This behaviour is not excusable right even if his angry? Especially at his big age?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and I have been together for 3yrs now he is also 12 years older and the other day we had a bit of an argument (he has this idea that I’m a “different person” with makeup on ) during the argument he stopped me and asked me to go wash my face , I said ,”no”

because I feel like I’m the same person with or without. He then left saying I’m the one making a big deal out of when I felt like it was him who blew it way out of proportion.

he later came back while I was asleep and spoke about how nonchalant I am and that he think I am shallow and that I have no personality my personality is Twitter. He went on to express his disgust for me because for the past 3yrs I have given him nothing to work with. he told me that I should find a hobby (mind you I study and have a small business he doesn’t even have a job )

he told me he knows hoes and 16yr olds with more depth than me. I really didn’t understand this behaviour I was honestly shocked and didn’t say a word. I get that he might have been hurt that I was but unresponsive but to try put someone you love down like that isn’t love right?

[quaranta]

I think he is not telling you what the real problem is, and he should. It seems that what he means is that he dislikes, in general, women being shallow, superficial and merged with the mass, because he can't form a tight connection with them and sees them as aliens compared to his values. So that is probably why he dislikes you with makeup, because he sees that like something every random girl would put on her face, "instead" of giving priority to her contents, unconsciously linking that to a poorer connection between you two. So that's why he complained afterwards about you not bringing anything in the relationship, or being not deep in general.
Granted you don't "have to" change because you're not a doll he is supposed to shape in any way he likes, but at the same time after 3 years you should be in a phase of shaping with each other to make it a long lasting thing, so I guess some compromise can be done both sides. I'm sure he doesn't mind if you use makeup time to time, but what upsets him is that you use it "instead" of improving your qualities on the "inside", aspects he is disappointed about from a lot of time probably. Somehow he sees that like an "instead", not an "extra", or like if to use makeup you should "earn" it by being as good inside as well.
So if the real problem is he is disappointed, annoyed and not satisfied of the depth you have, your values and the limit in complicity this implies, well the options are two: you listen to what his expectations/values are and ponder if what he says is worth listening to (like, if the improvement he expects would actually give you benefits even outside of the relationship or even with another guy, and if yes, you can consider improving some aspects of your life), otherwise, he has to accept you are not as deep or as matching with his values, and that the connection you will have will keep being less strong than what he expected it to be, or that will be based on other things you both will put more effort into.

This is an assumption anyway, another scenario could be that he simply has resentment against you for something obscure that he is now venting over completely unrelated things because he can't do that directly on the problem. Or even, maybe he feels some kind of pleasure by humiliating you and he picked the first random thing that crossd his mind. I mean, reasons could be many, this suggestion is just my assumption, but he has to tell you what the actual problem is. You can try to guess the problem by asking him if the problem is [what I assumed earlier].

[fonduegirl]

It's a myth that older guys are better. They aren't, sis. They might be better at sex, but that's it. The way he feels about your makeup choices is like a 17yo guy creating a whole YouTube video with the message "makeup bad" and then showing clown makeup to prove his point.

[Anonymous]

has this happened before or is this the first time? maybe something happened and he was kinda angry? but yes, i don't think that's a nice way to treat someone you love.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't have a job you should get a boyfriend that does.