Guys, How do I get to be friends with a guy? He wants to be friends me, and so do We're in the same school, so how do I continue the friendship?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to be friends with this guy, and I'm a female. Any tips from your experiences?

Updates

+1 y

Today, he said he forgave me, and that's it alright, about what I did :)
That's good, right? Maybe there's a chance for us to be friends next year

[SnowedIn]

Treat him nicely. Talk to him. Learn his interests and ask about those. Ask him m questions that are not yes or no questions. Tell him about yourself. Help him if he needs it. Show up to stuff he does sometimes (games, shows, concerts, etc.). But him a coffee. Etc. Do things with him that you might want a friend to do with you.

[Asker]

How do I not annoy him that much, while talking to him and treating him nicely?

[SnowedIn]

Great question. Don't smother him like a little brother or sister might. Don't be needy for responses (but don't let him be a jerk and not respond or be rude to you). Read his body language -- you probably already know what someone is like when they're annoyed. Watch for that. But, also, communicate. Be open with him and say, hey, if I ever annoy you, please tell me.

[Asker]

Thanks for the tips :) Where'd you learn all that from? Parents, or common sense?

[SnowedIn]

Def not my parents lol. My own growing up and what I wanted from friends and girls. Time in the Navy. My own kids. Teaching students for six years.

[Asker]

Oh, that's fair.

[Asker]

Any more tips, not a bunch, just a few, on this topic? If you have any, that is.

[SnowedIn]

Of course!

Be you.
Don't be fake.
Don't change who you are or what you believe in for him.
Share your opinions. Be ready to consider his.
Don't be afraid to be silly. Or strong. Or vulnerable.
Listen. Really listen.
Laugh.
Make eye contact.
Understand when things in his life are shitty and be there for him.
Empathize.

And... he should be doing the same. That's the thing about friendship. And it's not always equal every minute but it balances out.

[Asker]

And, talk about the same topic. My vocal teacher said, if he's talking about donuts, and i'm talking about cupcakes, then it won't work. We have to be on the same page, right?

[SnowedIn]

Eh... I don't think I agree with that necessarily. If you were talking about nail polish and he was talking about astro physics yeah... bad combo. But donuts and cupcakes you can make a conversation about.

BUT... even with my silly example, friends can still talk about weirdly diverse stuff and because they respect and value each other, it's still a good conversation and you both learn. All you have to say is, "I'm clueless about that. Teach me."

[Asker]

Yeah, but she was just giving examples. I'm not actually going to bring it up, if he's not interested into desserts. Do you think martial arts are a good topic? I mean, I know he does it, and so do I.

[SnowedIn]

Yes yes yes! Perfect discussion because you both do it and know it.

Pets are good.

Travel.

School.

Coke vs Pepsi

Sports that you guys play and also sports at the national and college level

[Asker]

Weather?

[SnowedIn]

Absolutely! 😎

[Asker]

Good to know :)

[Asker]

What if he doesn't open to me at first? What should I do then?

[SnowedIn]

Sure! Happy to help

Be patient. Very patient. It takes time. Be present but not pushy. Be there. He'll notice and appreciate. It gives you time to observe.

[Asker]

Good to know! Thanks for your all your help, I mean it.

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome; any time.

[Asker]

Do you think we could go off-campus, to, i don't know, get a drink or something like that? We're getting to know each other personally after all :)

[SnowedIn]

Hey there! You ABSOLUTELY can do that! One of the best ways to get to know each other. Go for coffee or a drink at McDonald's or a milkshake or whatever. Totally. 🙂

[SnowedIn]

About your update: wait, what? Forgave you for what? That what was all right? This is new info that I don't think we had before...

[Asker]

We did that on Tuesday, we're doing that tomorrow :)
To grab milk tea, what should i ask him, to get to know him, but, at the same time, not get too personal?

[Asker]

Forgave me for doing something wrong 2 months ago
yeah, i can show you a pic of it, if you'd like

[SnowedIn]

Oh cool! Good to know about all that, particularly the milk tea. And, sure!

