What is he thinking?

[Anonymous]

He is an extrovert and I am very introverted. We work in the same section and our desks are nearby. He talks with everyone in the area except me (which is fine). However, during these last few weeks I am noticing that his behaviour is changing. For example he likes to play music but whenever I'm working at my desk, he is now lowering the volume (unlike before). I never complained about the music as I actually liked some of the songs (never told him). We have been working together for around 3 years.

At work, for the past 3 years, he has been complaining about him being single. Few weeks ago, he was talking to an older colleague, a few steps away from my desk, about how he hates being single, and saying that "she's cute but I hate the fact that she's always at her desk working alone instead of joining in" while glancing at me. When I looked at him, confused, he just changed subject and moved away. When he's talking to other colleagues (our age group) he tends to say a lot that he doesn't like quiet people and wants a girl who parties just like him.

Few days ago our boss assigned us to work together but when he saw me he smiled and told me he had to go and another person was assigned. A day later, I was at a work event. I was talking to another colleague (an older one which he doesn't talk to much) and felt that someone was side-eyeing/glancing at me and looked to see who it was. He was there glancing at me (with the colleagues within our age group) while smiling. As soon as I looked at him, he looked away and then looked back again. Then, he smiled and moved away.

I am just curious... why is he acting like this? If he doesn't like me, why does he keeps glancing at me? And if he likes me, why doesn't he talk to me?

[SnowedIn]

I'm getting the vibe that he likes you. As for why he's not talking to you, i get the impression that perhaps you don't like to be talked to or, more specifically, people think you don't like to be talked to; that's their perception.

But, I think part of his why is wrapped up in the reality that it is never a good idea to get involved with someone from work. So, he may like you but he's resisting that like.

Finally, the comment about you joining in, I took that as a professional one. People want their colleagues to be part of the team in a visible and measurable way.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. With regards to people's perspective, that could be indeed the answer as there were instances throughout my life in which people told me (after they got to know me) that they thought that I was a stuck-up (don't know where they got the idea... could be my introverted character)

I agree with the idea of not getting involved with someone from work unless one does not want to change career or leave their job at that particular location.

With regards to the comment, yeah I think you're right as well. I went through some personal stuff in the last 2 years and now that it had been settled, I'm trying to get back on my feet. I really appreciate your help!

[SnowedIn]

I think you're awesome for how well you looked at this and how well you're thinking it through. Best wishes with it all.

[Asker]

Oh thanks @snowedin! Much appreciated!

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[Avicenna]

he's probably as unsure about what you’re thinking as you are about his thoughts

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! I really appreciate your help! It could be that... however it still baffles me the idea of him being extroverted, yet he doesn't talk to me as a person. As he could notice that I don't talk much to everyone as long as they don't talk to me first so I'm not treating him differently.

[Changiis07]

Like you over heard about the fact that you aren't joining in. So if he is talking about you then it's because he does like you/find you attractive but it's like you both are opposites and maybe he doesn't think it will work out so he doesn't try much but still likes you in a way, plus you can't force it to join in with others not everyone is outgoing as he is

[KrakenAttackin]

Who knows. FYI, office romances are a really bad idea if you want to keep your job.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. I totally agree with the idea of not getting involved with someone from work unless one does not want to change career or leave their job at that particular location.

[In_Trance]

Maybe for the same reason you don't talk to him

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! Oh.. if that's the case, we'll stay like that forever.

My reason I don't talk to him is because I'm an introvert... I'm trying to work on trying to be more social... but he already talks to everyone else easily as he is extroverted.