I told my situationship that I had social anxiety but I hide it well. I mentally prepare. Rarely do I just feel so overwhelmed that I can’t go. But on this particular I told him I would come over and watch a movie then leave for work in the morning so he came to pick me up. When we were in the car he just told me his family had a gathering of 8-10 people and that they wanted to meet me. I don't know why but I started to feel nauseous and I couldn’t snap out of it. There were other times that I met his family and even asked if I could meet them and we got along well. But this particular day I just wasn’t in the right space mentally to be around people. I told him I’m sorry but I can’t. He pressured me to meet them because he didn’t want to make a bad impression and I agree I did not want to either, but I had just got off work, I had work early the next day and most importantly I couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling I was experiencing and I decided kind of immediately that I didn’t want to, nothing against them but I felt I had a right to say no. He kept saying things like “you’re being weird” and “your overdoing it” because I was shaking and then he said forget it. When we got to his house he proceeded to tell me that his family would get a bad impression and they wouldn’t want to meet me if I didn’t come today. I told him that we could meet another day and when he kept persisting that they wouldn’t want to meet if I didn’t come that day I said I didn’t care because I was irritated at how he was reacting. He got mad when I said I didn’t care and said “what the fuck is wrong with you?” Then that started a huge argument. I felt like his response seemed so dismissive of my feelings and he said if I didn’t care I wouldn’t ask you to meet my family but I just wasn’t ready at that moment. Another day would have been fine but All I wanted was for him to say “it’s okay. Another day will be fine. Let’s stick to the plan we came up with.” Instead of dismissing my feeling
Was I wrong for refusing to meet his family tonight?
Updates
9 mo
I also have had bad social anxiety since I was a child to the point I never attempted to make friends or go out, didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 20, didn’t even go around my OWN family for years I know it’s hard to believe that I have it because I now do things out of my comfort zone buts it’s out of courage not comfort. I’m NEVER comfortable being in social settings. But in attempt to be my best self I tried a lot to get past this. I made so much progress that today was a rare occurance
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No, you weren't wrong for refusing to meet his family. It's essential to listen to your instincts and if you were feeling overwhelmed and not in the right headspace to meet his family, then you made the right decision to prioritize your well-being. It sounds like you handled the situation in an honest and respectful way and tried to offer an alternative plan. If your situationship wasn't willing to hear you out or respect your decision, that's on him and not a reflection of your actions or your character. Don't compromise your own well-being or principles for someone else's satisfaction.
Awesome with situationship! But otherwise bad on you tapping out and then being a douche about it. I completely understand social anxiety, yet also respect stepping out of that comfort zone for others I truly care about. No matter when reporting back to work or the day I had.
It’s not tapping out it’s not like agreed and then said no. I expected to watch a movie and go to bed. So when he asked me to meet his family I just felt too overwhelmed at that moment and his response was not comforting at all it’s like he was mad at me for something I can’t control. I got out of my comfort zone multiple times to meet his brothers and sisters, I met his kids, I would have loved to meet the rest of the family but what was so wrong about me saying no when I had so many valid reasons? You say you understand social anxiety but suddenly being thrust into a social gathering of 10 people and then being pressured to just get over it instead while being called “weird” and being told how they wouldn’t like me if I didn’t do what they wanted me to do was not helpful to the situation at all. The least he could do was be gentle about how he talked to me at hat moment. I’m not asking to be babied but can you see how it could feel to be told by the only person you DO know that your acting weird and then being told you have to meet 10 more strangers unexpectedly and burnt out from long day at work?
First of all I did not claim, I said. Beyond that you nor I have ever been forced to attend a large "family meeting". I've said yes and attended, while you said no and preceded to argue with your situation guy. I went because it was important to her.
I’ve already met a lot of his family members though. I have even invited him and his siblings to events that I planned because I wanted him to know that I cared about being a part of his life even though we don’t have a title. However after all that today was overwhelming for me and I told him that whoever he wanted me to meet I would love to meet them on a different day. I don’t understand what’s wrong with that
And honestly I’m so passionate about my feelings because there is a complicated backstory. I feel like he always pushes my feelings to the side and insists upon how HE feels. If this were a first time thing maybe I would have given in but I was kind of fed up with always going along with whatever he wanted while not getting the same treatment in return. That’s the part I didn’t mention. He puts his feelings above mine and the argument led to me admitting to having depression and he said “I don’t care.” Keep in mind he admitted a while ago that he had been dealing with depression and I immediately became supportive of him even though his depression caused him to act in ways that hurt me. But I chose to understand his feelings. When it comes to mine I always feel unheard so we did break up because of this. It was more a straw that broke the camels back. I wanted him to consider me the same way I try to consider him so many other times before this. I think this is like the 3rd time I told him I wanted something to go my way this time and been made out to be wrong for my feelings instead of heard. But every time he tells me how he feels about something I just do my best to give him what he wants even if it’s not what I want
Would have been nice to know that you already fixed said issue in your description.. Good luck asker. May you find a title guy :)
He was also threatening to kick me out of the car in the middle of the night because we were “arguing” even though for a while the arguemnet was just me telling him to stop cursing at me and stop calling me names. THEN it became a bad argument from both ends but he started it with name calling from the moment i got in the car he was calling me weird and then saying “what the fuck is wrong with you” and then calling me dumb all while my argument was that he wasn’t caring about my feelings and I didn’t call any him names
yeah