[Asker]

I'll do that on that site :)

[Asker]

where, y'k, people can share pics about it
Do you want to see what he looks like? His name's Luke, and he's a mix of race
if you'd like that is

[SnowedIn]

Sure! Whatever works for you.

[Asker]

okay then :)

[Asker]

i sent it to you, on the private chat. Did you get it?

[TracyF]

Talk with him, and be there for him. Then put the moves on him.

[Asker]

What do you mean by putting the moves on him? It's not like I want to date him, I'm just interested in being his friend.

[TracyF]

The dance moves.

[Asker]

Why would I do that when we're not even at a party?

[TracyF]

Kids. 🙄

[Asker]

What do you mean by that?

[Asker]

So, what do you mean by kids?

[Asker]

I don't have a kid. Neither does he.

[TracyF]

I'm lamenting your inexperienced youth.

[Asker]

Oh, I see.

[Nikki1989]

It is easy to be friends with anyone, especially a guy. Do you share similar interests?

[harry000300]

Let's be?

[Asker]

Yes, we both do martial arts.

[Asker]

Wouldn't it be possible then?

[Asker]

Wait, wouldn't it be possible, if we both do martial arts? To be friends, I mean.

[Asker]

Do you think it'll be possible to friends, if we share similar interests?

[spartan55]

No guy wants to be your friend.

[Asker]

Wow, not surprising.

[Asker]

And when I say that, I mean it.

[Asker]

Why not, may I ask?

[spartan55]

I worded that poorly. No guy will meet you with direct intent to be just your friend. If he ends up your friend it's because he was friendzoned. Then he will generally accept it

[Asker]

True, but, there are some guys at my school that in fact, want to be my friend. Would it be possible for you to take the answer back? It's kinda disrespectful and makes me feel bad emotionally and socially. I'm sad now :(

[Asker]

Can you at least apologize?

[spartan55]

There wasn't anything disrespectful about my answer.

[Asker]

No, there was, to me. Maybe not to me, but for me, yes. Isn't it common sense? Wow. Simply just wow.

[spartan55]

I think you are a little out of your depth here.

[Asker]

I don't think so, elaborate please? I don't have the sense to understand, if I'm being honest.

[spartan55]

That's exactly what I mean by 'out of your depth'

[Asker]

I still don't get it, if i'm being honest. Care to explain just a tad more?

[Asker]

Hm, explain?

[spartan55]

Lol... really? You entered into a discussion that you don't fully understand. Only life experience will really help.

[Asker]

I don't have any life experience, by the way, so no, it will not help. I don't believe so. But I don't think your statement is true, you don't even know me, why are you making assumptions all of the sudden? Guys want to be my friend, I have three guys friends at school, and this other guy, also wants to be my friend. You know, you shouldn't jump to conclusions or judge someone before getting to know them. I don't even know why you're doing that.

[spartan55]

I don't have to know you. It's no different for anyone.

[Asker]

Yeah, exactly. Then you shouldn't have made assumptions in the first place

[spartan55]

What are you talking about? What assumptions are you talking about? I'm going to let you believe you know than me about this topic. 😂😂😂

[Asker]

You said no guy wants to be your friend, and that's an assumption

[spartan55]

Whatever you, you know everything right?

[spartan55]

*you say

[Asker]

I'm not saying that, my point is that you shouldn't jump to conclusions in the first place geez

[spartan55]

I didn't jump to any conclusion. You're young, and are still naive enough to believe guys and girls can be strictly platonic friends.

[Asker]

Of course I know that. Ugh, I wish I hadn't revealed my identity and my age here
You don't have the right to know how old I am
I'm not saying that they can be strictly platonic friends, my point is that it's not like, impossible to be friends

[spartan55]

Where did I say I have the right to know your age? What are you talking about? Your age is not really important anyway.

[Asker]

No where. You just pointed out that I'm young and naive, and I thought you saw that from my bio. My bad. Well, your age is also not important too

[spartan55]

Agreed, but my experience is.

[Asker]

Whatever you say

[spartan55]

Still talkin eh? Go clean your room.

[Asker]

nah, i'm good

[spartan55]

I'm sure. How's your new buddy doing?

[Asker]

we're not buddies yet, hopefully next year tho :)