Am I overreacting about my fiance asking me for large sums of money?

[Anonymous]

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and have admittedly always had this "my money is your money" way of looking at our finances. We have separate finances but if he needs money, Im right there. If I need money, he's right there. That sort of thing. But lately his spending has been a bit worrisome..

I have kids and work FT. Therefore, I got cut a good check for taxes. He worked FT but barely brought home $1000 for taxes. All of his money is gone already. He spent it on "fixing" his truck, despite the thing not being fixed at all after having gone to the shop 3 times. It's just a money hog at this point because he keeps getting different diagnostics and the issue is never fucking fixed. He's been working on it for over 5 months and it's not even a nice truck or worth the money he's putting in to it. But anyways, all his money is gone within a 3 day period.

Prior to this we had discussed opening our own cleaning service business. I have business owner experience, he does not. I also have cleaning experience, he does not. Well he did "research" and decided we needed such and such things when we didn't at all but he had to have this shit and next thing I know, I'm $3k down because of all the stuff he bought for the business that we did not need at all. And now he's asking me for $1100 because he found a vehicle that he wants. It's $1100 after trading his truck in for it. Panels are completely rusted out in the back quarters of the vehicle and supposedly only needs a new battery but I'm not buying that at all. I'm willing to bet there's a lot more wrong with it based off the overall appearance and mileage. And I guess I'm just becoming really frustrated and it's starting to strike me as a red flag, despite him never giving me the impression he's using me for my money before this point. I guess I just don't know what to do. I did tell him I'm not getting him that vehicle and he keeps trying to get me to say yes..

[Anonymous]

does he have shit for brains? first the mileage is important as is the condition of the body. did he or you at least check out the engine and how much repairs need to be done to it? also as far as the cleaning business goes don't do it. it's not worth it you don't actually work for yourself you work for a crappy franchise and you're just a franchisee basically an employer employee relationship. i did it and it fucking sucked. me and my buddy had to sell that shitty cleaning franchise business when we had it. the asshole franchiser tried getting us to use his "guys" his "referrals" for supplies which were way more expensive. we went to walmart and target bought the cleaning supplies a lot cheaper then what his "contacts" wanted to charge us. the asshole franchiser then tried to say me and him screwed up the job which we didn't all it involved was cleaning dirty tables and coffee cups and vaccumming and wiping down the windows a fucking monkey could do the job and they were complaining because the glass windows had fog on them using that as an excuse to terminate the contract without proper training. we got rid of the franchise and got some of our money back it was a fucking joke that job.

[Asker]

He didn't check it at all, despite me having asked him to. He said "the engines fine or they would have told me something was wrong with it." Guy is way too trusting and doesn't understand that people will fuck you over to get a quick buck.

[Opinion Owner]

you got more common sense and brains then he does. no wonder you didn't give him the money for that truck

[Opinion Owner]

why are you with somebody like that for?

[WaterIsland]

Wow there is a lot here. Sharing finances before getting married is a BIG no no. You need to stop that immediately. Legally, your finances aren’t shared if you aren’t married. Period. It’s that simple.


He needs to be able to sustain himself. Same with you. A successful, healthy relationship will add to each others lives. Not depend on them. Dependence is really awful in a relationship and a recipe for disaster.


So. Stop giving him money. You are not overreacting. Tell him to figure it out himself. He should be earning enough money, and spending less than he makes. Same with you. It’s that simple. There should be zero need to rely on each other.


One final suggestion. Tell him to make a budget and stick to it. He needs a written plan, and to stick to it. He can’t just keep flying blind and spending money as he wants.


But protect yourself first. This is a MAJOR red flag and if he doesn’t get it under control, you need to protect yourself and end things.

[HateyouxD]

Bring the used car to get it inspected. Pay the $40 to inspect it. If its bs dont do it. If u dont wanna give him the full give him the half girl. You got a man in the house working his butt off. You claiming at least $4000+ for taxs and he can't have a quarter of it? Damn

[Asker]

Did you not read everything I wrote? I have spent over $4k on him already since I got my taxes back and now he wants another $1100 on top of that.

[HateyouxD]

Oh than dont do it.