My crush said no to cuddling?

[Anonymous]

Notice my crush has been going through depression. I was over helping with his children, they were hyper and he kept telling them “please go to sleep daddy is tired”

I can hear the tiredness in his voice that my heart aches. He works so hard for his young boys & kripped with lawyer dept & his best friend seem to drop him from his new found relationship that’s going lightning fast so I think he misses his best man.

After putting toddlers to sleep I woke him up so he can rest in his bed. I made food and he wondered around. I went to the living room to watch tv he joined me. I felt like he wanted to be near me but then I asked him if he like to snuggle, he said very tiredly no. I then just laid down and I held out my hand. He said “no I’m to lazy”

I then said “ no not for me but for you” meaning I’m not wanting him to give me physical affection but I want to give it to him. He then left his hand in mind and I rubbed his hand and tickled it. We have this exchange thing where he initiate or I do with hair play, massage, caress. I keep it short to not overwhelm him. I then told him he should go to bed by he just sat there. He then got up and went to bed but he was in the bathroom for the longest of time then to sleep.

I sat there feeling a bit confused, partially blue. I don’t know what to do nor do I ever want to force anything from a natural process.

[JinRavage]

This sounds like classic introvert behavior. I am guessing you are extroverted. One of the more basic descriptions is that an extrovert gains energy from being around people, while an introvert loses energy. I am a heavily leaning introvert myself. It absolutely does not mean that we don't want to socialize with people. I eagerly spend hours chatting with people at work talking about nothing. However when I am very tired, I want to be away from people. It just that we need to recharge our batteries sometimes.

I literally just moved out to an apartment by myself and I feel incredibly lonely at times. But even then my most ridiculous bucket list dream is to be sent to space and set a new record for the furthest distance a single human has been away from any other human. I still love to talk to and be around people, but when I am at my worst I want to be as far from other people as I can. Just give me a weekend where I can just play some video games and not talk to anybody and the following week and can have business meetings with tens to hundred thousands of dollars on the line and not be bothered too much. I would just need to have a new recharge weekend after.

Give him a day or two to recharge and then ask him if this is how he feels. Even if you are an extrovert that need someone to cuddle them when they are down and tired, an introvert will gladly do the work to help you. Is not even that we feel like cuddling our lover is a business meeting that makes us tired. Its something that we would gladly do that also makes us happy, its just that it does not relax us. In normal situations it basically makes us no more tired than before, but if we are at our limit we have to have a by our self break first

[Asker]

Reading this made me smile on how thoughtful you are on sharing the introverted perspective. Indeed I am extroverted, ENFP if your place of work ever had you take the mbti. The guy I like is a ENTP but as I get to know him he comes off as a ambivert. One moment super talkative then other moment he will be very quite with one liners.
Honestly I don’t look at introvert that hate people, But more so hate the ignorance that people choose to carry or waste thier time on things that doesn't realy matter.

I do see he can look spent or board when people talk small talk or the mundane. So this is where I will poke a “ did you no zero is not a real number”
He will walk back up and dispute why it’s is a real number. I smile & he chuckles. I told him about my rock collection and he looked confused but laughed as I gave the historical tales of its origins. He lights up when I speak of history and when he gets going on his Engineer talk a lot of people blank out. I though how isolating for him so I listen and ask him questions if I’m not following. He smiles and makes beautiful eye contact. I just light with Joy about how passionate he is.

He can be in his room all die, I have to be outside all day. I’m very Affectionate where my ex called me an octopus. We came up with a a method where when he was not ok with it he will press a plushy octopus into my face. Lol I’m very attentive and pay attention to details in a persons personality.

I’m still learning about him thank you for reminding us about our differences & what he needs. I’ll be just happy to sit with him on the same sofa with no touch quietly watching a movie. His family & all our friends say he really enjoys my company. I see it to sometimes but when his face looks constipated and goes death quite it makes me feel like his feelings are not Reciprocated. Thank you for refocusing me!

[Asker]

Also love your space dream, I recommend going to a biodome in Arizona. It’s controlled maintain environments to practice for space!

[SnowedIn]

Not sure what your question is nor, actually, what the problem is. He sounds depressed and tired and he's a dad of toddlers. What is it you're asking.

[AsaKyo]

Never go out with a dude who has children..

[Asker]

I don’t mind it, children can realy teach a man a lot of things. I def want kids and I don’t feel like I need to have my own either. I find it so attractive what a good dad he is to his children. That shows if the long run happens he will be a good partner for me that meets common values. But I can understand why you say that children do take a lot of time for they need to be taught & parented

[spartan55]

So, wait. He's in a relationship?

[Asker]

Oh god no. He’s single, divorce for 2 years.

[spartan55]

Okay, your second paragraph is VERY confusing.

[Asker]

Look back and I can understand why that was confusing lol. Thanks for pointing that out.

[spartan55]

So I guess you won't be clarifying that at all. 👍

[Asker]

Thanks for trying to understand.

The confusing 2nd paragraph.
I can hear the tiredness in his voice that my heart aches. He works so hard for his young boys & kripped with lawyer dept & his best friend seem to drop him from his new found relationship that’s going lightning fast so I think he misses his best man.
-He is a single father recovering from the cost of his divorce. He is not feeling Attractive in himself so he is rebuilding his confidence. I noticed he had a close male friend That was always available to hang until his best friend got in a relationship. Never seen him I notice the guy I like is bummed out about that naturally