Why is this a double standard for me?

[Anonymous]

Me and my guy friend have history together and his girlfriend knows about it. He also has history with this other woman from a different country, but they still talk daily or every so often and play video games together but just as friends.

His girlfriend is an absolute weirdo. I recently had a first interaction encounter with her because she had involved my name in a situation, and I wanted to speak to her about it. She ended up blocking me, and then found another social media of mine and blocked me on there. She told my guy friend that she doesn’t want me and him talking and that she won’t tolerate it or stand for it.

A few weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to play video games with me.
Me: Do you like Minecraft?
Him: Minecraft? No, not really I never really got into it. Just never really did I don’t know. Why?
Me: Oh okay. Nothing. Just break my heart. (clearly I was joking with him, but he didn’t give me this confused look).

After I told him the reason why I asked
Me: hey, so I was thinking about getting a PS5 and getting some games with it and I really wanted somebody to play with. What kind of console do you have?
Him: PS4. But yeah, I never really got into Minecraft.
Me: We can always play other games. My PS3 overheats so I wanted to get the new PS5 and start gaming more
Him: they all do that

He completely seem to disregard my question. It made me feel like shit and it really hurt my feelings because it gave me the feeling that he didn’t want to, but didn’t want to say that hurt my feelings. He has my number blocked and won’t unblock me. He only talks to me in person. He’s allowed to talk to the other girl and his girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind if because they’re just friends but she thinks their friendship is blurred but why is it a double standard with me?

I truly don’t think I was trying to make a pass at him when I asked him if he wanted to game together. I feel like I was just being friendly.

Updates

1 y

The only reason I know that he won’t unblock me is because a few weeks back I asked one of my guy friends who has his number also, if he would unblock me that I needed to talk to him about something. His exact words were “I’m sorry bro I can’t do that. I hope your New Years was good.” when the other dude asked why he wouldn’t unblock me and he never responded back.

[kylee2437]

It’s something out of your control tbh because they just aren’t compatible. He’s sitting there talking to all these women he has pasts with meanwhile she doesn’t want a relationship like that. There’s nothing you can do until they don’t work out, which I’m sure will be sooner or later. If I were you , I would respect yourself and just leave him alone because it seems like a ton of drama that isn’t going to get better

[Asker]

Him and the other girl slept together a few years back and they still continue to game together. I just don’t think that’s fair at all. I wasn’t trying to make a pass at him. I feel like two people who have a genuine interest in the same thing that isn’t really flirting, and I wasn’t trying to make it anything more than what it really was. I think you just be something that we both enjoy as friends. If he don’t want to game, he could of said that if that’s the case :-/ Part of me feels like it’s because of her and that’s why he was gonna say no, but he definitely was beating around the bush about it, and tried to avoid the question.

[kylee2437]

Life in general isn’t fair. Like I said best you can do is respect yourself and leave the situation alone as you are just investing into drama that you shouldn’t need in your life.

[WhitneySnow]

Because his girlfriend thinks you slept with him and you’re in love with him

[Asker]

Him and the other girl slept together a few years back and they still continue to game together. I just don’t think that’s fair at all. I wasn’t trying to make a pass at him. If he don’t want to game, he could of said that if that’s the case :-/

[WhitneySnow]

I agree. His girlfriend is way more jealous of you than the other girl. I don't know why.

This guy gets around lol

[Asker]

I don’t get it at all. Like she told somebody the friendship between him and the other girl is blurred but she truly doesn’t think anything is going on between them. She doesn’t mind if they talk cause they done talk every day anymore but the situation when they slept together still hurts her. Like?

[WhitneySnow]

I don't know. She’s like fixated on you.

[spartan55]

@asker
It's probably because the other girl lives in another country, and is not a threat. Respect your friends relationship.

[AndrewHeavey]

Any girl trying to play games with a guy breaks the fundamental basic rules of the universe. It will always seem like u flirting with him in a sus way if you doing tht to his girlfriend. Any single guy would love you for it tho, so not a bad thing

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, his girlfriend got to him. You see what is going on. You should talk to you friend and tell her that the girlfriend is too controlling and should break up with her. It is the same thing if you saw a female friend in an abusive relationship.

