Boyfriend claims ADHD makes him forget things I say to him regularly. What are your thoughts on this?

[stellakay]

Frequently, I am having to repeat myself to my boyfriend so often that it is irking me. Im repeatedly saying "I've reminded you this x times already," or he's completely forgotten something i told him that day, or even that hour. In a way, this makes me feel like what i say is unimportant, and he is tuning me out on a regular basis. When i bring this issue up to him and explain to him that i do not feel heard, he says something like, "My ADHD makes me forget." But can it make you forget what your partner says to you on a daily basis? Sometimes, it seems like a boy who cried wolf moment
I am not diagnosed with ADHD, so maybe i can not fully understand this memory/listening issue. But is it wrong for me to think this is just an easy excuse to end a tough conversation?

[8UniquelyBoring8]

It is important to understand that individuals with ADHD can experience difficulties with attention, memory, and listening due to challenges with executive functioning. It is possible that your boyfriend's forgetfulness is genuinely a result of his ADHD. However, it is also important for both of you to communicate effectively and for him to take responsibility for his actions.


It may be helpful to work together on finding strategies that can help improve his memory and listening skills, such as using reminders or repeating key information back to you. It is important to show patience and understanding towards him while also expressing your feelings and concerns.


If you are feeling unheard or ignored, it is important to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. You can explain how his actions make you feel and work together to find solutions that will meet both of your needs. Ultimately, it is essential that you and your boyfriend work as a team to find ways to overcome the communication barriers that are affecting your relationship.

[Daisyfield]

I am a woman I have adhd, adhd effects working memory, which is the memory people use to hold information in your head… like things you need to do, stuff people told you, telephone numbers you just looked at and need to write down… having an impaired working memory is horrible… before I was diagnosed and knew I had it, people would constantly be upset with me and I was always anxious.

My advice, get him to repeat out loud important things you say to him. Write it down. Text it to him.

Issues with working memory mean we literally can’t hold information in our brains like others, sometimes we will, but often we won’t.

It’s absolutely true that he is likely to forget things you remind him about… just find a solution that solves this issue and works to help support him with what is likely a genuine struggle.

If you do something like write him a list, and out it in a clear place where he can’t miss it, and let him know, and do this with compassion…

… and he still doesn’t do it. Then maybe you can start to feel like it’s a lack of effort.

But really people with adhd are usually trying very hard.

[Daisyfield]

Put it in a clear place ****

[John_Doesnt]

The real issue here is whether or not you love him enough to accommodate your relationship around his mental illness. Every person's mental illness is unique and there's no single fix for dealing with it in a relationship. You simply have to ask yourself if you really love this person and are willing to accept their faults including the mental illness. If the answer is yes, you love them, then you need to take the time to learn about what his mental illness does to him that would make your relationship difficult and then discuss how to cope with those difficulties.

[AaronKrieger]

I have ADHD (ADD) and was diagnosed with it, so I take medication. It doesn't completely get rid of the symptoms, but it helps. However, despite there being truth in what he is saying, he shouldn't use it as an excuse constantly. These things can improve through not just medication, but making the effort to try to remember such as alarms, list to write down, etc.

This is coming from someone who has once left to go to school, yet realized five minutes while drivnig I wasn't wearing shoes, lmao. It won't be perfect, but it can improve through effort.

[stellakay]

Thanks for your time and response! He is prescribed medication for his ADHD but rarely takes it. I'm wondering if he could maintain taking it consistently, if there would be a noticeable difference. I may mention this to him soon, as his prescription has been on the kitchen counter for a month now 😅 i know my guy means well, he's the sweetest pea around and hates disappointing me. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt

[AaronKrieger]

He should take it every day based on my own experience. I tend to be lethargic, forgetful, and very distractable when off it. My medication fixes, but if he's new to it, then he might feel like a zombie at first lol

[Astarlessnightsky]

Thats normal for ADHD.

Its not because he doesn't put enough effort in or doesn't value your relationship, the stuff just get lots between the ear and the brain.

Maybe watch a video of what you can do to better transfer information.

[MementoMori777]

never heard of it until now but tbh its most common as a pothead issue but if thats not it then its possible he's just lying, its definitely an easy way to end a tough discussion so the real question is if he's using it as an excuse or get out of discussion card, its also possible he might not have listened to what you said in the first place and he blames ADHD when you bring it up, hard to tell tbh

[DevikaButts95]

Very possible, very plausible.
What 8UniquelyBoring8 says is literally what I would say. That's your MHO right there, perfect explanation and approach to the situation.

[scooogy]

You should claim him claiming ADHD makes you want to forget about him.

[ByCureChris9669]

Seems like he really struggles to pay attention, and maybe its not somethign he can control? Maybe he is telling the truth?

[CubaPirate]

It's a man thing we don't always pay attention when we should

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[stellakay]

What a very thoughtful response, thanks! 😆😆😆