Where is his head at?

[Mhmmmalreadykno]

I just became friends with this guy that I met and he started flirting a little bit and I flirted a bit back. He was never really physical w me in public but would be very touchy in private. He has social anxiety so it makes him anxious to be affectionate in public. He would always be smiley and blushing when we talk. He would always try to go through my phone to see who I text. The thing is, when he asked if I liked him, I said it was to soon and he tried to brush it off saying he wanted to ask because I acted like I liked him and I told him I just have a flirty personality. And so after that, he stopped texting me and pulled away. He still was super affectionate with me but he's not acting the same. He's still very smiley around me but he seems guarded. He acts like he wants me around and sometimes he seems like he doesn't. Any ideas on what's going on?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. I can tell you exactly what's going on:

1. You... fucked up by telling this guy you DON'T like him. (That is... if you indeed do like him)

2. He... fucked up by acting like a little boy, and using a defensive tactic in an effort to save-face: He pretends to brush off (actually painful) rejection... by turning the situation around. So instead of him asking you whether you like him BECAUSE HE LIKES YOU (obviously the actual truth)...

... he absurdly pretends that the only reason he was asking... was because YOU were acting like you like HIM! Not because HE LIKED YOU! (it's absurd. It's like some schoolyard shit.)

He did this to avoid the embarrassment of having to admit/acknowledge the actual rejection of what just actually happened.

The problem is, by turning the situation around...(which was thought up in the moment on his part) He didn't realize that he was forcing YOU into a weird defensive position.

Now it's YOU who is forced to explain that...:you haven't been acting like you LIKE him (which he just totally bald-faced 'accused you of'. In fact, he told you was the WHOLE reason he even asked)

So...(naturally) you start telling him he's got it wrong, and that you TOTALLY DON"T like him! He is mistaking your flirty personality for genuine affection towards him. You reiterate that 'my flirting does NOT mean what you're thinking it means' (even though it sorta does mean that. But he absolutely forced you into the position of having to say this)

Now... You're both like... What the fuck just happened. Things were going well one minute... the next minute we've... both told each other... that we specifically DO NOT have feelings for one another...

It's his fault. And he didn't mean to do it. But his attempt to save face (which is inexcusable little kid shit) ASSURED this sequence of events would unfold the way it did. It's an A to B to C to D type of situation.

As soon as he decided to turn the situation around on you in the ridiculous way that he did... he assured you'd end up in weird-somewhat-awkward-ville.

The best way out, is to cut the bullshit on both sides and just have an actual honest talk. This is silly. You like each other.

BUt that... is what happened. 🙂

[Mhmmmalreadykno]

Thank you so much this was so helpful!

[SteveSmith1985]

You're most welcome. Best of luck 🙂

[spartan55]

You gave him the stiff arm... Duh