[Asker]

what do you mean? “got to him” got to him how?

[Asker]

I’ve tried to tell him. He hears me but he doesn’t listen. I asked him me a few weeks back if he was happy because he told me he was going back to her and they were talking about it and he goes “meh it’s better” and shrugged his shoulders.

[Asker]

Haven’t spoken to him since Last Friday and haven’t seen him in over two weeks. I don’t work with him anymore so I won’t be able to see him and he still won’t unblock my number so I guess it’s up to him completely if he comes around or not. I don't know. It’s a shitty situation and if we’re meant to be, it’ll happen you know?

[Stevefiveo]

Got to him by talking shit about you so she can keep you away from him and further control him.

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, I hear you. I was in a similar situation. I was friends with two people from work that started dating each other. Although i was better friends with the female. I can see that he was not for her. She wants some one smart and caring. This guy is ok, not too smart , and has a bad temper. I was ok, well I guess she just needs some dick and eventually she will find someone better. They got closer, they moved in together and even got engaged. Even though they fought all the time and he would cheat on her and stuff. When they got engaged I told her this is a terrible idea. Other coworkers told her not to marry him. Her best friend told her not marry him but she was stubborn and told her to her that it is her life and if she wants to fuck it up, then it's her decision. They got married and with in two weeks, I am getting texts on how bad it is. He is getting abusive and she is getting scared and doesn't know what to do. I told her that she needs to get out of there ASAP and come live with me if you need to. Instead, she some how convinces him to move out and finally get divorced. She is better now and she is full of regret and was saying that I should have listened to you and everyone else. So hopefully you friend will realize what a bitch she is before it gets any more serious.

[Asker]

my question is, do you think he will realize he fucked up? And do you think he will realize that she is not the one for him? It’s been three years since they’ve been together

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, it took a couple of years for my friend. I guess all you can do is check up on once in awhile and be there when they finally break up.

[Orion76]

Women are territorial creatures that’s the only standard here. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong it just is.

[Asker]

Haven’t spoken to him since Last Friday and haven’t seen him in over two weeks. I don’t work with him anymore so I won’t be able to see him and he still won’t unblock my number so I guess it’s up to him completely if he comes around or not. I don't know. It’s a shitty situation and if we’re meant to be, it’ll happen you know?

[Orion76]

I’m sure he is trying to keep the peace you never know how they are together she might be one of those crazy ones and he wanted to end the argument yes it’s not cool but what can you do, it’s rude to block someone like that but maybe it’s better that way you don’t need the headache.

[Asker]

From her actions and what he tells me is she loves playing victim and guilt trips him. Especially manipulating him. She gets super insecure whenever he talks to another girl or interacts with another girl. It’s toxic. She’s a very anxious person from what he tells me and constantly needs attention and it’s draining for him. It’s a constant battle between keeping her happy and him trying to keep sane from it.

[Asker]

I asked him me a few weeks back if he was happy because he told me he was going back to her and they were talking about it and he goes “meh it’s better” and shrugged his shoulders. Kinda sounds like settlement but there’s (nonbiological from his side) kids involved. I guess that could make it harder especially when I think he’s more attached to the kids then he is her.

[AmeerX]

I can just say you need to confront the girlfriend about this situation

[spartan55]

What do you mean by a history?

[Asker]

Fooling around, sex, thoughts of a relationship together, kissing, holding hands, etc.

[spartan55]

And you don't understand why his girlfriend has a problem with you hanging around him?

[Asker]

No I get it. But there’s nothing going on between us. He went back to her and I respected that even if I didn’t want him to I don’t want to be selfish. No matter how much it hurts to see him with somebody who isn’t me, I just want him to be happy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in his life because of it.

[spartan55]

It doesn't matter if anything is going on or not. You apparently still want him, but you have to sit this one out. Please don't try the 'we are just friends' bit, when deep down you want more.

[Guy13]

No double standard to me.