I was always taught never approach, reach out, or, speak to a man first when you’re interested. Is that valid advice with nerdier men?

[Anonymous]

I was always thought growing up never to approach or go anything directly showing interest in a guy until he speaks to or puts himself out there first. It’s just degrading because you then look desperate and needy even if you really like the guy if he actually find you worth it he’ll just say something.

I’ve always agreed with that philosophy because I was raised on it and I could never settle for a man that feels I’m desperate or in need of him. However I’m attracted to more “nerdier”/quiet guys and always tend to get approached by gym rats and extroverted charismatic types (nothing wrong just not my thing)

I’ve always found the nerdier guys I want always reject me or very tense and awkward when approached, don’t carry on conversation, so eventually I just drop it. On the other hand they never approach, what’s the deal?

[Summeroflove]

It’s dumb and one sided advice. If you like someone. Make a move on him. If you wait on men to approach you. You’re limited on who does.

I mean….. If you’re asking why someone who rejects you did not approach. It’s because they’re not into you.

I get that rejection sucks. But think of it this way. If you’re rejected you have closure and aren’t sitting around waiting on a guy whose not even into you.

Many times women or men for that matter who sit around and wait on someone. Usually doesn’t get the person they want. Many times they find someone else or someone else finds them.

Another thing is if a man’s into you. He wants you probably to show interest. If a man isn’t into you and you’re begging for him to like you. That’s being desperate.

[SnowedIn]

That is very old and very outdated advice. Approaching people is nerve-wracking -- scary even. But someone has to do it. There's no reason a woman can't or shouldn't do this. The only reason it was ever advice was lest the girl be seen as "forward" or lower class.

If you like a guy and you're willing to initiate a conversation, do it! Otherwise, you risk missing out.

Don't miss out.

[LoneleeGirll]

What is with so many women's mindsets? Why do guys always have to make an effort? If the girl isn't making an effort herself to contact him, than that is likely showing him you aren't interested in him. So he probably won't waste his time taking things further.

These days, guys do not really chase after a girl anymore the way they used too. Most times if he sees she is making zero effort, he will just move on.

[ComradeCurze]

If a man doesn't approach you first, then he's either not interested, or he doesn't have the backbone to be part in a fulfilling relationship.

[Asker]

How do I get the men I want to approach me?

[CindersFire]

Well I will start that it seems, from my observations, relationships seem to succeed way more often when the women initiates or gives an undeniable sign of interest. If you're into nerdier guys and unwilling to initiate, than obviously the best thing to do would be to go to gaming groups and other places that they congregate.

[Anonymous]

Some people just aren't good at approaching others, especially if they have feelings. I had a massive crush on one girl, and I knew she was interested in me. I saw her almost everyday for 6 months, but whenever I was close to her my mind would just go haywire.

[misogynistic_pig]

Yes, nerds also have dignity and they don't like desperate women, besides, they are wary of women who approach them because they know they are looking for something in return.

[Asker]

What types of women do more quiet guys approach then?

[Figurine89]

You ever see the Family Guy episode where Lois tells Meg you can go after a guy you like, but it might come off as desp.

Then again, it's a comedy.

Same thing with the show 2 Broke Girls. Caroline wants Candy Andy to talk to her, so, Max just convinces her to say "hey".

Was it sad and desp? Probably, but, it probably made his day, it usually does

[KathrynTaylor]

Why not give it a go? What have you to lose?

[LiamJHayden]

I tend to think that is not great advice, because a lot of guys are oblivious and will not understand that you are interested unless you take some action. even if it is just a smile or a hello.

[spartan55]

Yeah, you received bad advice.