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I feel like I'm going to go insane?

I'm 29 male and I've lived on my own for 8 months now and recently passed my midterm at community college. However, there are times when I have these moments (ie FOMO) as if I missed out on certain things. I feel so lost and confused and dont even know how to act around people and keep to myself most of the time and only speak when necessary. How does one "be themselves" anyway? That's what makes me confused. Even when im at certain parties or events im speechless and just standing somewhere, because I have this inner voice saying telling me not to interact with people, even when im at work. I do most hobbies alone and sometimes walk by myself at night. Im not antisocial but when I hear things like "enjoy your own company and don't look for friends" it makes me think we have to not want friends/relationships and just forget about society, like its an oxymoron or something. Its like "oh im not interested in women/friends" is that going to make people spontaneously appear? Hence "not looking". It's because of the s**t you see in movies and all those teen comedies and rom coms from the early 00s make me wish my life could've been like that. How come in those films the shy/awkward introvert ends up with the girl of his dreams? or in Fifty Shades, same thing. Its like something is ALWAYS meant to happen in a movie. Every. Single. Time. Did I just watch my 20s fly by? In 7 months ill be 30. Gee, I wonder whats going to be new in my life in the "magical" year of 2023? What random, unexpected thing does life have in store? Boy, I can hardly wait. And the more by myself I am, the more I tend to watch random clips from Schindler's List, specifically the scene when the children are being taken away in the trucks. "Itll happen, just be patient" yeah your sister's cunt. See? I feel like I'm becoming Joker the more I age.

I feel like I'm going to go insane?
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