After first date he said our life goals are too different and didn’t want to continue. Was it kust an excuse or he’s probably telling the truth?

[Anonymous]

Just an excuse or he’s honest?

Updates

1 y

Just*

[Miristheiss]

What are the differences?

Does one of you want marriage and the other doesn't?

Does one of you want kids and the other doesn't?

Does one have a history of monogamous relationships and the other with casual sex and threesome?

Is one of you into the single, club scene and the other isn't?

Is one of you a heavy drinker and the other isn't?

I mean, if he told you plainly what goal is different why would you not take him at his word? Did he not say what the difference is? Did you not ask?

[Asker]

When I asked what plans were different he didn’t want to tell me.. he just they’re different in general level. That made me think he wasn’t genuine

I told him I want to move abroad in 10 years… (I was hoping we could move together abroad one day)
I also told him I want to maybe studie more and get better job. He on the other hand seemed like he wants children soon and big family.

[Miristheiss]

Ok, those sound like pretty big differences that would make you incompatible. You are going to move to another country? If he doesn't want to move to another country then that's a BIG rift.
If you are still going to school (why? because it is all about your job, that is your priority... not starting a family) that shows you are on the feminist, "modern" path of prioritizing a job over the family (choosing that having kids is not important or a secondary goal to a job). Would these studies require you to move away for school? I mean are you going to the local college 10 minutes away, you'd be home with him in the evenings or are you talking about forcing a long distance relationship on both of you while you move to another city and go months without seeing each other?
Also, studies show as women earn more... they become hypergamous and will be unsatisfied if the man isn't making the same or MORE than her so an unintended consequence of women's salaries going up is they just reject more and more men because they'll only want a man making more than her.

He sounds like he wants to settle down, get married and start a family (the historical, traditional path... before birth control and feminsim) and you want the modern, job and career path. You are choosing to live/act like a man and he wants a woman who is feminine and wants babies and a family.

It sounds like he is 100% correct. You two are not compatible. I'd believe he is telling the truth.

[Asker]

I did told him I want big family too. Also I could further my studies in the local university…

[spartan55]

You only went on one date with the guy and you are still going on and on about it? Yesterday it was you getting annoyed because he looked at your story updates, today you are yet again questioning his reason for not wanting to see you anymore. Dude wasn't feelin it... it was just one date... let it go already.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so fixated on this? Whether he was honest or not he still rejected you and that’s ok, it comes with dating. Don’t date if you’re gonna be that sensitive over something on working out so soon into it.

[FilmGuy93]

Did he cite specific examples of which life goals?

[Asker]

When I asked what plans were different he didn’t want to tell me.. he just they’re different in general level. That made me think he wasn’t genuine

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, I would say he was just giving you an excuse then. He probably just wasn't feeling whatever specific vibe he needs to feel from a romantic partner and either doesn't know how to explain that, or doesn't feel like it's worth his time.

[Asker]

I told him I want to move abroad in 10 years… (I was hoping we could move together abroad one day)
I also told him I want to maybe studie more and get better job. He on the other hand seemed like he wants children soon and big family.

[FilmGuy93]

Why didn't you include that information when you first asked the question? Your long term plans don't line up. He isn't giving you an excuse, he's just being honest with you. He wants to have kids in the near future, while you want your life to go in a totally different direction.

[Asker]

I told him I want kids too

[Asker]

So would’ve our goals clashed if I also wanted several kid’s

[FilmGuy93]

That wouldn’t have made a difference. The issue is that you want to move abroad and start a new career and life before you have kids, while he wants to have kids sooner than that

[Asker]

I said I want to move abroad like after 10 years

[FilmGuy93]

I'm not sure what to tell you.

[Asker]

So you’re say still all in all it couldn’t have worked?

[FilmGuy93]

Well... let me answer your question like this; regardless of whether it could have worked, I understand why he thought that it couldn't.

The differences that you two had were substantial enough that there wasn't really room for compromise in a way that would leave everyone satisfied. One partner would always feel like their wants/dreams/goals had taken a backseat.

[Asker]

But why didn’t he tell me exactly what plans didn’t align when I asked him about it?

[FilmGuy93]

He probably just didn’t want you to feel like he was trying to pressure you into making a decision to please him.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No way for us to know if he is lying or not. But it doesn't matter, either way he's not interested in you.

Life goals do need to be the same to be a match though, hobbies and interests too.

[Asker]

I told him I want to move abroad in 10 years… (I was hoping we could move together abroad one day)
I also told him I want to maybe studie more and get better job. He on the other hand seemed like he wants children soon and big family.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Then you aren't a match, move on.

[TheMadLad]

Sounds like the truth, some people are too different to be with each other even if they were attracted to each other.

[Asker]

When I asked what plans were different he didn’t want to tell me.. he just they’re different in general level.

[gorydetails]

Either way at least you found out early on before you caught feelings.

[Asker]

When I asked what plans were different he didn’t want to tell me.. he just they’re different in general level.

[gorydetails]

ok, just take the L and move on.

[Asker]

So you don’t think he was genuine?

[gorydetails]

It doesn't matter.

[boggboss]

Same as before yes I think it was genuine

[Asker]

When I asked what plans were different he didn’t want to tell me.. he just they’re different in general level. That made me think he wasn’t genuine

[boggboss]

Or maybe he didn't want to say because he didn't want to make you feel like u are doing anything wrong

[Asker]

Like my plans aren’t wrong?

[boggboss]

Yes because telling someone u don't wanna sate because if the choices they want out of life can be taken as rude

[Asker]

Oh okay but that made it seem he was lying though

[boggboss]

I wouldn't say that but fair enough if that's what u think