If you're SO accused you of lying every week, sometime multiple times of week would you stay?

[BlackElph]

I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He claims he's not accusing me he's just asking. I try to be a good girlfriend. Sometimes he threatens to leave. Sometimes he tells me if these someone else I should just go. I'm faithful. He started therapy to improve his trust issues but I don't know how long I can deal with the accusations. I put my location on at times just so he knows where I am. One time I was sleeping and Snapchat map showed I was like 30 feet from my house. I tried to tell him maybe it messed up bc the weather but he didn't believe me. He accused me of hooking up with someone in a care at 1am. Just today I went to the bank and was 7 minutes late for my appointment so they took someone else and couldn't see me. He didn't believe me. I don't know what he thought I was doing but i gave him the silent treatment. He said my story didn't sound believable. Someone told me what he does is emotional abuse. I don't want do believe it but I wonder if it's true. When things are good they are great but we're having less great days these days. Still I'm playing a surprise for him.

Updates

1 y

Planning*

[Canary79]

Hi. Don't get caught up in worrying about what "issues" or problems your man might have here. This is simply a tactic to try and control you. He wants to know where you are and what you are doing and then switches the focus to your behaviour as the cause of the problem. The fact he has sought some form of counselling suggests to me he has probably at some point come to you and tried to say he knows he is the one with the problem and he needs you to help and "save" him. Then a few days later he is back to doing the same thing. This is just a calculated form of coercive control switching the blame to you, then claiming he will change and needs you to help him, back to blaming you. He will not change. He will in fact keep going until you just accept the behaviour as normal and adapt your own movements, social life, work life etc etc to keep him happy, after which he will find something else to accuse you of and tie you up in knots with. Don't let yourself sleepwalk down this path of believing he needs your help and will change while slowly normalising his behaviour. The time to walk I'm afraid, is now.

[BlackElph]

I told him I was going to leave if he didn't get help. and yeah it's a cycle. I can't mentally handle it anymore. I keep blaming myself honestly but I don't know what I did to cause such mistrust

[humanearth]

Sounds like a very possessive and controlling person

That adds up to a toxic relationship

I been in them type of relationships before.

My advice

Run away as fast as you could. It will not get better, do not try to fix him

RUN and don't look back

[BlackElph]

Do you think it'll just get worse?

[humanearth]

I lived though relationships like that before. Not only does it get worse.

But them the ones accusing us of us cheating. Turns out its them that are doing the cheating

My ex wife was a beater and a verbal abuser.

So I seen a lot and lived with a lot of BS like you described.

Take my warning serious. Don't be like me, instead learn from what I lived though.

No one needs that for a relationship

[BlackElph]

We both deserve better

[humanearth]

That's why I married to the woman I am with now

[BlackElph]

Good

[humanearth]

Thank you for the most helpful opinion

by the way

I hope you take my words to heart

[Punk-y]

Yes, it's emotional abuse. I know is difficult to leave when you really love him, but he's not a good guy; I don't think he'll change
I would definitely leave, the things you mention are too much, he sounds crazy tbh
You deserve better, babes! I hope you leave him and meet a good person that makes you happy and trust you as much as you do, good luck

[BlackElph]

Thank you I appreciate that

[UnknownSwede]

Nobody but you can make decision for you. Since you're the only one who really know how you perceive everything.

But from what you tell us it sounds like a dysfunctional and abusive relationship.

[BlackElph]

I'm torn tbh. I feel like I know what I should do but it's hard

[BlackElph]

I felt like I needed outside perspective bc I keep making excuses

[UnknownSwede]

I can get that. It's hard to walk away from something that you have spent a lot of time building. And it is scary to end it and be alone and wonder if it was the right decision so you think you might second guess yourself after.

Have you talked to any friends or family about your situation?

[BlackElph]

I spoke to a friend on here and told my aunts a little. They all think I deserve better. I tried to go on a break with him while he was in therapy but he convinced me to stay. It was my choice to stay. And at first it felt like things were better but they are bad again. I want to go a week without getting accuse. I keep trying to prove my worth and my loyalty but it's hard. And it's hard to trust someone who doesn't trust you

[UnknownSwede]

Do you have anyone that knows the both of you? That can see what is going on and can try to help you see it clear?

But if you feel that you are not being respected and that he always mistrust you, then it is probably best to end things before he gets more abusive.

[BlackElph]

No one who wouldn't be bias. I hope things don't get worse. I don't think things would ever get physical. He said he'll never put a hand in me after I told him my grandpoppy said I'll marry someone who beats me

[UnknownSwede]

It really sound like a tough situation that you're in. Feel free to send me a chat message here if you want to talk more about it or anything else.

[BlackElph]

I appreciate it. Thank you

[misfittoy]

he is either insecure to a ridiculous degree or he's the one hiding stuff, its making him paranoid

[BlackElph]

I hope he's not hiding stuff. He wasn't always so insecure. In trying to figure out what I did to cause it. He told me before sometimes he feels like I'm too good for him. I wonder if the thought got worse

[misfittoy]

i wish you the best its a tough situation

[Msputiton]

Naw. I would have booted that guy a long time ago.

Nobody deserves to be treated like that

[BlackElph]

Yeah I don't know how much I can take

[Msputiton]

Because he is abusing you mentally.

[Msputiton]

Never let someone take your happiness

[jennifer_bloom]

I would break up, a person who slanders others is guilty of violence to your reputation.

[BlackElph]

I didn't think about that. That worries me

[242plusInfinity]

If you had done something wrong, he would have told you by now.
If you had done something wrong, you would clearly know what it was.

Sometimes people's nature doesn't reveal itself until they get comfortable.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'd be done with that he's obviously very insecure and nothing you do will ever be good enough don't waste your time move on

[BlackElph]

I can't figure out what I did to make him so insecure. At first he seemed confident

[Bklynbadboy12]

Damn I know it's hard for you to go through that