, so I need to feel that mutual vibe otherwise I literally cannot keep trying. If you have a similar mindset then yeah, I’d step back from that and see what happens.

[Asker]

I am also quite prideful the same exact reason I don’t want to bring up oh why are you taking so long why don’t you ask to see me blah blah joking or not , I am the confirmed interested party we both know and I’m not making any more leaps of faith since I feel like I’m clowning or maybe he is the clown , I think since I’m the one to shoot my shot and make the move he should then take the initiative to ask to meet or I don't know show if he reciprocates. I’m still on delivered by the way it’s been like 30 something minutes , even if he doesn’t want something with me why still text? Even though I don’t want to sound desperate or more of a fool part of me wants to straight up ask like are we ever gonna meet in person? Where is he coming from like what’s his view? Cuz this seems a waste of time I can’t he waiting four days for a guy to pop up. It’s such a joke at this point two weeks of having eachother snap and four convos fuck outta here 😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly! And two weeks in girl it’s nothing to wash your hands of that situation if it’s not working in your favor. I don't know where his head is at, I really don’t think it’s a side chick thing since nothings been established with you two, it’s been casual chat so far. He may think you’re attractive but who knows maybe it’s not a good time in his life to prioritize a woman or relationship. That’s always something to consider when you decide to pursue a guy, like maybe you’re ready for certain things but they may not be😕 in any case, the balls in his court so let him make the next move. Once he responds to the next message you sent and it’s some lame boring response I would just leave it opened, I’m petty lol but he can help keep the convo going too, you know? If he doesn’t then that’s on him..

[Asker]

Girl I did it. i straight up said ‘cut the small talk , are we ever gonna meet up or is this a no where going thing ‘ and he replied ofc I wanna meet where is this coming from ‘ 😂😂😂 when I saw his stupid lame text I just got mad and pretty much just asked how I said it

[Opinion Owner]

LOL ok prompt!😂 is let him pick the day and time though. Trust me I love that you were forward but now it’s like yet again you have to make the next step. You don’t want to create that pattern..

[Asker]

You know right before reading thay comment I was thinking I just made the move again fuckinf hell it’s a win but it’s a half half win 😂😭

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely a win! Now you know he’s interested in meeting so that’s good. I don’t blame you for being prompt lol you wanted to know where he stands and now you do — nothing wrong with that. He needs to make the next step though, I think it’s fair