Are guys always only looking for a younger woman to marry?

[Anonymous]

If a guy in his early 30s met a woman who is 40 and had immense compatibility and match, would he be ok with the age difference for long term relationship/marriage?

Yes

No

Mostly

Other opinion, please explain in comment

[SteveSmith1985]

So when I was in my early 30's, I would have been about the last guy on earth who would be ok with an age difference. I've just never been into older women. Not that I'm into younger women, just that I seem to be into women "around my own age." That was true when I was 16 years old, and a 25 year old woman was of zero interest to me (not a joke). That's true today when I'm thinking... I'm going to turn-down a 50 year-old. That'll change by the time I get closer to 50 myself. See what I'm saying?

Now on paper, I am really really pretty prejudice in this weird-ass sliding-scale-way. And it's quite true I am really really not into older women. AT ALL.

But... if we were an excellent match and compatibility, and we clicked... I would 100% not give A FUCK about the age difference. If she's attractive and we're clicking, then even I would overlook any age difference... because... who cares!

It's a general preference thing. Not a "hard-and-fast rule". If you're feeling it with someone, I don't care who you are... that age difference is no longer a barrier.

The only thing would be kids. If he is a guy who is still looking to have kids for sure, than this would make a difference. But, not all guys are for sure wanting kids. It really does hinge on that. But only that I think. If the guy doesn't happen to specifically want kids, then I don't think the age difference is going to matter, if both people are really clicking and like each other.

[Asker]

This makes so much more sense! TY!

[SteveSmith1985]

You're quite welcome. I hope things work out with this guy. 🙂

[Asker]

You’re too kind!
Honestly, I’m now beginning to pull away for I think I might be setting him and myself for a heartbreak if I don’t.
Also, I cannot be selfish and take away a better future/family that he can have with a younger woman.
I thought initially that I will try to find out if having his own kids is a non negotiable for him but now I feel why even go all that way when he totally deserves a better younger woman than me. He is a nice guy and I can feel he is interested in me and I just hate how such bad timings in life! :(

[SteveSmith1985]

What... what in the heckin-fuck are you talking about? This is a bunch of horseshit! This is NOT the right way to be looking at this. This is, in fact, the exact wrong way to be looking at this. It's not how HE is going to look at this.

You SHOULD find out if having his own kids is a non-negotiable. Because it sounds like that's the ONLY potential problem here. If he isn't set on having kids... you're sitting in an ideal spot! What about all this compatibility and what a good match you are? THAT is what matters here!

What are you talking about in saying "he totally deserves a better younger woman than me".

No... what this guy deserves is to find the right woman for him. It sounds like that very possibly could be YOU. What's going on here?

Do you know how goddamn upset I would be, if I were this guy... and this is how you were thinking? Do you understand how completely WRONG you are right now in your assumptions about how he's going to look at this? You are so goddamn wrong here!

The point of what I said to you, was that you really should NOT be worrying about the age difference. (even though I'm super-prejudiced about that... even for me... it really would not matter).

You're are only hurting yourself if you choose to pull back. You are denying yourself, and denying him a promising potential relationship... you BOTH seem to want.

Honestly. What the hell are you doing? Stop fucking yourself over. It does not feel good... and is totally unnecessary!

You hear of self-sabotage? This is some goddamn self-sabotage right here. Stop it! 🙂

[Asker]

I read your reply twice and cried!
I won’t self sabotage! I’ll let things flow naturally with him and find out what his priorities are with respect to kids/having family and then take it from there.
Universe sure has its own wicked ways to test people, knowing what people want and still not giving it out easily! I hope things out work between him and I. Thank you for making me see things in right perspective!

[SteveSmith1985]

There you go. That's what you should do. Exactly! You got it now. And you couldn't be more right about the universe having a certain wickedness or cruelty about it. Sometimes in a horribly ironic way that makes you feel like the universe or god or whatever, is one sick-minded-motherfucker.

But the universe does other funny things that aren't so bad too.

One of them, is to never let you see around corners. You don't see the good things happen in life, until they happen.

It's a matter of perspective. The universe right now seems to have wicked ways. But... if things do work out with this guy... and a year from now, you're sitting on the couch happy and cuddling... all of a sudden the universe's logic is totally different. Suddenly all the suffering you're doing now, when things are uncertain, takes on a very different meaning when you're looking at it after "that good thing" has actually happened. (That... makes sense in my head. But I am aware it's gobbled-gook for you to try and makes sense of. Existential philosophy... hard to explain in a few lines i guess. 😋)

I am very happy to have given you the kick-in-the-ass you needed to get your head-back-on-straight. Because you did need one.

