My dad said I was acting like a “b” word because I was ignoring a man and it hurt my feelings. Was he right?

[Anonymous]

I’m hurt. I came to my dad because it could have possibly not been that big of a deal but I didn’t want to take any chances. This guy sent me flowers to my job and we talked for a bit. I liked him but he ghosted me after a while. I had asked him if he was still interested and he said yes then just ghosted after a while. He tried to reconnect later on but I wasn’t interested. If I didn’t respond he would act entitled and upset. Eventually his behavior was starting to scare me. I’m not saying the guy was a creep 100% without a doubt. But I HAVE been stalked before. I HAVE been followed before. I HAVE had men insult me because I wasn’t interested. I HAVE had men who mistreated me act entitled and surprised that I was no longer interested and resort to crazy antics. It’s scary. I told my dad because since he sent me flowers I just wanted to make sure my father knew that I was a little worried about the guy knowing where I work. I told my dad the situation and he basically said women are mean for ignoring men and that I was being mean. I reminded my dad he ghosted me first. Then he said I was being mean to assume he was a creep. I reminded my dad that everytime a man harassed or hurt me in the past he would get mad that I hadn’t told him about it sooner or noticed signs and since I was telling him I expected him to support or understand me. Instead he went on about how mean women are to ignore guys and treat men like creeps. It hurt because this guy ghosted ME. Then he is acting entitled because he wants to talk again and I don’t want to anymore. I didn’t harass or question him for the 3 months that he ghosted me. I didn’t curse him out or question him, I just let him go even though I did genuinely like him at first. So the fact that he is acting damn near angry at me when it’s HIS fault that I’m no longer interested is scary.

[quaranta]

- If you want to be part of the modern society, go for your instinct: preserve your self respect, don't reward toxic behaviours on your regards, rather, look for better, more trustable and stable men. Demand more. Relationships should be based on trust and if things start on and off, the communication part is undermined already and you shouldn't start anything upon those premises. You should feel on par and that you are walking together at the same pace, with the same mutual responsibility and ability to trust each other. He didn't show to be trustable and neither responsible.

- If you want to be part of an antiquated and conservative society, like unfortunately many culture still live today in the world, then follow your father's advice: absorb any psychological abuse, think it's your fault because you are a woman, think you owe men more effort because you are a woman, do not give ultimatums, do not set your terms, pretend to not be hurt by things and reward them all the time with your constant presence, whatever they do, minimize and feel like you are never enough, believe the requests of your partner are more important than yours, walk on eggshells regularly, do not demand responsibility over any of their actions, follow what the peer and family pressure says.

I endorse what the user Nomina said too, in my opinion he is projecting his own issues with women on you, because it looks like he was never really addressing your specific problems in his replies, but took your story as an excuse to vent about women. Why would an adult, married (?) man need to complain about women at his age? So much he needs to do that at any given occasion? Whatever the reason, he was not dating you, so his comments are just totally unrelated to your situations. You were talking about 2 different things, and before disrespecting you with that "b" word, he disrespected you by not considering your situation as relevant to listen to or to elaborate at all, but only used it as an excuse for his own needs to vent. I think you shouldn't trust your father, given this outcome, but rather, pick trusted friends.

[Nomina]

I wouldn't discount what your dad said but I would dig further into what his perspective. Either he didn't fully understand the history you had and why you decided to respond that way, or it's his own issues.
I don't know, it's weird.

You could think of a way to phrase the situation from a guy's perspective. How would the scenario look if reversed.

Yeah, I can't read your dad's mind but my knee jerk response is projecting his own views as opposed to looking specifically at your situation.

[Guy13]

I don’t think it is ever good for a dad to call daughter B. That’s very immature conversation

[In_Trance]

possibly