Mean guy suddenly nice?

[Anonymous]

So I work with this guy and I’ve known him for 3 years. He was nice at first but suddenly turned against me. He was very mean and nasty to me most times and I never knew why. For a whole two years he was very mean and was the reason I was getting singled out of work projects and from other coworkers. He’s been suddenly nice to me for the past few months and as days go on i can’t stand him. In the past I’ve tried to be nice to him and try to get him to be cool with me but he was always rude still. He keeps trying to be cool with me and I haven’t been with it so he tries to make me feel guilty for not forgiving him. He’s making it look like he’s nice and forgiving and I look like a person who is holding a grudge and just a terrible person when in reality I’ve tried to be cool with him several times in the past and now because he wants to be cool we have to be. What do I do?

[SteveSmith1985]

This guy sounds like he's got some issues. Like the kind of issues that are malignant to those around him. I cannot 'explain' his behavior. But I think we both know that it's inappropriate, unjustified and manipulative.

This is somebody to be kept at a distance. This is not somebody you want to be any closer to you than is absolutely necessary. You need to quit letting him fuck with you. That might not be his intentions or motivations, but, still this guy IS fucking with you. That's the end result anyway.

First you have to put up with someone unaccountably turning mean and nasty for two years. You've made attempts to "be cool" in the past. Now, he's decided that he wants to be friends and is guilt-tripping you for not forgiving him? He's making you feel like you look like a bad person who holds a grudge? FUUUUCK THAT.

You need to "get off his crazy train'. You don't have to forgive anybody if you don't want to. People should (and likely do) understand why you'd "hold a grudge" if someone treats you like shit for two years. You need to be clear that you're NOT cool with him, and that you don't want to be.

Don't get drawn into lengthy discussions about it. Just let him know that, while you're work colleagues, you are not interested in being friends. Tell him you're glad that he's no longer actively being nasty to you, and that you hope you can both be mature enough to work together professionally. But make clear that you're not looking to be friends. Explain that he might not fully understand just how he's made you feel when he expects forgiveness. Explain that you feel he's being manipulative in trying to make you seem like 'the bad guy' in this situation.

But DON"T try and let this motherfucker be all friendly with you. Not like this. Not on these manipulative 'you shouldn't still be mad' terms of his. I mean, if someone changes, apologizes and whatnot... it's totally possible for an old enemy to become a friend. But this is some manipulative-sociopath-shit.

You need to quit caring about how he's making it 'seem'. You need to quit worrying about what others might think about your 'reasonablenss' in holding a grudge. You need to (politely, professionally, but clearly) tell this dude to chew glass). You do not want someone like this in your life any more than is absolutely necessary. Tell him you don't like him. Tell him you're work colleagues, but that's all you want to be. This dude is bad news. 🙂

[MiamiMadness]

Just tell him he had bad breath in front of 2 or 3 of the nosiest coworkers you can find