I hope things work out for you guys too! Best of luck! 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I really needed that kick!
Glad that you stopped by and gave me the clarity as I walk towards that corner (crossing fingers that I will run into him for good)
Best wishes to you too for everything, my internet friend! :)

[SteveSmith1985]

You go get yourself that man! It's easy to kiss someone in the ass. It's all you. You just had a moment of silly-thinking. We all have those. But you've got this! 🙂

[SteveSmith1985]

I... assume you know that's a typo. because it would be weird if that weren't a typo. It's... a typo.

[Asker]

No worries :)

[Avicenna]

Some would be, but if he wants to have kids, he wouldn't want to marry a woman of that age.

[Asker]

Makes sense. God/nature is so unfair to women

[Avicenna]

Well, there are exceptions. And you may have met a guy who doesn't care. Now, if you already have kids, that will make it a lot less likely he'd be OK with it.

[Asker]

I don’t have kids and never been married so some luck there in my life I guess

[Avicenna]

That greatly increases your chances. But don't focus on a guy's age- focus on compatibility.

[Asker]

I’ll keep that in mind! Thank you for suggesting!

[Asker]

It was good to read your last response. Feeling quite relieved that I’m not a total lost cause..

[Avicenna]

No problem, I hope it works out for you!

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[Avicenna]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

Eh it’s kind of a toss up. It’s really not about how “hot” you are—some women in their 40s are smoking—but it’s more “can I have a family with this woman?” Yes, children and a family are important to many, many men. Past a certain age with women that becomes difficult, or impossible.

[UniquelyBasic]

Every single guy only wants a young woman to marry. 🥴

[Asker]

Nick Jonas didn’t

[Nikki1989]

The creepier, more insecure guys always try their luck with younger women.

[Asker]

Insecure in what sense, if I may ask?

[Sleeper07]

If he's a simp then he will marry you. If he does that I see no issue with you taking advantage of his sexual insecurity.

[Berethor]

Mostly, there is Macron or two but young women are having better looks and higher fertility.

[Chthou95]

Guys will say no because they don't have any options or the value to pursue younger women. A women's loyalty is tested when the man has nothing, a man's loyalty is tested when he has everything. He's only as faithful as his options

[RavVid]

Biologically we want young nubile fertile women. 40's nah.

[Twalli]

I'm intending to marry my girlfriend and she's 5.5 years older than me.

[Asker]

Does it bother you that she may not be able to have children? I heard after age 35, it gets trickier for women to conceive. I hope that isn’t the case with her though.

[Twalli]

I don't want kids, never have. Also I got a vascetomy, voluntarily so it isn't a concern for me. The only reason I can see for not wanting a 30+ year old girl (once you're 25+) is because you want kids.

[Asker]

I understand now. Thank you! Wishing you and your girlfriend a great future together!

[noohair]

I don't follow societal convention on these age issues. It is rigid and outdated. Age should not stop 2 people from finding a happy relationship.

[bamesjond0069]

To marry? Super important she's much younger. Just to date and have a casual relationship? Doesn't matter at all.

[Kathie93]

I think women want the younger woman for sure it just makes sense

[magiusX26]

other than a minority of some men, no.

[Asker]

Do you mean a minority of men are ok with that big age difference with older woman?

[magiusX26]

correct. for the majority, we go off our biological hardwired programming for younger women, the complete opposite of your question. just as there are some who preffer obese or masculine women. those minorities of men are the exception to the kind of universal fact. same with older women wanting younger guys too.

[Asker]

Thanks for clarifying.
Actually the woman in question is me. I met this guy and could tell he has started liking me. I like him back. But today I am upset over this age difference I’ve found with him. I was wondering it would be somewhat easier to stop this from developing further which might cause pain if he would not be ok with age difference later if and when things develop between him and I.
I guess I will just have to wait and let things flow naturally and find out what he thinks and then take it from there.

[magiusX26]

correct assumption there. welcome to thevreality of dating. at least you are realistically looking at the end results instead of expecting to start off at the end results like so many other women do (men too)

[Asker]

Why can’t things be simple for once :( but I guess, such is life!

[Asker]

When do you think would be right to reveal him the age difference? As soon as we start dating or a bit later?

[magiusX26]

very early in, possibly before even a 1st date.

[Asker]

Ok I will do that. Thanks so much!

[magiusX26]

no problem. best wishes

[Asker]

Best wishes to you too for everything!

[LiamJHayden]

Nope. I almost always date older women.

[msc545]

not looking for anyone to marry

[notwoke]

ok for quick sex